I'm sixteen, 71/2 months pregnant, and giving my baby up for adoption...just wanna talk to someone about it.?

Kris

That has to be a very hard decision that you are making. I applaud you for being responsible with your pregnancy. It would be very hard to carry a baby for 9 months, only to give it up in the end. I understand how that could be very sad. You are young and have a bright future ahead of you. This decision must be very hard to make!
However, If you do decide to give up your baby, ( im trying to make this as kind as possible....i dont mean to offend in any way...but Im desperate..) My brother and his wife have tried everything possible to have a baby of thier own. they have been married for over 13 years and would make the best parents on the planet!! if you really want to make sure that your baby has a wonderful caring family, get back to me. I can guarantee with our large, tight knit family, your baby would be spoiled with attention and love!
Take care, and I am sure that your heart will lead you in the right direction and you will be comforted with whatever decision you make.

Lisa

I have not been in your predictament at all, so I have nothing but compassion for you. I wanted to comment because you sound terribly lonely in your decision. I also wanted to applaud you for carrying out your pregnancy. When I could not get pregnant, I looked into adoption. I think that people (young or old) are the LEAST selfish people in the world to give a part of them to someone else.

Even if your mom is hurt, she should still be saying she is proud of you for your mature decision. If she won't, then I will. I am proud of you, and it may not mean much coming from someone out there that you don't know. Maybe saying cheer up is her own way of dealing. Not that it's her decision. But she sees you in pain over your decision.

I am sure that you are not going to "choose the wrong family" You are giving them a gift. I don't know where you live, but is there open adoption where you can still be part of the child's life? A Christmas card once a year, or maybe you can keep the hospital blanket so you always have part of your child.

You may be young, but you are not naive. Don't let anyone belittle your decision, especially if you are doing the right thing. Hang in there. Hopefully it will get easier for you. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am sure it will get better, even if it takes time. I am assuming that you are giving your child up for adoption so that you can hope that he or she has a better life than with a young mom. Go to college. I am married with 2 children, and 24, and everyday I wish I went to college so that we wouldn't be struggling.

You are a much better person than most. So pat yourself on the back. Be proud of you. And remember, you are doing this for your child. Not even for you. Not for your mom. I am sure the relationship will heal itself when the pain starts to become less. Good luck hun.

Oliver Gaither

seriously, is this even a question?

lizm717

Just go with your gut you don't have to pick the first family or even the second or third. Keep looking until you find the family you like best you will know it's right. I would say look on the brighter side of things and focus on what a big impact you are making on a families life by giving them such a precious gift. You are answering someone prayer by blessing them with a child that they want so badly and can't have on their own. What kind of adoption are you doing a closed adoption or an open adoption? It kinda sounds like you are a little hurt about giving the baby and not being able to be a part of its life... If that's the case an open adoption could work cause then you would get to see the baby sometimes and the family would send you pictures and letters with updates to let you know how the baby is growing and then this way you would always have that peace of mind that you made the right decision and chose the right family. You are going through a lot right now you really should find someone you trust that you can really open up to so you get that support you need right now. If you want you can email me and i'll answer just click on my pic. I hope this has helped a little you sound like a very strong person especially to be so selfless.

c'estmoi

you can opt for an open adoption. That way you can stay in the baby's life. They would send you pictures, and maybe even get to visit once a year or so. There are lots of families that are so grateful for the gift you are giving them, they are more than happy to keep you updated.

I think what you are doing is very brave and so self-less. You are doing the right thing. You still have a full life to live. Babies change everything. I didn't have my 1st baby until I was 32, and even then, my life is not the same. I can't just go out anymore and be spontaneous... My husband and I are home-bound now most of the time!

Talk to your OBGYN about your feelings. You want to avoid getting post partum depression and your doctor can give you the right meds/tools to help you avoid it.

Good luck to you. You are doing the best you can for your baby and you should be proud of that.

leighshinoda

So, I'm confused, are you upset because you don't want to give the baby up? or are you just worried if you are choosing the right family?

If you are giving the baby up for adoption, when you talk to an attorney or an agency, they should be able to give you some information about counseling. There is no stigma associated with this. The choice that you are considering is enormous, and shouldn't be made by a 16 year old girl without any advice.
The counselor does not benefit from the adoption. He/she is paid whether or not the adoption happens. He/she will talk to you to: help to patch up any rifts between you and your mom, make sure that you are comfortable with the decision, give you advice about choosing a family, continue to provide assistance after the adoption. This will cost you nothing, the costs are incurred by the adoptive parents.

