In the realm of adoption, what makes you most angry?

Tonia

Comments claiming to be a fact without posting sources... real sources, not just blogs or fan sites.

Larry B

Society's complete ignorance when forcing a government solution to an individual's problems. They think that through a nurturing and structured childhood a person born of an abusive, drug addicted, mentally traumatizing, and ignorant relationship, is going to feel loved and self-confident.

Certainly a toddler isn't able to take care of himself (and his mother) when his mother is a gang b####, but would society be better off if he survived by begging food on the streets and by being shipped from grandma to aunt to neighbor, none of whom have custody, but who can understand his self-destructive personality until he joins a street gang and gets shot, rather than being adopted by a judgmental, middle class, professional, two parent household who watch him play t-ball and take him to Disneyland and expect him to be responsive and involved when none of his genetics allows him to be?

Sometimes I don't know. I wish that adoption could be voluntary for the child and there would be summer camps for adoptees in which they could meet all the other kids "rescued" from the streets, and in September they could all be asked if they want to stay in the orphanage or go back to the Bradys. But society thinks that adoptive parents can change manic-depressive children into anything but manic-depressive adults and if we don't, it's our fault not the genetics of the manic-depressive mother and drug abusing father. Adoptive children can't even recognize that reality and they're raised with the facts every day. So, nothing's going to change, that ignorance will stay forever until there is a cure for mental illness.

Nicky

The fact that people somehow think they have a right to adopt and should not have to show that they understand the complexities that exist.

The fact that these forums tend to overlook many successful adoptions and do not recognise that in some countries the process is perfectly legitimate and the children are given the right to family life through permanence. Children who are adopted (in the UK) have much better outcomes than children who remain in the care system.

kijkwijzer

The anger behind it all. All.

kitta

The forced surrender of children. This leads to sealed records, and other violations.

When children do not need to be taken from their parents, this is a crime.....legalized kidnapping.

Claire

That people who adopt children do so without a thought to the mother who relinquished her child and in most cases, without help being offered to her....or having her child forcefully taken from her as what occured in the 50's, 60's,70's and 80's...

Ferbs

That the unethical, fraudulent, profit-making side of adoption practically makes it impossible to show that there is another side to the adoption realm.

Open adoptions do exist. But people reneg.

Not everyone has to pay tons of money. But people will offer to pay
expenses and high amounts of money to get a "custom" baby

Not everyone wants a newborn. But pre-birth matching is common.

Not everyone who adopts is rich. But the rich get the most opportunity to adopt since they can afford to get at the front of the line.

Basically...the s!tty bad apples make many adoptive families look bad for having the natural instinct to parent.

Last two points: That all countries seemed to be judged by the US system and that wanting a young child makes you evil when you're actually trying to keep the birth order.

Thank God it's morning...last night...this would have kept me up.

ttfn

minimouse68

The theft of choice and self identity. The legalised lies.

Lish

that its still generally believed that it doesnt affect the child and if the child does have an issue with it, its weird. that its the best option for a child to be placed with strangers who may have more money, as if material things are the most important thing.
and that non-adopted people think they can possibly know what it is like. and that somehow younger or poorer women 'owe' their children to infertile women.
and that money exchanges hands.
i do know there are some adoptions that are necessary or were chosen fully by the mother. but i just wish for once that people would start to think about how THEY would like it if they had been given up, or had their baby taken away by strangers. it wouldnt be normal for them, so why for us.
oh and how could i forget, the lies and secrecy that we have to put up with. how dare i not have access to who my parents are, or where i was born? its disgusting that this is accepted.

it also annoys me that adoptive parents are led to believe it will all work out like the child is their own. it can lead to unrealistic expectations and guilt or distress when it doesnt. it also doesnt prepare the adoptive parents for dealing with and raising the child, who may have issues. this is ignored and can have really bad consequences for the child and them.
and that its a fix for infertility - most people who adopt do so cos they cant have kids, they wouldnt think about it otherwise. and the fact that its all newborns, older kids are ignored.

Becca

People, mostly here, assuming I adopted to be in 'style' or other crap like that.
No one has the right to judge my reasons for adopting my daughter cause only I know the full story and my true reasons.

