If I adopt will I "miss out" on being pregnant?

Wing of the Dumb Left IV

Why not get fat, then after 9 months, get lipo?

Melissa

Well heres the thing. If you go for adoption you will have to eventually tell them they are adopted and that will be terrible. But if you go for normal then you still have a lot to go through. Let me tell u hun, there is nothing selfish about pregnancy. Although you get a great reward of a child, there is still nine months of vomiting, cramps and back ache. And the pain of labour is excruciating. Its a choice between long term problem (adoption) or short term (pregnancy). Either way you are going to have to suffer a little bit. If only it were the men who had to be the ones to give birth. Yeesh and they think pulling a muscle or getting a cut is bad pain... :@

breezy

i have the same mindset...i have the same question.

but i want at least one biological child and one adopted.

Terri

you would probably miss out on a lot of the younger experiences, unless you adopt a new born baby. if you do that, all you would miss out on is lots and lots of pain!! haha, good luck!

STARFISH (:

It's not selfish AT ALL. the whole birth thing is really amazing because all the pain and everything "horrible" that you go through is INSTANTLY forgotten the second you hold your child in your arms. its makes everything worth it.
My older sister is adopted, and im biological to my parents, so doing it vice versa wouldn't be bad.
You could probably give birth and if you hated it so much but you wanted another child you could just adopt...or have 3 kids...two biological and one adopted.
whatever works!

humynism

No. It's the love for the child that counts. Here are a few things books don't always tell you about pregnancy: it makes your breasts sag, it gives you stretch marks, your birth canal, etc. will not be the same, and sometimes it can make your stomach wrinkle like a shiatsu dog's face afterward. Talk to any plastic surgeon about "Mommy Makeovers" and you'll get the real scoop. Ask to see "before" & "after" pictures.

meanddave

no----some girls cant have kids so adopting is a great plan[if u can do both and afford both try both ---a lot of kids need love

scrgrl

You can do both. I didn't find being pregnant all that rewarding, although having a newborn put into my arms after going through the pain of childbirth was fairly amazing. There are so many children in the world who need homes and families that I think adoption is amazing.

AdoreHim

I am one of those women that chose to adopt. I could have had my own children. I had some health issues that made me believe at the time that I would have a hard time with my pregnancy. IT could have been because I was adopted myself, but I never personally missed not having my own biological child, or being pregnant. I know that this is not a very popular answer, but it is my truth that I have lived into. You can adopt and still have a strong maternal instinct. I always wanted to be a mom, so I became one through adoption, with no sorrow about not having my own biological child. That said, you may miss out, so my answer is for me. Take some time to think long and hard what is best for you.

Weeme

Everything that Alyssa's Mommy said. I've been pregnant 3 times and you know why it's special? Because at the end of it you have a beautiful child to raise!

Do what makes you happy, my parents have both bio and adopted children and while every experience for them was unique, they were all special in their own way.

Good luck with what you decide!

ClassAct7

I know of a couple who knew they wanted a large family. The decided to adopt first so that those children would know they were first-born, chosen and loved. They wanted them first!

Within a few years, they had adopted four children. And a few years, she got pregnant and had baby #5. Then got pregnant a little over a year later with baby #6. They have a wonderful, beautiful, multi-ethnic family who loves each other more than anything.

Parents adopted some, and had some biologically. The dad claims, "I don't even know who's adopted anymore. There just my kids!"

Both experiences are absolutely wonderful.

Ellis Bontellis

Miss out on morning sickness, gaining weight, and stretch marks. So sad.

kim

Yep, you'll miss out on the nausea, swollen feet amd legs, the fun of labor( maybe even back labor) and all that weight gain.

Mom to Foster Children

Well obviously you will miss out on being pregnant - but if you truly want to parent - then it really doesn't matter if it's biological or not - just as long as you are adopting for the right reasons - Foster care is a wonderful place to start - these are the children that truly need homes! while i have both adoptive and biological children there are joys in both - i love all of my children the same whether I gave birth to them or not - they are my children and i would give my life for each of them.

Saggyrl

Yes. I treasure every moment when I'm pregnant (I have 2 kids so far, would like more). There is nothing in the world like it, nothing. It is NOT selfish at all!!!!

monkeykitty83

No human being can have every potential experience the world has to offer. Life is too short, and some choices make other choices impossible. Keeping in mind that there are some things you will never experience in your life, you have to be prepared to prioritize, since you know you can't do everything.

Whether not having a certain experience means "missing out" or just making other choices depends on how important you think that particular experience is.

If pregnancy is very important to you, then yes, you'll be missing out if you choose not to bear children. There is nothing selfish about wanting to conceive a child. If it matters to you, you should make a priority.

It's not a priority for everyone. To suggest that it is would be news to the child-free movement, as well as to people who choose to adopt.

But if it's important to YOU, then you should make it happen. It doesn't matter if it's important to the entire world. If you're worried it will feel like missing out... then for YOU, it probably would be.

LindseyTaylor

This is what you'll miss out on: Feeling like death for at least three months due to nausea, back pain, leg cramps, horrible leg spasms and birth that feels unlike any pain you can imagine.