Please contact someone. Please go give your mom a hug and a kiss. You will need her support, and it sounds like she wants to give it. This is going to be an adjustment for both of you.

Protecting the baby

Your mom may feel hurt at you but only because parents want so much for their children that they don't see what their children really want sometimes. You need to first make sure that YOU are the one wanting to give the baby up for adoption. If it is not your choice, please don't do it. You will regret it every day for the rest of your life. Sometimes parents think that you will give the baby up and return to being a happy child. It doesn't work that way. You will never forget this baby and you will never get over it, especially if you are being forced to give it up. What you can do to make your mom proud of you again (even if you decide to keep the baby against her wishes) is be independent and strong and have a goal for your life. Don't give up on finishing school or going to college. If you keep this baby, get a small job to help with the baby's needs, get some financial help (we'll talk about that in a few), and be a good mother, no matter what, your mom will be proud in the long run. She might think for a while that you have made a mistake but over time, she will see that you a strong person, capable of accomplishing everything you set out to do, baby or no baby. Finish school and be a good parent. Okay, financial help is available to you...use it. It was designed for people who need a little help, such as yourself. You can apply for WIC which will pay for the baby's formula and some other items when the baby becomes a toddler (juice, cereal, etc.). You can apply for medicaid for the baby's insurance until you finish school and get a full time job to support yourself and get insurance. If you truly want to still give the baby up for adoption, please find a good family that you personally know, not a stranger. I feel like your real issue is that you are hurting because you disappointed your mom but hon, you are not perfect. Your mom will be fine but you need to focus on your important decision that you are about to make. Please do what you want to do but follow through with it. If you commit to being a mother, be the best mom the baby can have and your mom will be proud of you. It may take some time. Hang in there and please post again if you need more advice. I'm a mom (of 2) and I will listen if you want to email me. My email is wandagannon@yahoo.com.

R1980

Hi,
I'm sorry to hear that your going through this....what a tough decision. First and foremost, sign nothing until you are sure as to what YOU want to do. In adoption, unfortunatly very few people put the mom first. Take your time, consider talking with a counsler (you can find these through planned parenthood, your county servies office, or if your on your parents insurance through them). Sort through your feelings and see what will be best for you.

There are several option open to you:
1) Keep your baby. You can get your GED or continue HS while a family member watches your child. There are know many online schools so college will be possible as well. State programs will give you some help as well in terms of health care for the baby and some financial support.

2) Give baby temp. to family. Talk to your parents, aunts/uncles, cousins etc. They may be be able to take care of your child for you temp. until you can get everything situated.

3) Consider an open adoption. This can be done with family or strangers. Within this, indivduals keep contact (to be agreed upon by both parties) and updates on the child.

You sound very responsable for being only 16. This is a heavy weight, one that women twice your age have trouble with, and it's only natural to have worries. Sort throgh your feelings and find what works best for you. You'll make the right decision.

Derek

im a 15 year old adopted kid, i can give you some inside feelings about adoption, and experiances i've had. you can aim me at martino009

Crazy*SEXYâ™¥

Well, I'm 18 and confused myself I am pregnant due in July 2010 with someone who was adopted from russia's baby. If you need to you can email me. Have you found a family yet? If I adopt I already know what I'm looking for what I want. I'm most likley to end up keeping it.

rugby chick

You have to decide what is right for yourself and what you can handle in your life. I am so sorry it is is tearing your family apart. Family should be there to support one another.
They have open adoptions now to the point where you can email the birth family whenever you want and they have yearly meetings where you get to spend time with your child. They also have agencies where you have no contact, some agencies do mandate that the adopting family send pictures of the child every 6 months along with a letter on how the child is doing.
But what you decide to do with your child is up to you. Don't let anyone put you down for whatever decisions you make.
Good Luck

grapesgum

Keep your baby. If you are crying now it will only be worse when you lose your sweet babe forever.

There are no guarantees in picking adoptive families. Home studies are a joke - all they mean is that they installed outlet protectors and their dogs have not been reported recently for aggressive behavior. Animal shelters do more follow-up than adoption agencies.

Please read this and show it to your parents.

"What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby"
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

Your parents should also read this:

http://www.exiledmothers.com/speaking_out/message_for_grandparents.html

Tell them how you feel about losing your baby. Sometimes parents go with the adoption flow thinking that they are doing the best for their daughter. Tell them adoption is not for you. Chances are that they are crying too over losing their grandchild too. Be honest.

