He wants to put our baby up for adoption I'm undecided and just don't know what to choose.Whats a girl to do?

Hazel

At least he's caring about financially supporting the baby. It is a hard decision to make. And if you two are both not prepared and ready, then maybe he is right, the best decision is to give the baby up for adoption. But I know what you mean by wanting to keep the baby as well. It's /your/ child and you want to watch it grow. I was close to giving up my own child--due to me having some family troubles. I was capable with taking care of a baby, I had a job, an apartment, and could financially afford a baby....but I wanted the baby to have a life I never had--a mom and dad always there......

In the end I decided to keep the baby, in which I am very happy about. I love my daughter with all my heart. And I'm glad her dad came around. The thing was, I didn't want to raise the child alone, because the father was being kept away from me by his side of the family--his family hated me. He wanted more than anything to raise the baby with me. Now we're engaged and have our life together with our three year old.

Whatever decision you make, figure out which is best for the baby.

texascutie

I was adopted from birth and from what little I know about my birthmom she was unable to provide me the kind of life that she felt that I deserved. If you are unable to support yourselves how can you support a child. Children are not cheap and they require a lot of time, attention and money. If you are not willing or able to provide for this life then allow one of the thousands of married women who are unable to biologically have a child but can provide for a child adopt yours. Think about this child's future...how will he/she grow up if you decide to keep him/her? Would your child be better off growing up in another family? Think about your life and what if your mom had decided to keep you instead of giving you up for adoption. How would your life have been different and consider the future of your child.

Kelly

Maybe when your belly starts growing, and your boyfriend can feel it kicking and see the ultrasound pictures, his mind will change. He's probably very freaked out right now, and rightfully so. But he is being mature in his reasons for wanting to give the baby up for adoption. You need to do what you think is right for you, because this is a decision that will be with you for the rest of your life. Don't let your boyfriend pressure you one way or the other, and don't let him rush your decision...this is perhaps the most important decision you will ever make, and it should be thought out carefully.

If you do decide to keep the baby, there are a lot of state/federal funded programs to help you (WIC, DSHS, etc.)

If you know in your heart that you want to give up your child for adoption, you may want to look into open adoption. This way you can still be a part of the child's life, but not have the responsibilities of being a parent.

Good luck with whatever you choose!

Katie H

You have to what is right for you and your baby.
If this man is pushing his opinion down on you as strongly as I read, you need to get him out of your life.
He has no regard for you or this baby. He is clearly only concerned about himself.
If you choose adoption, fabulous. If you choose to raise your child, fabulous.
However, it must be what your heart feels is best.

Marilyn

i think he will change his mind after he feels the baby moveing inside you. and sees the baby after you give birth.

Nichola H

poor you . i was also adopted at birth so no how you feel . you have to follow you re hart on this one its not going to be easy but don't be pushed in to it. if you wanna chat e mail me . good luck with every thing

Lori A

The way you feel right now will never end. It will always feel like you did something you didn't want to do. I told this story just today. I had a boyfriend who didn't want any kids. I respected his wishes, we broke up a year or so later, his next girlfriend got pregnant right away and after the baby was born she left him and the baby. I see him once in a while he has a great son whom he raised by himself since birth. Don't make any decision until it is time to make it and don't make any decision you are not 100% positive you want to make. Anything else hurts too much and for too long.

Marie C

Men come and go in your life, but your child is forever! No one should be allowed to talk you into giving up your baby, if you don't want to do it. What if you and your boyfriend break up a couple of years down the road, and you've made the decision to give up your little one? You will regret making that decision for the rest of your life!

If you look into your own heart and genuinely don't think that you are able to parent a child right now, then you have a right to make an adoption plan for your baby. But if you are doing it just to please your boyfriend, or to keep him around, you are making that decision for the wrong reasons.

Please give this some serious thought. It may be the biggest decision you will ever make in your life, and you want to do the best thing for you AND your baby. Good luck, and God bless.

Heather ~ Not a Perfect Mom ~

It is too soon to make any decisions yet. Look into all of your options before you give him an answer. If you do this just to "keep" him, you will end up resenting and blaming him. So you will eventually loose him anyway because you will end up hating him for making you give up your baby.

