Adoptees, can you say with 100% certainty that you know your adoptive parents love(ed) you?

start 2 hapinezz

through the tuff times no because they could never make me happy i hated them for that but now i relize it was me who was shutting them out !

anonymous

no, i cannot say they loved me..especially not my mother. i did not live up to what she expected a perfect little girl to be and so she rejected me.
they still took care of me and provided for me...that is until i reached 18 when they kicked me out of the house. what kind of parents do that to an 18 year old girl with no place to go? i dunno...anyway, no they did not love me.

Terra R

Absolutely. Maybe my experience worked out better than most, but I can definitely say that my adoptive mother loves me beyond limitation. That being said, I don't think she adopted for the right reasons (I think she wanted a companion and a caretaker more than she wanted to provide for and love a child) but I'm 23 now and I feel that, aside from some frustrating experiences I've had regarding our relationship, things worked out for the best. I was adopted as an infant from South Korea and my mother gave me up because she couldn't care for me financially. I'm forever grateful, because now I'm having my own little one in April with a wonderful boyfriend and a loving family :)

Annie A

Without a shadow of a doubt.

Courtney M

Yes I know my adoptive parents love me. 100% certain. They wouldn't have done for me all they had if they didn't. They would have let me go run wild and go crazy (Not to say I didn't anyway).

There were times that I thought they didn't. There were times when I knew that my adoptive father loved my brothers more then he did me.

But, once again, yes I know with 100% certainty that they love me.

Cecelia

I was adopted at five 1/2 and my brother was 7. We're biological brother and sister and truly think my parents weren't meant to be parents. They never took time to help us like normal parents and resented us for being so close despite the fact we'd been through the death of one parent and foster care together.

Intheshadows

I know that they cared very much about me. I think that they did love me, but there were so many children and they both worked so much that sometimes.

Deborah P

My dad was adopted as a young child(now in his 40s) and was/is very much loved by my grandparents...He was adopted from West Germany very young...

Temperance

I believe that my adoptive mother loves me, she tells me all the time, she even forgot I was adopted. My adoptive father, I am not so sure.

I believe my feelings towards my dad are because I don't really know him. He doesn't show me that he loves me because his mother never showed him that he was loved. So he takes it out on me. I am still wondering if he does or does not. He buys me things but I think he does out of guilt. This is really not what someone who was taken away from a druggie and a mentally retarded father should have to go through everyday. I wonder if he realizes I've been through enough? I feel as if I have.

Wishing that I was just with my mom and not my dad,
Tempe

Lady Rowan

yes i can say that. Even though my adoptive father was never a very demonstrative mine(comes from losing his mother at a very young age) i knew he and my mom loved me. Now, there were times were i felt unlovable, but i always got through it.

BOTZ

Adoptees, can you say with 100% certainty that you know your adoptive parents love(ed) you?
No.

If not, why do you think that is?
How would I know? I was pre-verbal by the time our relationship was "over". I don't even remember what was "wrong" with my early life -- although it's been told to me many times what was "wrong" with ME. I didn't bond with them. It was MY fault (apparently) even though I could not even walk or talk yet.

Did they tell you/show you enough or not?
Again, I have no idea. Certainly not after I was old enough to remember. My a-mother has a very pointed entry in her journal -- during the year in which I turned 4 years old -- in which she "officially" gives up on me.

I never wondered if I was 'broken' -- I knew. I never wondered if they hated me -- I knew.

What I always was amazed by, though, is that they provided for me and 'cared' for me (in the lower-end Maslow sense of it -- food, clothing, shelter) for all those years after I had so badly "disappointed" them as an infant/toddler. Never could understand that. I wish they wouldn't have. Don't tell me "it could have been worse". I know it's bad "out there" -- but you (general you) haven't lived my life. It's NOT worse "out there" -- it couldn't be.

WhAteVeR

My mother loved me 100% and i loved her with all my heart, and i have never called her my adopted mother, she is my mother to me. She always told me i was the daughter she always wanted and how happy she was the day i arrived.
We had our ups and downs like any other family does, i have now just been in contact with my birth mother and i will call her by her name i will never call her mum!

