Am I wrong for wanting to give my baby up for adoption? I am married and we already have 3 kids,?

pink sunshine

Adoption is always a very kind, generous gift to give to someone looking to raise a child and to your unborn child. Adoption allows for someone who can love and raise your child that opportunity. That being said, it may be very difficult for you to do and I would strongly caution you about adoption to another family member. That could be very painful to you in the future. As far as the divorce, that is horribly insensitive. Do not let anyone threaten you into making a decision that is not good for your family or your unborn child. Good luck

Lady

Yes you are wrong. if your husband is against it(which would be weird as you said in another question he was supportive of whatever you did)an adoption cannot go through.

Get an abortion if you must.

7rin

FFS get an abortion! Don't bring yet another unwanted child into the world.

@Character Generation in Progress: Adoption is NEVER temporary.

Susie Q

what about abortion? you can always say that there is something wrong with the baby or its health reasons. you have the right to choose. its not easy but if you dont want the child its your best option. but i think keeping the child in the family would be good. you have an established family, your kids are older, its understandable that you dont want to start over. give someone else the baby that they want and cant have.

Heather + Jacob = Lillian

If your older children understand I don't see why not to give the baby up for adoption even if its just temporary. Do what you think is right and what will work best for your family.

empty_zombie_faced

i understand that, i mean.. you said you did try and take precautions by getting the tubal done but it failed so.... that isnt your fault. i also understand where your husband is coming from though but he should be a little bit more understanding too. i mean, you did get your tubes tied or whatever cause you DIDNT want anymore kids. Thats understandable because im sure its hard to take care of 3 alone. put him/her up for adoption or adopt to your mother. thats your best bet. at least you will be able to see him/her if you adopt to your mom right? anyways, good luck. stay strong. you have the right to your own feelings.

Fuaite le fuil, gaolta go deo

Yes. You can't give the baby up without his permission anyway. Kids are alot of work but it wouldn't be fair to any of the children to separate them. If you tried to give up the baby despite him wanting to raise it, you risk him leaving you and raising that child anyway. Alot of people are broke these days but given the chance, most of us raise our children; that's the way it's supposed to be. May I ask? Why didn't you get an abortion?

LoveMyKids!

That's a tough call but only you can make it. It's good that his mom has offered to help but like you said....help is one thing, adoption is another. There are plenty of couples out here wanting to adopt (like us) who would love to raise your baby....but ultimately, it's your decision. Just go with your heart.

Britknee

I think it is completely unfair that you are calling your husband a "butt hole" for this. Obviously he is the adult in the relationship and understands that you don't just give your baby away because you might have to work just a little bit harder. Adoption is the answer in many cases, but I think you are just being selfish. Maybe you should figure out ways to bring in more money. I don't understand why it would be a whole lot more money. You can use hand me downs and local churches probably have funds to help people out in your situation. Children don't need a life of luxury, they just need love.

NaNa

well i know that times are hard right now. if yr husband want to keep it maybe its cuz he really things you guys can do it.

i think you putting the baby up for adoption is not a bad idea after all you are giving that baby a chance to life. (every un born child has a right to life). you can always do an open adoption this way you can still see the baby and maybe be in his/hers life.
if his mother wants to care for this child why not let her ?

but in the end its up to u and your husband to make this decision

hope all works out for you and wut ever happens it will be the right choice.

CaptainJillian

I am sorry that this has happened to you. Please don't abort your baby. My husband and I have had three miscarriages trying to have a baby and we still do not have one. There are definitely people that would adopt your child, including myself. If you want to talk about it, email me. I was adopted myself when I was a baby and I have since reconnected with my birth mother and I have the best life, being raised by a family that wanted a baby and could afford me, then getting to reconnect with my real mom later on. Adoption never made me feel alienated as a child, in fact, I felt special because I was chosen to be a part of the family. Thank you!!

Proud Nuna

yes by all means,kill your baby as so many have told you too.....

Due with my baby March 20th 2010

Honestly I have great respect for you because you know that you can't raise another baby, and you know that you have to do something in the best interest of your baby. Adoption does sound like the best thing for your baby, and there are plenty of decent families (and your mother in law) who are willing to raise a baby. I would say go with what you believe is right, if your husband leaves because you were trying to give your baby the best than maybe that is how it should be. You shouldn't take on something you can't do no matter what. Think of the baby, and what is best for it. Let someone who can raise the baby take on the responsibility. And you can concentrate on your 3 that you have.
Best of luck either way!

somekitties

I am adopted and a native hawaiian. My mother and grandmother tell me that there is a long tradition with hawaiians of sharing and adopting children. Its called hanai.
http://www.capitol.hawaii.gov/session2002/bills/HB2097_.htm

It seems that as humans and mothers its good to recognize that you need help. Giving a child to a parent who wants a child is a great opportunity and gift. Everyone wins.

good luck
aloha!

Kate!!

do NOT get a divorce! one of the main things to keep your kids happy is knowing their parents love them. keep your baby you will love your baby.

Stop the Hate Love instead

Well it does seem like a strange situation. Firstly you cant place the baby for adoption not even a family adoption if your husband is not willing, as he would have to give up his rights from what you have shared he would probably not do that. You really donâ€™t know how you will feel once you have carried this child for 9months and then given birth. Financial situation can change a year or so from now you might be in better standing. You should accept your mother in lawâ€˜s help give her temporary custody. Would it even be possible for her to move in with you all? Then sheâ€™d be able to help out with the kids and even housework.

