Are we secure because we know we were wanted?

Music*Love

idk they still only think about their biological parents who matter didnt want them at all, not their adopted parents

Birthers are NOT mothers

Nope. OllieO, adopters are the devil's work...I though you knew that! They only want them to perform in their rituals and the like. Watch the answers you will get to prove my point. They will say how they were ripped out of their loving mothers arms and handed over to the kidnappers themselves, but in the next sentence, they will say how much they love their adopters. Cause their adopters are great and had nothing to do with it. They are against the process...DUH...your adopters were part of the process. They won't agree that they were wanted because that would put a damper on their piss and moan parade!

Gordon Q Hinkley

Adoptive parents are really special people

Kelly H

i agree.

Bonanza de stupido

I am just glad someone did that for you.

Rachel

That is a good point - parents who adopted have usually longed for a child and put a lot of thought and planning into it. However, I was not adopted and have never questioned whether or not my parents wanted me...so non-adoptees can still have this certainty!

Indian-vision

Looking at the glass half empty or half full theory i would have to say i agree with you on this one.

â™¥rachelmarieâ™¥

they are probaly just angery because there parents didnt want them. And maybe they feel like nobody else would want them if their own parents didnt.

Sofiakat

Um my parents planned me. they tried for a year. I do not feel any more secure than the next person and I am not adopted. My cousin, who is adopted does not feel any more secure than I do as according to our conversations.
Are you not stretching it here?
The fact that your parents wanted you and planned for you also means that someone else POSSIBLY did not.

Temperance

Everyone is wanted. Think of it. If we have friends, that means they appreciate are being. If we have parents, whether adoptive or not, that means they love us. Even if are parents gave us away or had us taken away, they probably still "want" us in the sense they loved us enough not to have an abortion. Want is not at all the same thing as love. And some people didn't have parents plan there arrivals. Some just arrived. Some adoptees don't see this because there is nothing to be seen.

-Tempe

Top Cat

the problem with your logic is that not every adoptee is adopted, some "fall thought the cracks" (no offense)

furthermore there might be parents that later on might regret this [too much responsability/not ready/ ...]

Lillie

Let me tell you a story.

My adoptive parents wanted a girl. They had their application in with the agency and one day, the agency called them to inform them that, suprise!! There was a little baby girl ready and available for them to adopt.

But, this little baby girl's mother was a drug user, so they declined her. THAT little baby girl went on to be matched with the next waiting AP's on the list, while my AP's went on to wait for the next available baby girl.

Me.

So what is the moral of this story?

My parents didn't choose me, they were just the next set of AP's on the top of the waiting list and I was the next little baby girl who happened to come along.

Choosing? Wanting "me"?

No, they wanted a GIRL, and I just happened to be the next in line for the job.

If they had decided I didn't fit the bill for whatever reason, I would have went on to the next AP's in the stack, and they would have gotten the next baby, and so on, and so forth.

So no, I do not feel "secure" in any of that. If anything, I feel mortified that I could be one of a hundred people right now, with a different name, living in a different town, and some other random woman could be sitting right here in this chair with MY name and had lived MY life.

kidmindi

Guess what? I was adopted and I was NOT wanted or planned for!! My grandmother had me (a crying abused 2 year old) literally dropped on her doorstep by my great-grandmother who decided my birth mother was unfit to raise me (actually she was right about that) so she decided the next best choice was her daughter, my grandmother.

My grandmother's youngest child was 18 years old and she was looking foward to her and her husband having a life w/o children (they raised 7 between them).

My grandmother felt obligated since I was her only son's only child (and he had recently passed away) and I had already been taken from my birth mother.

So my grandma adopted me, became my adoptive mother and resented the hell out of the next 16 years that she was tied down with a child that while she did love, she did NOT want or plan to parent.

Independ"ant"

I think its very unwise Not to examine why a stranger "wants" another persons child.

Sorry to inform you but adoption is not a perfect little world....too many kids have been violated or murdered by their Aps. Should they be forgotten and/or ignored.

