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sallybowles
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I think he will have paternal rights and I also think that you are being exceptionally selfish. Can you not come to some sort of arrangement with him? You'll most likely regret giving up your baby anyway so wouldn't it be preferable to sort out some kind of joint custody arrangement? If not, why not let him have his child? You'll have no say whatsoever over the baby's life if you give it up for adoption - at least this way you'll know it's being looked after. |
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LucyInTheSky
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Not sure how it works in the UK but here (Canada) what would have to be done is you would have to prove hes not capable of raising this child, being it the time or the mental problems. The mental problems being the main thing. But, like I said, you'd have to prove it. You can lose rights to your child if theres any suspicison of abuse or just plain not capable of taking care of or raising the child.
I know a woman who was told by a lawyer that she has every right not to hand over her child to its father is there is any suspicion of negligence or miscare. Regardless of ANY court ordered custody agreements.
Best of luck to you and I'm glad to hear you choose adoption over abortion. |
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Nicole D
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Yes he will have rights to the baby too. He will have to sign off on the adoption if he is the father of the baby.
But if you have proof that he is going to thow himself off bridges, kill himself and has a mental illness. You can find a way to get around this with the help of a lawyer.
You should pray about it and see what the Lord is holding for you. He may give you the strength you need to raise this baby. Or provide you with a family to take the baby. |
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kaz
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actuall as ur not married babies father has no rights i know this for a fact as i have been thru it, no judge wud allow someone with those problems to have UR baby, deffo have baby adopted if u feel u cannot keep it ur doing right thing, dont listen to people who say he has rights he has none |
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BusyBee
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Hi, I really wanted to just reply to this question that I just stumbled over.
I have no experience of adoption and I have 3 biological children myself. But I really wanted to commend you. I haven't read all your replies but I take it that someone appeared to be judgemental of your descision. I think that people should be supporting your brave and difficult desicion.
My husband and I have recently been talking about adoption as we are Christians and I believe God has spoken to me about adopting a young african boy - although we have never been to Africa! my prayers are for the boy that God has set apart for us to adopt and for his MOTHER too! I think that it is very sad that you have been bothered by some one's elses judgemental attitude and I certainly will be praying for strength for you and God's will. I hope it all goes well and take care of yours self. |
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Kimberlee Taylor
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In the UK unmarried fathers have no rights so I doubt he would have a case, especially with the mental health problems. Good luck. |
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leah_anderson85
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Firstly, i think to many people resort to abortion as an option-why abort a child when a loving family can have a child they have always wanted.
I feel realy sorry for you, i would seek legal advice pronto especialy as he is a lawyer so will have the best knowledge and representation at this finger tips. If hes not on the birth certificate he has no parental rights, but can take you to court to demand dna test. Be carefull here, but also you never know how you will feel when that baby is placed in your arms.
Good luck xx |
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Gershom
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the child has a right to be parented by his/her parent if he/she chooses to. What is to guarantee that the parents raising the child will be in better mental condition than the childs biological father? He's sad that he isn't a writer? why not help him to become one? Maybe he could write a book on how to keep your child from a mother who doesn't want him to.
You have chosen adoption over parenting. Adoption isn't an alternative to abortion. Life is an alternative to abortion. Adoption is an alternative to parenting. |
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me myself and I
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Tell him you had an affair and the baby is not hes. |
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Moonstone
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Please check this out with a solicitor. I have the rights to my grandson if anything happens to his mum who is my daughter because she and her partner never married. I had to get this checked out some time ago because she was not being a good mother and he was in depression and being a total mess and a major pain in the back side. Thankfully things are good now for them but I still have the right to my grandson. |
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chailahlynn
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He just definitely does I think you are going to have to get your self a good layer. |
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Lori A
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He definately has rights. You need for him to sign off in order to proceed with an adoption. If he wants the child and you do not, and he's a lawyer, maybe you should start talking to him about what kind of father he's going to be? Maybe about what kind of attention a child needs and deserves from a parent. You might want to start talking about all the things associated with the responsibilities of raising a child, maybe he will change his mind or maybe he will start taking his responsibilities more seriously. If he is going to raise a child he can't be committing suicide everyother week. He will have to be available for parent teacher conferences, sports and after school activities, all the stuff that goes along with being a parent. But you have to talk to him from your heart. Many parents started off rough and as time goes on become great parents. Maybe this will give him something to live for. |
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Catie
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well if you can get it done without his knowing maybe in a different state than by the time he finds out what you've done the baby is adopted. In most cases if you are not married they dont ask for the fathers consent. If he has documented mentall problems and he takes you to court he will probably loose but otherwise he may get the baby |
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cowboy_fan
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It depends on the state you live in. In Texas, if he already knows your pregnant then he can make a custody claim on your child. He will have to prove he is the father through a DNA test. He has to terminate his rights or a court of law has to terminate his rights for him before you can give your baby up for adoption.
