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larry_the_orc
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Assuming you're asking this question seriously- You're gonna give me the 10 points because I'm going to tell you how to do it.
Remember the Bomb Defusers Motto "Either 100% Success, or 100% Failure- there is no middle ground!"
We're going to use the W54 nuclear warhead. Its an old standby, made by Westinghouse, and was in use from 1960 to about 1971. Its roughly the size of a backpack for overnight trips, and weighs about 45 pounds. Its not a large nuke since its only 10 Kilotons, but it will work for this example.
The Easy Way: Take a can of bright flourcent YELLOW spray paint and make a line around the bomb- this tells other bomb people "Do not disarm- explode in place"
The Hard Way:
First, check your toolkit- obviously you've brought all HARD BRASS AND BRONZE TOOLS because you know that it has a magnometer (iron detection) system in it.
Roll the bomb over sideways- its teardropped shaped- and look for the access ports. Theres two of them- the front is where the bomb proper is, and the side access port is where the detonator's located. We want the side access port.
Remove the access port screws- use a flat tipped screw driver. Turn on your flashlight and look inside- you're going to see the following- A battery pack, an inerta detector, and the C3 explosive squib that sets off the bomb proper.
A)Remove the Squib- essentially this is a blasting cap. Remove it by unscrewing the 4 screws that hold it into the warhead. Slide it straight back, then turn the squib towards you. Take your wire cutters and cut ONE WIRE- doesn't mater which wire. Take your black electrical tape, cover BOTH ENDS of the cut wire to insulate them
B)Look at the battery pack- depending on the model theres either gonna be 2 or 4 wires. Doesn't mater- what you're looking for is the same color wires. The black wire is normally ground, so ignore it- cut all the red (or white)_ wires. Take your black electrical tape and cover both cut wires- they can spark, cause the C3 charge in the warhead to burn, and the fumes are deadly
C)Now cut the black wire(s) and tie them together- using your flat screw driver, remove the bracket that holds the battery pack in, and remove the battery pack.
D)Cut the other wire on the squib, remove the electrical tape on the wire, and tie the squibs' wires together. You're doing this to prevent a static discharge from setting it off- it usually won't kill you, but the bits of shrapnell can make you blind and they hurt.
E)Go to the front of the bomb- theres a ring of screws that holds the front on. Remove those screws- there should be about 12 of them and remove the front. As you slide the front of the bomb off, you'll notice a green metallic "pie" in front of you- keep pulling, and remove the backup squib thats on the side.
Once again, cut the squibs wires, tie the wires together to short out stray static charges, and tape off with electrical tape.
Stay upwind- the metallic uranium won't hurt you, but breathing in the alpha particles will make your blood and lungs radioactive which can kill you. So don't breath it.
Put the main part of the "pie" far off to your side by at least 6 feet.
F)Reach inside, and remove the "Missing piece of the pie"- put this in your pocket.
G)Put a flourcent orange flag out- this will tell other bomb people that its been disarmed.
Thats pretty much it |
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ScoobySnacks
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Always remember to wipe any sediment off the war head first, then push the button marked 'disassemble war head'. Note: do not push the button marked 'disassemble me'. The blue, white and and khaki wires are decoys. |
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Aaron B
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When you're about to cut a wire, change your mind at the last minute and cut the other one. |
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jack w
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Don't let it go boom! |
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nvr10pts
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Just remember your failure at the cave... |
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Drinnan
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Make sure you are in iran or north korea incase you mess it up and it blows |
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JT
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Cross the blue and the red, you will end up dead. Cross the blue and the white, everything is all right. |
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Atrocious
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The main things to keep in mind are that:
a) YOU really shouldn't be doing that.
b) You can't cut "the" wire until the crappy LED timer that ALL nuclear warheads have is down to 1 or 2 seconds or you've really blown some good drama.
c) Relax. If you make an error there won't be any criticism. Ever. |
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squidly leu
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NEVER eat at taco bell before such an operation and always wear your brown undies. |
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dr.twaticus
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Probably getting somebody who knows what they are doing to do the job, rather than just whacking it with a hammer - which is my usual style of DIY. |
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Tracker
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Don't drop it ! |
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skcs69
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Bring it to another country to do it, just in case. |
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fakemoonlandings
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you should be several hundreds of miles from the nearest town.
don't forget to wear your suit.
a cutter or a long nose to pull / cut wires
a hanky in case there's a suspense and you'd be sweating a lot |
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notgnal
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get somebody else to do it ...... |
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genghis41f
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The big one that EVERYONE forgets.
DON'T SMOKE WHILE TRYING TO DISARM IT!
Bet you forgot that too, didn't you? ;-P |
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BlackSheep
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If it goes off remember....duck and cover! |
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marajade_04
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the best thing to remember is to get in contact with your local military base or fire department. But you really need to get a life instead of asking dumb questions. |
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Andrew1968
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head between your lknees and attempt to kiss your *** good bye |
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andyhpt1982
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Its really not a DIY job. Get the experts in. |
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CLIVE H
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Perhaps the main thing to remember when disarming a nuke warhead is that if you make a mistake while doing so, there's going to be one hell of a bang.
Light blue touch paper and stand well back. |
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colly wobbles
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run forest run !!!!!!!! |
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trigunmarksman
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watched to many movies my friend, Today's nuclear weapons are probably very sophisticated and not limited to a single wire. |
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Social Science Lady
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I hope you did not volunteer for this job, believe me, the pay is not that good! |
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Roger K
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TO KISS YOUR WIFE BEFORE LEAVING FOR WORK. |
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Me
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dont blow it up |
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joustingwindmills
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Don't sneeze. |
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The Crow
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*mouth open* ........................................... if you're dissassembling a nuclear war head, i'm afraid if you don't know what you're doing. |
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ssbn598
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10) Stay at home if you have the dropsy's
9) Don't imbibe before you start the process
8) Buy lots of life insurance
7) Buy a prepaid funeral plan
6) Kiss your wife and kids goodbye EVERY day
5) Don't lick the bomb...
4) Don't take home any souvenirs
3) It is too late if you glow in the dark
2) It is too late when you feel that tingling in your groin
1) Shoot to kill if you see Osama |
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dansmith54321
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make sure you clear all bystanders to a safe distance....about 500 milesa should do...no put on your lead underwear and cut the blue wire...
but first cut the white wire
oh sh#$ |
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