Mama Bear

All the lies.

Selling babies

Thousands of children in foster care looking for homes but not getting them because they are no longer infants.

Sealed records

The misguided idea that adoption is best for the child.

Damitra

(The ignorance of society) The promotion of family separation to create a family for someone else. The glorification of adoption. The lack of education on the effects of adoption for all parties involved. The dehumanizing of unwed or teen mothers as justification for relinquishment to adoption.

Happy Mommie

Anna Bell....you nailed this!
If I had to add anything it would be LIES LIES AND LIES.

Lying to the child, to the Ap, to the First Parents etc.

almost human

That so-called benevolent people who are in the position to adopt are represented by those who profit by adoption and can afford lobbyists, but those who are the adopted or those who are the source of adoptees have little to no representation.

This imbalance of power, as in all things, is based in economics. Until this is rectified, adoption will nearly always be a result of exploitation of the poor.

Why anyone would want to participate in ill-gotten gains is beyond me. There's no good reason why adoption shouldn't be made ethical - except that it would take more love, care, effort, and money.

That people's self interests over-ride these basic considerations not only makes me angry, but makes me cry for humanity.

kiahsobyk .

People telling me what to think about it.

kateiskate is getting married

Jennifer's three are three that really anger me.

Especially rehoming and adoption disruption. How many of those families would put those kids out if they were their bio kids? Probably very few. Adoption disruption shatters the whole view of the "Forever family". Yeah, we'll be your forever family until you do something wrong, and then you're out on your ***.

Lady Rowan

Generalizations of any kind.

Lack of medical history. Until last year, i was unaware that one of my grandmothers had died of ovarian cancer. That's something i need to know.!

lies of any kind.

Closed adoptions for any reason unless the child's safety is at risk.

mom1

In relation to foster care adoption: the adult action (or lack of action) that led up to the need for adoption.

AnnaBelle

1) The kids waiting in foster care while people complain that they've been waiting ten years for their white baby.

2) People who believe foster kids to be somehow less worthy of a family because they may be damaged; the system fails them twice. They are abused, neglected, etc., at the hands of the original family, and then are further neglected as a result of that damage.

3) Money changing hands for children.

ETA:

4) Sorry, thought of another one. Anything involving lying. Kids not knowing their original families, adults being encouraged NOT to seek, sealed records, amended birth certificates, and of course, unscrupulous adoptive parents being dishonest with their children about their OWN stories. I have a real problem with anything that is dishonest.

Saggyrl

How adoptees get lost in the whole process- their feelings ignored, voices silenced. How they never had a choice in the matter to begin with.

a healing adoptee

when people who are not adopted, tell me how i should feel about my adoption. Or throw in my face at least your mom didn't abort you. I'm like thanks, it was nice to meet you too.(please note scarasm here)

spotty-dotty: you proved my point. see how you demonize the birthmother. like i stated above and many times you are not adopted. just because you know people who are adopted or who have adopted does not mean you have the slightest idea what it means to be adopted.

Jennifer L

1. Adoption disruptions (or at least 99% of them)

2. Posts on the internet about adopted children needing to be "re-homed".

3. People who believe that the legitimate checks and processes during an adoption are the work of Satan trying to deny them their child.

Cambria

When people get angry when I say how I feel about adoption.

Or when people on here assume that adoptees who are trying to educate people about the -realities- of adoption are all just angry, bitter, depressed people who should be ignored and demonized.

Or when people who know nothing about adoption try to act like they are experts.

Or when people make assumptions about mine and my parent's relationship just because -they- can't handle adoptees expressing negativity.

NoDakMama

It makes me angry when I get negativity hurled at me for being an adoptive mother, without knowing even a fraction of the story.

AdoreHim

what makes the angriest is when people tell me that I must be living in denial because i have no problems with being adopted.

Bri

I was adopted. To me the worst is know who your parents are, but not being able to see or talk to them. Knowing your mom lives 15 minutes away and your not suppose to see her. Knowing you have family you may never get the chance to meet. Just not knowing or being able to see your family is the worst.

Spotty-Dotty

People blaming APS for everything, forgetting the reason they got the baby was the birthmother...

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