Any other adoptees wish they had been aborted?

still waiting

We're always recovering from something--all of us. Just because you were adopted and you're in pain doesn't mean you aren't wanted or loved. I was adopted. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and find a new hobby--one that doesn't include talking about your adoption all the time. You'll feel better.

â™¥Tryingâ™¥

I don't think your pain is only linked from the fact that you were adopted. A lot of teens have these same feelings even if they are not adopted. I came from a religious home where my mother stayed home with me, my parent's worked in the church and everything seemed perfect from the outside looking in. I always felt like my sister got all the attention and I was an outcast. I feel like I was some how mixed up at birth and ended up with the wrong family. When I did express my feelings of wanting a closer relationship with my parents, I felt like they were then only being nice out of guilt. So now I have learned to bottle it all in so not to hurt anyone else's feelings. I constantly feel like I just want to scream. My parents tried for 7 years to have a child and then had me. I was wanted but I too wonder why I am here on earth and what is the purpose?

young mum 1990

Hun, OF COURSE you should have been born.
But it is okay to doubt yourself, lots of people do sometimes.
dont worry before you know it your life will turn around, I know mine did.

Best of luck

Christa N

I am not an adoptee, but an adoptor, I have three wonderful children that I have adopted. I know for a fact there is a purpose for your adoption, you might not know right now what it is but God has something Great instore for your life. You are where you at for a reason, just like my children. Sending a prayer your way..

AdoreHim

I am so sorry to hear that you wish that you had been aborted instead of adopted. Believe you me, I understand that you have had pain- but I can tell you biological children have pain as well- including my husband- who had a tough upbringing- however he is thankful that his mom gave him life. I have a feeling that your first mom is part of the reason you wish you had been aborted- because she has placed in your heart her desire for that- NO MOTHER, BIRTH MOM OR ADOPTED MOM SHOULD EVER TELL A CHILD THAT. I am not negating your pain- but each of us have a purpose if we are given life- it you want to talk more please email me, if you can.

Lilyana

Pray to God. That is all I can tell you. I will pray for you tonight.

Happy Birthday!

illuminatiangel

i was not adopted but i thought i was for a real long time but that does not mean u r not wanted ,u were born 4 a purpose and u r not alone either

â™¥ Bee â™¥

Whatever doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger! Keep your head up!!!!

Maureen S

How very sad that you had to listen to something so negative and horrible. I have five adopted children (adults now) and had one pregnancy. I loved all six children equally and with all my heart.

You are hear on this earth for a reason my dear, and you can, even now, make your life mean something good. Many have had to put the reasons for their birth, behind them and start from a beginning that sometimes, didn't seem like they could make it. I promise you, if you get a dream in your head (like Oprah did) and go towards that dream, you will, in time make it. You do not have to be anything but your unique self.

All of us have memories of our past that we have had to put out of our head and leave behind, never to think of them again, There have been many like you, who had terrible things said to them and have dug themselves out of that hole and climbed right to the top. They have ended up with a family of their own to love and to cherish.

Nothing about your birth, is your fault. Look at pictures of little babies on the T.V. smiling, gurgling, big eyes, innocence and beauty. That was you. What happened after you were born, to drive the smile from your eyes, is not your fault.

You have a choice from this point on. You can either choose to live in memories of old and have a very unhappy life, because of your thinking OR you can choose to leave the past behind and rise to the top and become a happy person, a good person and a successful person (in your own rights).

It is not going to be easy, but you know what, nobody's life is easy. We all make mistakes and either have to repeat them or learn from them. I feel you are an intelligent person, who writes well, thinks well and would like to have some hope that you can make something of yourself. You asked this question and that means you want to do something about your life.

If you would like to discuss further, e-mail me through Answers. I would like to reach out and give you a hug now, so just pretend that I have. If you had been one of my children
I would have hugged you, loved you, cared for you and kissed your tears away.

