How can I convice my sister to give her baby up for adoption?

allchildrenareangels

I would love to talk to you. You can write me. I know a lot about adoption.

Love,
Michelle

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She has to understand that she is not ready for the baby.
i would advise you to go to an adult you really trust and ask them for advise how to help her.
i don't understand why you posted up this question when your answer is right in the descriptoin?

Yarr

Just put in an anonymous tip to child services when she ruins her life and can't care for the kid (if she hasn't decided to put it up for adoption by then). Then at least the kid won't die and her family might let her back after the kid is gone.

Edit: Apparently a lot of people think the kid ought to die if the birthmom can't take care of it o.O?

TerraMere

It sounds like you care about your sister and her baby. This is however a decision only she can make. She needs your support and understanding right now. The best thing you can do for her is listen and not put pressure on her. Whatever she decides please continue to support her. She will need you to be there for her and if she keeps her child try to be the best possible aunt you can be. Hang in there I know it tough when there is a stressful situation in the family.

God bless and take care.

~T

hgg717

Ask her to go with you to some counseling. itsaboutlove.org offers free counseling. Go with her and dont push be supportive. But clear with her though. She needs honesty not pity.

Pip

The only person who has the right to decide if this baby will be adopted is your sister, you have no right to decide this. Anyway how do you know this wont be the making her and that she could turn her life around. The best thing you do for your sister is to be supportive not try and force to give up her child. She will only resent and blame you if she goes for adoption on your say so if she doesn't really want to do this.

Mom to Foster Children

Leave your sister alone! It's her decision - hopefully she chooses to parent instead of adoption. Her situation is temporary - adoption is permanent!

AbortHim

Get off your sister's nuts!

This is her baby, not yours! Got that? HER baby. It's not your place to tell her what to do with HER baby.

cmc

She has to decide for herself. Even if that would be best, you can't decide for her. If you push her into it and she regrets it, it would affect your relationship forever. You can give her your opinion, but you cannot decide.

Helena B

*****. u have no right.

mapleleaf2

Unless your parents are both on welfare, there is little chance your sister will be on welfare for long, and in fact if she KEEPS her baby, she'll have LESS of a chance of being on welfare in 10 years that if she doesn't! That is the fact about young motherhood -- women do better later on than if they had postponed childbearing. That's what the latest, unbiased statistics state.

Meanwhile, it sounds like you really have it in for your sister and want to ensure she is punished with a lifetime of pain. You really think she's going to "get over it" when most mothers who surrender babies to adoption do NOT resolve their grief? When most suffer moderate to severe depression later on? When 60% or more consider suicide to escape from the pain? These are the facts that adoption agencies wont' tell you, because they make $25,000 or more on every healthy white infant (and often $5000 or so on a AA baby, showing how racism and "market demand" sets prices).

And with that "Nice married couple" -- are you going to get them to sign a promise never to divorce and never to go bankrupt? I know several mothers who bought the promise of "two parent family" and ended up finding out their children had been raised by divorced single mothers.

Your sister and her baby will be better off together. Find

cats3to2

Since you think breaking up families is so great, then give me your mom's phone number so I can talk her into giving up YOU so your sister can raise her baby in peace.

And I knew a 17 year old girl who's parents gave her up. It won't be nice for you. You'll be crying harder than that baby of your sisters will cry every time he/she isn't in her arms.

If your sister is confused it's because she knows it's RIGHT to keep her baby but she's getting bad advice thrown at her from you and others. She needs to apply for welfare, wic, and realize the best thing for her baby is HER.

Now as for you, look in the blue pages of your phone book and find out where you can go for counseling for your problems. You are the one that needs sense talked into, not your sister.

Harriet

If she wanted to then I would say support her but she doesn't want to so I say don't try and convince her. That's not a nice thing to do. You should focus on helping her and encouraging her to get a job and finish school and explain that it's best for her future if she does those things. You know, she probably feels depressed and anxious about the fact she's about to become a mother, and if you, her very own sister, are there telling her she can't do it, how much worse do you think that's making her feel?

BTW with the divorce rate at around 50% chances are the "nice married couple" won't stay married for very long, nor may they end up being good parents. Why should she take the risk if she doesn't even want to?

Harriet

Andraya - Snark's Sister

Way to be supportive! Good going team player!

The long and the short answer to this is DON'T. This is her baby and her choice. If you do try to COERCE her into an adoption agreement I hope she hates you for the rest of her life, just as I hate those who forced me to relinquish my son.

Better yet just write Missy Michelle a little email, she is a PRO at FORCING young women to GIVE HER their babies, that's why she is here trolling for your sister's kid.

grapesgum

You can't. It is her baby not yours. I can't believe that you are willing to turn your back on a member of your family. Shame on you.

There are worse fates than being raised by a single mother. You sound like an adoption agency worker.

LindseyTaylor

It's really really simple....all you have to do is: STAY OUT OF IT!!!

you can't force or convince someone to give up their child. i can say without a doubt that you are not a mother, you can't expect her to give up a part of herself when she really doesnt want to. Why doesnt she deserve a chance? What makes her so unacceptable? Who are you to judge? If she wants to love and raise her child then the best thing you can do is support her and love your niece or nephew...

