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onlyme212529
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If you two are going to be in close contact with eachother then I don't really see a problem but you do have to realize that most twins have unspoken bonds that are hard to be broken and also the fact that they are going to realize they are related,thats if you two decide not to tell them,and if you don't tell them and they disregard it as coincidence that they look so much alike(even fraternal twins have that uncanny resemblance to one another),someone in their schools will prbably ask why they look alike so much. I mean those type of things are the only downfalls I could think of that might happen when seperated from eachother but then again it may have no effect at all.You both can always explain that their mother could not care for them they way they needed so you and your friend decided to take them since they will still be close together with eachother and since you both wanted to extend your families then you both thought it was the best to each take 1 of the twins,as I said earlier,so that they can both still be very close to eachother.
Best of Luck and thats a really great thing you both are doing,givin the twins a chance at a happy life. |
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♥му ¢нιℓ∂яєη αяє му ℓιƒє♥
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i dont think it is right to seperate twins but if it is seperate them of them be killed then seperate them as long as they know that they are twins and all |
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Melissa Swan
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It depends what you mean by "be in contact with each other". My aunty had one twin adopted but they saw each other every single day, multiple times a day and went everywhere together so it didnt make much difference. If its not going to be much contact then no, its terrible to separate twins. My cousins were not separated exactly. |
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cricketlady
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It would be very traumatic for the children.No I don't think it would be wise to separate twins. |
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Jillian
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you now have 31 people who almost all have experience with adoption in some way that it is awful to even CONSIDER separating twins. I cant believe you are a mother and think this is a good idea. so sickening. If you can't take both and your friend cant take both then they should absolutely stay together and go to a family who can take both of them. it is what is right on a most basic human level. Do not be selfish. You are not "saving" these babies, you are simply trying to divide them up in terms of what is best for YOU and not for THEM. Oh, and first make sure that this woman has all the love and support to keep her babies and dont swarm around her like vultures waiting for her to give birth. |
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sparky
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I dont think this will work. I adopted from a friend her daughter was just 15 when the baby was born. I has put a wedge in our friendship. what happens if for some strange reason dont talk or one moves away. I have heard that the bond of twins is amazing. i hope a twin that was seperated answer your question. do what is right for the children. I am looking to adopt again. Not from a close friend. Please think long and hard. But whatever you do I will be thinking of you all and i hope it works.. trust your heart. Nancy fxsparky@yahoo.com |
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minimouse68
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If your friend doesnt want to raise her children then she should do the right thing and have an abortion now. It is never ok to seperate siblings let alone twins....if you cant see that then you really, really need to sit down and have a good long think about it. Adoption, and being raised away from your siblings really hurts, I know this because Im adopted and was raised away from my siblings, I didnt meet them until I was 34, by then it was too late. I will always miss the relationship we should have had. As for "they will know the truth when they get older".....if you cant get that adoptees have the right to know from the start, that adoption should be something they are raised understanding, then you should NEVER adopt. |
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Spotty-Dotty
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Either adopt them all or adopt none of them. |
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Fanash
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What you want to do is very noble and nice, but i do find a problem with this. Any siblings, whether twins or not, should not be separated. Twins especially are known for their strong connection. If the only other option besides separating them is abortion, then you should adopt them, they can decided what to do when the are older. |
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LashCatt
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No way! NO! To separate siblings is bad enough but twins, ugh that's even worse. I could not believe any one would be ok with this. NO. |
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EP
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Oh geeze. Your friend should really get an abortion if she does not want to be a mother. It is horrible enough to ruin one life by adoption, but to ruin two is just horrific. |
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Erin L
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Okay, why does the choice for these babies have to be being killed or being separated? That's just insane. EVEN IF the biological parents DO choose not to parent and no extended biological family will raise the children either, there will still be families who would adopt both babies. THEY SHOULD NOT BE SEPARATED. IT IS WRONG. |
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Pip
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Firstly nobody should be criticised for aborting or thinking about aborting. I am pro life which is why I chose to go through with my pregnancy but I had also decided I wanted to raise my son. However given the choice between aborting or having to deal with the living hell of adoption I would rather have aborted. Reunion has made it worse in many respects depite knowing my son is alive and well as he is a nasty malicious person so I no longer wish to have contact with him.
