He wants to, but I don't, and I don't know what to do...?

Doo D

leave the kid in the garbage and there problem solved

frank

Sell him

respect the earth

well u could have an open adoption.....and see the baby grow up....

Moo Moo Mair

For a decision like this you both really need to be on the same page. Try to make a decision based upon the BABY'S best interest, not yours. As difficult as it is be open to adoption, if that is the BEST answer to the situation. God bless, I know its a difficult place to be in.

leila

I think some counseling will help you answer these questions. contact your OB for a referral.

Ellissa Kyle

IT has to be a decision you make together and if you don't want to then you're going to once you see that baby. To put adoptive parents through hell and then change your mind and ruin them is pure evil. If you both can't make the mature unselfish choice to make a plan, stop wasing your time fighting with him about it.

Gerard

you should keep the baby since it is God's gift to you... who knows maybe the baby will even make you and your fiance closer to each other..

Shelly D

I think the best thing to do is to listen to your heart. Don't let ANYONE make that decision for you. If you do not want to put your child up for adoption then don't. God never gives us more than we can handle. Also, if you really want your child, how do you think you will feel later down the road knowing someone else is holding and comforting your child instead of you? Would you be able to live with that decision? YOU are the one carrying this child, YOU are the one that is already bonding with this child BEFORE he/she is born, YOU are this child's mother, the decision is yours also.... DON'T let him push you into giving your child away if you truly don't want to. I understand that he may be stress because it is stressful but a man saying things like that hurt regardless of whether he means it or not. My husband and I have 2 boys, I stay home with my 11 month old and right now we live in assisted housing because we can't afford better right now. I am scared to death that I may be pregnant again, but when you hold your child especially for the first time...... NOTHING in this world can replace the feeling. You may feel groggy and miserable in that first moment but when you think about it, it is the best thing ever. Before I had my second child we were living on the river and not long before we had our son God worked it out, my husband found a job and we got a place to live and everything worked out. We may live on a restricted income but we are making it and we are a family and that is what matters. As far as myself..... my kids come first. If my husband were to tell me to give my sons away.... I would tell him to go away. I am sorry to write so much but as a mother..... I Truly feel for you and I will be praying for you.

DEBORAH S

yeah, times are hard, things get unbearably difficult, but could you really put your child up for adoption when it comes to it...i doubt it. once he sees the little one he won't be able to either. he just needs some reassurance...good luck

Asche

try do to what ever you can to keep it. but if everything is going wrong and even you two can't survive, then it mite be for the best. but try not to give it up, see if parents are willing to help, they were once in that position and they mite know some good ways to help both of you, by babysitting, helping to get things, get family involved that's what they are here for, brothers and sisters.

but if you absolutely have to then I guess so, but make sure to check all your resources, even friends. my friend is pregnant and her family is very poor, and I am more then willing to get things for her if she needs them.

ANALY

keep it a the end it will all work out just have faith

uncle stevie

If I were you I would stick to keeping this child, you seem to be the strongest one of the two of you First tell your fiance to pull his finger out of his *** and not to look for a easy way out but start to sort the financial problems out. PS if you can get though the next 12 mouths you will never look back just forward, but if you do run in to problems along the way then you two could look at adoption then--Bust of luck--

lagatita192008

I think babies help the relationships, I would tell you to try it for a couple of months but if you see its something you cant handle then you do what you think is best. Just think about it and talk with your husband about it because some kids really suffer when they are put up for adoption. To tell you more our income is only like 700 a month and we have managed and we have 3 kids. Just don't do something that you will regret. Best of luck.

smiley =)

Keep the baby... but you might divorce if it gets too out of hand... Give the baby to your or his mother or father until you get the money you need...

Carolynn

I say don't do it. If you honestly believe that you will be able to handle taking care of this baby then you have nothing to worry about. Congrats on the baby! And I hope that everything works out,hun.

Lady Rowan

Seems to me neither one of you really want to give the child up. So don't. Fianacial issues are temporary, and chances are, if you give this baby up, it will destroy your relationship, from the way you've explained things. You'll end up resenting him for talking you into giving up the baby.

steracrudy

Whether you keep the baby or not shouldn't make or break your relationship. If you were meant to be you will, if not you won't. But financially you will never be ready for a baby as no matter what stage in life you are they are expensive no matter how you look at it. What a baby needs is unconditional love. Don't worry about having the best of everything as long as you love that baby, brand new things and brand name clothing don't make a happy baby, a loving mom and dad does. Good luck no matter what you choose.

busdriverjk

I will tell you what I know.

My 16 yr. old girlfriend got pregnant. Her mother FORCED her to give the baby away. The girl is 45 now. She still to this day feels she is hollow inside for some reason....well, duh! She is missing a very important piece of HER!

God had you get pregnant. He was there and had a part in what you did. He wants YOU to be responsible and raise your child in His love and likeness.

Go find a Pastor or Father (if you are CAtholic) and have a good heart to heart with him.

You will see if you open your eyes that God is your saving grace and your ONLY strength.

Best wishes to you and your baby!

Michymamma

It could possibly tear you apart either way. If you keep the baby and the two of you are financially strapped then well that can tear you apart. The biggest cause of divorce is finances.

At the same time if you put your baby up for adoption and the two of you are hurting that can tear a relationship apart too.

I am really sorry you are in a really hard situation. I would suggest sitting down and writing out what bills you have subtract them all from what the two of you make and see what you are left with. Don't forget food and clothing, and going out money. Good luck.

