Can female AP's face the fact that their adopted child has a bond with their mother and not with them?

Walter Ford II

"How does an AP cope"

Ask the agency you bought a kid from to parent you on coping.

Wasn't that included in all the "fee's" you paid.

Sara K

The adoptive parent may have to face a time when their child wants to establish or get to know a relationship with their birth parents. Traits and personality as well as interests or talents can be attributed to opportunities and encouragement from the adoptive parents. Maybe the biological parents attributed genetic attributes to the child, but it is the adoptive parents that actualize and encourage these talents and traits. I'm not sure why you word it the way you do? "Most women who purchase a baby are so insecure and try to take over the mother's role". Are you upset by something? If a person adopts a baby or child and takes on their care, why wouldn't they be the mother role instead of trying to be? Wouldn't the mother that couldn't take them be the one who wasn't able to take on the mother role?

AnnaBelle

I signed on to be a parent, not a puppet-master. If I needed my kids to be exactly like me to love them, that's sure not unconditional, is it?

I hope they are happy. As long as what makes them happy doesn't harm them or anyone else, I just want my kids to do what they want to do with their lives. If bio parents expect clones, then my parents must be SORELY disappointed...

Melissa

Yes, most can, luckily for the kids!
And the last part of what you said isn't something many Bio-parents can do either, lol, though they'd like to. That is a fact many bio-parents cannot face!

Rosie

Hahahaha. Pretend for a minute you are the adoptive son.

Look in a mirror. You looked just like your adoptive mom when you were typing that. Same mannerisms, similar laugh. And you are like your adoptive dad too. The way he dips his head when he hears your adoptive mother. You do that too. You have their body language and their cadence of speech and way of talking.

You think like them too. They passed on their core values to you and you don't even know the extent they have influenced you.

Ask your friends. They will tell you, if they are honest. :)

Flower

If your trying to mock the inabilities infertile people have then your a sick waste of life

Lady Rowan

My adoptive mother certainly was able to face the fact.

She coped just fine.

And why shouldn't she take over the mother role? If I remember correctly, my bio mom is the one who made it possible for my amom to do so. And my amom earned it.

Serenity71

You must be lonely. I have bonds with people who aren't blood related that are stronger than relatives I know only by name really. Maturity will hit you one day soon and you'll have a real friend...

Tit for Tat

You again....Don't you have something better to do?

I have a strong bond with my son and I have had since I held in in the delivery room. No I was not the one who did the labor. But I was the first one he saw when he pop out. His birth mother referred to him as my son. And as far as traits, he has a lot from me and my husband. He loves animals and helping those that are injured. His birth mother said she had a fear of animals and always had it far back as she can remember. So he gets traits from both of us.

Rachelle

im adopted i have a bond with my birth mother and my adoptive mother i have alot of similar interest to my a mother and i think this question is inconsiderate to everyone on this sight how can u justify asking this question its rude and just not true and u have to remember alot of these birth mothers you talk bout eather have given up there child or have neglected them or worse so how can u promote them as ppl that are better than everyone else and im not talking bout ppl that where made to give there babies up i wish ppl would stop making out that anyone who adopted a baby has STOLEN THEM FROM THERE MOTHER come on they are not the ones who said im giving u up the mother did and she had a write to say NO

Dorian

I don't know...how do YOU feel knowing that there are wonderfully happy, well adjusted adoptees out there that share many traits/interests/personality/talents with their adoptive parents? How do YOU feel knowing that there are adoptees that are very content with their lives and with adoption?

Tonia

Can female AP's face the fact that their adopted child has a bond with their mother and not with them? Actually, my child has a bond with all three mothers... (biological, foster, adoptive).

"Most women who purchase a baby are so insecure and try to take over the mother's role." Wow, you seem to be very ignorant.

How do they feel knowing that the adoptee has a bond with their mother that they will never be able to duplicate? I am not my child's biological mother, don't want to be; but I am trying to be the best adoptive mother that I can be to my child.