And you will miss it.

The feeling of your baby moving inside you is the best feeling ever and something you will always treasure. Something about carrying your baby around everywhere just makes you feel so maternal.

Pip

It's not selfish. It's natural to have those 'normal feelings to want to have your own children and most people can. I am answering as a mother who was able to have children but was coerced into surrendering and then didn't have more due to husband's infertility. We have talked through this, had counselling, dealt with not having children, been reunited with son.

On the limited information you have given I respect your question simply on the way you have worded it. I would have loved to have had more children but it's not going to happen, we haven't adopted for a variety of reasons and we are now doing something about fostering.

Jules, E, and Liam :)

It is honorable to want to give a needy child a home. I have nothing but respect for that choice. But, yes. Being pregnant was a pain in the butt and was uncomfortable...but I would not trade the experience of pregnancy and birth for ANYTHING in the world. I loved it, even the pain and the weight gain and everything. There is nothing like being pregnant and experiencing bringing life into the world. I know that I would have regretted not having a biological child...nothing to do with the child...but I loved pregnancy.

Spotty-Dotty

Have your own biological children first and then see if you still want to adopt.

Freckle Face

It is not SELFISH its biological.

There are no words to describe pregnancy and yes you will miss out.

As far as adopting later.........stick around and listen and learn about what it is like for adoptees. Do your research.......the book, "Primal Wound" is a good one for starters.

Sunny

Unless you plan on adopting an older child from foster care, there are no kids who "need a home". There are 50-90 couples waiting (and paying 15-30K per kid) to adopt an infant. So you really wouldn't be helping anyone, and you'd be financially less secure.

I'm not one who loves pregnancy, or delivery for that matter. But what I did/do love is that I'm the mother to 3 bi-products of me and my husband. And for someone who grew up in an adoptive home with NO genetic connection--that's priceless.

LinnyG

Yes. Raising a stranger's child through adoption is not even close to raising your own bio child. Pregnancy is different for everyone, but it is awesome. Why do you think BILLIONS of dollars a year are spent on infertility treatments BEFORE people adopt?

Those who can, get pregnant. Those who cannot, adopt. Thats not snark, that's reality, UNLESS you are talking about someone who adopts an older child through foster care.

Have your own. Its how nature designed it to be.

ALL THE SINGLE LADIES

you can do both honey

gypsywinter

How is wanting to be pregnant, having your own child, selfish? It's a natural occurrence in the Human Species...is the only reason we are here writing on YA, unless of course one is conceived by artifical means. To even adopt, means another woman got pg and delivered her baby into this world. Nothing selfish at all about wanting to have your own child. And pregnancy is not a 'horrible' experience nor is the birthing part either. Yeah, there is pain...but Mother Nature built the greatest majority of female bodies to reproduce and the greatest majority of mothers live to tell of their experience and in time will even seem like no big biggie. Can be tough...but it is done, each and every single day across this planet, even in some of the most extreme conditions. Have your own baby, it is the single most miraculous experience you will have as a woman and a mother...the very minute that little one's head pops out and hearing their first cry. I was not given the choice to remain awake when I had my firstborn, but I was fully awake when I had my next 3 babies...and the sheer joy of my baby being placed upon my chest, each and every time brought tears to my eyes...tears of joy that my baby was here...a true miracle of life. Let your maternal instincts lead you...you won't be sorry.

aloha.girl59

Yes, you will.

Wanting to have a child biologically isn't "selfish." It's human instinct. What is selfish is wanting to adopt another woman's newborn. You say that you want to give a home to a child who needs one. If that's the case, then AFTER you've had biological children, adopt from social services. There are over 100,000 children in foster care in the U.S. Those kids truly NEED homes and loving families. Most newborns adopted through agencies do not. With a little emotional and/or financial support, those babies could remain with their mothers, no matter how young or poor they may be.

My advice to you is to have a baby or two from your own body and THEN decide whether or not you still want to adopt. Raising kids is a lot of work! You might decide that 1 or 2 of your own is enough for you. If you are still interested in adoption after you have a baby (or two), contact social services.

Alyssa's mommy

I may be in the minority on this, but to me the whole point of pregnancy is to have a child. I never understood why so many women put so much worry into their birth experience. I could give birth in a ditch during a tornado for all I care, my main goal of pregnancy and child birth is to have a child.

You should expand your family in whatever way makes you happiest. If you want to be pregnant, be pregnant. If you want to adopt later that is just fine. This is your family, guilt should not influence your decisions.

DevonChaos

My pregnancy experiences were so amazing. I wouldn't trade them in for anything. I was already bonded and attached by the time I saw them on their first sonogram. I feel sad for anyone who isn't able to experience this. It was the most amazing, wonderful thing I've ever gone through. I never had any morning sickness, and even though I had to have an emergency c-section with my twins, the good (and 'good' is an understatement) outweighed the bad.
There is nothing wrong with wanting your own biological child. Your body was built to bear children. Nature intended for you to.

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