I just now found out that i am?

Christina Renee

You shouldn't be sad. I'm sure your birth parents had a reasonable explanation for giving you up for adoption. Perhaps maybe they were young and couldn't provide for you. They were probably trying to give you a better life. As for adoptive parents... they are the most unselfish people in the world. They actually chose you! They wanted to give you a home and a good life, and I'm sure they love you very much.

Legally you can't search for your birth parents until you are 18. But, you should talk to your adoptive parents about it. If you really want to find your birth parents when you are of age, let them know. Tell them how you feel, they'll probably be understanding.

This is me being totally honest, but some birth parents choose not to be found. While others try so hard to find the baby they gave up for adoption. I'm sure it's hard not to get your hopes up. But, it's always worth a try. It's better to have tried, than to wonder later on, what if.

Good luck to you, I hope everything turns out well for you!

Â¡ â™¥ Ï€

First of all, I would be upset if I found out my birth-parents dumped me, so I understand you being sad. Second, why does everyone want you to be angry at your parents ? They are the ones who took you in, loved you and raised you, not handed you off for someone else to raise. Finally, why would you want to contact these people? They gave you away, they abandoned you! Think of all of the things your parents have done for you for the past 13 years and all of the things your birth-parents have done for you. Get it? So go talk to your parents and let them help you. Ask them why they waited so long to tell you, I'm willing to bet they were just doing what they thought was best. Ask them about your birth-parents. Just talk to them-not a bunch of bitter birth-moms on the internet.

Jacolby

no, dont go diggin on your own. Just ask your parents... or step-parents.... all your questions.

Mela

you shouldn't be sad! You have 2 parents that love you. You should be happy that you have a family :-). If you want to find your birth parents it's up to you. but don't be sad!! Smile your mom and dad love you

animegirl

well my opinion is that your birth parents put u up for adoption so it would not be good to go and find them now and your adopted parents loved u and raised u even now that u r not there own so imagine haw your parents would fill if u would wont to find your birth parents but the Choice is really up to u good luck and don't be sad

Color A

They loved you enough to adopt you despite the fact that you aren't blood-related, so take it as a compliment! Try to find your birth parents if you want to, but don't be disappointed if they are less welcoming than your real parents are.

Î±rmÑ‡ wÃfÑ”Ñ‡ & Ñ”vÑ”rÑ”tt's mÏƒmmÑ‡

First of all, go thank your adoptive parents..they gave you a home to live in unlike your birth parents.
Secondly, don't make any rash decisions until you've calmed down and had a chance to really think about what you want..with a clear mind.
Thirdly, if you do find them..prepare for the worst but embrace the good moments.

I'm sorry that you're upset about this, but look at it in a positive light..you have parents (adoptive) that love you and gave you a life you deserve.

ScottyJae

I'm sure that this is tough news for anyone, but do you find any comfort at all that someone just couldn't see you go at it on your own and wanted to love and take care of you?

What would be the benefits of finding the ones who couldn't or didn't want to take care of you in the first place? Especially compared to the home life you currently have.

Sorry, but sometimes it is the questions we must ask ourselves that help us find the answers we are looking for.

Gritslinger

Don't be sad. They are your parents and I would think love you very much. It is up to you on looking for your biological parents, however these people are the ones raising and loving you.

cottonlily84

I would have sad, "Don't be sad," too before I started researching adoption. Most people who say that mean well but don't really think before speaking. It's quite natural for you to be sad, as well as half a dozen other emotions. Perhaps you should ask to speak with a family counselor you can talk to without feeling guilty or ashamed about your feelings (the way some feel speaking around their adoptive family). There are lots of books about adoption you could read too. That's where I learned how delicate the emotions of an adoptee can be and they shouldn't be belittled or dismissed. But don't be sorry for whatever you're feeling. It's a totally natural reaction. And I don't think you should feel that you have to find or should want to find your birth parents; some adoptees do and begin new relationships, others simply aren't interested.

kereves

you should maybe ask your fake parents about you real parents. or at least ask them for your real last name and do some internet research (maybe try finding their phone num on canada 411 or some other site. maybe the phone book will help. hmmm

Ferbs

Are you sad because you're adopted or because you just found out and it was hidden? Those are two different things. You need some time to digest this information and get all the facts you can.

If you have had a good life so far...try and remember that as you figure all this out.

First of all...ask your parents WHY they didn't tell you and ask them to tell you everything they know. You need to reassure them that it isn't a matter of not loving them...you just feel the right to know your history.

They may be very scared to lose your love. You have a right to share your anger with them. This is big!!! But be open to their words because information will come from that.

Once you and your parents go through these challenges and you learn more, you will know whether or not you should seek your birth family. They may have been horrible monsters...they may be great people who had good reasons to let you go. Either way...once the door is open...it's been opened. Might as well have your caring adoptive parents watching your back.