How does an AP cope with knowing that they will never be able to give their adoptee any of their traits, personality, interests or talents? My child is pretty cool. I don't care about that. When I hear my child talk I wonder if my child sounds like the biological parents; and so forth.

its a girl

I have to completely disagree with you here. Sorry, but my mother was adopted and has a very close bond with her adoptive mother. She met her birth mother and refused to ever see her again. She has plenty of traits she learned from my grandma. I am sorry if you have issue with your adoption, but not everyone is so miserable in their lives.

Jennifer L

Don't have a problem with it actually. Some interests/traits they have is entirely different than mine. Some interests/traits my biological son has are entirely different than mine too.

You seem to be under the impression that a biological child is a carbon-copy of the biological parents and that's hardly the case. Sharing biology is no guarantee that the same traits expressed by YOUR genes are the same traits that will be expressed in your child's genes. Biological children often have the burden of having to be a "chip off the old block".

Interestingly, some of the interests/traits that my biological child doesn't share with me happen to be interests/traits that my adopted children do. It's coincidence, sure, but it's still very interesting.

Pip

Yes my son's adoptive mother accepts and welcomes the fact that my son has a bond with me as that means he has twice as much love due to having 2 mothers. She also knows he has a bond with her and yes they are very close. She didn't purchase him and she may not have duplicated the bond he has with me but she still has a bond with him, it's just different.

His adoptive mother has similar interests to me so whilst he has inherited much from me he has been able to fit in with his adoptive family because they have similar likes and dislikes to me.

aloha.girl59

I'm fine with it. Thanks for asking.

Sam

Hmmm, Well my latest adoptive kiddo showed up at 15, So it would be pretty foolish for me to assume he doesn't remember his biological mother. That being said we have a strong bond, he feels safe & secure here...something he never had in his previous home.

As for him having my traits, personality, interests & talents? Well he's a child not a trained seal, I would hope he has his own interests & life.

Opedial

Sometimes inheritiing someone's traits is NOT a good thing. Nurturing can provide good tools for the children and role model for behaviour. Other than that, who cares if they are like me or not?

And my children are bonded to me, and to their First mom. Wow, what is that? Is the world NOT black and white?

Yoy, troll.

Mom to Foster Children

Sorry, didn't purchase my son - I am just his long term care giver - remember!~

Kassy

My children may have a bond with their mother that we will never duplicate but I don't much care. If what the children and I have is second best, second best feels really good. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Cool with it! I look forward to seeing what interests/talents my son will have and fostering those.

cathrl69

(rolls eyes) They don't need to cope with it, since it isn't true. Plenty of kids share interests with their parents. And plenty of kids don't. The parent _never_ gets to choose if that happens.

You'll notice a complete lack of the "adopted" word in that statement.

You seem to think that bio kids are exactly like their bio parents. They simply _aren't_.

â™¥â™¥Mum To Superkids is engagedâ™¥â™¥

I'm ok with it. Actually I happen to agree with you that my son has a bond with his natural mother and not with me. As I understand it, bonding is something that happens in the womb, it's a sharing of DNA, cells, emotions and physical responses between mother and child. What happens after a child is born is Attachment. It's equally important, by the way.
Being as how I wasn't pregnant with my son, and didn't give birth to him, I don't expect to have that bond. I also don't try and duplicate it, I'd look pretty stupid pretending I gave birth to a 3 year old.

What I do expect, and aim for, is a healthy attachment which will set him up for positive relationships throughout his childhood and adult life. I also try as much as I can to help him nurture the bond between himself and his natural parents.

"How does an AP cope with knowing that they will never be able to give their adoptee any of their traits, personality, interests or talents?"
Again, I'm fine with it. I don't share his DNA and have no desire to. A lot of who he is comes from his genetics, and why would I want to change anything about my son?
I'lll help contribute some values, attitudes and core beliefs, and work on nurturing what nature gave him. That's my role in his life and one that I feel very privileged to have, no strings attached.

cricketlady

My daughter is completely bonded with us. And She Does have our traits and interests.

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