I agree with the answer above me. Of course your pain is real, and it is hurting you right now. Recognize that you have every right to be in pain, but see that you can also get out of it, if but slowly., and leave the pain behind.

Peace and love,

jimmy_tst

God loves you the way you are. He made you and He holds you in the palm of His hand. Even if others forsake you, He will never leave you nor forsake you because God is love and love never fails.

"Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the LORD will take care of me."
(Psalm 27:10, God's Word translation)

Please listen to this encouraging message "God is in Control" by Pastor Joel Osteen. You will know God has a plan for you.
http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=d1a208ea312d7f58c757

God loves you more than you will ever know. Will pray for you.

God bless you.

BPD Wife

Problem Child,

I truly believe that everyone has a purpose in life - whether or not we know that purpose. Those of us here in Y!A are blessed to have your input and thoughts on questions. You may not "know" or understand your purpose, but perhaps part of it is that we are all better for knowing you thru Y!A. Anytime anyone shares their innermost feelings in an attempt to help others, is special.

So, YES you should have been born. We are happy you were born, and PLEASE let us know that you are okay. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Master and Commander

Its a hard thing that you are feeling. But chin up, you will pull through and life does get better. You are here for a reason- so no your birth has a meaning and you have a purpose. We all do. Be strong. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

opedial

How awful some of the responses. I cannot imagine nor will I try to know how you feel. I would encourage you though to find someone in person to talk to about this, someone close a friend or something.

Many people are thinking of you and hoping you are doing okay. Take care.

vmarie84

It sounds like she never deserved to have you anyway.

Risirchir

Believe me, this is just a phase of ur life... u were born for a reason. U r meant to live and to see life. :)

If u need someone to talk to, u can always send me an email.

God loves you, kiddo. :)

Almita79

Discard what that woman said, you are here, you have a reason to be here. She's pretty much putting the blame of her situation on you because she is not woman enough to say it was her fault. Sometimes you have to listen and then just let it go...some people are just ignorant.

If you woldn't have been born...who knows what my life was going to be like! Everyone is like a stone thrown to a river, we make ripples that change everyones life...ripples that change the universe...

I'm sure glad you are here...keep that chin up!

Blessings!

Possum

(((((((((((((((((PC))))))))))))))))
Get off here and return to AAAFC immediately.
This place can be very harmful to the soul - especially when all you need to validation & love.
I'm thinking of you.
I'm so sad of what you've been through - I too have felt this way in my life.
I do know that my life would not have been the same if you weren't in it.
Sending you loads of hugz my friend.
Poss. xxx
(insert my usual smilie right here!!)

LaurieDB

Hi PC,
I have felt that way before. I haven't for a long time, but I know how very real and horrible it is to feel that way. It's tough dealing with this stuff. It's very real.

Come on over to AAAFC for a while, eh?

KELM

I have been there and finally after 25 years I realized it was a phase I had to deal with and only I can make myself happy. Don't get down in the dumps talk to people who are there for you. I know it hurts but you can do it! Trust me if I went thru the Hell I did in my life and still standing after being knocked down several times. Keep your head up don't give in!

Stop the Hate Love instead

No I personnel never have wished I had been aborted in fact Iâ€™m gratefully for life. However I do sometimes wonder what my purpose is meant to be in this life. I have not found it yet but I have faith that one day I will know exactly why I was placed here.

I am one that believes everything happens for a reason. So I personnel feel if someone was meant to be aborted it would have happened. I also feel everyone has a purpose in live now sometimes one might not know that purpose for a very long time. I think eventually some people will discover why they are here, that there is a purpose for them being born and living. Even for those who may never come to fully understand why they are here, i still believe they have some purpose for being here.

Perhaps you should considered keeping a notebook Problem Child just write down all your feelings even more if you feel you canâ€™t discuss them in the RL. You might also consider finding an adoption support meetup group. I am also sorry that your natural mother said that too you that must have been very harsh to hear. Although some would say at least she was honest , I guess in some cases ingnorance is bliss.

