APe's, how will you handle your child's Reunion with their real mother?

Just a Mom

Well. Since their first mother is deceased, I don't see it being a problem. We are their real parents, just like she is. But I am sure you get that.

snowwillow20

Is this what happened to you? That is just so sad.

7rin

Since my amom's already my real mom - this'll never be an issue.

Johnsmuffinpie

Seriously? Wow, it's no one's fault but your own if you lost your child. As for me, when I met my bmom, I realized, much to your chagrin, no doubt, that I was infinitely better off with my parents than with her because she was unable to take care of me.

Stop the Hate Love instead

My real mother is the one that raised me, my real father is the one that raised me. I have no desire to contact my natural â€œmotherâ€ if I did it would not change the fact that my mom (the one that raised me) will always be mom. I would never look at my natural mother as mom even if I did meet her.

Are you that one gal that was posting here a while ago very negative. One of those posters that seems to united everyone here despite people different opinions. Most adoptees who do find their biological family to not through their adoptive family to the wasteland. I doubt if you find your natural child she would do that either in fact please donâ€™t be surprised if she/he wants nothing to do with you with that type of attitude that you have.

Mom to Foster Children

WOW - let me guess by your screen name that you have NEVER adopted a child! My child was adopted and knows that he has TWO sets of parents. One set that raises him and one set who the judge decided that they couldn't see him anymore! ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!â€¦ Let me say that the day that my son wants to look - we will find her as she lives in the same freaking town that we do. He can learn from her and all of the paperwork that we have what she needed to do in order to get him back. While she did try and she did try hard it was all just too late. The system, I believe failed the both of them. He was adopted 3 days shy of 5 YEARS IN FOSTER CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dorian

Seek professional counseling so that you can find some peace in your life and let go of all that anger you seem to be carrying.

Regarding your question - I was adopted at birth and have no desire to contact my birth mother. My mom (adopted) is actually disappointed at that. She made sure to keep up with my birth mother's information (we know exactly where she lives), thinking that one day I'd want to meet her. I'm the one that has no desire to meet her. And even if I did meet my birth mother, I'd never even think that my mom wasn't good enough - she's been a great mother.

Romany

My friend's 6yo daughter says the same thing to her, except she's not adopted.

â™¥â™¥The Queen Has Spokenâ™¥â™¥

Why are you so negative?

I've only know people who adore their adoptive parents. They want to meet their biological parents to learn about where they came from and to learn about any health issues they may need to know about.Most will tell you that their REAL parents are the ones that raised them!

pammi716

So is that the fantasy your holding onto. That the child that was taken from you by children services and eventually adopted is going to run back to you with arms wide open and tell you what a wonderful mother you have been?

Carol c

Arlene, here we go again, Sigh.
So now you're posting on the YA Australia board instead of the YA Canada board. Guess what? You're not fooling anyone. We all know that anyone can do this little silly trick.

You are so clearly an angry and hurt first mother who just can't get a grip.
I think it's pretty obvious that you must have a horrible relationship with your own child. Was he frightened by your anger and chooses to keep you out of his life? I'd be pretty nervous about finding a mother this bitter if I was an adoptee.
Honey, get some counseling - you've become obsessed and it's not a pretty sight.

Kick up all the dust you want - you're becoming a bit of a joke.

kennebunklmt

ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LinnyG

My a Mom burst into song (Copa Cabana) when she found out I found my first Mom. She loves Barry Manilow.

".....Her name was LOLA, she was showgirl......"

You're so silly, Arlene.

Gabbie

I take this offensivly.

I gave my oldest son up for adoption when I was 16. We recently reunited a few years ago. He loves me AND his adoptive parents. And they are his real parents. They raised him.

Also, I have adopted two kids recently. The girl is 5 and the boy is 5 months. There mother couldn't care for them anymore once the 5 month old was born. When and if they reconnect, I will be perfectly fine. This was the woman that raised my daughter for 4 years (she recently turned 5) of her life and had my youngest son. I know it might hurt, but I am their real mother. I am raising them

LaraSue

YAWN

Opedial

I am pretty sure my kids won't say I am not good enough, as I will be great with the reunion.

Seriously, channel your anger into art or something...I think you could make a lot of money! You will still be a mean person, but rich at least.

