Do you thing YA! should do something about the anti-adoption bias here?

AdoptionisLoving

I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion. As a prospective AP, I appreciate reading the responses and understanding how passionate ppl are on all sides of the triad. I do believe some take it too far on this site and are beyond the point of providing constructive responses. I do not mind someone disagreeing with me, but I do mind them passing judgement on me. However, looking to YA for constructive feedback, might be the wrong thing to do. There are A LOT of irrational ppl out there.

Jill_01

I found myself asking the same question and feeling the same frustration a couple of months ago. But what I've found is there are many people that have had some bad experiences with adoption. Agencies have been known to lie and basically steal babies. Some adoptive parents are blinded by their own need to parent that they've done the same thing.
On the other hand, adoption is NOT always a bad thing. There are situations where adopted children do benefit and have a great life with their adoptive parents.
Getting your facts and knowing all there is to know on all sides is the best starting position.
I've learned that certain terms are seen as offensive - I didn't know this. It's the terms agencies use! But after speaking to some people I realize why saying 'birthmom' can be an offensive term to some women.
For some people, it's not seen as offensive.
We've decided to get away from agencies and are now in the middle of a private adoption. We know what everyone involved (except the baby and there's no way to know, is there) wants and expects and we'll keep our word. The adoption will be very open. The baby will always know she grew in her mommy's tummy and that I'm her second mommy. She'll see the baby and have as much contact as she wants. We're even helping her to move closer so we can all be family.
Is everyone doing this to make their life easier? Of course not...lol...but we know it's the best for the baby and that's what it's all about!

snowwillow20

We have been through this a hundred times on YA, you are new here. Some people value other peoples opinions (afterall, some of us have lived a long time) and some people attack other peoples opinions. It's sad but true. People come on here and call people names because they don't agree with them, the whole adoption section has gotten pretty mean and petty.

jeni5844@yahoo.com

absolutely NOT. anti-adoption is a reality, whether you like it or no.

how dare you suggest those of us who are anti-adoption be silenced? shame on you.

Serenity71

Hi Oillie,

YA does have a report function for people who do come here soley to flame, or harass. No one wants abuse, even on the internet and in YA. usually those posters don't even try to answer the question. ( So...No I don't feel action is needed here to change things.)

There are millions of people in the world and each has a different life experience to offer, that goes with adoption as well. Some people I don't agree with at times and there are people who don't agree with me either.

To be honest I did get shock the first time I looked up adoption on the internet... ( you'll recover from it :) and it wasn't because I had goodie goodie ideals about it. (RL experiences have taught me nothing is perfect and all rosy. But its not all bad either.) Just the volume of hate I found in so many websites about adoptive parents. And people involved in all sides of adoption being lumped into one generalized basket....

I have learned from some of the people who post here openly about their feelings on their adoptions and why they feel that way. And first/natural/ birth parents (what ever term they prefer.)

As long as the person is answering the question, or trying too, I'm open to listening to them. Even the most blunt negative person can offer something.

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

No, they shouldn't. Somewhere in history class I recall something about free speech and all. Of course there needs to be a leash on some of that.....I can't call anyone a dumb@$$, or a slobbering so and so.....but I am afforded the right to have my point of view as everyone else is too.......even you.

Beautiful, isn't it!!

As long as there is not any name calling or ugliness.....we can all agree to disagree.

Randy B

Nope. Let everyone have their say. If we start censorship here then where will it end?

Sunny

Maybe you ought to even it out?

Why not gather all your adoption loving friends here to join in?!

Or would that have (paraphrasing B.J.Lifton here) the effect of loud music on those trying to sleep?

Uh-huh.

Linny G

It IS a place about adoption. The good, the bad, and the ugly. If someone is scared because of someone's TRUTH, then they may want to reconsider adoption, Ollie.

Not every adoptee feels the same way, neither do ap's or f moms. EVERY experience is different.

Some people want to know the truth, others want to give it a thumbs down and be on their merry way. Some do not care either way, so they never find their way to this board or any other board for that matter. Its called education.

Adoption is a very complex "thing", so many feelings intertwined, no "right or wrong" way to feel.

I do not consider myself anti-adoption. I am adopted!!! I am anti-lies and anti-unethical adoption. I am against the government keeping my records sealed, ESPECIALLY since I was diagnosed with a very rare cancer at the age of 34. What about MY children's rights? Do they not have the right to know the gene pool in which they swim? They are NOT adopted, but their LIVES are affected by a secretive system which discriminates against the very people it was set up to "help".