Dianna

smarmy

he will never forgive himself and neither will you. He's scared, plain and simple. 5 years from now you will both be in a different place and you will either have many many years of remorse and guilt over your decision, or ask yourselves how you could have ever thought about it

. Have the baby, keep the baby, if he still can't hang he did you a favor by walking. My guess is it won't get that far.

Tell him that adoptee's have no rights to their original birth certificates which is a civil rights violation. Tell him that without her genetic back ground she could get ill and die. That her children could have medical problems and need that info. a court does not deem medical illness a good enough reason to open those records.

Tell him that adoptee's have attachment problems, trust issues, and feelings of abandonment. Then ask him if he still wants to do this to his little girl.

barbie

do what is best for the baby! she comes first now!

Calandrea

Girl Do Not Give your Baby away you will regret it for the rest of your life. If your fiance isn't ready for a baby tough **** she is her now. There are many resources available to help you since technically you are a single mother. Don't rush and get married take advantage of the free resources until you can get things together, But honey please I am begging you don't give your baby away. For the first 6 yrs your daughter is dependent on anything but love and that is free. Yes day cares cost money but with you not being married there are some state assistance programs that will pay for that and allow you to work.
My yahoo is untouchablep21 please contact me if you need help finding the right programs and what to do.

Amanda Panda

Wow, that's a stick in the mud. Well, at least he isn't totally disagreeing, which is good but, i think he probably hasn't been in a father situation yet, so he's a little worried. But, if you give him less pressure and tell him it'll be ok and start thinking about making a new room for her and toys then maybe, he might feel less relieved about the whole thing. Just take it easy and if it doesn't turn out like you want it, just learn from your mistakes, and take it from there.

Fuaite le fuil, gaolta go deo

NO. My fiance and I were not close at all before our son was born, we got married and we're so much closer, especially as a family unit. What is best for your daughter is YOU. Not strangers. My husband only makes 1500.00 a month and we're doing just fine. Babies are not as expensive as people like to make it seem. You'll be fine. Keep your daughter, you'll regret it if you don't. A child's love is unconditional, shes your flesh and blood and nothing can change that, you're family forever..ties that bind.

tish_part deux

many young men are concerned when that they can't provide. yet, many don't give up their child---they find a way to provide.

i think your bf needs a reality check: and needs to understand that convincing you to give up your baby will fracture your relationship...

snowwillow20

Keep your baby. Your bf is just scared. If you give her up, you will both be scarred for life. It's a hurt that never heals.

LinnyG

Yeah...because that's what you do when you love someone- you have them go through one of the most harrowing experiences a woman can go through by making her give away her flesh and blood. Tell him you are downsizing because of the economy and throwing him to the curb.

As Queen Oprah says, this should be your "light-bulb moment".

RPMR

The priority here is the baby, not your relationship with your fiance. The best thing for her is to be loved and cared for by the people who brought her into this world. Unless you are dyeing, homeless, or loose your sanity I don't see why you won't be able to raise your baby. If he wants to be a man good for him, if not let him go. Your child is the #1 priority in your life now. I am sure he loves her too. Remind him that financial troubles are temporary and that giving up your baby to a stranger is FOREVER. He won't get to see his little girl growing up. But if he is not strong enough to step up, you have to be. May God bless you, your fiance, and your beautiful baby girl.

looklikebradpitt

if you want to keep the baby then keep it. If he can help thats great

MamaKate is an Aunt!

Dear Lauren,

It is normal for expectant parents to be nervous and have doubts. There are plenty of women who worry about the same issues. I think that once your husband sees his child and holds his son or daughter, he will feel differently.

Yes, times are tough but your husband needs to understand that finances are not a good reason to separate yourselves from your child forever! Finances are TEMPORARY. Adoption is PERMANENT and holds NO GUARANTEES for you or your child. Adoption could cause many issues for all of you that may not be easy to "get over" and should be CAREFULLY researched before entered into. (BTW, "open adoption" is NOT legally enforceable.)

Your husband needs to know that there are tons of places where you can get assistance for your family until you can get on better financial ground. Asking for help when you need it (especially for your FAMILY and CHILDREN) is a sign of love, caring and determination - not weakness or failure. Besides, babies and toddlers do not need tons of toys and new clothes. They need love, attention and stable relationships to grow. There are lots of ways to get help with the basic necessities and raising a child does not have to be expensive!

Tips for saving $$$:

Food:
*breastfeed!
*WIC, SNAP (government aid - you pay for it with your taxes so use it if you need it!!)
http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/
http://www.fns.usda.gov/fsp/
*non-profit food assistance
http://www.angelfoodministries.com/
http://www.loavesfishes.org/index.html
(run a search to get more!)

Clothes:
*hand-me-downs from friends and relatives (little kids don't care about lables!)
*shop second-hand or even just "out-of-season" (winter clothes in summer and such)
*consign gently used items that no longer fit for cash or store credit at places like Once Upon a Child, Peter Rabbit or a local children's consignment shop

Other stuff:
*cloth diapers (save money AND the environment!)
*furniture/clotes/etc. can be found for free/cheap/trade on freecycle and craigslist
*buy often used items in bullk
*print and use coupons from one of the zillions of sites on the web
*child care - trade time with friends and relatives
*entertainment - check your local phone book, visitors center, etc. for free family entertainment (children's museums, parks & rec. activities, church functions, etc.)

Here are a few other sites that you might find useful:
http://www.usa.gov/
http://www.mommysavers.com/baby/index.shtml
http://www.fatherssupportcenter.org/

You can find more all over the web!

Becoming a parent can be scary and overwhelming sometimes but if you want to parent there are ways to get the help you need. There are lots of people who will help to keep families together!

Good luck to your family, especially baby-to-be!!

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