For adoptees-how old were you when you found out you were adopted?

i love you too?

well i wasn't adopted but i like this question : )

Sarah

i was 15 when i was adopted so i knew it

pls help with my question especially if you are a parent to an adopted child or a parent at all
(kids can answer too)

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqluzPQIznZ0Ywj_3ZMa3lnsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090914180437AA863k8

Ms.M

i wasnt adopted, but niece was. she was told right from day one, so she grew up knowing she had another mother out there. i think thats the best way to go. I dont like the idea of parents hiding something that important from their kids.

BOTZ

I have known as long as I can remember... My a-parents also adopted a boy older than me (6 years older) when he was an infant, so being adopted was nothing new. They adopted another girl when I was 8, almost 9. I would not have LET them keep it a secret from her. I was there. I remember it all (her adoption) and I have told her much more about it than they ever did.

I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter has been treated that way. It makes my genuinely ill. I know she will have a horrible time trying to work through the 'news' that everything she knows is wrong. *sigh*

My thoughts are with her, and you.

Take care!

Believe Me!!

i was told at an early age i felt like it seemed like i always knew
i was told storys of my adoption early on

I've always known because I went through the whole CPS took me away when I was 6 kinda thing. And the sad thing is that for so many years I harbored resentment against them for taking me away because I was too young to really fully realize how they'd saved me, I was just preoccupied with not seeing my family and my mother lying and saying that she was going to leave my abusive father and come get me, but never even calling. And having my own mother decide that I was better off with another family always made me hate her when I was little, I never understood how she kept my best interests in mind and got me out of a dangerous situation by not coming back to claim me, and now that I'm pregnant myself and thinking about letting my child go to adoption, I really respect her because it is hard to let go and she really helped me,

Winter Girl

My sister and I were both adopted as infants and we always knew we were adopted. Our parents went out of their way to make sure we always felt extra special and extra wanted and they were honest and upfront from the beginning. My mother even found a book that she read to us when we were very young called, "The Special Family", that detailed an adoptive family bringing home their new baby rather than the traditional "mom coming home from the hospital" scenario. We had such a wonderful childhood and have always been grateful for the privileges and opportunities we had in life because our biological mothers were selfless enough to realize that they could not care for us.

I have always believed that a huge part of the reason we never felt traumatized by our "adoption information" is because it was always such an open fact in our family. In my experience, the people I have known who have experienced real anger and resentment about being adopted have been people who were either told or accidentally found out at a later age.

It is absolutely abusive and negligent on the part of your daughter's adoptive parents to continue to let her live her life as a lie. She will find out one day and she will have horrible issues and painful emotions to deal with. For the life of me, I do not understand why some adoptive parents choose to do this.

My heart goes out to your daughter. I wish her all the best in the struggles that lie ahead.

SgtShamy

my parents are white and I'm Asian. They always told me stories of my adoption and things I did when I got to the USA so I grew up knowing I was adopted.
They had 3 kids. 2 of their own and adopted a boy. The their first son died and a year later they adopted me. The adopted boy is also Asian.

I feel bad I didn't become a doctor like my dad, or get my master's degree like my mom. My sister (not adopted) did both, but I'm in the USAF and kickingass! Which I think is way cooler than being rich ;)

Julia

well i am not adopted but that is so cruel. i feel bad for u...

Andraya - Snark's Sister

I think I was about two. I've known for as long as I can remember but we got my brother when I was two so I assume that is when the real conversations started.

Lady Rowan

I was 7 years old when i was old i was adopted.

kate

I was told when I was five. I wish I knew them. I never met them and don't know how to find them. please just tell her they are not good parents if they are lying be the first one to tell her only if you want them to look bad though

Honest & Sober

I was told when I was about 4. But I don't recall being told. I assume in part I was told because I started pre-school that exact same year. The good thing is it feels like I have always known.

Rainia W

I don't ever remember being told. I always knew, and I think that helped my adoption experience remain a positive one.

