If adoption is not the right answer then...?

Michael

to hell with what anyone on here says its YOUR choice would they rather u bring a baby in this world and NOT be able to support it? or would they rather it goes with a family that can? dont listen to them they r probly just jesus freaks that have nothing better to do then stand outside of clinics and harass women or they just do it online. the decision is up to you

Brooklynn

I was put up for adoption at birth like your planning to do with your child. Its totally fine, you should go with it. Make sure you pick a good family though, one that will really take care of your child. that looks like they wont have issues with money or family problems later in life. its really hard to give up your kid and hard to know which family is right. My real parents had to give me up because they couldnt afford a child. Btw, i have no intenten on ever going to meet my parents like ever, its not like i hate them for giving me up, i have no feelings towards them at all. I dont even know them. But my brother who is blood related to me really wants to meet them. Just letting you know.

anon

The only one that can really make this decision is you. You seem to be taking responsibility in a tough situation. You are taking time to think this over carefully. That baby is completely dependent on you at this point. You just have to consider what's the most important. You don't have to be rich to raise a baby but if you feel that it's impossible the adoption is also a possibility. Many people choose an abortion which is so sad. They created a new life and then kill it. Yes as soon as the baby is conceived it is alive. I'm am so proud of you for taking care to preserve that precious little life within you. You have to consider what is best for the child. Don't let all these people discourage you one way or the other. There isn't really a right or wrong answer. It's what you feel is best. There is nothing wrong with adoption. There are many loving couples dieing for the chance to raise a baby. Then there is nothing wrong to raise him/her yourself. You have to decide what is right for you. Good Luck with your decision. You're in my prayers.

Marnie B

It sounds like you've made your decision, & you feel like it's the best choice for you. You don't have to justify your reasons to anyone. Don't let the opinions of a bunch of strangers on the Internet make you feel bad about it. Don't listen to them, listen to your heart. I'd encourage you to talk to a counselor to help you sort out your feelings.

lost

I think we are somewhat in the same boat. but keep a couple things in mind.

1) If you put your mind to it you can do anything. Most colleges have daycares now-a-days and yes your days would be very long ut it is possible.

2) Your doctor shouldn't have told the parents unless you were ready. You should have been able to meet the parents and see if they are the kind of parents you would like the baby to have!

3) make sure you get a lawer. nuf said.

4) Adoption is very hard but, if you feel that it is best but just want to be a part of the childs life then go for an open adoption. The child would still be in the other families custody and they would be the "parents" to the child but you can still have a part of it's life. Be there for every birthday and christmas and every game if you both felt comfortable.

Just a few ideas. Hope this helps :D

if you need someone to talk to my YIM id is.... girlpower4611

need an answer

i dont know how you feel but i can sort of understand. if you really want to keep your baby than keep it. but ask your family for help so you dont have to pay for daycare. if they refuse then thats a little wierd because that may be the only way you can keep the baby. or if you decide for adoption ask for an open adoption so you can still see your child and have a relationship with your baby.

-gomezjess@hotmail.com

rejectedzipper

Just do what you think is right FOR YOU.

That's all that counts.

The "deal" thru your OB/GYN is illegal. Walk away from it, adoption has to be formal and go according to State requirements - if they will do that then go ahead.

Ignore the haters.

7rin

Just dropping in to say congratulations on fighting for your kid. :)

TexasHouston2528

Diane- I think you ARE thinking of your baby, and with the way economy is you don't want the baby to go through ANY hardship. And I commend you on that.
I WISH my child would have done the same, going on child 3, with no job, no money, and CONSTANTLY depends on me for EVERYTHING!!! Always asking for money to buy drugs and what ever other BS she can come up with to get some money out of me.It's not right!!!
THERE ARE SEVERAL DIFFERENT OPTIONS AVAILABLE ON ADOPTION, WHERE YOU CAN VISIT WITH THE CHILD WRITE HIM/HER AND VICE VERSA.
Don't shut the child out- is what I 'm saying.
And your BOYFRIEND wanting you to abort. HELLO who's body is this? Is he supporting you . HE IS THINKING OF HIM AND NOT YOU !!! Bottom-line.
Sometime, it's take a really rotten experience an overflow of guilt, before people can clearly open their eyes and see someone for what their worth!!!!