C Wood

My adoptive mother wanted me and waited and planned for my arrival. That didn't automatically make her a better mother or more loving.
That didn't make me feel secure. She didn't stop her husband from abusing me, and she also abused me. So that's why I don't agree with your premise.
cw

Sour

Whatever you need to tell yourself to make you feel better about your situation in life - you go with that.

kateiskate is getting married

I'm not secure because I know I was wanted. I'm secure because I have good self-esteem, a good education, a good head on my shoulders, and confidence in myself. Knowing I was "wanted" is a double edged sword. Does that mean that I was "unwanted" by my first parents? Does that discount the fact that they may have "wanted" me too?

Lady Rowan

Because that's not always the case. Some adoptees, sure, they were wanted. But whether it was for the right reasons is debatable. I was wanted by my adopted parents, but others, well, i'll let them answer that part.

Biological kids have that security, i would think. A good many of them were not "accidents". many were planned. But just because they were not planned dosnt mean they arent secure in their homes. Nothing is certain. Heck, my a parents came close to divorce. Thats not secure.

H******

With hindsight, and armed with recently acquired knowledge of the truth surrounding my adoption, yes I feel secure that I was wanted by both sets of parents.

As a child, no, I was not in a secure place despite my parents' assurances and showers of love. I never bought into the special and wanted crappola even as a kid.

All I knew as a child was that for some reason the very person who was supposed be there for me and love me was gone and I didn't know why. So I summized that I was 'bad' and unloveable.

Sometimes we have to remember how it felt to be a child. As adults it's easy to see situations as we want to see them. Kids feel things literally

Anha S

Thats a whole packet of delusion right there. How many people plan to get pregnant, get pregnant, and lovingly raise their children. Even if the child is unplanned, I'd say most moms want their baby, and want them to feel loved and secure. Neither one of my girls were planned, but they were very much wanted, are still wanted, and are very blessed in their lives with an extended network of people who love them to pieces, and shock gasp, they feel ~secure~ in our family. They didnt need to be adopted out to feel secure. Being "wanted" isn't something that is restricted to adoption. But you seem to be digging awful hard to find a reason to feel better than the average joe, to feel "special" and "chosen". I wouldn't call that all that secure OllieO.

blank stare

How secure can you be if you keep trying to find reasons to feel secure?

I'm secure, but not because my parents wanted ME (they just wanted a child, and I happened to be available). I'm secure because I have formed my own life, decided for myself who I am, and make my own choices and live with the consequences of those choices.

Anyone who depends on someone else for their own security is NOT secure at all. (Other people will let you down. They are, after all, only human.)

BOTZ

I am secure because I know I can take care of myself.

I am secure because I learned at a young age how to fight -- I had no choice, I had to FIGHT my a-mother to stop her from abusing my little sister and me.

I am secure because I have a capable mind and a good heart -- I do not need help or approval to make my way in the world.

And, for the record, my a-parents DID NOT want me. They adopted because they were expected to have a large family (by their family and their religion) and they could not do it "in the usual way". (Their words)

You "see" whatever you see. I'll see MY reality which is no less real than yours (possibly more).

cruzgirlz3

No, I am secure because I know I was loved. That's really what matters.

There is a difference between being "unplanned" and "unwanted". You seem to be confusing the two. I can't say I exactly "planned" all three of my kids :) But they are loved beyond belief.

Some have not been so fortunate adopted or not. I'm happy for you, but have a little compassion for those who haven't been so lucky.

Sunny

Actually, I think most adoptive parents want their OWN children. In my amother's day she had many of miscarriages trying to produce she and my afather's progeny.

Today, many prospective parents use fertility drugs, IVF, donor this, donor that to get their own, or at least as close as possible.

So, no, I disagree with your argument. And I never felt bad about it. Just as my aparents wished they had their own children, I too wished I was being raised by my own parents.

Isabel A

But they didn't necessarily want YOU. They wanted a baby. They would have taken anyone.

It doesn't make me feel special, it makes me feel like a commodity.

And I LIKE my adoptive parents.

FYI: My biological mother tells me that she DID plan me and she always wanted me. It doesn't make me feel better that she gave me away.

Adoption issues are usually not about adoption itself but the relinquishment/abandonment by our natural family. THAT'S the part that really hurts.

Jennifer H

I have no idea how they could not see this. I completely agree and understand what you are talking about. I think some people look for any reason to be unhappy, and some blame it on being adopted. But not me, i am thankful every single day that my parents "got" me:) I have had a blessed life.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: