Adoptees: Anyone else offended by people encouraging pregnant moms to abort instead of adopt out?

Protecting the baby

I think it's everyone's choice what to do with your body but I think you made that choice when you laid down and got pregnant. I think having an abortion is a selfish decision to make. Not giving a child a chance at life because you're "not ready to parent"? Then keep your legs closed until you are. I know I will get a lot of thumbs down for this but I don't really care. Also I think that people who say that they would have rather been aborted than adopted has issues that they need counseling for. I'm sorry that they got a crap deal "mommy didn't want me or couldn't take care of me or whatever (her baby was stolen)" but you are alive and you should be grateful that you are breathing. Stop blaming your adoptive parents for you having a messed up life. I was NOT adopted but my birth parents were horrible parents. My dad was an alcoholic, my parents divorced when I was young, my mother turned into a party animal, not a mother, then she married a man that beat us. I have been molested as a child and abandoned when my stepfather decided that he didn't want me around. I was homeless at 12 and ended up living with my father's parents (that I didn't even know) until I graduated high school. Did I have a crappy childhood? Hell yeah! But I never let it hold me down. I have a wonderful husband, 2 beautiful children, a wonderful career, I'm college educated and a very happy person. If you look into yourself instead of blaming everything that is wrong with your life on everyone else, you will be a happier person. And stop telling these confused women to kill their children! It's sad. I believe in a parent parenting their child first. It shoud always be that way. But sometimes, they don't want to or can't. That baby should still have a chance at life. If those 2 options are not good enough for you, don't get pregnant! It's that simple. Keep your legs closed or get your tubes tied. And don't even get me started on the women that use abortion as birth control. Please!

Melissa Swan

I'm not offended exactly but it makes me shudder.
The adoptee has the choice when he/she is older to find the bio family or leave the adoptive family. Abortees don't have the choice. They're sitting around in heaven thinking "Ouch."
Whose to say they don't have as many issues/loss/emotional pain as the adoptees here.

AdoreHim

I am SO thankful that my mom did not abort me, and loved me enough to place me for adoption, since she felt for whatever reason it would be best for me. Also very grateful that the birth moms of our 2 adopted children felt that way as well. I cannot understand how anyone would rather have been aborted, but then again, there are people that have had terrible lives, both biologically and/or adopted. My life was not perfect, no ones is. However I am thankful to the Lord would actually gave me life, and to my birth mom and the birth moms of my kids that thought life was precious!

ÏŽÃ¯â•šÃâ•’â””Ó©ÏŽÉ›Ò‘

"I am sorry for people who feel being adopted ruined their life but I think they are misinformed if they think everyone else feels this way."

LOL...you took the words right out of my mouth...or keyboard in this case. Many (not all of course) of the adoptees in this section are extremely rude, bratty, bigoted, and just flat out neurotic. It doesn't offend me when they kindly suggest abortion - everyone's entitled to an opinion, after all. But when people send hate mail and have the nerve to tell a pregnant woman she needs to get an abortion and if she puts the kid up for adoption that she's a horrible person.

Genna

I think abortion is only okay during certain situations- like drug addicts babies who will have many many health problems or very young girls that are like 12 or something.
Otherwise women should go with adoption even though that can sometimes cause problems like yearing for the baby you gave up etc. My mother gave up her 3rd and last baby for adoption and she sometimes regrets it but most of the time doesnt think about the baby. She gets pictures of the baby every year and we compare what she looks like to us and her father. My mom had 2 others kids that were 15 and 11 when she gave up her baby for adoption. I feel guilty about her doing that as I yearn for a sister, but I wasnt with my mom at the time. If I had been living with her she most likely would have kept the baby. But luckily the people who adopted her are unable to have kids unlike my mom and she made them very happy. They adopted a 2nd daughter several years later and seem very happy.

TerraMere

I think parents should parent if at all possible and that option should be first and foremost but if that is not possible I do believe everyone deserves a chance at life.

cmc

I'm offended by anyone who tries to convince someone else what to do with their child. Abortion and adoption are both tough paths for any woman, as is raising a baby you may not be ready for. This is something each woman should choose for herself with knowledge and support from others as needed. (I'm an AP).

Wannabe Swan

I'm not offended at all. I would rather have been aborted, actually. It would have saved a lot of pain.

Lady Rowan

no i'm not offended. Why should i be?