Married and money doesnt always equal perfect...

myst1998

May as well lock her up with a straightjacket on and throw away the key!

Seriously, I cannot believe how harsh your judgements are on your sister. What is with the whole giving her baby away to a 'nice married couple' thing? We are talking about a baby who has bonded to his/her mother over the past 40 weeks and instead of turning their backs on her when she needs them most, you and the rest of your family should be supporting her and this new member of YOUR family. What, do you like just going around giving away members of your family to strangers?

Adoption is not a solution. It is a mess. It is a creation of MORE loss, MORE pain and the consequences will affect your sister and her child the rest of their lives. Stop interefering with Nature. Convincing a woman to part with her child should be punishable with jail time. It is a crime against humanity. Your sister has done NOTHING wrong and you want to sentence her to life with destruction and pain. Not so loving is it?

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

Real nice, you would rather give away your family than help your sister and *gasp* support her. All of the things you mentioned are TEMPORARY, and if you are really concerned about the baby then you will help them stay together

I got pregnant at 19. I was on drugs, depressed, and doing nothing with my life. I had a lot of people tell me that I should give my son up for adoption. I didn't, and BECAUSE OF HIM, I am graduating as a nurse in April. I have a great life and a WONDERFUL son who I am a wonderful mother to. I didn't think I could do it, but I have a mom who told me I could and HELPS me. Maybe you should take a few lessons from her.

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_damage_to_children.html

http://www.birthmothers.info/

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/wish.html

http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_coercion.html

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/wendys_pres.html

http://www.origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=69300

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://birthpsychology.com/birthscene/adoption4.html

http://www.lifemothers.com/istherestill.html

http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

kitta

This isn't for you to decide. If you pressure her and she feels unsupported, she will feel even more confused.That is unfair to her, and your unborn niece/nephew....

She is this child's mother. You are trying to separate them.

You are assuming too much when you say"grow up on welfare." She will not always be 17...and her child will not always be a baby.

In addition, "nice married adoptive couples" divorce, die, and go bankrupt as much as everyone else....which is rather frequently, these days.

simplybrittnie

In all honesty this is something she needs to decide for herself. You could ask her what kind of life she wants to give to this child and that if she does intend to keep it try and find a job and even attempt to make better grades, though, you do not need good grades to get into college. You can actually just get a GED and go to a community college and transfer to another school. Single parents are nothing to look down at.

Lisa needs a vacation!

Do you love your sister? Do you love the child she is carrying? Then do them a favor and stay out of it!

Adoption has lifelong consequenses on mother and child, and both should NEVER be separated if at all possible. Your sisters problems are temporary now. Losing her child to adoption is permanent. Adoption will be a heartbreak that your sister and her child.....and yes....even YOU will NEVER recover from. The loss is astounding and will break your heart.

The only thing a baby needs is his/her mother. There is NO ONE better than that. You are falling into the adoption industries propaganda trap where adoption is like a disney movie. Well, it's not.

I gave my child up for adoption thinking I was doing the "better" thing, and she was abused her whole life. Physically. Mentally. Lived in poverty. The two parent home didn't exist. This adoptive couple was home studied. But in adoption it is about who is the highest bidder for children.

They will make promises of openness, and visiting, but this is not a legally enforceable promise. This is just what they tell young girls to sign the papers.

I truly don't know how you think this is the better thing for your sister, and your nephew or niece. Why would you want them to have this huge loss in their lives? Why do you think not having YOU in this childs life is a good thing?

Lady Rowan

You cant. If she wants to keep this baby, they she should be allowed to, without you or anyone else pressuring her into making a desicion.

Werent you saying in another of your questions you couldnt give your baby up to strangers? Thats how your sister feels.

Back off and leave her alone. Or you'll only push her away from you.

magic pointe shoes

You can say "convince" all you want, but in actuality what you are describing is coercion. If you continue on this course, you will alienate your sister from you forever. Relinquishing a child for adoption would change your sister forever and change the dynamics of her relationships within the family forever. What you should do is point her in the direction of the website girlmom. Empower her not tear her down more.

Jennifer L

Short answer: you can't and you shouldn't try.

You're already assuming that your niece/nephew will be poorly taken care of and on welfare forever. That's a pretty big assumption! And you're basing this on the fact that she doesn't get good grades in high school? There's a lot more to being a parent than getting good grades.

It's not up to you to tell her what you think is best for her baby. This is something that she and the baby's father need to determine. Hopefully, the father will come around. But young parents aren't necessarily bad parents. Parents that need government assistance at one point doesn't mean they'll be on it for the rest of their lives. Kids that don't get stellar grades in high school aren't destined to never make more than minimum wage.

Step back and let your sister figure out what she wants. She has enough on her plate without everyone telling her what they think is best for her.

One thing you could do is find some statistics about how most children raised by single mother become criminals, believe me there are plenty of them out there. Tell her about how different her life will be if she gives up the baby, finishing college and gettin married for example. Perhaps you should contact an adoption agency and see if they will have a representative speak to her. Good luck on getting her to make the right decision.

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