ChimesOfWind

I know it is his baby to but really it is not his decision to make
You are the one who will carry the baby and have the experience of giving birth with it.
You do what feels right for you, after all you may regret it and end up dispising him for making you do it

oh the irony.

he obviously isn't a nice person if he is pressuring you so badly. i would love to see you next time he says have you come to a decision and you turn around and tell him to get out. i think you should do that regardless of whether you keep your baby. but that isn't my decision to make. he got you pregnant, so why isn't he able to deal with the consequences anyway? but anyway, make your own decision on whether to keep the baby or not without even bringing him into it. could you cope with the help of your family? if you can, then it is up to you what you want to do.

femiluv

Don't allow your boyfriend to pressure you into making a decision you may regret later on in life. 5 years from now, your boyfriend may have left and you will wonder where your child is.

Do you have a job? Do you have any family members nearby that you can rely on when the baby arrives before you get back on your feet? Whatever you do, talk to your family members.

Also try talking to your boyfriend. Tell him how important this child is to you. Even if you are not ready financially and he thinks the quality of life of your child will be poor, tell him you don't mind. Your child doesn't need rich parents to make him/her happy. Provide your child with basic necessities such as food, clothing, shelter and education and your child would be set for life, with good loving of course.

But if you think your boyfriend is not worth it and he wont be a good father to your child, I suggest you think of alternatives, and leave. Whatever decision you make, make sure you won't regret it later.

Risirchir

What if after the baby is born, you grow attached and won't let go? Follow ur heart. If ur boyfriend leaves u bcos u decided to keep ur child, he is not worth it. That means that he still needs to grow up.

LadyCatherine

Your carrying the baby and you get to give birth to it. That means YOU get to decide what to do..

He does want to have children before he has a life,,? Well he should have thought about that before he got you pregnant.

He say he will leave you if you decide to keep it. THEN LET HIM LEAVE... Do you really want him around if he is going to be this way. ?

If he loved you he would not force you to choose between him and your child. It's emotional blackmail.

If you want to keep this baby then look to family and friends for support. There are also plenty of social service programs that you can get to help you raise your child. Do not let ANYONE pressure you to do something you don't want.

You both have plenty of time before you need to decide if adoption is right for you, who knows he could change his mind.

Santa's Lil' Helper

SLOW DOWN!!!

Two months pregnant is far too soon to make this decision...especially since the biological father is coercing you.

Does he really think the quality of the child's life will be poor or will HIS quality of life be poor because he will be paying child support?

Your carrying this baby so this child is "real" to you....for him it is just an abstract concept. Woman become mothers when they find out they are pregnant.....men become fathers when they hold their child for the first time. Some may disagree with what I am saying but specifically with younger men this is true.
He is looking at this pregnancy as an inconvience that he can get rid of......you however will live with this for the rest of your life. Adoption made me the mom of a wonderful little girl.....but adoption should never be forced.

You OBVIOUSLY do not want to place your child for adoption....I encourage you to seek out all your options....including being a parent.....a single one. It does not sound like your going to get much help from this guy. The sooner you accept that the clearer your head will be to move on and make plans for you and your baby.

I wish you and your baby the best of luck.
Go with your heart! You can do this.....you can be the mom you want to be. :-)

alaskanidiotforyou

Are you crazy.!!!! Or just selfish?? Think about what is right and wrong. Children are not pets you can't just give them away. Don't let someone talk you into something you will for sure regret for the rest of eternity. Babys are not that expensive. They don't need name brand clothes, just a lota love and security. Diapers only cost me about 40$ a month and if you nurse you don't have to buy formula. Look at all of your opitions and there is help. Call your womens resource center and WIC (women infant and children) office there is no reason to ever consider it!!! I know I couldn't live with a choice like that.