â™ª Rachel - Applehead â™«

Yes 100% they would do anything for me.

They made mistakes but they took the advice from people who were supposed to be the knowledgable professionals so they wouldn't have known any better.

My parents never really told me they loved me at all, but as someone else said, my parents are not very good with emotions and see expressing emotions as being weak. But I do know they would and did do as much as they could for me and would stick by me whatever.

AdoreHim

I am very certain that my adopted mom and dad loved me with all of their heart. I don't even like to call them my adopted parents, because they were my mom and dad, without a shadow of a doubt.

a healing adoptee

of course they did! i wouldn't be the person i am today with out their love and encouragement.

Zeena

Yes, I can.

It is the other way around with my birth parents.They don't care to get to know me or my children even though I have made attempts and they have my number/ e-mail address.

My parents have done everything for me and loved me even if I was in the wrong on some occasions.

When I got pregnant at 16, my parents were there for me and never once abandoned me or talked down on me or about my child.

When my birth parents found out, the first sentence out of my BM's mouth was "why didn't you get an abortion, you ruined your life at 16!".

Just goes to show what she knows.

Linny G

yes. and yes. And you cannot "love" away your child's pain.

Anha S

I believe my AP loved me, in their own way, as much as they were capable of. I also fully admit that I know there were times where I didnt make it easy for them to love me. I don't think any of us would have worked so hard to come to some form of a reconcilliation had there been no love in there. I didn't hear it much, and it wasn't shown. Both my AP were raised in families that weren't really emotive, who had their own dysfunctions that they learned.

zena

I was adopted in to a home. A family of four one sister and two brothers.My sister was a baby and i was five years old.I always dislike my mother,she gave me taught love and my sister was taken by the hand in life.I grew up feeling different and hurt.Now my mother passed,almost a year.My sister is still grieving for her,me just get on with life.I never believe her when she told me she love me. My dad yes i believe him.

â—Š Ð¼Ä±ÅŸÅŸ ÐºÑÄ±ÅŸ â—Š

100%, without a doubt in my mind. As a kid, I used to guilt trip my mom and tell her "you don't love me, I'm not yours" but I never meant it and mostly did it to get out of trouble. We're probably closer than she is with her biological child (born after I was adopted). It's funny, because people used to say me and my sister looked alike and we always laughed about that.

almost human

Oh. I think they loved me. As much as they were capable.

Thing was, they weren't capable.

I don't think half the parents in the world know what love really is anyway.
Some people should just never be parents.

In my little fantasy world, children would choose parents / not the other way around.

å°é»ƒ

Yes. Absolutely without a doubt.

My childhood really has nothing to do with my feelings regarding my adoption as it stands now. :P

jeni5844@yahoo.com

absolutely one million times over.

my mom is my absolute favorite person in the entire world.

she is not my "bff"......i have contemporaries for that.

but if i had to pick a person to spend my day, week, month or year or my life time?

my mother.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more than my nmother.

blank stare

Yes. Indeed, I have long suspected that out of four children (the other three bio kids), I was my dad's favorite. Maybe because I was the oldest.

Without a doubt, my (adoptive) parents loved me.

H******

Yes, with 100% certainty.

As a child though, I felt unloveable and didn't believe it. If that makes any sense.

I'm getting used to it now and they've proven their love time and time again. Actions always speak louder than mere words IMO.

Sunny

I think they cared about me then, and I think they love me now.

But growing up I really believe my amother bought into the 'as if' myth, and knew I wasn't 'her' kid. I think she resented my differences, and wanted to put me into a box I couldn't fit into.

She always talked about what a sweet baby I was--but when I began displaying personality traits she didn't share (i.e. or like) she took it out on me. It could be as benign as buying me blue pajamas over and over when she knew I loved pink, or as awful as slapping me across the face in front of a friend, or in a restaurant.

For what it's worth, they have been very kind in recent years, I believe it's from tremendous guilt from the way they treated me. I also think they know that my adoption was completely unnecessary.

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