This is very subjective to the state you live in. Every state in the USA has different laws on what they require before a baby can be put up for adoption. Your best bet would be to contact a lawyer who deals in family court. They will be the best ones to tell you specifically what your state requires. Nobody on this forum can tell you 100% on what to do because they aren't familiar with the state you live in and what your state legally requires before you can put your baby up for adoption.
ETA: I have no idea what the UK requires but many people on this forum are from the UK so they should be able to help you. |
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who me?
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See a solicitor - one that's nothing to do with him. Since you are not married, the law (UK) is different, but I think he actually has parental rights?
http://www.communitycare.co.uk/Articles/2004/02/20/43847/new-parental-rights-for-fathers-introduced.html
http://www.kirklees.gov.uk/community/health-care/foster-adopt/placing_babyorchild.shtml#3 |
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Wundt
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Unless you can prove he will be a danger to the child, I don't think you have a case. Frankly, he is the child's father, and he has every right to want what he feels is best for the child (same as you).
The only other option I see is to ask him for child support and bring up the child yourself. I know you said bringing up the child is not something you think you can do, but with his financial assistance it might be possible. |
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jm1970
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By American law, yes he has parental rights, he can threaten any adoption proceeding. He must sign off or he can have the baby, or you need to keep the baby with his child support.
Please do not try to do an adoption anyway, because he will take it to court and win. You will hurt the baby and the couple who will have their hopes up and their hearts ripped out.
If you really feel he is unfit, your best bet is to consider raising the child yourself. Otherwise, legally he could get your child.
Look into resources that could help you. Good luck to you and I don't think you're selfish at all. Adoption is a great choice, but it may not work for you. |
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???now what???
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Abortions are legal for a reason.
Adoption? Why?
Abort the baby if you don't want it.
Yes, the father has rights. He will have the baby and if you sign over your rights, you'll never be able to be the mommy. You won't have any claims.
Have an abortion and be done with it. |
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Kay
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When I put my child up for adoption I had to make the father sign a release to relinquish his rights as Father. You can take him to court and tell the judge that he is mentally unstable and they will take away his right to parent. Do something A.S.A.P. otherwise it sounds as if you will have a huge mess on your hands. It sounds like since you are not married, you have the choice to place the child for adoption. Check out this site. |
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ecossaise
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First of all I would like to say congratulations on making an unselfish decision. Many young women would not want to give their child up even though they weren't able or ready to be a mum. I hope that your situation has a positive ending - I'm sure it will have one.
As for the father's situation; how is it that you know he has mental health problems ? Have you seen this yourself or have others ? I would advise you to write out a statement with details about this and how you feel your child would be affected. Have this notarised and give it to your lawyer. If there are any other witnesses to his behaviours then try and get them to do the same. It would be good to write down a statement about his work hours and your concerns regarding a nanny caring for the child instead of him.
From what you have described you have good reason to believe that your child would not be safe in his company. I'm not sure what the laws are regarding adoption in the UK but if you can make a strong case that states that your ex would not be able to care for a child properly I'm sure you will be successful. |
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LadyMoonlight!!
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You are being horribly selfish. Why should this poor man be deprived of his child? What about his family, why should they be deprived of their grandchild?