Triple S

If it makes you worry so much, then I don't think you should give the baby up for adoption. Especially if its not your choice. You should choose what you want to do. If I were you, I know it would be hard to raise a kid at your age, but I wouldn't give him/her up for adoption. I would be worrying everyday about it, and probably would regret it. But thats just me, I don't know, it depends how you feel about it, but if you think its wrong and don't want to, don't let anyone choose your decision because you might end up regretting it later on. I have a 16 year old friend thats 8 months pregnant and a 13 year old friend that just had a baby. But the baby is living at her aunts house right now to, she couldn't find a good family to adopt him. Good luck with whatever you choose, I hope you can find a good family.

&If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can email me anytime. I'm usually a good listener. ( :

iwuvoni187299

Do what you feel is right sweetie. You don't have to give your baby up if you don't want to, you give your baby up because you know its best for THE BABY, not whats best for your parents or you for that matter, you give your baby up because you want that baby to have a better life or a shot at a better life.
You need to find a support system, family, friends or boyfriend anyone who would be willing to help you, give you and your baby a place to stay, and for the mean time you could get put on welfare, every state has it, and they will give you cash, health care coverage for you and your baby, food stamps. They can help you (but if your living with your parents they wont, so if you do try and apply for welfare benefits, don't tell them you live at home, because you wont get anything, you'd have to use someone elses address, or just stay with someone else)
If you believe you can raise and take care of your baby then do so, you don't have to put your baby up for adoption soon as their born, if you feel you can't take care of your baby at any stage, you can put your child up for adoption, its harder because you now know them, but its an option, and it seems like you don't know all of yours. I'm sorry your going through such a hard time right now, but thing happen for a reason, good luck, and listen to your heart.
I listened to mine and I now have a beautiful healthy year and half old girl, its hard...believe me it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do...be a mom...but I love it, I love her and I wouldn't change a thing. If I would have listened to my brain, god only knows who my daughter would be with, what her name would be, if she'd be healthy, or god only knows where she would be.
Keeping my baby was the best choice I ever made.
You can keep her, don't let anyone tell you different.

dontknow86

That is how I felt, My mom said cheer up. Your young you can have more! Then no I couldn't. My life has not been the same since that day. My whole family, made me give my only child up. Their lives have gone on my life has been what if? Why me? Pain and hurt. This is what it might be for you. Keep your baby if you don't want the sadness and pain. Your child will thank you for it.

7rin

Sounds like you don't actually want to abandon your child, if so, then trust me, you really really REALLY don't want to abandon it, else you will screw up both of your lives (and trust me, abandoning your child WILL screw your life up as well as screwing up your child's life).

Go read some of the links (and try to get the books too) listed at http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/tag/recommended+reading,supporting+the+birth+bond before you make a final choice - and also try to get your mom to read some of them too.

Then, don't give your baby up for adoption if you have any doubts. You haven't even given birth yet, you could very well change your mind once you hold your baby. You don't HAVE to give the baby up because you are young. See if your mom will help you. You can get a job at 16. Go to social services and see what assistance your eligible for.

If you do give the baby up, it won't get any easier. I did not give my son up, but I can't even imagine the pain I would go through if I wasn't there for him. Talk to some other mothers who adopted out.

Have you put a lot of thought into what is right for you and the baby? I am a firm believer that if a decision is right, you won't feel guilty. It might not be easy, but you know deep down you made the right decision. I would really think it over more.

gibson.samantha23

if u want to keep our baby then keep your baby

â™«Ms. Kittyâ™€â™«

Have you considered keeping the baby? And possibly finding government help to support him/her?

I don't wana say don't abandon your child because its your decision, its just hard to get over losing your child that you've bonded with for 9 months. I really wish you wouldn't abandon him/her because when they grow up they'll try to find you and might not be able to because hospitals won't show them theyr'e real name or any other real information about them. Plus open adoptions aren't enforced by law so the family could shut you out whenever they want to and there would be nothing you could do about it.

My advice is try to find someone you know and trust within driving distance so you can see your beautiful baby whenever you want. Don't be sad please :(
Be strong you'll get through it.

maybe

If your mom makes you give up your baby, chances are you two will never be able to have a good relationship, EVER. You may be able to fake it for a few years, but once time has passed without your child you will become more and more resentful of her.

This is something adoption agencies don't like to tell young mothers - the impact of adoption on a family is lifelong and permanently damaging. I know, I've lived this situation for over 25 years and I will never be able to completely forgive my mother.

Also, there is no way to be sure the family you choose will be good parents. They may get divorced, die early due to illness or an accident, experience finanaical problems. It is impossible for anyone to guarantee anything in life even though the social workers will try to make false guarantees about adoption. The only way to make sure your baby gets the best possible life is for you to be "mom" and forget about adoption.

