How can I find a solution to my adopted child? She is a nightmare I've spent my life saving on I need her out.

beatlebabe

I have an idea! Why don't you put her in a box and take her to the local wal-mart so that you can exchange her and get your full refund! Or you could always trade her with a different child that you might end up returning later because they do not work "perfectly". She is a human... not a new TV... WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES!!! When you were a child did your parents decide to "trade you in?". Probably not, I hope that you are going to be happy by ruining somebodys life!!!

â™ª Rachel - Applehead â™«

The whole thought behind adopting a child is to take in a child who is stuck homeless or in a foster home a warm, trusting and nurturing home to grow up in. Adoptees go through enough as it is to not only have their adoptive parents reject them.

An old friend of mine was adopted and her adoptive father got himself into a lot of trouble and went to jail. This is not the same sort of incident but the fact that the people who weren't supposed to let her down did ruined her life. She completely changed and is now a really sad case, she's built up this big wall between her friends and herself, she is an alcoholic, she has no money and she just doesn't give a damn about anything any more. If the people you love don't support you and give up on you, then it's likely you would give up on the world too.

You could really harm your adopted child. I would seriously reconsider rehoming her. I think you should be ashamed of even thinking this. Get off your selfish butt and do everything you can so that child will have a happy life.

noreenandjohn01

I can only hope this isnt a real post. Recover lost funds? Did you expect that adopting a child would come with a money back guarantee.

Get counseling - you are your daughters parent - just as if you gave birth to her. There is no return policy on parenting.

Lawyer

You need to go at this problem as though she were your biological child. You need to seek out Social Services, HRS, Dept of Children and Families, whatever they are called in your area and try to get some family counseling. And NO you are not going to recoup any of the money you paid. I am in the process of waiting for referral of an adopted child from China and am being realistic in the meantime. I worry that I may some day be in your position. Parents can feel like you do with their biological children. Your child may have medical issues and you need to seek help for the both of you. You did not say what the cause of the trouble is.

melmac

You asked this question all wrong...

Waa Waa about life savings, that is not the point. Some people have spent their life savings over & over again trying to conceive a child to no avail & they don't get their money back & don't even have a child to show for it.

The real issue is that your daughter is having some problems(what they are I obviously don't know) but you need to reach out for some real help, like counseling... for the both of you. I'm positive your negative attitude is not helping.. "She is a nightmare," "send her to a camp or a home," "I can't live with her any longer" blah blah blah about money. She'll feed off your negativity & it only intensifies the problems.

You actually sound as though you've really given up, but in reality you got what you ultimately wanted... to be a parent. You need to research & understand whats causing this & work(yes I said work) to try & find a solution. I would start with your local assistance (social workers/ FIA) to find some help. If your adoptee is in school, talk to someone there who may know of some help. It's time to take responsibility for your decision to parent, & you should do it by being the best parent you can be. Even when children are biological there are no guarantees. You had an expectation that was too great & now you're realizing that parenting comes with some disappointments, no human being is perfect. All you can do is deal with it maturely & rationally. Unless a professional advises you send her to an institution, it's rather pre-mature for you to assess that judgment.

Your whole question comes across as selfish & immature. If you do however feel like you are a danger to the child & if in any way feel you might harm her, turn her over to the authorities & check yourself into the psych ward at your local hospital.

Good luck to you & especially your daughter

tinker5547

well the first thing is that just because you adopted her does not mean that she is not your child... lets look at it from this point... if you had given birth to her how could you give her back... there would be nobody to take her back to ... children are not items that can be taken back... there is no way of "getting your money back" you agreed to assume the responsiblity.

blondie

Money will come and go, but children are forever.

It sounds like you're in a situation that requires some emotional and perhaps monetary support. Removing the child is rather harsh I would think. You're the adult in this situation and should be able to work out some solutions to the problems.

It does sound, the way you phrase things, that your child is like a commodity. Recover lost funds. I mean seriously, that sounds so horrible. Put yourself in your childs place and imagine how that would feel.

I would suggest that the solution you are looking for is not for your adopted child, but for yourself.

There should be support services to enable you to bring your child up. Find them, and take some positive steps for the future rather than blaming a child for all your problems.

Jennifer L

It sounds as though you need some professional intervention because you are at the end of your proverbial rope. Call the department of human services, or a counselor right away.