Happy Birthday.

Andraya

I do. Not all the time but sometimes. I too feel like I am nothing but a problem, the constant thorn in everyone's side. I hate it.

I don't think you shouldn't have been born, I think you are a wonderful, caring person and I am very glad to know you. Maybe your purpose in life was to be "our" friend because you are freaking awesome at doing that!

LOJunkie

Your first mother should never have told you that! Please don't make her problems your own. You are a worthy human being. Please get help for your pain and depression.

ETA: I never said that her pain isn't valid! But that doesn't mean she should never get help and should just live in pain for the rest of her life!

Kassy

My best friend's mother used to say that to her. She told her she threw herself off her back deck to try to cause a miscarriage, but it didn't work and she was stuck. Her mom had two older daughters that she loved, but she seemed to hate my friend, her youngest by ten years.

I don't know about your family, but with my friend's family, it turns out they all have a history of clinical depression. The mom never did seek help, hasn't changed any, and my friend doesn't speak to her any more. Realizing that her mom had a problem that had nothing to do with her really helped my friend get past the pain.

My friend and her two older sisters (the ones who were loved) have all sought counselling & are taking medication for depression.

I don't think it's probable that you shouldn't have been born at all. I think it's possible that you were handicapped by having a mother with problems.

jgf5822

my first mother said the same thing to me.

i am relatively verrrrry happy, so i'm glad i'm here, but i would certainly never wish adoption on anyone. it's very cruel.

i'm glad you are here, pc:)

Dawn C

i was adopted to.and i was the same way..try councelling.it does help.....

Laurel J

Sometimes I do wish it, and this feeling is always much, much worse around my birthday.

I know my first mother's life would have been much better had I never been born, and I often don't think I've accomplished enough or even lived enough to really justify my existence. But true or not, I'm sorry your first mother chose to tell you she would have aborted. It wasn't very thoughtful of your feelings.

I know I'm glad you were born.

Gershom

Yes, I have wished it many times. I don't anymore, but I did for years. The pain from losing what we lose, is often unbearable. Its easy for those who haven't been there to negate our pain and tell us to move on, dismiss dismiss dismiss. I won't compare your loss to anything it HURTS and I'm here for you. I understand.

Petra

I am sorry you are hurting today, birthdays can be rough on anyone with abandonment issues. I am so sorry that your feeling like you would have been better off aborted. I am sorry that some people care more about causes than people. I hope that you get of here and if possible treat yourself to a wonderful birthday. You deserve it. Today is not a day for fighting over this, go out and enjoy today, this will all keep till tomorrow. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Corty B

I did for a long time. My adoptive parents had no answers for me other then my mother couldn't keep me, and when I came home from school with black eyes and bloody knees for being beaten up for being a "ba$tard" and they sat back and did nothing but tell me to walk away, I felt like they didn't want me either. For a long time I wised I had never been born, but it's something that I moved past. I realized that my parents had no idea how to fix my problems with other kids, as they had never had to deal with a situation like mine before. I realized that no matter what or from whom, I was loved and wanted.
Meeting my birth mother was also a huge weight off my shoulders, I got all the answers I craved my whole life, I got to scream at her, tell her all the things I had bottled up inside, cry with her...
If it is at all possible, try talking with your birth mother about your feelings and her's. Yell, shout, scream cry, just do whatever you can to help get all your negative feelings out. Hell, even go and break stuff (your stuff or stuff of no value like old plywood, just kick holes in it or smash bottles off it) to let it out. One good instance of rage may be all you need to start feeling "normal" again (and I use the term normal as loosely as possible)

cruzgirlz3

I'm sorry.

My birthday wish for you

a hug from someone who loves you
a glimmer of peace in the midst of sadness
a listening ear from someone who cares
realization that there are those whose lives would not be the same without you. I hope on this birthday, these people will tell you how much you have meant to them.

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