Wellspring

Don't let anyone "steal" your voice in this. What you have to say and what you want IS your right as your baby's mother. You are not a baby, your a young mom-to-be. Having a baby is not the end of the world or is it ruining your life.

Open adoption does mean not you can be in your baby's life or part of it. It does not mean the promise of sending you pictures, allowing you to visit or keeping you updated will be kept. Any promise made to you before you sign the papers is not legally enforceable afterward. They can legally walk away with your baby and at any time they decide keep you from ever seeing your baby again.

ETA: I agree with Damitra that you are currently being manipulated even online.

Damitra

You are the best family for your new child. You are your child's family. Your mother has to be reminded that this is her first born grandchild no matter the outcome. She will be intentionally abandoning her grand baby. Just by relinquishing your child for adoption does not mean that it will be erased from your life. You are your baby's mom forever no matter the outcome. A mother's love for her child is the most sacred thing on earth. To intentionally break that bond is inhumane.

You are currently being manipulated even online.

Your child is not a gift for some stranger. You owe no one a gift.
You do have a bright future and that should include your child.
You are not going to ruin your life or your child's by raising it and loving it.

Linny G gave you some great sights to visit. You can make some excellent contact's through those sights. There are people there that have experienced the loss that you are feeling and will give you great advise. They may also be able to connect you with some great resources.

Creating and bringing a new life into the world is a wonderful experience. The joy should not end at the hospital. You should be able to spend countless hours just looking at your baby, nursing it, holding it and than be able to watch it grow and become a wonderful person. Your child deserves to have you there for him/her now and in the future. No one should take that joy from your life or your child's life.

Pip

If you have any doubts about your baby being adopted don't go through with it. You really need to think seriously about what you want and what's best for your baby which is to be with you. I understand you're 16 but it's not the end of the world, you can still have an education and aim for a good job. If you still want to go through with the adoption then fine but you do need support either way.

Pearl L

maybe you can keep your baby, others do it at 16, why cant you? then you wont have to worry about it being in the wrong family. it sounds like you want to keep it anyways.

minimouse68

Ok. Who decided that you would give this child up for adoption? Was it your choice? or is it something you are doing only because other people have told you to? Dont give your baby up if its not really what YOU want to do. The decision to relinquish is one that will cause both you and your baby for a long time, forever. If the main reason you are planning to relinquish is because you are young and poor then you owe it to yourself and your child to do some serious research into other ways you can go about raising your child yourself. I firmly believe (and my opinion is based on having grown up as an adoptee) that it is best for you and your child if you raise your child yourself. You dont actually have to decide anything yet. You cant relinquish until after the baby is born anyway. Feel free to email me if you want to talk.

kitta

I mean I'm giving a life only to not be in it... It makes me mad I have not talked close to three days. I only cry...."

Yes, this is how it feels...you are bringing this brand-new life into the world, and at the same time you are being expelled, excluded..erased as if you never existed. That is how adoption feels when you lose your baby.

You and your baby are meant to be together, and you are feeling the grief of the impending separation.

This is serious. you are your baby's mother. Your baby will miss you,and you already miss your baby.This loss and grief will occur no matter what family you choose , if you choose an adoptive family.

Don't let anyone tell you that you are just a baby...you have grown into a mother, and you are not the person that you were before you became pregnant.
does anyone in your family support you and your baby staying together? There are resources to help you...

LinnyG

Your parents have NO LEGAL RIGHT to force you to surrender your child. You are NOT a baby. The right family for your child is his or her OWN NATURAL family.

Please understand that open adoptions are not legally enforceable in any state of the US. It is a ploy to get women to surrender. if ap's choose to close the adoption, there is NOTHING you can do about it.

Please know that it is against the law for your parents to force you to do this. It is also against the law for them to "kick you out" if you decide to keep your child. They would be charged with child neglect.

Please go to these links to get help. Your parents CANNOT make you do this.

I am adopted. I have missed my first mom all my life. Babies do not want to be raised by strangers. Adoption does NOT guarantee a child a better life, only a different life.

You and your baby have rights. Please check out these links. Congrats on your baby, you are already a great Mom!!

http://www.cubirthparents.org
http://www.origins-usa.org
http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
http://www.amfor.net/acs
http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/
http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

TERSIA

you will know who the perfect family is i have a son of 4 years old and he is my world i got pregnant at 16 and i have worked myself up to being a working mom and owner of my own place at 20years old anyone can do it they is why god made the women the stronger ones. i would not mind having another baby in the house it is a blessing

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