In real life which do you think is the majority view of most adoptees?

Robert P

Most other adoptees that I know are pretty well adjusted. They either had no desire to meet their birth parents or if they did they meet them out of curiosity and that was it. They keep in touch but they are not considered family.

There are a few who have kept in regular contact but they usually have some issue within their families.

I met the nice lady who gave birth to me. I send her a Chanukah card every year. That is it. I have a mother.

Birthers are NOT mothers

99% here are definitely option B

maybe

C) None of the above.

Andraya - Snark's Sister

My adoption was necessary to provide me with a pony and a pool. It became unnecessary when said items failed to materialize.

god's servant

well since i am a person who's been adopted my answer is...A) My adoption was necessary and i am appreciative and grateful that i was adopted.

cruzgirlz3

I don't know.

Carnie C

A.

people here seek it out and are more vocal about their experiences than the ones that don't make it a defining characteristic of their lives.

lish

its not black and white its a bit of both for most people id say. depends on the person and the adoptive parents and the way their adoption was handled and the way their life turned out, myself it would be angry a little that i was denied my natural heritage and parents and what would have been my life if i wasnt adopted, but i love my adoptive parents and i had a happy childhood and good opportunitys so im glad they adopted me after i was given up for adoption. could have been a lot worse.

Anha S

I'd imagine theres a whole spectrum of feelings out there. You can't box it into 2 statements and call it a day. Though I do know from adoptee support groups I was part of when I was younger, and just knowing other adoptees in my daily life, we didn't talk, speak out, or otherwise make a peep because theres nothing like being pooped on and rejected for bursting someone's bubble.

Jackie B

Your options are too black and white. There are too many variables to clump people into one group or the other.

kanirtak

A) My adoption was necessary and I am appreciative and grateful that I was adopted.

(Tho growing up, I always felt i was in the wrong life and was against adoption..)

(edit: When I was 18 I started talking to my birth mother via email)

H******

That's open to speculation only because no data is held

There are many 'closeted' adoptees though, afraid to speak out about how they feel for reasons such as, well, how can I put this? Um, people like you.

Cheery-bye

Got Jesus?

For me it'd be A), but everyone has different experiences and I can't tell you what most people would believe because i'd be lying.

Laurel J

I couldn't care less who's in the majority. My thoughts and feelings are mine, and they won't be changed by what the majority says or thinks. If you find comfort out of believing that more people agree with you than don't, your beliefs must be a bit shaky.

The majority offers no safety, however. The majority can be wrong, and has been, many times over, in this country. That's why we have a republic, not a democracy--to protect us from the "tyranny of the majority."

My adoption was both necessary and unnecessary. It's being able to wrap my head around seeming contradictions like that that keeps me in touch with reality.

almost human

I think most of us start out as A and move towards B if we find out more details.

But I'm not bitter, and I reject the way this question was framed.

Every either/or question posed on Y!A is simplistic and antagonizing and doesn't reflect the reality of the many iterations of adoption and its complexities.

Lady Rowan

Honestly, more likely its somewhere in between. Yes, there are plenty of group A and group B, and a mixture of both.

Its not black and white Ollie.

myst1998

You don't get it. It is neither. Many adopted persons love their adoptive families and who can blame them.... they were raised by these people and they are family. BUT... this does NOT discount the fact they were born to another family first.

Why does an adoptee need to be labelled as bitter and angry to have their voice heard? I have seen many of the adoptees here who are not happy about adoption yet love their adoptive families... they do not appear bitter, angry or sad... just not happy with a system who took their natural family away without their choice. Who can blame them? No one. It is their life, their experience. You feel how you feel. That's great. That is YOUR life but stop pushing your agenda and what you want all people to believe. Stop trying to box everyone so neatly, it isn't going to work because LIFE IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE.

Oh, you need some cotton buds to clean out your ears because you don't appear to be listening to anyone who doesn't say what you want them to say. Life doesn't work that way. You need to continually be open to learning and growing or you stagnate as you appear to have and learn nothing.

3 girls and 1 boy for me!

I would speculate that there are more that are discontent about their adoption than those who believe that it was a wonderful thing to have done to them. That doesn't mean they are unhappy with their adoptive parents or their life in general, they just aren't happy that a decision was made that separated them from their biological parents.

Tonia

C) My adoption happened and I am dealing with it the best way I can.

Torrejon

Why are there only two answers?! Do you really think that ALL adoptees can fall into an either/or category? That is really very short-sighted since there are all sorts of adoptees, placed for all sorts of reasons, and have all sorts of feelings about their adoptions.

blank stare

This is called a false dichotomy. It is basically the disjunctive fallacy.

For another example of this fallacy see George W. Bush: "You're either with us or with the terrorists."

ETA: For those who are curious... It is an assumption fallacy. It is related to the loaded question fallacy (e.g., "Have you stopped beating your wife?" - which, when asked by itself, assumes that the person has been beating his wife). Both fallacies make assumptions that are unjustified and given no evidence. In the case of the false dichotomy, the faulty assumption is that these are the only two options available and one of them has to be true. But it is often the case that there are other (sometimes many other) options available.

å°é»ƒ

The problem with this question indicates that there must be two camps.

See, that just doesn't work very well in the REAL WORLD. People cannot be categorized into such direct shades of black & white. It doesn't work. What about the middle? Why can't there be a middle?

By the way, in real life, I think that many who don't share the "adoption is ponies and rainbows" are silenced. So, DUH, of *course* you won't have ever heard of any adoptee in real life who speaks out.

Lori A

My daughters adoption was necessary. So was our reunion.

Opedial

So you are all or nothing I see.

Are you with me or against me.

Are you black or white.

Are you super intelligent or severely mentally disturbed

Open your mind a bit and try to think of things from more than one dimension.

kateiskate is getting married

I'd say most people irl who have been adopted have a love/hate relationship with it like me. I hate it for taking my first family, culture, identity, race away from me, but I love my afamily and am glad to have them as part of my life.

DevonChaos

A shade of grey between the two.

You'll find that the more polarizing points of view... the "its all wonderful" and the "its all terrible" are the minority. The majority falls somewhere between.

thea519

A, 100% A! My birth mother was only 16 years old when she became pregnant with me. I am so much more than grateful that she made the responsible decision to give me up for adoption. I am simply astonished at the number of people on these adoption posts that say that adoption is a horrible thing for every party involved. Adoption is an amazing opportunity given to the birth mother (by being able to give the child a better life that she could), to the adopted (by being placed in a home where the parents wanted a child so badly that they were willing to go through a rigorous and expensive process just to have that child), and to the adopters (by having a tremendous void in their life filled, by a child they, more than likely, couldn't produce by themselves.) Adoption is an amazing experience and I am in no way bitter to anyone or anything.

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