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u r s i
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You aren't upset with these people for adopting you! You just don't know who gave you away for hopefully a better life, so you are taking your confusion out on the only ones you know. I can feel that you are curious. If your parents would have told you @ earlier age it may have scared you since you wouldn't have been old enough to understand it as well as now.
Some people don't find out until the last parent has died, when they are going through paperwork to get things finished; be glad yours told you @ 13. |
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saqqu
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you should be grateful towards you parents as they took the big responsability.
they sure love you....just give them a chance...they have hidden thhis so loong so that you could understand better when they tell you the truth
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsZrrVUQ7TeDJtIT606A.Njsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090220084041AAExPYJ |
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Selena
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The reason they didnt tell you is because they were afraid you would be upset, the matter of the fact is that they love you. They met with someone and seen a beautiful baby girl and thought to hemselves, she deserves to have someone take care of her. They wanted to make sure you had a good life. Family is not decided by blood, your family is the ones that love you. And if they told you when you were younger you might not understand properly, try to understand they love you, and only wanted the best for you. If you want to know who your real parents sre thats ok, but always remember that no matter what the ones that raised you did it for you and they really love you. |
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Dale D
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They were trying to do what's best for you, so don't take it out on them. Just because they didn't give birth to you doesn't mean they aren't your real parents. Wanting to know your birth parents is fine but you would need to be prepared to get answers you might not like. |
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Luv D
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well, ur parents were trying to protect you from the truth, but i guess it was finally time to come out with the truth, so dont be mad at them. if you want to meet your biological parents, ask your parents, but respect their decision. and theres nothinkg wrong with wanting to know why you were adopted. so ask whatever you want, ur feelings are normal. ( : |
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trix
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they just waited until you were old enough to handle it before they told you. maybe they told you when you were a baby too but you just dont remember LOL!! im pretty sure you dont have to do anything. i know its pretty massive but you're probably better off doing nothing about it |
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Bre =]
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You have to know that you're "so-called parents" are your REAL parents. They cared for you and loved you for your whole life. As far as I'm concerned, they are your real parents. And you have to understand that its not so easy to tell your child that they're adopted because this might happen. It's okay if you want to know your birth parents but don't shun your real parents because they love you. |
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Yogi
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My mother was adopted. In time, she was reunited with her birthmom and brothers. I had two grandma's on her side!
Be grateful that your adoptive parents have loved and nurtured you for all these years. Don't be angry with them.
In my mother's case, her mother had to give her up because her birthfather had died, and they literally had no food to eat. It wasn't that she didn't love her, but she knew she couldn't care for her at that time. When my mom was an adult with her own children, she found her birthmom and brothers again. They loved her dearly.
There is nothing you need to "do" right now. Except think about all the things your parents have done for you and how they have shown their love to you. Be grateful to them. Be loving to them. |
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durdenslabs
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Did you ever think that they were waiting until you were mature enough to handle the information?
They have RAISED you, LOVED you, CARED for you, and done EVERYTHING for you your WHOLE LIFE!!! How can you say they are "so-called parents"?
They ARE your parents whether you like it or not girl. You need to go to your parents, ask them if you are adopted. IF they deny it, tell them you've found your birth certificate. *Which is strange since most birth certs are switched to the adoptive parents names* Tell them you'd like to know why they didn't tell you and why your bio parents gave you up.