Anyway back to your question it is cruel to separate twins regardless of whether they know or not. My mum is a twin but she and her brother weren't adopted - they have a very typical twin relationship. I do know someone who had twins that were adopted together so whilst she always regrets her decision the one consolation was that they were raised together. If twins are adopted I believe it is always better to keep them together than separate them. |
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Ferbs
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I think it is NEVER ok to separate siblings.
What you're suggesting isn't in their best interest and will cause them grief for a lifetime.
If neither one of you can take in BOTH then they should be adopted together in one home.
Don't be surprised if your friend changes her mind. And did anyone ask the dad? He has to consent and hell...wouldn't they be better off together with him? |
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dontknow86
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I hope she changes her mind. She might. She needs to find help out there so she can keep, her family. |
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AnnaBelle
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Yep, I have several thoughts.
Separating twins is gross. Just gross. I don't even like siblings being separated, unless, as Aloha mentioned, one is abusing the other. It's wrong. Criminy, they shared a womb. You don't see how that could potentially be traumatic?
Also, why would she carry these twins (hello--high risk pregnancy!) for 9 months to give them away? I don't blame her a bit for having an abortion, and she is well within her rights to do so, if she so chooses, and it is NO business of yours. In fact, I think it's disgusting for you to even interject yourself into the conversation, since a decision about adoption should not be made until well after she has given birth. The only alternative to abortion that you could potentially offer is helping her parent, or suggesting resources that would aid her in doing so. Suggesting that you adopt her baby or babies is opportunistic and manipulative.
I agree with Aloha...Butt out, and mind your beeswax. There is no reason for you to be helping yourself to these babies, and no reason why you would even be approved to adopt (it's not as simple as her just handing the kid(s) over).
ETA: Oh, Lord. So, you want to adopt ONE twin to "save" them from abortion? Nice. I'm too tired to get into everything thatis wrong with that now, so I won't. I'll just say that it is wrong. Very wrong. |
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Shaka
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I don't really think this is a great course of action for you guys to be taking. I speak as one who has experienced this sort of thing, as I was adopted and raised separately from my sisters and brother. I can tell you this can be hell at times when you only semi-know your sister and is often difficult to explain to your daughter exactly what her relationship is with her friend. My youngest sister is just beginning to realize her relationship to me and it's pretty awkward. One thing is, when I was younger I always used to have these fantasies of having this awesome relationship with my big sister and when I was forced to hang out a lot with her we would get into pretty big fights and I was torn between wanting to live with her and not and we ended up on non-speaking terms for a long time. I'm not saying that this is what will happen, but I can tell you that it's never been an enjoyable experience to see your family rightthere and not being a real part of it. Of course that's just my opinion |
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Nora
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NO, it is wrong to separate them . one of you adopt both of them |
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JaniceeLynn
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I think it would be better if you let them go to a family where they could be together. If it's more about you wanting to help out your friend then it is having another child, then just be there to support her. Handing over her babies will be tough. It's not like babysitting, she doesn't get them back. And I think that by you and your other friend adopting them, it might be hard on her emotionally having them around all the time and could even confuse her as to what her part in their lives should be.
Just take care of your friend and make sure the babies find a safe home together. |
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snowwillow20
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That is just so wrong. |
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l e n
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I personally do not think they should be separated. You may be friends now but I hate to say that anything can happen in the future and your friendship may not be as strong as you think it is and then the twins will suffer. |
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Cam
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I don't think it's ever "OK" to separate siblings .....period. Especially twins.