Either way you and your husband need to sit down and have a serious talk about this lay it all out on the table.

LinnyG

Your other 3 kids will NEVER understand, and will always worry that you will abandon them, too.

Save yourself, your 3 children and your fetus the heartache now and terminate your pregnancy.

Welcome Aiden-Paul

Honey, that baby made it here cause God has a path for him to take and he chose you to be his mother I know how you feel I just had my newest edition to the family after 7 years of swearing thats it !!! but I'm so so so HAPPY he is here in my life, dont give your baby away I know its hard but there is help out there and you can do it you have done it three times before and I have faith that you will love this baby and wont be able to go through the 9 months just to give him away you know if it comes down to it let your husband pick up the slack it sounds like you have a supportive family ....GoodLuck to you and your unborn child.....

creepycookie

you need to do whats best for this baby, your other kids and yourself. good on you for having the strength to stand up and admit that you don't feel you can care for the child as well as you think it deserves. keep in mind your hubby's mother adopting the child may cause problems later on when it finds out you are the real mother. the question would be raised at some stage "why did you want the other kids and not me". adopting the child out through an agency may be more appropriate.

leila

open adoption might be the best answer for you.

Emmy

How about you let you're mother help out, Adoption is forever, So don't you just want help?

mapleleaf2

Giving a baby away like it's a puppy doesn't work. In 99% of cases, the mother bonds with her baby during pregnancy, birth, and post-partum, as Nature intended.

The emotional devastation from losing a baby to adoption, even an open adoption, is not something to wish on one's worst enemy. Your husband may rightly feel that you are emotionally destroying him by doing this to him. The pain can be lifelong and debilitating: unresolved grief and loss, PTSD, severe depression, relationship problems, problems with future parenting -- these are all common outcomes.

Look to your community or church for help. Also, on the internet for family preservation programs. You have the right to keep your baby AND the right to the social assistance you need to keep your family without having to struggle in poverty. That is your basic human right. All states/provinces have programs to help families stay together -- including single mothers and their infants -- because social workers know the damage that separation does to children, even separation at birth from their natural parents.

cruzgirlz3

If your husband wants to raise HIS baby, he can...and good for him. He is my hero. I hope he fights you for custody of his child if you decided to take this path.

Being a parent is about sacrifice and love and commitment. Your child is a family member, you just don't cast aside a new member of the family because it is not convenient for you. Your children will always question why you gave away their sibling. How will that affect what they learn about commitment and sacrifice? Your child will always wonder why they weren't good enough to stay in the family. And how will you feel?

I didn't "want" a third child either, but she has turned out to be the most amazing blessing. I cannot imagine life without her. Never in a million years did I consider giving her away because it wasn't convenient. I didn't want a 4th or 5th child either but when my niece and nephew's mother died that was what life presented us. I never considered putting them in foster care with strangers because I didn't "want" five kids. And they are also blessings. Ya, life can be difficult, so what? Love is more important.

Shanny

Do you think the other 3 kids are going to wonder what happened to the baby in mommy's tummy? Why does grandma have a new baby? Does she have our baby? Why are mommy and daddy fighting and daddy moving out? How come there are all these awful changes in our lives?
Come up with the answers to those questions and you will have your answer.
I am sorry for the predicament your in, you may not be able to afford another baby financially but can everyone afford the latter emotionally?
None of this is meant rudely, I am just giving you another way to look at it and consider the outcome.

geek chic

Only you can answer your question. After carrying and birthing 3 children, I think it may be harder for you to let go than you think. Good luck.

Kelly

Maybe your husbands mother could just care for the baby til you guys get in a better financial state. I just know how much i cared for my son even before he came out of me. Try sitting down and having a talk with your husband and his mom

cmc

I don't think you're wrong, but it is something you and your husband will have to decide together. He has to consent to the adoption. I do know of another situations where people became pregnant after "completing" their family and chose adoption - and in the case I know about it worked (the adoption was open). You will either have to be a mother to this child, or find someone else to do it - the baby deserves a mother who wants him/her. I hope you and your husband can come to some agreement on what to do. As to the option of divorce, it really depends on your marriage. If this is the "last straw", it might be time for divorce, but if it wasn't on the table before, it doesn't seem like a good solution.

Maureen S

How very sad. I am so sorry you feel this way. I have brought up six children and never, ever felt that the next one was too much. My first five were adopted from birth and my sixth I gave birth to.

I am not going to change your mind, because if you did have this baby and keep it, you would not be happy and that would mean that child would grow up unloved and not happy.

You could however, compromise. Allow your mother-in-law to adopt the child, which would keep the baby within the family circle and would be something that would soften the blow to your husband.

Having said that however, I would also suggest that you and your husband divorce. You and he do not see eye to eye and since you even think of divorce, that means there is not much love left between the two of you.

By saying "I will do everything in my power to make sure my kids and I make it". I trust that you mean emotionally, more than financially. Love, caring, compassion, kindness, understanding and unconditional love, is the most aspect of being a parent. Money is secondary.

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