They love you. They adopted you. They raised you as their own. You may not have come from below your mothers heart, but you sure did come FROM her heart! |
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tweet
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Most parents that don't want to tell kids they adopted that they are is because they are scared of hurting them & rebellious acts. Maybe they were going to tell you when you were 18 & ready to leave the house. Maybe this is their way of protecting you, but you can't see that right now because you are very upset, but before you loved them & was happy with that. No one is perfect, & it seems like my friends who were adopted always have the curiosity of why their biological mom/dad decided to give them up. It's usually b/c they felt they couldn't take care of you the way they wished they could. Do not be surprised if your real Mom is not there for you like the ones you live with now. Just prepare yourself to meet someone that is like a stranger to you. There are no promises that she will all of a sudden become part of your life & there are no promises that won't. She may actually have been waiting to meet up with you & get to know you, but doesn't know how b/c so much time has passed by. No matter what, you need to love & cherish the parents you live with now b/c they have been taking care of you all this time, sharing moments with you, loving you, there for you when you are sick, etc. Good Luck sweetie. I hope you find what you are looking for. |
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j
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your adoptive parents chose to love you and provide for you. it makes sense that you have a curiosity about your birth parents, but remember they arn't the ones who fed you when you were in hungry, held you when you cried, or loved you even when you've made a mistake. if you feel angry and betrayed right now, let it out. give yourself a day or 2 to be mad. then stop and realize how good your life is because of what your parents have done for you- they chose to love you for you... |
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U big Dummy
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Did u find out yourself, or they told u? If the told u they want u 2 know the truth.And want 2 know will u show that same unconditional luv, they are ur parents. |
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sweetooth3654
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i was adopted too, but that didnt change my feelings about my parents dramatically. dont be mad at them. They adopted you because they cared about u and fell in love with you when they saw you at the orphanage. Think about how blessed you are to have parents who care about you like that. You're so blessed. Dont be mad at them. I love my parents. and the reason why they waited to tell you was because they are waiting for you to be old enough to understand. if they told you when you were 3 years old, you wouldnt have gotten it. just thank god that these people adopted you and how lucky you are that they were put into your life. |
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Kate T
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Well just think that they adopted you because they love you so you shouldn't really be mad at them , it shocks yes but try not to be too angry with them and if you want to get in touch with your real parents then go for it. |
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ﾚo√乇☮
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It's going to be okay. It's okay to be mad, because your adoptive parents did lie to you. But why don't you ask them about it? Come in with an open mind and ask them to tell you about it. I was adopted as well and fortunately my adoptive parents were always very upfront with me about it. But think about all the wonderful things your adoptive parents have done for you....a little piece of paper does not change things, these people love and care for you, and they always will. It's natural to want to know who your birth parents are, and go ahead and pursue that if you want to, but I'd really reccomend talking to your adoptive parents first, so that you can get the full story. |
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Amberlie K
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you see, they ARE your parents. I'm 13, and I'm adopted too. Have a conversation about it with your parents, tell them your concerns. |
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cricketlady
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How very, very horrible! You should have grown up knowing you were adopted. I have a grown daughter and she grew up knowing she was adopted and she turned out o.k. We even had the bio family visit here and I really like the bio brother. The sister is warped tho we believe.
Maybe your adopted parents kept it quiet thinking they were protecting you. Who knows? At this point I would suggest family counseling--you all have a lot to sort through. You will find the healing place though if you work through this constructively. |
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ZuRiSMoMmY
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My cousin found out she was adopted at 21 the same way you found out. She was bitter and wanted to know who she really came from. Well we bumped heads on this one because my family IS her family and to think that her parents were being malicious was unfair. Its hard for adopting parents to decide when and IF to even tell the child they're adopted and of course the older the get the harder and more irrelevant it seems to become. They are not your so-called parents they are your parents. You feel you're angry with them because you don't know who else to be angry with. You have a million questions that you have no answers to and of course you're angry. Your parents can't tell you WHY you were given up for adoption, they may not even be able to tell you who your biological parents are so you can't assume they're hiding it to be mean. I'm not excusing your parents for not telling you were adopted I'm just offering the reason why it may not have been explained YET and also that its not fair for you to now feel they're "so-called"...they raised you...and for whatever reason your biological parents didn't...it may be because they wanted a better life for you or for other reasons. You need to calmly talk to your parents...the so-called ones. Good luck. |
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Scarlett
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It's all right to be mad at your parents.
They did lie to you.
But you must remember that they love you.
The reason they didn't want to tell you was probably because they love you so much. They didn't want you to hurt.