Edit: Everyone needs to take a good look at Happymom's post. The behaviors she describes are NOT unusual for children with Reactive Attachment Disorder. I've worked with them, as a psychiatric nurse on a child and adolescent psych unit for several years. These are not kids that just don't want to clean their rooms. The parents in these situations need SUPPORT and RESOURCES, not judgement from people that have never worked with, or parented, RAD children. Obviously the poster of this question is at his/her wits' end.

Andraya

OMFG! Are you serious? You can't be.

You don't just get rid of a child who is difficult, as a parent your job is to help your child through it. I have a child with a very traumatizing and hard to deal with disability, have I thought of getting respite care? Yes. Have I thought of ditching her for good? NEVER.

That being said you obviously aren't parent material anyhow so maybe this poor girl would be better off with a parent who is willing to take her care seriously and show her some love and compassion.

Maybe someday you will develop dementia or Alzheimer's and one of your family members will ditch you off in a home, karma b*tch, what goes around comes around.

jgf5822

you can't possibly be serious.

grapesgum

You want your money back? Please, God, tell me that I did not read these words. A child was put into your trusting care and you are griping about the money? So, if you get a refund are you going to out and purchase a more fashionable model? I have heard that twins and African children are very "in" this year.

Just when I thought I had heard it all in the sick US adoption culture, I find another reason to fight for reform in our social system.

My prayer for this poor child - Please God and all of your saints, please protect this child from these people.

tasha

plaese tell me you are kidding. you need a "solution"??? You took on the responsibilty. Who is going to pay you LOST FUNDS? The court? biological parents? Her home is with you, unfortunately, and you should get counseling.

Mom to Foster Children

What? You want to recover the funds and give up a child that you adopted...she isn't a puppy you got from the pound. There is state assistance for ALL (to my knowledge) adopted children, all you have to do is go out and look for it / find it...Call Health and Human Services

AdoreHim

How about counseling? If she was your biological child, would you want her out? I know that children, no matter if adopted or biological can be hard sometimes, some harder than others but you were entrusted to care for her, and help her through the years, and if you cannot do it alone there is help with family counseling etc. Don't give up on your daughter-

slopoke6968

you should of never adopted!

tish

i'm really sorry that you are having a difficult time with your child, but, guess what...you are not alone...

my son's behavior sometimes drives me crazy and requires that i physically walk away from him.

my daughter is sometimes inconsolable and requires that my husband intervene so that i can get a breather.

annually, i spend about $20K in private school for both of them. and a great deal of my income is used to provide for them.

yet, "getting rid of them" is never an option. and demanding a refund is laughable.

it's called parenting. welcome to the club. also, i'm a bit concerned that people find it "appropriate" to dissolve adoptions. especially international adoptions.

ETA: although children of biological parents do emancipate [ETA: place] their children due to behavior issues, the rate that this happens among aparents makes the analogy mute.

ps. "stats of kids placed" are not the "number of children placed." also, i said R.A.T.E., not number. since adoptive children only make up less than 10% of kids in this country, 2 out of 10 is significantly higher than the rate for bio kids.

ETA2: actual issue: waa...waa...waa... "i didn't get the kid i paid for..." waa. waa. waa... <EOM>

ETA3: wait a tick... "give her back to her bparents???" did i just read that? yes. that's the ticket. give her back. and commandeer another woman's baby. laughable.

Lillie

And what of your behavior? Is it all the child's fault? Have you tried family counseling to see if there's a deeper reason for her behavior...that she's acting out instead of talking it out?

I'm sorry for this girl. No one to love her, no future to look forward to. Just....sad.

Vee

Shaking my head in disbelief!!!!!and losing faith in humanity.....I only hope there is a lot of words unsaid in this question....otherwise OMG...

DillyDoll

She is your child because you adopted her. You cannot just throw her out as if she is some piece of used furniture. I'm sure there is a logical explanation for her behavior especially if she was adopted by you after her toddler stage. She's probably been bounced around from home to home, was abused or neglected. Everyone else probably gave up on her -like you are about to do-so she feels alone and unimportant. I think you should talk to her about her behavior and show her what is acceptable and what is not. Don't give up on her, look at the situation through her eyes, take a walk in her shoes, send her to a counselor or something- try working it out with her, she needs you more than you can ever imagine.