IF the adoption HAS to happen I would suggest your friend place them with an adoptive family that will raise the twins together under the same roof. |
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Rylee
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I don't think it is ok because my birthmom gave me up for adoption and then kept my twin brother and I always have this feeling in me that god put us together for a reason and I know I am only 14 but I have experianced the heart ache of knowing that I have a twin brother but I will never k ow who he is but it is up to you follow what your heart says and oh yeah pray about it :) god bless you and your family :) |
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aloha.girl59
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The only reason I think it would be OK to separate siblings (let alone twins) is if one sibling severely abused the other.
I hope your friend disregards everything you're saying to her. You are NO friend if you are offering to not only take her child away from her, but to separate twins. A TRUE friend would offer to help -- financially, if possible, or in other ways -- rather than separate a mother and child for life. If she wants to abort, it's HER uterus and HER decision. |
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LinnyG
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No. Besides, you have enough kids. Either support your friends wish to terminate, or parent. As an adoptee, I can say that is was horrifying enough to be separated from my first Mother. I cannot imagine the added pain of losing a twin. Shame on you for even thinking of something that awful. What kind of mother would think that's ok? How would your 5 year old deal with YOU surrendering your 1 year old? Pretty sick, huh? |
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julie j
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Hi Denise A,
There are big issues written all over your question. Let's go through all of them:
First of all, NO, it is not right to separate twins, or any siblings. They have bonds to each other & need each other more than they need you & more than you need them.
It is also not right to try to separate your friend from her babies before they are even born. This unethical practice is known as pre-birth matching in the adoption world. It is not fair & almost all mothers coerced in this manner live to regret this "decision." Read about the pain relinquishment causes mothers. Read what it can do to children too. By the way, where is their father? Would he consent to relinquishing his parental rights & separating his twins?
Adoption should only be done as a very last resort in abuse cases or where there are no extended family members available to keep the children within their family. Even then, only the best available homes should be considered for the children truly in need of new families.
Prospective adoptive parents must pass home studies that include your family relationships. Your marriage is on shaky ground. Your home would not be approved to place adopted children there anyway:
(see link to your previous question)
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjXG7kfUAM6Q6JgvzK8.L93sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070108235456AAy8ZKD
The way you went home & discussed this sounds like you asked your husband if you could bring home a puppy & he agreed without doing any research himself. He probably never considered adopting a child since he has 2 of his own already. Adoption is about meeting the needs of children, not adults. All children deserve parents who love & want them. (Come to think of it, maybe it would be better if you did get a puppy for the 2 children you already have.)
Please be a good friend. This means support her decision to either give birth or to terminate. Women often feel differently after they have given birth & held their babies. That's why decisions should not be made until well after the recovery stage. If she does decide to continue her pregnancy, then help her to find the resources she needs to keep her family together. You have children, maybe you could give her some of their old toys & clothes. Offer to help cook, clean or babysit if she needs that. A real friend would offer those types of things over taking her baby away.
As for your other friend who also wants one of the babies, adoption changes the dynamics of friendships. Military families move all the time. There is no guarantee that your families would always be in close contact. This would not be a good situation for the children. It really sounds like you both saw an opportunity to gain something for yourselves & put that ahead of your expectant friend's & her babies' needs.
My last piece of advice - Listen to your sister. She is the only one making sense there now.
julie j
reunited adult adoptee |
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Opedial
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never ever ever separate siblings, and twins at birth? no no no no no it is not okay. never ever ever ever.
Tell your friend to keep her children or to go ahead with teh abortion......if that is what she wants NO ONE should interfere. |
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cruzgirlz3
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No, no, no, no. There are MANY problems with this. |
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GEEGEE
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I agree with your sister. I think it will be enough for them to deal with emotionally when they are old enough to understand what adoption means, but realizing they are twins and were separated, well, that's a burden I wouldn't want to impose on anyone. You and your friend are close now but 10 years from now? Twins deserve a lifetime of togetherness. |
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