We only have your word for it that he has "mental health problems". If he gets a court order, then the court will look into your accusations that he is mentally ill and see whether they feel he is able to care for a child. I think that it is always best for a child to remain with their natural parent if possible, even if you don't want your baby, he does and just think how that baby will feel when they grow up - to know that their own mother was so selfish that not only did she give him/her away but prevented his/her own FATHER from bringing them up.
It sounds to me like you have some revenge issues with the father of the child. Please get over them. So what if a nanny cares for the child, if you are giving the child up for adoption it doesn't matter to you does it? He probably has friends and family who can help him bring up the child, and at least the child will be with their own BIOLOGICAL parent!!! He obviously works hard and will be able to provide well for the child. He can't be that mentally ill if he is able to hold down a demanding career as a lawyer!!!
There have been stories of children who have been adopted who have been abused and treated less favourably than the adoptive couples' own children. Just because you want your child adoptied by complete strangers does not mean that child would have a happy life. They could have a lifetime of bitter regret and wondering who they are and why their own parents relinquished them. Imagine how hard and painful it would be to find out that their mother was so selfish that they refused to allow their father to care for them.
For what its worth, I really hope that your child's father gets a court order and stops you doing such a cruel and selfish thing. You need to take a long look in the mirror at yourself. you sound like a nasty twisted bitter little individual and I pity you. |
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Elizabeth S
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Yes he can If he can prove that the baby Is his he can take you to court and if the court finds out that the baby is his he as every right to the child |
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TotalRecipeHound
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A man who has depression is just as capable of raising a baby as a mother who has depression. MANY women who have depression successfully raise independent adults. Some women raise a child who is also depressed because it is an inherited condition. Don't you think if this is the case that it would be better to keep the baby with parents who know there is a potential for a problem and can get treatment earlier? Because I guarantee you, the a-parents will not be told of it.
You chose to have a baby with him. He has the choice to raise the baby himself if you don't want to. Unless you can PROVE he is mentally unstable, the fact that he has a plan shows that he is prepared to be a father. If you cannot care for the child yourself, you certainly can be involved in the child's life while his/her father raises him/her. |
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loopy loo
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What an awful position you are in. when your baby is born he won't have parental responsibility that is something you sign and agree to when/if you register your baby. He can take you to court to stop you, The only thing you can do to stop him is prove that he is incapable of caring for a child, and even if you could most judges would rather let him try and fail then say no straight away. Your best option at the moment is to get legal advice your local citizens advice bureau will be able to give you advice and point you in the direction of a solicitor that specialises in family law. Try to talk to him tell him why you feel he would be no good at the moment . And if still feel absolutely convinced that you are doing the right thing then go for it . But my biggest piece of advice is never say never you may change your mind yet, at the moment for you being pregnant doesn't feel real but once baby starts moving it will. Make your decision later there is no need to rush.
Good Luck do what you feel is right at the time. |
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Conteplative
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I'm sure he will not take out his mental issue's on the baby but I strongly advise you to reconsider and keep the baby she was meant to be with you trust me you will make it!.... |
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sgirlfab
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WOW...I think he actually does have paternal rights. You will likely have a fight on your hands. |
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lc
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I am not sure legally what can be done, but I agree with you that adoption would be best in this situation. |
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badkarma
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Are you sure that you will never want this child in your life? I never wanted kid's. My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me! He lives with his mother , and I get to see him only periodically, But I would hate to not have him in my life. |
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Musica
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Never mind the judgmental ones here...the best of birth control methods do fail. I got pregnant even after I had a tubal ligation! Happens to one out of every 1000 women...and I was the "lucky" one...and yes, I placed the child for adoption.
Yes, you would have to have him sign away his parental rights, too. However, it seems to me if you can prove he is unfit for custody, you'd be able to prevail. Definitely see a lawyer and find out what yours and his rights/responsibilities are. I found a link re: UK adoptions that might be helpful to you.
edit:
interesting...whenever I post on an adoption question and admit to being a birthmother, I always get a "thumbs down"....what is up with that? self-righteous people are a trip, aren't they? |
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♥countrygal♥
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Did you mean your child's father? If so yes he can take you to court to stop the adoption but if he has all the problems you say he does and you can prove there is a good chance he won't win. Contact a lawyer and get a free consultation. |
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