IF YOU DON'T want to give it up for adoption- YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION, but don't sit there crying AFTER you signed paperwork, wishing you hadn't.
Especially since the damage is done( and I truly mean that in a nice way with all due respect) so now your family is just in a split second going tolike you and give you all the things you had before. Maybe your just not ready to be a mom---?
Because it's quite confussing to you how you CAN make the decison in letting your boyfriend tell you what to do, But you cant stand up to make the right decison for you , on your own- I'am NOT here to judge. who am I
Soley to give my opinion
And by the way Jennifer D- is right with regard to your privacy- CHANGE doctors so you dont feel so pressured. I imagine you feel this way, cause this is your doctor.But Your right are protected and Jennifer id right, she violated that.
There is help out there.

I don't know what the right answer for you is. I do think there are situations where adoption is the best choice but I don't know if yours is one of those. I also think there are mothers who do a good job raising their children despite enormous challenges, and there are some resources and supports listed here that you could explore that might help you. You shouldn't let anyone pressure you into anything.

One thing I feel absolutely sure of is that you are under no obligation to the couple that want to adopt, and their feelings should not influence your decision. If you do it, it should be because you sincerely feel it is the best thing for you and your baby, not for any other reason. You don't owe them anything.

Had you promised them, you have the right to change your mind, and you haven't even promised them, you just said you'd consider it. So take them out of your decision process altogether.

I also think your doctor was out of line.

Breathe deeply and take your time to consider all your options.

Carol c

You've got excellent advice here and I agree with everyone but Marnie. Had she read your comment carefully, she would see that it is obvious that you do not want to give your baby away but feel backed into a corner.

Here's an idea - In addition to reporting the doctor for violating HIPAA,The Hippocratic Oath and the fact that he has breached his duty to uphold doctor patient confidentiality; I suggest you contact a malpractice attorney and threaten to sue this guy - maybe he would settle with you in a way to give you and your child some financial security AND pay off your student loan. If you need any of us to help you with the language to make the attorney understand that this doctor is using coercive tactics to guilt trip you out of your child and probably human trafficking; feel free to ask.
Good luck! I'm really glad you want to keep your baby and looking for ways to do so!

http://medicalmalpracticelawblog.com/2009/03/17/breach-of-doctorpatient-confidentiality/

I'd sure look into it and take any action you have to against him in addition to following all the other good advice here.

AnnaBelle

Wow. I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said, but I am BEGGING you to report this doctor. Seriously. I'm begging.

Keep your baby. Give up the doctor.

LindseyTaylor

You can get medicaid for your medical bills, WIC to help with food for the baby, assistance with child care so you can continue schooling, even help from the campus with family housing. Financial problems are no excuse. I know they are overwelming...believe me I know, but I hate hate hate when people say they want to keep their children but let a roadblock completely stop them.

I was kicked out at 17. No car, no money, no job, no education. And I got pregnant...and I did let the roadblocks stop me. and I would do anything I could do have my daughter with me right now. Instead of fighting like hell and doing everything I could to make what I wanted happen...I fell into a "well there's nothing I can do" slump. and I wish that I had fought like hell...

You do not owe this couple your baby...you don't owe them anything. Make the best decision for you and your baby.

Triskelion

If your dad is a doucher to you anyways, get off his insurance and sign up for Medicaid. You can use it during your pregnancy and the baby will continue to be covered under it once it's born. I'm on Medicaid for my pregnancy and I was able to pick a practitioner I loved. You should find a new OB anyways because yours is in SERIOUS ethics violation. Get on WIC and regular food stamps-those programs exist for a reason and just because you never imagined you need to take advantage of them doesn't mean you should feel ashamed if you have to.

I sympathize with your situation about student loans with no way to pay back, but I have to be honest and say $18,000 dollars in the hole is a joke and on the low end of student debt loads these days. I'm closer to $100,000 after a master's degree and I too am looking for work while pregnant. Once you financially sever your ties with your dad, you will be eligible for more financial aid, especially with a child. Do not let that amount of student debt deter you from such a big decision-especially if it's federal loan debt. They have made several new programs to help you pay back loans in recent years that will ensure you are not giving up too much of your income to debt once you are graduated.

Switching OBs & cutting off contact with your unethical one should be your first step. Once the baby is born, you can probably find housing on campus as well as subsidized daycare programs. I don't have the personal experience with adoption that most people in this section do but I can tell you, your situation DOES give you plenty of outs. If you want to keep your baby, do it- I promise you neither one of you will starve and if you're flexible, you will graduate college. It's not your job as a healthy young woman to be a baby factory for others and being young and poor doesn't mean you won't be an excellent parent. A baby doesn't give a rat's *** if its stroller was 500 dollars from a fancy boutique or used from Craigslist. Everything about your story screams "COERCION" and your situation enrages me. Please look into all the alternatives.