You have to do wuts best for you and your baby. No matter wut you have to live with your decision. He may not be around forever and when he is gone you still will live with the idea that you have a child out there somewhere. You are going to have this baby inside of you for 9 months and you will have a bond that you never knew u could have. You already are forming and attachment to your baby. You can get your life together you still have time you can go to school find better job there so much assistance out there. U can even get a lower income apartment. Taking care of your baby will come natural you just have to step up and your boyfriend to but you can do with him or you can do it with out him. I have been there it can be done. Pray about this.But you are going to love your baby and you will be able to take care of your baby.

Ù¼LuLu

I THINK ITS YOUR DECISION SO NO MATTER WAT DONT LET HIM "HOUND" YOU FOR AN ANSWER. IF HE SAYS HES GOING TO LEAVE AND LET YOU BE A SINGLE MOM, THAN ITS OBVIOUS..HE DOESN'T CARE. THINK REAL HARD AND COME TO YOUR DECISION! NO MATTER WHAT ITS GONNA AFFECT YOUR LIFE IN A BIG BIG WAY. JUST THINK IT THROUGH REAL HARD. IM SORRY YOUR IN THIS POSITION. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS YOU.

wendy s

Hi, I don't know you, but I do want to tell you to think about your decision wisely. No women wants to raise a baby alone, but they do it.... And it turns out fine. Never let anyone pressure you into something you don't want to do, or may regret. How do you know your boyfriend and you will last forever honestly? I'm adopted and I don't know much about my parents and it hurts to have someone just give you away.... It effects me often and makes me feel alone at times. I know you'll come up with the right decision.

God Bless

me, me and I

you cant give up someting you have had growing inside of you feeling his or hers everymove, unless you wanted to deep down,
you might have to leave him , cos you are going to grow to regret it if you put it up for adoption ,
follow your heart its the only way, and i mena baby comes first always ]

MixedGurl Baby Born On 12/23/09

Sorry, but if I was in this sistuation I would keep my baby. i understand liking and loving someone, but the baby should come first. You won't be the first women to ever be a single parent. Give your boyfriend sometime, he might have a change of heart once that baby arrives. The decision might seem hard, but it really isn't. The baby needs you, your the mother. One thing I always told myself is that I could never give away my children. Remember your baby might want to know the reason why you gave it up, will the excuse be because of the father? Don't let him control you. You can make it one your own. Mostly all first time parents go through financial troubles, if they didn't prepare before having a child.

*If I had to choose the boyfriend or baby.........I pick the baby.

Kiki L

there is so much help out there for single parents. and if he will leave you because you want to keep the consequence of both of you then you should probably think about your relationship. But remember that Your relationship might not last if you give up the baby because of how you may feel after wards.

Kren777

Oh boy.

My condolences, sincerely.

This is a tough situation, and it's going to take some hard headed decision making.
First off, he's wrong if he says that the baby is better off if it grows up "Rich", simply because most people ARE "POOR".
Yet they all have children and live good lives.
Otherwise the entire population would be rich, and the population of rich people is what.. 3%?

So money should not be a problem unless you're extremely poor. (Been there not too long ago)

You have to make up your mind if you want to raise the baby or not. WITH OR WITHOUT HIM.
If he's not willing to help at all with the baby you have to take him out of the picture and ask yourself if it's possible/probable/worthwhile to raise the child without him involved in any way.

A word of confidence if you choose to have the baby, us men tend to not realize how much we care for our offspring, until we see it, but after that... NIAGARA FALLS.

jellyman

follow your heart
if you want to keep the baby you should
im sure there are other people in your life who could support you
if you love him well maybe adoption is the answer
but the way hes treating you isnt bery nice

anonymous

Don't do it. That's your baby, your flesh and blood. Your child will always wonder why you didn't want him or her, and you will always regret it.

tish

what's a girl to do...

1) if you are undecided, DO NOT MAKE AN ADOPTION PLAN.
2) many people raised kids on a modest income.
3) if he is hounding you daily about adoption, perhaps you should really take a long hard look at your relationship.
4) comments from people who work for adoption agencies, who purport to have placed their kids, or who have NEVER been pregnant, should be ignored.
5) there are many programs to assist you in overcoming the TEMPORARY hardships you are facing.
6) good luck :-)

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