Laurel J

Assuming this is not a joke, I hope you're "open" to sentiments like "You make me sick" or "What on earth is wrong with you?" Because you don't state how old your daughter is or what problems you've had with her--you just ask where you can dump her, scot free, and get a refund. I wouldn't do that to a puppy or kitten I had taken in, let alone a human being.

Had you given birth to your daughter, would you expect your money back? I'm very glad my adoptive parents never did. I was somewhat troublesome as a kid, and I now have a master's degree and am ending my Ph.D work so I can go back home and help my adoptive mom in her time of need. For free. Because I love her, not because I owe her.

H******

You want a refund because you renaged on a promise of a FOREVER FAMILY

Take a hike

No child deserves to be spoken about in this way. I hope the poor little mite never sees or hears this awful stuff said about her. My heart is breaking for this kid. What the heck are you doing to this child - IT'S NOT HER FAULT!!!!!

Addie

What did you spend your life savings on? Was it counseling? You can't "return" her and get your money back. You don't say how old she is now or how old she was when you adopted her. A lot of kids act out as a way to test your love. She could be afraid of being abandoned again, which is exactly what you were planning to do, so you are making her assumption correct. It is obvious that you need outside help. Please call your local department of social services and try to work it out. Don't be another disapointment in her life. This may just be a temporary phase.

By the way I have heard that one in three kids in residential treatment centers are adopted. Adopted children and biological children both have problems, adopted children are more prone to some issues because of the abandonment and rejection in their past.

goodquestion

If you were a well-informed adoptive parent with a good number of years under your belt, you would have phrased your question so differently. The way you have asked your question, it sounds as if you haven't had the child very long and you simply weren't prepared to be an adoptive parent at all, so it's hit you hard.

You need to follow the links people are giving you. You need to ask for help so that you can rise to the challenge of being a mother.

And then you need to tell people. You need to pass the word that the media's pie-in-the-sky depiction of adoption is terribly, dangerously misleading. Adoption is not an idyllic walk in the park, done on a whim. It's something you need to do a lot of preparatory work for. You need to be committed to doing it right.

Samone

My aparents seemed to think much the same about me. They threw me back to the system when I didn't "work out" for them.

As for a "refund" I'm pretty sure your out of luck there.

I wish I had loads of money to open up a home for these "refund " kids so that I could show them & give them a better life than I had in the system.

It really gets to me when I see other aparents come on here looking to throw away these children. Regardless of what they've done, what issues they may have, they still deserve to be loved, & shown how to become productive adults. Because *surprise* they DO grow up. Everything that a parent has failed to do, society will be left picking up the pieces for.

LOJunkie

Have you tried counseling? What would you do if this was your natural child? You adopted a child, you didn't buy a car! You should explore all options before you throw her out.

Also, how old is she? I'm sure it doesn't help that she's aware that you look at her as a failed investment. The amount of money you spent on her adoption should have no bearing on her life with you!

~Amber~

omg I am reading this and I am just speachless...I have cried my eyes out for so many nights trying to decide if adoption is best for my unborn baby...

Now I'm not so sure.

omg this is so heartbreaking, I can't stop crying

LaurieDB

What would you do if this were your biological child? Handle it the same way.

Speak with others who can help, such as her school, the Department of Social Services and a doctor to find out what help is available in your area for a child with your daughter's difficulties. I know there is plenty of help available for children with severe problems, including residential treatment. Financial help is often available to help pay for the costs.

She's your daughter, not a "lemon" vehicle that can be "sold back."

You obviously wanted this child or you wouldn't have adopted. If she were your natural born child would you feel the same? I can't even answer your question it makes me too mad!!!
upset adoptee

Theresa

The recovering lost funds comment is horrible.

Go to the US Child Welfare Information Gateway site on Postadoption Services. There are a number of articles you can view there:

http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_postadoption.cfm

Then, you can go to Adoption Assistance by State

http://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adopt%5Fassistance/

Down at the bottom of the state page, usually around question #7, it will have link to your state Health & Human Services websites. They will be able to direct you to state specific post adoption services.

And knock it off with the nightmare nonsense. Maybe she considers YOU a nightmare.

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