Im sort of confused as to why you are even posting here. You said you have children of your own. Are you thinking of adoption? If you are, I suggest you stick around and not be biased yourself. Maybe you'll learn something.

Nothing makes me happier than when I see an ap who is concerned for their adopted child, and want an insight as to what their child may be feeling. Does it hurt? Sure it does. But is something they need to know, and something I wish my a parents would have known when I was a child.

I cannot change the past, but hopefully, my experiences can help change the future.

If you do not like the truths posted here, well, don't come back. Or, start your own group with like minded people.

Lori A

This IS a place about adoption. That's all it says is "adoption" the "adoption section". You were expecting something different and instead of looking elsewhere for what suits you, you try to change what has existed for a long time (before you) and works fine. I have learned so much here. So have you, you just don't like what you have learned.

I vote NO, y/a should not do anything about something that works as well as this place does.

kateiskate is getting married

I disagree with a lot of people on this site, but I do think all of the constructive answers are really interesting to me. The only adoptees I've ever really known are me and my sister so it is really fascinating all of the different perspectives people have. It's very new to me to see all of these opinions from the other side of the adoption debate, but I'm interested in learning what other people's experiences are. I think if everyone thought as I do I would still feel exactly the same about adoption and I would never grow. I love my parents and respect the job they did raising me, but I do wish they had known some of the things that people have brought up here in this forum.

tish

yes, because education is SO WRONG!!!

and some didn't want the holacaust, enslavement of africans nor the slaughter of the native people taught in schools either... after all, who wants to talk about all that "bad stuff?" shouldn't they just seek therapy?

a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Bookwarm

When you ask a question here you open yourself to all views. Everybody has there own views. YA! already has rules against obscene or rude answers therefor you can't complain if somebody voices a separate opion then yours if its inside the guidelines.

BLW_KAM

"That which does not kill me makes me stronger."

I was stunned during my first visit here. I'm sure my jaw fell open at some of the things I read. Then I had a question deleted and I was angry. "Who the heck needs these people?", I thought.

But I came back. Why? Because there are things about our daughter's adoption I'm concerned about; reading the posts of the regulars made me realize I'm living in a cocoon; I love knowledge and insight; I'm intrigued by the views of others and the list goes on.

Instead of bristling, take this as an opportunity to expand your horizon. Someone told me once my personal color palette was filled with light colors and I needed to add the deeper hues. Perhaps you are like I was, once upon a time.

Camira B

You're essentially asking two different questions.

I do not think anything should be done about biases period, good or bad. Anyone involved in adoption is likely to have a bias one way or another, depending on their personal experience. And sometimes personal experiences are used to answer a question. Just because the experience isn't pleasant, that does not mean it should be held less valid or considered harassment. Otherwise, what's the point in asking questions.

Now, should people be able to ask questions , real questions, mind you, not ones that are obviously baiting or meant to provoke, without getting attacked. Yes, adoption is an emotional thing. A person may ask a question that triggers something for someone that causes a less than pleasant response. But that is not just from the "anti-adoption" side. I've seen it from all sides, and I admit I've done it as well, especially if I've had a particularly frustrating day in terms of adoption. The best we can do is try to keep ourselves in check and accept that some times people are having bad days and ignore particularly snarky answers.

ladybmw1218

Unless the question or answers violate law or Y!A guidelines, then no they shouldn't "do" something about it.

There is no harm caused by disagreement or thumbs downs. Certainly nothing here can be construed as true harassment and what real danger is there to fear?

I may not like what some have to say, some may not like what I have to say, but we all have the right to say it!

monkeykitty83

No, I don't think Yahoo should interfere with people expressing any opinion they want, within the boundaries of the site's terms of service.

The point of Yahoo Answers is for people to be able to get DIFFERENT opinions. It would be worth a lot less as a resource if people were required to agree.

It's already against the rules for people to be abusive, personally insulting, or post irrelevant responses. If people do that, report them under the existing rules.

I think a new rule requiring people to have a certain opinion is a bad, bad idea-- regardless of how I personally feel about the opinion.

DevonChaos

I personally feel that a mature person is going to only be on here asking questions looking for opinions, not stone cold facts. I also have a feeling that most everyone knows that certain ideas are going to have certain people up in arms. Especially someone who has been around this section for a while. I think that some people come here to flame. Some come here for the first time to ask questions that they are unprepared for the answers they are going to get.
Again, I feel if a person is mature, they can separate the wheat from the chuff and get what they were looking to find. This isn't the "jewelry" section. These are the lives of human beings here. We SHOULD get heated about this stuff. Its VERY primal, VERY real, and VERY important.