Pip

No it is more offensive that the third option to parent isn't encouraged. My son is happy to be alive (not aborted) BUT he is angry that I wasn't supported in my choice to parent and hates my parents for the part they played in him being adopted.

7rin

I'm entirely offended by people encouraging pregnant mom's to abort, same as I'm deeply offended by people encouraging pregnant mom's to abandon to adoption - and so should bloody everyone be!

Why is no-one offering parenting in their solutions like I do when I answer?

ETA: I'm living a very happy, productive life and have contributed greatly to the world in my own way. I also have friends who're glad I was born and not aborted, but had I been aborted, I wouldn't be missed as I wouldn't've existed in the first place.

It's about lack of existence, not death.

minimouse68

Nope Im not offended at all by the suggestion that pregnancies be terminated instead of carried to term. What I am offended by is people trying to tell me how I should think or feel. My mother never considered abortion, so that was never an issue. She would have loved to have kept me, she was forced to relinquish during the BSE. Everyone has the right to their own truths, when you generalise, as you have in this question, you offend a lot of people. Another thing I find highly offensive is people screaming at pregnant women that abortion is murder....its not. Why dont people accept others rights to make their own choices. Fact is, you are more likely to be made to feel cruel/horrible if you dare suggest on here that you are considering abortion than if you come on here suggesting that you want to abandon a child to adoption. Oh and by the way, adoption didnt ruin my life either, but neither did it enhance it. It was just something that got lobbed at me, something I had no choice about. Why should I be happy about having my identity stolen from me, just because my grandparents were ashamed that I existed??

maybe

What offends me is encouraging either adoption or abortion while discouraging keeping the baby!

Opedial

I think you miss the point. People are REMINDING women that they have more than two options. Women have rights over their bodies. Deal with it.

ETA: whoops I missed this was for adoptees only. I guess I was just so floored by your flagarant propaganda filled thinking. NO ONE has truly made the decision to not keep her child before they give birth. So anyway that is my opinion although not an adoptee.

Erin L

I'm not an adoptee, but I'm a little offended when I see pregnant women both being encouraged to abort or to place for adoption. I think it's fine for a poster to share what would have been the least painful thing or the right thing for THEMSELVES, but when it comes to these HUGE issues, I think the ramifications of them need to be shared in an experiencial way, not a "this is THE right thing" way.

julie j

Hi Betsy,

Nope, I'm not offended, not one little bit. Sometimes abortion is the better solution for a woman who does not wish to be pregnant or raise children now. I think more people should be warned of the hidden dangers of adoption for all of the parties involved. Adoption is a corrupt, deceptive business & I would never encourage anyone to subject their child to a lifetime of that. Adoption should be a very last resort for children who have absolutely no other options & cannot stay with their own families for personal safety reasons. Adoption is not a reproductive issue at all & shouldn't be confused with one.

Do I think adoptees should be thankful for being here? No way, certainly no more so than anyone else who is already here! Anyone's mother (after Roe vs. Wade) could have legally chosen abortion - single, married, rich, poor, etc. and they often DO. Let's not single out adoptees for extra servings of gratefulness just for being alive. I would be more inclined to be thankful if real solutions had been available that actually helped our families in their time of need rather than torn them apart. I am sad for all the women who are in such a bad place that they feel their best option is giving away their own flesh & blood to strangers. I am sad for those innocent babies who did nothing to deserve that. I am sad that outsiders seek to gain happiness, babies, or money for themselves from others' unfortunate situations rather than providing them with genuine help.

If someone does not want to be a parent, they are not obligated to be someone else's breeder. They also have no business bringing a child into the world only to create adoptees out of them. There is needless associated pain for the mothers & children. Some of that is repressed pain & I have seen that too in the adoptee circles. Once that comes out of the bottle though, it's hard to stuff it back in & pretend everything is all good in adoptionland again. That's not to say that adoptees cannot function despite all the extra challenges dumped on them. Most learn to adapt & cope so they can find happiness in other things. Others spend much energy pretending nothing is wrong because on some level they fear feeling what the other adoptees know is really there.