It will take time, but try to remember that your parents did what they thought was right. |
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Miki
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forgive them. they may have had a hard time trying to figure out a way to tell you without you feeling unloved. they are your parents. |
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LALA
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Hey honey its ok. I'm alot older than you and I was adopted and always knew I was adopted. Its not that your parents were trying to hide anything they just were probably waiting for the right time and the right age to tell you. Talk to your parents and tell them you saw it. I'm sorry that your heart hurts honey but your parents did a very good thing to take you and have you as their own. |
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shelly
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You wanted an answer and all i can say is that this is my opinion.
There can be several reasons for why your parents might have hidden it from you. They obviously gave you the love that any parent would have given you biological or not. Parents are the people who have brought you up, loved you and supported you for 13 years of your life. If your biological parents cared they would have not given you up for adoption. Then again you never know the situation could have been messy. All i can really say is that you should talk to you adopted parents and tell them how you feel. You obviously have a lot of unanswered questions and they are the only people who can answer them. Don't forget that they still love you no matter what. They are the people who were there for you the most. Just talk to them! It's obvious that you are confused, you don't know what you want. Maybe your parents didn't want you to ever be in the position you are now. That's probably why they didn't want to tell you till you were older. |
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Lost4Life
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yea you have every right to be mad and angry and you should confront them. it's your rgiht to find out your birth parents and i don't think they should keeo them away from you. you can't really do anything. nothing has really changed except the fact that now you know. why can't you look at them? yeah i think it's wrong they didn't tell you but still they give you love, food and protection, and they are your parents. don't tell me i don't know about this because my best friend and her 12 brothers/sisters were ALL adopted. |
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Pip
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Your parents may have felt they were doing the right thing not telling you or they may not have done so for other reasons but the truth has a habit of coming out eventually.
Personally I feel it's deceitful not to tell somebody that they're adopted as it is your right to know. Just because you're adopted doesn't mean your natural parents are bad people and you have the right to find out why you was adopted. Please don't let comments by other people upset you and your natural parents are real parents just the same as your adoptive parents. |
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Temperance
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Listen, I am thirteen too and I know how it feels. I found out when I was 4 because my dad was away around the time I would have been conceived, so my mom either cheated on him or adopted me. Two years later I find out. I think your parent should have told you, it is wrong to keep that away from a child. Unless your first parents were abusive, but that is rarely the case. If you want to email me, I've been there. I am thirteen too so I can relate.
-Tempe
PS Don't tell people at your school, EVER!!! |
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LinnyG
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Oh. My. God. The answers that have been posted to you are ridiculous and WRONG. Dont ever feel "grateful". These people are obviously NOT adopted and are speaking out of their lone brown eye.
You have every right to be furious. They lied to you and kept YOUR truth hidden from you...no matter WHAT their intentions were.
Yes, they love you. Yes, you love them. But that does not take away the fact they lied to you, and that you have another family out there.
I would try to see exactly what information they have about your adoption- the agency, and any information they have about your natural Mom. It's YOUR right. Tell them they owe you at least that. You have 13 years of living a lie to deal with, and they should be honest with you.
i am so sorry they did this to you. Hopefully, they will be honest with you.
Even though you are 13, this website may help you:
http://www.latediscovery.org |
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å°é»ƒ
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Ignore the other answers from people on here who are telling you to be grateful.
Yes, they are your parents, but they should have been honest with you. And for those people that say, "Well his/her parents just didn't want their adoptee to be upset by learning they were adopted", that is an ignorant excuse. The longer parents wait to tell their children, the more likely they WILL make their children upset. It's something called honesty. Kids should be familiar with the word "adoption" as soon as they start to talk. It doesn't mean they should have made a big deal out of it, but by holding it off, they risk distrust in the family and make it seem like the word "adoption" is a shameful secret.
So no, saying "they just didn't want to hurt you" isn't an excuse. If anything, THAT MAKES IT WORSE. Didn't want to hurt their children? Then don't hide the fact that they were adopted.