Good luck sweetie. I hope you are one of the lucky ones that over time, realizes that all these people loved you a hell of a lot and all did their best for you.

John

You should feel thankful that you were adopted, do you know what happens to unwanted children of the young, unwed, and poor? Here is just a small sample of the outcome:
http://adoptionisthebestoption.yolasite.com/facts-and-statistics.php
One of the most loving things to do for your child is to give them a better life-I'm sure that's what your birth-mom did for you.

liviiiix3

Go for it, and good luck!!!
Sorry they took so long.

Anha S

You feel how you feel, and you are entitled to that. Those telling you how you should feel about this, and how grateful you should be really don't have a clue.

You also have a right to your own truth. And I am so sorry that your aparents did what they did. Irregardless of the reason, it was wrong to keep this from you.

Searching is a personal thing. For me, not searching wasn't an option. And I will never regret that I did. i found out so much about myself when I found my first family. I think it is vital for a person to have as much information about themselves as they can get, medically and otherwise. Your age may curtail what you could do search wise, but perhaps your aparents have some information that could start you on your way. As others have said, searching isn't a reflection on your adoptive family.

Again, so sorry you are experiencing this, and best wishes to you.

Lady Rowan

you have every right to be sad in your situation. I think you should definitely try to find your birth parents. Try to get your adoptive parents to help you. If they are unwilling to help, there's not much you about it until you're 18.If you can,try and get at least their names. Thee are search sites you can try using your birth date

Lauren Elia <3

Finding out that your aodpted doesn't have to be a bad thing, and doesn't mean you have to find your birth parents. The people who adopted you have brought you up with love and obviously wanted you. They are your Mum and Dad in your heart, DNA doesn't mean anything compared. If you want to find your birth parents then thats great but remember that you have parents at home as well who love you.

Anyone telling you not to feel sad is missing a few tools from their shed. It is normal to feel horribly sad when you lose your entire family.

No you are not too young to search. That is a complete myth. In fact, if you do find your real parents you can move in with them when you are 16.

Good luck!

Fuaite le fuil, gaolta go deo

Wow. Those people had no right to hide that from you for so long! You have every right to be sad and angry with them. Ask your Amom who your parents are, what their names are, where they live and why they gave you up. You should find your parents, meeting them will probably fill that void. Good luck.

AnnaBelle

Wow. I'm going to echo the sentiment of many here...NO ONE should be telling you not to feel sad!!! Of course you should feel sad! YOUR information was kept from you! I don't doubt that your parents love you and THOUGHT they were doing the best thing for you by not telling you, but I'm afraid it was a misguided notion. The information about how you came into this world, and into their family belongs to YOU and YOU ALONE. It was totally inappropriate for them not to tell you.

I absolutely think that you should be able to at least ask questions, if not search.

Your feelings are your feelings. Please, ignore anyone telling you not to be sad, or to be grateful, or any other nonsense that they are throwing at you. You are entitled to your feelings. This is YOUR life. No one gets to tell you how to feel.

I'm sorry you found out like this. :( I wish you luck in the future.

LinnyG

Oh. My. God. Please do not listen to any one here who tells you to not search, or the ap's here who insult you and say they hope you "realize that all these people loved you a hell of a lot and all did their best for you." Duh. Spoken like a truly clueless ap who is in for a world of hurt when their adoptee grows up.

While there are some ap's here who know what is in the best interest of their child, there are a few (obviously) who make adoption about themselves, and are obviously threatened by adoptees who want to know and love their natural family.

Yes- you SHOULD try to find your first parents. It is perfectly natural for you to be sad. Adoption can be a happy thing because we get a new family, but the fact that we lost our entire first family is sad...EXTREMELY sad. And when ap's do not tell their children they are adopted, it is child abuse, in my opinion. It is lying to them about an important thing- our family- we come from.

As an adoptee, I do recommend adoptees let their adoptive parents know they are going to search, because their ap's may have some info. But we are under NO obligation to share our search with them. It is NONE of their business. We are searching for our family, and they have no business getting involved if we do not want them involved.

Our searches have nothing to do with the love we have for our adoptive parents. We have 4 "REAL" parents, and they each have different roles in our lives. DNA is a very powerful thing, and we have the right to know and love BOTH of our families. If our ap's cannot deal with that, well...too bad. They knew we had another set of parents when they adopted us. Some of us are fortunate to have ap's who "get it", and help us in every way they can during our searches, but sadly, some are not.

Legally, you wont be permitted to search until you are 18- but your ap's may know some info.

Good luck! And please remember it is your right to know and love every single person in each of your families.

å°é»ƒ

Don't listen to those who tell you not to be sad.

You have the right to feel however you want to. It does not mean wallow in self-pity, obviously. ;) But it does mean that you have the ability to validate your own feelings about your own adoption. Nobody has the right to tell you how to feel.

You need to talk to your parents and find out why they did not tell you you were/are adopted. Don't say it in an accusatory manner - just tell them you deserve to know the truth. It's your history, your life, your existence.

