Do people really think foster care is ethical?

Morales Familee

i think there are situations where it is the only choice. courts do try to keep families together but after so many screw ups they are left with no other choice.

i lived briefly in a facility because my mother was an alcoholic. some of the girls that were there had really messed up lives. one i remember was where a girl was molested by her dad and that was her only family other than some drug addicts that didnt want her. she prayed everyday that she would get adopted.

some of the girls there were just like me, temporarily there while their parents got their stuff together on the outside, some it never happened for and ended up staying until they turned 18, dont you think they would have deserved to live in a family for those years they were there rather than being kept in a place that was pretty much the same as juvenile hall. they were not allowed to see friends other than the ones they made there, fed institutional food, no phone calls, no outside life at all, forced to get a GED rather than being given the chance to earn a diploma, i can go on and on but i will stop there and let you decide if that is right.

many of these anti-adoption people agree with you. perserve the family no matter what.
abuse, neglect, whatever....just keep the kids away from adoption.

and then we can deal with them when they are criminals as adults.

cricketlady

I absolutely believe it is entirely ethical to place children in foster care. And I certainly do Not look at all abusive and neglecting families as REAL families. I do look at foster parents as real families who are not paid to care for kids 24 hrs a day. I look at them as volunteers. All children have a right to be safe. Most of these families have a LONG history with CFS before placement is ever made.
Not everyone can be a foster parent---it takes a very special person to fill those shoes.Undoubtedlyy you have never been one.

AnnaBelle

Oh, good. It wasn't enough to go after adoptees, eh? Gotta open fire at foster parents?

Yep, that's me. I've always wanted to be a foster parent. You wanna know why? Because all my life I've dreamed of separating families. Yep. That's me. The family separator. I've thought to myself, "Self? You know what would be a killer hobby? Tearing loving, healthy families apart."

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a handlebar mustache to twirl and a damsel to tie to the railroad tracks.

ETA: On the off chance you're a "REAL" person, and what you are saying is what you actually believe, I want to add something. Maybe you should try living with extreme abuse or neglect for a bit before you start making grandiose statements about the well-being of children. I promise you, while being apprehended is a trauma in and of itself, it is OFTEN a necessary one.

Sometimes adults don't get what they want. And when it's because they hurt a kid, as far as I'm concerned, they can deal with the consequences. Kids get protected first.

grapesgum

Yes, in most cases I think that foster care is ethical. Of the foster parents who I know personally, all but one are pretty darned altruistic. They don't pretend anything.

There are cases where social service personnel abuse their power (e.g., the Stuths in WA). If this has happened to you, please contact your local or state representative to report it.

Ferbs

Is it really ethical to allow a child to be raised with a convicted pedophile who abused his first daughter, was deported to his home country, had another daughter with the same woman?

Because that was the alternative for our son.

His first mom isn't perfect and has had a hard life...but it would have been unthinkable to leave a child at the mercy of a predator. He was apprehended at birth for a reason. And she had 10 months to change her mind about staying with this man. She made her adult decision. Others had to make decisions for him after that.

He was in foster care while she considered this. There was no healing from home or family to pick up the pieces.

Yes. Foster Care is ethical.

That's the REAL world (seeing as you love that term) and you should join us here one day. You might like it.

P.S. I think most of us have figured out your other profiles. They can join us in reality too.

,,,

I think foster care is the most god awefulthing in the world.

I have been in foster care since i was 3. I am now 19.

I think foster parents are bad people. They only do it for the mony and dont give a fvck about the child. I have been in 19 foster homes in 16 years. Why? Bc ive been beaten, neglegted, drugged, verbally torn apart and everything else there is to happen.

The states dont check up on foster parent back grounds as good as they used to, bc ther are so many chilren and they just need to place them asap.

I beleve hat taking away children w/o abuse prestent is the stupdest damn thing. If there is, honestly, i know this wont be popular but i think if its not really really bad, they should stay.

....................

Foster care was hell for me, but others have had great places.. So lucky for them. I guess im being biased.. Foster care, w/ the right people is a good thing if it helps improve thier lives.

Raven

Real mothers don't abuse children and parenting is NOT a right given just because you have a baby. I feel that in some cases the natural/birth/first mother should loose the right to parent her child. Some of them just don't do it, others abuse them, and some just don't want to. Yes, to me, it is ethical to take a child from an abusive mother, most abusers don't change.

Thumper

I personally believe more in euthanasia.

H******

I really don't know. I DO know it's pathetic to pretend to be someone you're not in more ways and places than one

scorpio_queen_2003

There have been several cases lately here in UK,of children who were starved,beaten,abused etc etc by their mothers and their so- called "boyfriends".the mothers pretty much stood back and let the men do whatever,and murder their kids.

soooo you would rather these kids be murdered,as long as they were with their mothers? wow!

btw i think you just like stirring up trouble, honey!

7rin

So you wouldn't've wanted to be separated from your mom, yet you chose to abandon your own kid... niiiiiiiiiiice, not.

In theory, yes, foster care IS ethical - whether everyone involved in foster care keeps it ethical is another matter, but the concept is sound.

gypsywinter

Arlene...I am mother who surrendered a child to adoption a long time ago.
But honestly I can't agree with you on this latest stance of yours...wherein you believe that any child would rather stay with their natural mother/nfather/nfamilies, even if being abused. Yes, it is 'ethical' to remove any child from an environment wherein abuse and gross neglect has been proven without a shadow of a doubt. No child should be left with such a parent and in such conditions. When a child has been abused, 'real' (quoting you) families have already 'dismantled' themselves, by the very nature of their actions against a defenseless child.
Do I believe that each and every last foster parent is acting on altruism..no. Do I believe there are some great foster parents out there...yes I do. And because of the good foster parents that do exist..some defenseless abused child will have a safe place to sleep tonight.
And I also have to disagree with you about this 'real' stuff. My daughter's afamily is very real to her and they are very real to me as well. And my daughter would tell you that I am real to her too. We are all 'real' people and not figments of anyone's imagination...not anymore.