Lillie

And what do you propose they do?

If you don't like something, report it. If it is truly against TOS, they'll remove it.

That's about all they can do.

Other than that, if you can't play with the big dogs, git yo fluffy butt on the porch.

blank stare

Adoptees ARE adoption. If people don't want to hear from adoptees, they shouldn't be adopting. Period.

MS A

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!

As much as I disagree with much of it, I have learned a lot to prepare for the emotions my daughter may have one day.

Honest, open communication is needed more in the adoption area than any other I know of.

stormwarnfm

I just learn to agree to disagree.

If we all agreed on everything, the world would sure be a boring place.

I am, as another poster put it, pro ETHICAL adoption.

In a perfect world, there would be no adoptions, but the world isn't perfect, so rather than take offense, I try to learn from all that is said.

å°é»ƒ

Wanting to search, seeking information about one's own roots, or wanting BOTH adoptive mom and biological mom to be in one's life is NOT anti-adoption.

I have never discouraged anyone from adopting. No, really - I have never done that. I've simply provided links and warned to them to really understand what they are getting into. I can't "prevent" anyone from adopting, but I can sure as hell give them a different viewpoint into WHY/HOW they plan to adopt and the aftermath.

Obias

No. Everyone does and will have their own opinion. It's your (our) job to rationally inform them whatever you feel passionate about, if you oppose them. Whether it's logic or experience.

magic pointe shoes

What exactly should I be promoting? Am I supposed to encourage relinquishment to expectant parents asking questions? Or am I supposed to help potential adoptive parents with ways that they can find expectant parents by sneaking their profiles into the doctor's offices and guidance counselor rooms? Am I supposed to ignore the troubles with the idea of taking the child but leaving the rest of the chaos behind to fend for themselves?

Silly to think that Yahoo!Answers would have it in for me just because I want to find the humanity in what is a rotten situation of relinquishment and abandonment.

MamaKate is an Aunt!

No, they shouldn't.

This is a PUBLIC forum for PUBLIC answers and opinions. The PUBLIC posts here and any answers you find here come from the PUBLIC. (Usually from people who have REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES that give them insight into their answers.) You can't censor people's OPINIONS or LIFE EXPERIENCES simply because you disagree with them.

If the bias here does not suit YOUR agenda/opinion you have two choices.

1.) You can stay and voice your opinions and respect other people's like most of the rest of us.

You can debate and hope to sway people to your side or you can simply agree to disagree.

2.) You can go find another forum that caters more to your taste.

Why are you so concerned about the "bias" here when there are a million other more "private" sites that DO literally encapsulate your POV? Why should other people seek another site?!

Maybe if so many people here are voicing similar opinions, you might wish to understand why. Who knows, maybe you might change some of YOUR opinions...

Lady Rowan

No. While i do not always agree with everything that is said, everyone is entitled to their opinions. If we silence one dissenting voice, what's to stop our voices from being silenced.

maybe

Why? People are free to have any bias they choose: anti / pro / neutral, whatever.

They're just sharing their point of view based on their knowledge and experiences. What's wrong with that?

Heather ~ Not a Perfect Mom ~

I do not consider myself "Anti-adoption" I am pro ETHICAL adoption.

As an Adoptive parent, I have learned alot from the others (AP's, PAP's, First Mother's and Adoptees) on this site. That is, once I allowed myself to actually consider what they were saying and quit being offended if someone did not agree with me. The way I see it, it is my job to learn about adoptees since I am raising one.

If anyone is scared away by what some anonymous people say on the internet then they are not cut out to be adoptive parents.

ETA: Why do I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall some days??

Carnie C

I agree with you that many people are harrassed for asking questions and not using the terminology some wish. They are ridiculed for not having done their research when, in fact, they may just be beginning that road. People who are pro-adoption or happy with their adoption are reported so that their views are not heard as those who feel differently will band together to report the question or answer.

You are correct in that this should not be used as a support group . . .but unfortunately, it is. Most of the regulars are not asking sincere questions to gain knowledge but rather to rile or find those who agree with them. It is a knowledge seeking q & a and should be treated as one not as a support group.

they will continue to scream from the rooftops and attempt to drown out the voices of those who disagree. You ask what should be done?? well, Y!A can't do anything as this is a self-policed forum for the most part but what we CAN do is make sure our opinions are heard and respectfully written to the original poster. See, those who are screaming and insulting others will not be heard but those who answer respectfully will be. There are some VERY RESPECTFUL answers written by those who want a complete overhaul of the adoption system and those are the ones we learn from. The others are just shut out.... so which one do you want to be?

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