"You don't want to create distrust and a wedge in between the family that has lovingly cared and provided for you all these years."

This particular quote makes me wonder if the commenter is actually implying that the adoptee be the one responsible for everything.

DevonChaos

You have every right to feel sad. You've been betrayed by those who are supposed to always be honest with you. I think it is unethical to lie to a child for so long about their adoption.
You need to have a talk with them. Ask them why they decided to keep that from you for so long.
I feel so bad for you. I'm adopted, but I've always known. I can't imagine having it sprung on me at your age.
Don't let anyone tell you to not feel the way you do. You have the right to feel anyway you want.
If you want to search, search, but some places require you be 18 before searching.

cruzgirlz3

FIrst of all, please don't listen to all these people saying "don't be sad." You have every right to be sad, shocked, disappointed, curious etc...This is a big deal and you should feel what you are feeling. That is healthy. Shoving your feelings in as some are suggesting....trust me...it isn't a good strategy. Your feelings are not a betrayal of your adoptive parents. You can still love and appreciate them while you work through this.

Being raised by people whom you are not related to is not the same...you have probably sensed this. I hope you will read some books on adoption (others on here are great at posting suggestions). Talk to your parents, ask questions, learn, talk to a friend...etc...this is a lifelong journey. I hope it is one that leads to meeting your first parents. Remember you can love them ALL. They are all REAL. All are important.

Good luck to you.

Sheila H

Dear Evil Kitten,
I too am adopted and am now 42 years of age. I knew I was a foster child throughout my childhood and went through several foster homes before my last one when I finally bugged the beans out of my foster mom to adopt me. She told me that adoption is only signing of papers in a court of law. I told her that that is what adoption is to her, but that adoption to me means permanency. It means no more being ripped out of a family to be moved to another over and over.
I asked about my natural mom and when I became about 16 or 17 my foster mom finally told me a bit about my real mom. She also gave me a small piece of paper that had her phone number and address on it so I could contact her. It was not until I was in my early 20's that I finally mustered up the courage to call mom on the phone.
I introduced myself to her and a long silence fell over the call. She was shocked and relieved at the same time. She had abandoned me on a farm in Wisconsin many years ago and had served time in lock-up for it. I was never angry with her for it. I too am a mom of a 23 year old daughter. I understand how mom must have felt having a child by herself.
We had conversation over the phone about what it was like for her to be a single lone parent. She explained to me that back in the 60's when I was born, it was extremely difficult for a single woman to find work, a place to live and everything she needed to raise me. She also explained to me that my dad was twice her age and had passed away around the time I was born. She told me that she honestly did not believe that she could be the kind of mom I needed and so gave me up. I gather that she was in a desperate situation and did not know what else to do. I believe that she was scared to beans about how she was going to make life a go and how she was going to raise me. She was also a first time mom and may not have had very many examples of what being a mom was about. I don't mean to make excuses for her because I know what it is like to be alone and first time mom. I did not always have the kind of help I needed to raise my daughter either. I did not always have steady work or any kind of support from family and friends. At times I too wanted to let go and give up on being a mom.
Yes my daughter did go to foster care and it was mainly because I was making very rotten decisions about drugs and partners.
I now have over 2 years of sobriety off of drugs and am very happy about this. I started using drugs when my daughter was a year old. My child's dad introduced my to the drugs and I made the decision to keep indulging until a little over 2 years ago.
Before this gets any longer, I would like to say to you, do ask your foster parents about your real parents. Please don't feel sorry or afraid to ask about them. They may want contact with you and more than likely they love you more than they can say. They may have put you in foster care so that you would have a better life than they could give you. I knew for a fact that I was not a good mom when I was on the drugs and that is why I put my daughter in foster care. I also fought like crazy to get her back from the county. By the time she turned 12 the county had finally let go of it's grip on her and returned her to me. Unfortunately I was still messing with the drugs. I was a very messed up person for a long time and it has taken until I turned 40 years old to stop the madness and once again be the woman I really am. I do see the light and just recently mentioned to my current bf that I have 800 plus days of sobriety from the drug I used to use. He said he does not understand why I keep count of it. I explained to him that I started when my daughter was 1 year old and until 2 years ago was still using. I went through a lot of bs during my time of use and everything I went through taught me some extremely valuable lessons. 1. Stay as far away from drugs as you can. 2. They will only mess you up and put you in the slammer. 3. As long as you continue to use, you will never be the man/woman you are meant to be. 4. You are guaranteed to lose EVERYTHING you have, possibly including your life! I mean these things in a literal way.
To get back to your question, I am sorry I went to so far off the subject my dear. Yes definitely ask your foster parents about your real parents. You have every right to know about them. They are the ones who borned you and did what they could to take care of you for as long as they could. You have every right to know where you came from and why you are on this planet.
Peace and love for you always Evil Kitten,
Sheila H.

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