Pip

You DO have a choice and don't feel obligated to surrender just because a "nice, Christian couple" want to adopt your baby. To be quite honest with you it sounds like the people around you plus your family have done a good job of using coercive tactics on you. I actually think other people are being cruel - nor do I hate you btw - by their actions so that now you seem to have convinced yourself that adoption is best.

You state that you want to keep your baby then do it as that's what's best for both of you. Tell your boyfriend to get his act together and be a father to his baby which includes supporting BOTH you and baby. If he doesn't then get advice on how to get him to financially support HIS baby. In this day and age you should be supported in your choice to be a mother instead of "persuading" you to surrender just because you're poor. Stand up for your rights as an expectant mother.

Aislin

If you would really like to sek an alternative to adoption I help run a forum for just that. We can help you make a parenting plan, find ways to overcome parenting obstacles and find resources for yourself and your baby.

http://connections-usa.org/
http://connections-usa.org/forum

Rosie

Change Ob-gyn doctors. Yours is unethical. Very, very unethical. You couldn't be more vunerable than with your legs up in stirrups.

The excited christian parents are unethical. They should not be circling your leaky boat at this time. I don't care if they are excited. They need to check themselves.

Your parents who took everything away from you? They should not have to sponsor you in college with a sweet setup, but they should support your pregnancy and keep the baby in the family.

What you need is sanctuary for the first five years of your child's life. A nurturing environment that helps you parent and keep your child.

Somewhere safe to live, that is priced to be in a minimum wage's budget.

Jennifer D

You are under NO obligation to give your baby to that couple. And even if you decide to give your baby up for adoption, you should go through a reputable agency. Your Ob violated the law when she gave information to that couple! She has violated your confidentiality, and you need to find another doctor. She was not supposed to give any of your medical information to anyone else, which is what she did.
If you want to keep your baby, you should. You will find a way to make it work. Your boyfriend MUST pay child support. And once the baby is born, if you are over 18, you can apply for financial aid, and tell you father he can no longer claim you as a dependent. You lose the insurance, but you can get Medicaid for the baby. Try a resource such as Agape. They can hook you up to resources to help you keep your child.
If you really do not want to parent, you need to be honest with yourself and not be influenced by what anyone else has to say. It's none of their busienss. You have to make the right decision for yourself and your baby. If that is your decision, find a reputable agency. Maybe your new Ob could recommend one, or Agape can.

kitta

The important thing is: what do you want.

It sounds like you still really want your baby, and you feel that you are being pushed to give up your child. The couple may be excited about your baby, but this is still your child, and you may be surprised at the depth of love and anguish you will feel when you hand your child over...if you do.

Your family may also change their minds after the child is born. Parents become grandparents and then they suddenly realize that this is their grandbaby, and they step up.

What does bf want? Is he supportive? He is obligated to support his child by law...

I don't think anyone here "hates" you. People here have lost children and parents through adoption and that is why they react so strongly. They have felt the same pain, and they don't want to see someone else go through it.

Whatever you do, don't sign any surrender or adoption papers or 'agreements" before the baby is born.

kidmindi

This is why pre-birth matching is WRONG. You are NOT obligated to give that couple YOUR baby, no matter how excited they are.

You neverk now if those ppl will always be happily married or even financialy stable.

There are ways you can keep your baby..You owe your baby a life with you...

Sunny

Some thoughts:

--You doctor should be reported to the AMA for violating HIPPA regulations. You also need a new doctor asap.

--Time to declare independence from mom & dad. Being on their insurance is costing you $. You ought to get on Medicaid and WIC asap. If thousands of immigrants do this daily, why not you? Our neighbors to the South don't give up kidsâ€”why should we? Then your medical will be paid for and you'll qualify for financial aid instead of those loans.

--Doesn't matter what the boyfriend wantsâ€”he's on the hook. You need to call your parents (and his) and let them know that you will be keeping their grandchild and you could use all the help you could get. If they don't help, tell them you'll be calling other relatives and friends to ask for help. I think it's pretty disgusting that your parents write you off on their taxes (that's why you can't get aid) but refuse to help.

--There are places where you can work AND get free daycareâ€”preschools, universities.

Once you put your mind to doing the right thingâ€”opportunities will fall into place. Luck meets ACTION and resolve and you and your child will be just fine.

These â€œChristiansâ€ need to take a hike. If you decide to raise your own child, just tell them to stop harassing you. To them your child is just a baby---they'll get another. This baby is NOT replaceable to you.

Trust me, I have a mother (whom I've been reunited with for over 20 years) who has never gotten over losing her only childâ€”me. You'll get a college degree eventually. Might take a year or two longer, but it will certainly be a hollow victory if your beautiful baby is being raised by strangers.

I so wish I had been raised by my own Mama.

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