Are their people out there who don't want to be mothers?

Alexandra G

Yes some people want to party and dont want the responsibility

rosa

some people like to tango but not tango all year long they dont want there babies so they give them up for adoption.they dont want the responsibility of a family.

doubleOfletcher

I don't want to be a mother; I want to be a father :)

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

Yes. One of my best friends has absolutely no desire to be a mother.

She was an only child. Her parents were kinda sorta hippies. She remembers waking up Sunday mornings, as a young child, and carefully stepping over all the people passed out in her home from the party the night before. She says she wears glasses because the pot smoke in her home was so thick she had to sit too close to the TV to see it, damaging her eyesight. Her father once said that "one kid is a nice experiment" but he had no reason to want more.

Basically, the point is, while she has a very good relationship with her parents as an adult, she doesn't see them as having been very "parental" KWIM?? And she feels that, like her mother, she is not the maternal type at ALL. She strongly dislikes babies as being too drooly and stinky. She is married, but does everything she can to avoid pregnancy. Her husband goes along with her "no kids" wish. She'd rather concentrate on her career.

So yes, women like that do exist. I don't know what would happen if my friend got pregnant. Chances are she'd decide to just step up and make the best of it, but I'm sure she'd be at least very tempted to consider adoption. I'd like to think she's anti-murder...er... I mean abortion, but who knows. I'm sure there's the possibility of pregnancy hormones doing crazy things to her, but how temporary or permanent that would be, who can say? As of now she's pretty set in her opinion of motherhood. Has been for practically her whole life. I kinda doubt that some temporary hormones would really completely permanently change her 180 degrees.

cmc

There are definitely people who don't want any children. Sometimes they get pregnant anyway (oops). In terms of reasons for considering adoption I've seen it mentioned here, by people saying it is their motivation. I can't tell you if these are "real people" since I don't know them.

monkeykitty83

Um... yes. Google the "Childless by Choice" or "Zero Population Growth" movements. Even aside from the more extreme positions, don't you know any couples who don't have children? They aren't all infertile. Haven't you ever met anyone so obsessed with work they have no time for family? Some choose to have a family anyway and ignore them, but not everyone sees that as an acceptable choice. Ever met anybody who just didn't care for children? Just because they're women, they aren't all pining to be mothers.

Now granted, for some women it's a phase or a life stage. Some women may choose to become mothers later, even if they originally hated the idea. And some may react differently than they expected to an unplanned pregnancy. Some will feel bonded and committed to their infants after giving birth and seeing and holding their child. But the bonding and hormonal changes of pregnancy and birth aren't inescapable witchcraft. Giving birth isn't going to turn every poster girl from Childless by Choice into Susie Homemaker. Some women will still choose not to parent their children, all other support and resources aside. Many? No. But there will always be a few.

You make it sound like wanting motherhood is the "right" thing to do, and everyone else is crazy. That simply isn't true. Women are individuals, not uniform robots, just like men are individuals. (I notice you don't ask if there are men out there who don't want to be fathers. You probably already know the answer to that. So let's not make sweeping generalizations about women.)

BLW_KAM

Absolutely. One of my older sisters never wanted to be a mother and never had children. She admits she is not interested in the responsibility that comes with being a parent.

She made the right decision for her. Her priorities always have been marriage, career, foreign travel, freedom and being an aunt.

She turned 50 last month and she has never regretted her decision.

Gaia Raain

I have known plenty of people who never wanted kids. Until they had them. Then, they would have given ANYTHING to keep their kids.

My sister for one...she was adamant that she would never, ever, EVER get married or have kids. She had FOUR (with her husband of 18 years). When she was pregnant with her fourth, she cried for 8 months, not even exaggerating. Her doctor put her on prozac for the last month of her pregnancy because she was so dehydrated from constant crying. She did NOT want a fourth child. But she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she couldn't do anything with that child but be her mother. She couldn't imagine giving her child up (never even discussed the possibility).

That would be nature taking over.

Tonia

I've known a few people who do not want to have children. Me, on the other hand have always wanted to b a Mom.

Lady Rowan

ys there are really wowen out there who do not want children. I know a few, only one has ever actually given birth(and gave her child up). Some women just dont feel the maternal urge, others are quite happy with their lives, and don't feel a need for kids.

I edited because i hit the submit button too soon.

Crazy Horse

Yes there are. My step mother never had children of her own and neither does my sister. They are both happily married and enjoy their lives as it is. My brother has two kids and I have one. My step mother never adopted us, we just all became her step kids. After 30 years, she's just my mom.

With all the problems that my brother and his new wife have had with their kids and the problems with mine, I think my sister was the smart one of the family. All of our children are 20 somethings now. There are also grandchildren at our feet.

Don't get me wrong, I would never change what I did with my daughter. It's just too bad she never learned the real story behind her fathers' disappearance in her life. He was a drug user and beat me up pretty bad.

So, yes there are people out there who just don't want kids.

buschchick

I am one of those women, I like the sense of freedom I have that goes along with not having kids. Now I am not saying that if something does happen I wouldn't take the responsibility or blame the child. I would step up and be that loving parent that every child deserves but, the odds of me having children are slim anyways, and I choose to accept it and look at not having children in a positive light, which has made me not want to have children that much more. My husband is right on board with me.

sizesmith

There are a lot of women who become "trapped" by pregnancy. They have no desire to become a mother, they don't bond with the baby, even if they keep it.

When I was much younger, I knew a woman who's husband wanted a child. She didn't. She got pregnant, and the child was miserable. She ended up losing it to foster care, and never went to any meeting, court date, or anything, except she did sign voluntary placement papers with a social worker who came to her house.