7rin

Frickin' heck. Your poor child's gonna get soooo screwed up when she finally finds out!

I knew from as young as possible, and I think ALL adopted children should know from as young as possible.

SJM

I do not remember a time when I didn't know.

å°é»ƒ

I've always known.

dontknow86

My birth daughter told me she always knew. They should of told you daughter from the jump.

â™ª Rachel - Applehead â™«

15 is cruel. that is VERY cruel. Because you are not only dealing with NORMAL identity issues but that on top!!!! But if it is left longer she will feel her whole life was a lie.

I always knew. My parents just always talked about it round me so I got used to the idea. They probably talked about it while I was a baby because I can't remember a time when I didn't know.

They did hide one aspect from me thuogh. My grandfather and aunt had visited me every christmas and I didn't know who they were. My parents never told me. I always wondered who these people were and I just thought they were some family friends. Then when I was 15 I randomly asked "who are those people that keep visiting me?" and mum told me it was my biological family. I was LIVID. You can't imagine how angry I was. It was like I had been looking at people random people hoping they were my blood relatives. I had gone through so much pain wondering, contemplating, dreaming of what my family might look like and they had been in front of me the whole time. It took me a couple of years to forgive them. I still think it was a stupid idea but realise it wasn't their fault. They were advised by my social worker (who was a douche).

And that's only a minor thing in relation to finding out your whole life is not what you think it is. They should tell her as soon as possible. They have made a mistake but it's too late to fix now. Just tell her now and deal with her anger, confusion and raw emotion.

hpfreak080

I was told I was adopted as soon as I was brought home (at 1 month old). I have always known and have never known a time when I didn't know. I like it that way because I don't have that memory in my mind of the day I "found out"

ETA: ugh...i despise when a child is not told that they are adopted! I had a cousin who didn't find out that he was adopted until he was 12 years old and he wasn't too thrilled about it (obviously). He didn't sever all ties with his parents, but it took him some time to cope with not being who he thought he was.

If it were me, I think I would be angrier at the fact that everyone around me knew I was adopted except me. I remember my mom telling me about my cousin being adopted and telling me that he didn't know. I would have told him but I figured it wasn't really my place to tell (even though not telling him made me feel really...'icky' (for lack of a better word lol)).

Sorry for going off on my little story time (lol), basically I'm really sorry for her that she doesn't know and I'm sorry that you are in a very weird position since she doesn't know (wow that sounded confusing...).

DevonChaos

I always knew. I don't remember the first time that I found out. It was just always a fact. I had brown hair, hazel eyes, I was adopted.

I'm sorry that your daughter is going through this. I think it is cruel and abusive to not give full disclosure to a child about their adoption.

celtic.piskie

They told me in an argument at 16....

'at least you're not our 'real' daughter...'

They're not going to tell her.
She will find out.

She will be angry.

They have messed up, and lied to her her entire life.

LinnyG

Ive always known. I never remember a time when I did not know I was adopted. How did it affect me? Them telling me I was adopted did not affect me. It was the being adopted thing that affected me, lol.

ETA: Jennifer!!!!! I am so sorry they have done this to your daughter. This is child abuse, plain and simple. I can tell you this much- if they have not told her by now, they will NEVER tell her. I hope you can find the courage and support to tell her soon, if there is any way. I will tell you this much- adoptees who have been lied to by their adoptive parents usually sever all ties with them. I am so sorry....Your daughter deserves to know her truth.

blank stare

I've always known. (So much for the theory that telling early prevents "bitter adoptee syndrome.")

Believe you me, if my parents hadn't always told me, I would have been mad as heck when I found out. I would have felt betrayed, and I doubt I would have ever been able to forgive them for doing what your daughter's parents have done to her.

Pretentia

I always knew - I can't remember a time when I didn't. I think that the younger the kid knows the better - otherwise you feel lied too, and like there is something wrong with it.

cricketlady

She was placed with us and she wanted us to be her adoptive parents---she has always been proud of the fact we adopted her.

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