LinnyG

In MOST cases, yes. Reunification is the main goal for foster kids. If that does not happen because the natural mother cannot or WILL NOT get her act together, then yes....every child deserves a loving home. I dont not believe in stripping a child of their name or heritage, but in some cases, it is necessary. Natural parents who find their children removed from their care and subsequently adopted have no right to EVER beotch if they did not make their child their number one priority.

I have known many foster parents my whole life, and have not ever, not one time, found them to be "altruistic". I suggest you google the term. While you're at it, google the term "real". You seem to be very confused.

Carol c

Of course it is ethical to remove a child from an abusive home. Sometimes foster care is the only option and it's certainly better than exposing a child to abuse. Sadly, there are plenty of biological mothers who do not deserve to have a child.

And if you don't mind me saying so, you're the one who doesn't sound REAL.

kennebunklmt

In the case of my daughters, the state stepped in and tried to help both of their parents with drug counseling, therapy and parenting classes before they decided to take the children. Believe it or not, a LOT of investigations go into it before they are even legally able to take a child.
That would be the reason my girls both lived in crack houses for months before they could get the courts to let them remove them.

I certainly don't pretend to be "something altruistic". My niece was taken by the state and placed with strangers (God love them for having their arms and home open). WHO could actually say NO to taking in a child like that?! We worked with the state and parents for years during reunification. The parents came to our home to hang out and play, I gave them pictures, we took numerous days off from work for the benefit of reunification.

How ethical is it to let children stay in abusive homes???????????? To just leave them there and *hope* that the parents start feeding them soon or stop smoking crack in the bed next to them???

Cambria

The first goal for children taken into foster care is reunification. Meaning the biological parents have the kids taken and then are given the time and support to get their sh!t together so they can actually be parents to their kids. Yes. I think that is ethical. What is -unethical- is leaving kids in an abusive situation to fend for themselves while hoping their parents get it together enough to stop abusing them. Additionally, the first places looked at for foster placement are kinship placements, meaning the child stays within their real families whenever possible. Get over your narcissistic personality issues and realize your situation is not a mirror for everyone else's situation.

Jennifer L

So let me get this straight... for the record, it is your contention that even if the "REAL" mother is abusive to a child, the child should still stay in an unsafe and abusive situation?

REAL-ly?

ETA: Keeping a child in a dangerous and abusive situation in the name of preserving REAL families.... yeah.. I think you're crazy. You got that right. Unless you've been abused by your REAL family as a child, you've got zero ground to stand on, honey.

Wow. I think that is the dumbest thing I have read all day.
I don't even know where to start with you.
Being a biological parent, does not make you worthy of a child.
A child should never have to grow up in a abusive or neglectful home, and I am truly sorry that there are so many out there who do not get the help they deserve
I understand that there are some foster parents out there who should not be given the privilege of raising a child ether, but there are plenty who truly do only wish to help these children. It is always better for a child to be in a safe home than mentally or physically damaging one that they are simply biologically tied to.

t17sweetangel

I absolutely think it is ethical and necessary in certain situations. My husband lived with one set of foster parents for a long time. He knew them as his parents and still refers to them as mom and dad. They were not able to actually adopt him because of legal reasons. His foster parents are the best thing that ever happened to him. His real parents were on drugs and couldn't/wouldn't even feed him and his sisters. Had he lived with them instead of his foster parents I believe he would be a totally different person today.

His foster parents were not in it for money or any other reason other then that they cared.

Damitra

Interesting question. Sometimes, I say sometimes foster care is not ethical in nature. The institution is not always ran appropriotly either and families are wrongfully separated. So your question is valid.

I had a very close friend and her sister when I was young who popped in and out of foster care quite a bit in the 70's and the 80's. There foster care experience and stories were far worse than living with there parent's that were a little disfunctional. In foster care they went unfed and had less than adequate sleeping quarters and clothing. On holidays they were forced to eat oatmeal in a separate room from there foster family who enjoyed an extravagant dinner. They endured verbal abuse and physical abuse also. Even though there parent's had some issues they loved and wanted to be with them.

KJones

its all your believes. My believe is that its not ethical. My reasoning behind it is 1. When i was growing up my parents weren't there, my dad was a truck driver and my mother was an alcoholic i was raised by my sisters 2. My father was abusive to my sisters and mother and on more than one occasion had the police called on him so where was the department of family services then NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. 3. I have a one year old that was taken when she was 6 months old because we had cats and they thought that our house was unsuitable for both the children 4. The foster family both girls are with make the oldest stand in the corner with her hands above her head for half an hour to an hour, she is only 5 5. They treat our kids differently, they treat the youngest really well, while they treat the oldest like shit 6. They watch other children that tell the oldest that her grandmother is fat and going to die, does the case worker do anything about it no, WHERE WAS THE SUPERVISION THAT THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO GET? NO WHERE 7. The case worker has allowed other children to be in a home that is completely trashed(used tampons on the bathroom floor) and has allowed her own parents to raise her sisters child in a home that is not suitable. NOW TELL ME THAT IS NOT PLAYING FAVORITISM cause it sure sounds like it to me

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