She was not a drug addict. She wouldn't even take pills the doctor prescribed for pain after she had a tooth pulled. She didn't drink either. She was a workaholic in may ways, at home, not the office.

For some of us, like myself, it's hard to understand a situation like that. Many women don't have the desire to have a child, and on the other hand, there's women so desperate that they'd literally stalk and find a woman who's pregnant and after she gives birth, goes into the house to steal the baby.

Good Job

Personally i know two women. One gave a child up for adoption the other is 38 and they (her and her husband both don't want kids ever) use two different forms of birth control pills and condoms and she is hoping that menopause will hurry up and come because she never wants to be a mom
The one that gave the baby up is very open about the fact that she has a kid out there. It is an open adoption and they send pics and invite her to birthdays etc. She has never gone to any of the invites but is happy to recieve the pics.
She has a few mental health issues (chronic depression, anxiety disorder and OCD) so she kept it open to update the family of medical history which she does. For instance her dad had a heart attack a year ago and she let the family know.
ETA
My neice was born to such a mom. she gave birth only because she found out to late about the baby and she did not give the baby up because my bro would not let her. She gave him custody and has not looked back in 18 years. My niece met her once and I think that was it. She still has no kids and has no intention of ever having any.
The kicker is my brother passed custody over to my sis because he felt unready to raise her either but did not want a stranger to do it .

ladybmw1218

Yes, of course there are women who have no interest in parenting. I know several, one of whom had a tubal ligation in her late 20's, but only after she gave a baby up for adoption (no doctor would sterilize her prior to that).

Carol c

I've also known women who insist they do not wish to be a mother. Usually they've been professional women and they just do not wish to spend time parenting. I had a roommate in the 60's who always felt that way and she is still married to the same man 40+ years later and seemingly happy.

I see nothing wrong with this.
However, I've also seen many more women who either weren't ready or thought they would never want to be a mother change their minds when they became pregnant.

Nika

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be a mother. If you know that is something that you do want to do in your life it doesn't mean you are a cold or uncaring person. Having or adopting children isn't and should not be in everyones cards. Children are a huge responsibility and if people know they dont want that then bravo to them.

myst1998

There are manywomen out there who say they don't want to be a parent and then can't imagine aything else when they give birth to their children and then women who dreamt of being a mother all their lives and then found it alot harder when they had their children.

I am sure there are many who have their doubts whether about how good they would be as a mother or they are not ready but its harder to know how you truly feel about a baby until he/she is in your arms. So I agree, this show is doing adoption a disservice in this portrayal as it reinforces the idea that women are just happy to part with thier babies.

nekochi666

Yes, there are many women who don't want children. I am one of them. As to the plot, yes there are women who cannot bond with their babies. It is doubly cruel to say to those that they have to, otherwise they are...{insert insult here}. It is a massive decision to give up a child but for those that really could never bond, it will be a blessing for the child to go to someone who can give them the love they deserve.
It is not a "given" thing to love your child. Many women who suffer from postnatal depression can come round after having therapy but that is no guarantee. Some women have even killed themselves having to keep a child they really can't bond with and do not want.
Those with PND might give their child away, regret this after a few years and fight for it to come back. But some won't.
Just because you have been pregnant doesn't automatically make you want or love your child, in the majority of people it does but in some it really doesn't.

Doctor

I have a close friend who pretty much disliked kids and made it very obvious by walking out of restaurants that had noisy kids or blasting parents for not minding their energetic kid. Making faces if she saw a kid around her. She swore never to have kids. And suddenly one day found herself pregnant. Grudgingly with a lot of pressure from her family went through pregnancy and now her kid is 4 years old. I see her surprisingly a pretty good , caring mom . I remind her of her old attitude for laughs .:-)

Now i made a new friend who swears she doesn't ever want kids. I keep telling her about my other friend who swore the same but accidentally got pregnant. She doesn't believe this will happen to her. .........But i am not to sure !!

Power Flower

I never wanted to be a mother, then fell pregnant and after giving birth can't imagine how it was that I never wanted kids.

Lori A

It's true there are some out there who have no desire to parent and that is their choice. Unfortunately for them if they are young and have had no children they can not get tubal ligation's, it's "unethical" to do so. But they can sterilize others they see fit.

One answerer made the point that she never wanted children but after having one couldn't imagine not being a mother. That's the reasoning behind the decision.

There are other women who love being pregnant, love babies, love all the attention but after a few years lose interest. My best friend brother was victim to such a woman. Four kids back to back and she walked out, only to start again with another man. Two kids later she walked again, leaving both men with all the children, who assumed responsibility for them I want to add. We lost track of her after that.

It takes all kinds to make a world. If a woman doesn't want to parent, she shouldn't have to. (I honestly believe being forced to parent could result in an unhealthy environment for some children.) But a chain of reasonable order should follow for the sake of the children. Fathers first, grandparents, other family members, THEN adoption.

Said women should NOT have the option of hiding from her offspring for any reason. Just my opinion.

nymphadel

I don't want to be a mother, yes we do exist

They (the marvellous NHS) will not let me have a sterilisation, so if my contraception fails I will have an abortion as early as possible

Sunny

Plenty.

However, the character you're describing (I don't watch the show) doesn't sound realistic.

The women who I know who don't want to be mothers are usually hyper-vigilant about birth control.

And since most doctors are pretty responsible people in order to achieve what they must to arrive at their position, I would guess that this 'doctor' would not have allowed this to happen.

But, yes, there are lots of women who don't want kids.

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