Talk to your parents and ask them about your birth certificate. Tell them you are upset they weren't honest with you, but that YOU need to understand.
You have every right to be upset. |
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Anha S
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I'm sorry that your truth was kept from you. I'm not surprised to see how many people came out of the woodwork to tell you to be greatful, and to thank them. I think cantstop said it best...
You have a right to be furious, or to anything else you are feeling right now. They lied to you for 13 years, and you didn't find out because they were finally honest with you either.
Do you have someone you trust who would be able to listen to you in an unbiased manner? I dont really have any advice other than don't let people make you feel guilty for having feelings. |
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MamaKate is an Aunt!
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Dear Amiee,
(((HUGS)))
I am SO sorry you are having to deal with this. Your APs should have been honest with you from the start. You have every right to be angry - this doesn't mean you have to stop LOVING them. (People who are telling you to "be grateful", "your parents did it to protect you" or "they are the one's who did [insert parental duties here]" haven't a clue what they are talking about. Don't let people invalidate your feelings.
Visit the link Can't Stop gave you. You have the right to be curious and to know who your biological family are. You deserve the truth and to be treated with respect. Your adoption is supposed to be about YOUR needs. I hope you get all the support and answers you need.
Here is another link you might like:
http://www.adoptionsupport.org/res/teens.html
ETA: Interesting how many people are angry at a MINOR for being upset about being LIED to about her IDENTITY for her ENTIRE LIFE by the people she is supposed to be able to TRUST more than ANYONE ELSE. Why do these people feel the need to tell her to be "grateful" and "thankful" and remind her of all the things that her parents did that parents are SUPPOSED to do - as if she has forgotten? Don't you people get how devistating that kind of news can be? How it can turn your world up-side down and mess with your head?! Puh-leeze.
Seriously.
I wonder if these people would be so generous if they were in her position?
To the OP, ignore those kinds of answers, they are from the kind of people who blame the victim.
"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE. |
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DevonChaos
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I am adopted, but I knew as far back as I can remember. I cannot believe that in this day and age parents would choose to hide something this important from you. You have every right to own your emotions right now. They kept something from you that has rocked your core. You need to have a talk with them, and let them know how upset you are.
Don't listen to anyone who says that you shouldn't be mad, or someone who thinks you should be grateful to be adopted. It is ridiculous to think that you should be in any way grateful or happy about this. Other people who are adopted understand. The truth hurts, but it is best to know what is going on so that you don't constantly question everything going on in your life. You need to regain some trust with them in order to have some semblance of peace in your home. Try talking to them, and if you can't talk to a school counselor or someone else you trust.
There are people who can help you get through this. I'm not going to say that it isn't going to hurt, but the truth will come out one way or another, and it is best you hear it now. |
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Possum
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I'm so sorry.
I hate it when I hear stories like this.
Sadly - adoptive parents do this because - really - they're selfish.
They're worried about their own wishes and dreams - and so they lie - and pretend that you were born to them.
UGH.
Adoptees need to know their truth - from DAY 1.
We don't fall from the sky.
We are born to people - and we should be given the truth about those people. We carry the same genes - for crying out loud.
Here's a website for 'late discovery adoptees' - sadly you're not alone -
http://www.latediscovery.org/
And here's a link to the best adoptee support forum online -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php
It rocks you soul when you realise your whole life has been a lie.
Please take care of you.
Hugz. |
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Ddy Hart
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Totally agree with possum. |
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fanbige3wife
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It is ok 2 b confused... I grew up knowing I was hand picked, but still when I was 13-15 I wanted to know why .. what did I do. Glad that passed 2 b honest. Here I am, almost 30 yrs later and wonder what it would b like. Get this, at 42 I found out my father that adopted me, had a son that lived. I thought the scare of finding out would be about me... and I was thrown a curve. I have a 1/2 brother that is 20-25 yrs older and he has a grudge. I cant explain what I know, not alone explain what I dont know |
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