FlyingMonkeySwatter

We handled it fine...she's a year old and we are going out to visit her "other mother" this spring. Sorry for whatever happened to you. This APE is not your kid's APE. But I will take the punch for it if it makes you feel better.

Rosie

Well, since I've already parented toddlers, 3 year olds, tweens and teens I have had plenty of experiences listening to outbursts without taking it personally.

I'll ride it out with good grace and a relaxed attitude and be there for him when the fantasy fades and reality sets in.

This is something like what I might say if faced with that outburst.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I've tried my very best. Daddy and I have made some mistakes along the way, all parents do. You sound very angry right now. I want you to know that you have always been good enough for us and you are our very real son.

You are an adult now, we are proud of the wonderful man you have become and we treasure and love you with all of our heart. That will never change, no matter where you go in the world. If there is anything more you need to say to me, I'll be here to listen."

cruzgirlz3

Don't you think you are being a bit dramatic here?

I found my "real" mother as you call her. Your little scenario didn't happen. I appreciate and love both women. I tell my adoptive mother how much I appreciate her all the time.

AP's need to accept the reality of a possible reunion. If they can't handle the idea, they shouldn't adopt.

Please stop trying to scare people. It is ridiculous.

Tonia

I'm actually helping my daughter to find her biological mother. What ever my daughter tells me will be from her heart. I want her to grow up healthy and emotionally stable, so I hope she "gets it all out" so to speak. It's healthy for her to express her true feelings. I will express my true feelings to her in age-appropriate manner as well. I love her unconditionally and as any parent does, we just try our best that's all we can do.

kidmindi

We always have a good time when my daughter's other mother comes for a visit. The last time was in the fall, and we carved pumpkins and went Trick or Treating. After the kids were all in be the adults has a blast staying up late watching scary movies.

I'm sorry things didn't work out like that for you. (and they call us adoptees bitter....)

Pip

My son hasn't told his adoptive parents that they have never been good enough for him or that they will never be his real parents. In fact left up to him they would never have found out that we had reunited. It was only because we were having major problems with him that my husband rang them out of despair for advice on how to deal with him. This was 3 years and 8 months into reunion so it was a shock to them. His reasons for not telling them had nothing to do with how he viewed them as parents but more to do with issues in general that he'd had with them in general over the years. He will always put them first as parents before me but that doesn't bother me.

Ferbs

LOL...we handled it wonderfully!

As real parents....we get that relationship.

Sorry you blew it.

ETA: Bananas...selling APe bananas. Get 'em while they're fresh! <Ferbs bows to Mom to SuperKids for the imagery>

Jennifer L

OMG! Arlene! You're back!

blank stare

Wow... As one of the avowed anti-adoption people on this site, I just have to say... It's time to give up this shtick.

I found my first mom. She and I have a wonderful relationship. And I still have the same relationship with my (adoptive) parents that I always have had. I didn't give them up, and I didn't tell them off. You know why? Because they are my parents, too.

I don't like it when adoptive parents try to tell adoptees who their parents are, and how they should feel. And I don't like it when biological parents try to pull the same stunt.

Adoptees are not soccer balls to be kicked around by parents of any sort. Find some other way to play your silly games. Haven't adoptees been through enough already?

You give biological parents a bad name. (Which I strongly suspect is your point. Either you are in a great deal of pain and should be seeking help rather than lashing out. Or you are a troll trying to make biological parents look bad.) You are alienating adoptees as well as lashing out at adoptive parents. Who does that help?

â™¥â™¥Mum To Superkids is engagedâ™¥â™¥

Oh, I'll just beat them both with sticks while I'm swingin' from a tree.

LindseyTaylor

This has "Arlene" written all over it...yet another one of your multiple accounts. Will you ever go away? Of course not...you will keep coming back on different names till you find anyone to rally behind you. Really sad.

When will you get tired of tiring to push peoples buttons??

Why would any child tell that to the people that raised them? They have grown to love and respect them. This is a one in a million scenario and you need to get over your awful experience. Its not everyones experience.

I am a natural/birth/first mom and if my daughter ever said that to her adoptive parents I would be so embarassed at the kind of disrespectful and rude child she was. I expect her to at least respect them for the love they've showed her and I know she will love them always. Doesn't mean she can't love me too.

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