It's more offensive to me to suggest that adoptees would automatically be presumed to be pro-life or pro-adoption. It's precisely because of our experiences that we feel otherwise. You're more likely to find support for your position from those who either profit from the adoption industry or from prospective adoptive parents who feel that someone else is currently carrying "THEIR" baby, not from the babies themselves once they grow up. Thanks for asking.

julie j
reunited adult adoptee

Cambria

Nope. Not at all offended.

blank stare

not offended

Kina

No, its their choice not ours.

anca

I was adopted and personally I don't care if I was aborted because I would have never known the difference. Someone who's never seen the world isn't going to miss it. Another thing is that too many Americans are adopting kids from other countries and I remember it being difficult to get adopted. My first few years of life I remember being bounced around from home to home and getting rejected each and every time. Talk about early mental trauma. So like I said, adoption isn't always the answer for everybody. Nobody wants society's unwanted children.

gypsywinter

I am not offended in the least.

LinnyG

I am an adoptee and had an abortion because Im adopted. I am pro-choice. Abortion terminates a pregnancy, adoption terminates parental rights. You cannot adopt someones fetus. One happens before birth, one happens after birth.

First Moms who have relinquished would not have considered abortions, and vice versa. Adoption did not ruin my life, but the actions surrounding that act have made my life very painful. It IS something I think about every day. Even my adoptive Mother is pro-choice.

I am pro-choice- abortion is a safe and legal procedure. Adoption is not always that. Pregnant women should know ALL of the possible choices they have, and how surrendering a child will most likely affect their child and themselves. Its not always pretty. Adoption does NOT guarantee a child a better life, only a different one.

eta: you wrote:
"Wow....I have gone through periods where I was very involved in adoptee support groups. There were always a few who felt their life had been ruined by adoption but quite frankly not that many. As a result of of these groups I have many adopted friends. I can honestly say many of them are living very happy productive lives and have contributed greatly to the world in their own way. I for one am glad they were all born and not aborted. Just my opinion but I think they and those who love them would agree."

Yeah, right. Send me a link to the groups you belonged to. I wonder if it's called "The Kool-Aid Drinking Unicorns".

How do you know Im not happy? I am. And, I have a very productive life and make great contributions to the world. High horse- get off of it.

And to the person who wrote, "Think of the heartbroken couples that have so much love to give and no child to give it to. Would you deny them a chance at having and loving a child to call their own?"

Nope. Sorry. Its NOT the responsibility for fertile women to supply babies to people with broken junk. My uterus is NOT a baby store, and as an American, I have the right to terminate a pregnancy if I chose to do so. Yuck, yuck, and yuck. They need to heal themselves and not expect fertile women to heal their pain. Dogs are good.

Mama Bear

Not adopted but i did face an unplanned pregnancy and guess what i was encouraged to place my child. Not get an abortion and not parent. The "pregnancy crisis center" first question after confirming my pregnancy was "Do you plan to keep it?" They automatically assumed that i didn't want to keep my baby. They automatically assumed i wasn't capable of raising my child. Despite the fact that i had told them before hand that if i was pregnancy the father wanted it and was willing to support and if he ended up "bowing" out my mother and family would support me. But none of that matter they still strongly encouraged me to put my son up for adoption and pretty much told me i was "unfit" and he would be better off with a "more deserving infertile couple." *rolls eyes*

So tell me does it offend you that vulnerable young women who find themselves needing help and advice are told they should put their child up for adoption rather then parent their own flesh and blood? Because i find what i went through far more offensive then being told to abort.

Parenting should always be encouraged first and the mother should be given the information she needs to get the resources to raise her own children.

Anha S

Not offended at all.

Andraya - Snark's Sister

-sigh-

Who here claims that every adoptee feels that way?

-double sigh-

You have the right to your opinion as well as your personal experience and truths. So do I. So does everyone else here and IRL. You also have the right to be miffed about whatever you chose. Welcome to free will, we are each born with it.

All I see here is one person trying to persuade others that what they believe is what the other should believe.

And no, I am not offended by people sharing THEIR opinion that abortion is often a better choice. To each their own yadda yadda yadda. You can keep telling women to abandon their young and I will keep telling women that abortion can be a positive alternative to abandonment but don't presume to speak for me and don't lecture me from your soap box, if you please.

grapesgum

No.

However, I am extremely offended when the most loving choice of parenting one's own child is not even listed as an option.

Jackie B

It doesn't offend me at all.

I am glad I'm alive but if I had been aborted, it's not like I'd be aware of it right now.

Sunny

Nope.

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