Is having a baby selfish compared to adoption?

rÃ”||Ã¿ RÃ³Â¢kÃ«t (Kosher Invasion)

I don't think it's selfish at all. If I weren't fukcing barren, I'd of given birth to my own biological children. Apparently though, some higher power didn't think it was a good idea for me to reproduce, so I adopted. It wasn't what our plan was in the beginning, but that's just how the monkey flew and we're happy as can be. I'd also be as happy as can be if these kids had popped out of me.

Kristina

i would love to have my own and adopt one too

Cherry

Both opinions make sense. the only thing that i see about having a child is that that child is yor blood and when you carry a child for 9 months there is a bond that is made between you and that child that even before the baby is born you are already in love with it and you would do anything to take care of the baby. The adoption is something that i personally think is a very big thing to do. It makes you a bigger person. The child is yours and you are helping that child live a life that he or she was never able to get nor had the oportunity.

modern_dearjuliet@yahoo.com is great with this stuff she always answers my questions. Maybe she can help you see the other mom's point of views and them to see yours.

aloha.girl59

It is not selfish to want to bear your own children. It is a basic human drive.

It IS selfish to want to raise someone else's child. Unfortunately, tens of thousands of children in the U.S. alone NEED to be adopted because they are in foster care. Their parents -- for whatever reason(s) -- either cannot or will not properly take care of them, so the kids need other parents.

It is selfish to want to adopt a newborn whose mother and/or father would be able to care for it if s/he had the resources. Paying money for another human being is illegal. Adoption agencies get around this by saying that the $30,000+ they charge to "find" infants for adoptive parents is for administrative costs. Yeah. Right. Very, very few infants are born to women who truly don't want them and then relinquish them for adoption. The kids who aren't wanted are the ones who are abused and neglected and in foster care.

How do I know this? I am one of those selfish people. I wanted to be a mother. I was only thinking about myself. THAT is selfish. I adopted a child from foster care -- a child who truly needed a home and loving parents -- to satisfy MY desires. Fortunately, we all benefited from it.

Kay

NO. It is not selfish at all. I don't think there is anything selfish about wanting your children to be biologically yours. I am 18, my mother has a condition that made it difficult for her to have me and my sister. There is a possibility that I have it as well, so I have been seeing a doctor since I was 14 in order to manage it, so that one day I can have my own child. Having my own child one day is very important to me, but if one day I can't then yes of course I would consider adoption.

I think it is quite rude of you to say something like this. Lots of people want to have their own children, and like someone else said...if people stopped having babies, then adoption wouldn't be possible.

Ferbs

I will state it simply for you.

Having children...is natural. It's how YOU got into this world.

And those who adopt can be just as selfish as biological parents in wanting children. Bio parents may want that genetic similarity but adoptive parents have been known to try and adopt children/babies who will look like them too.

It's how you get to that point that speaks to one's character. You have to be able to set everything aside for a child to be part of the home.

Princess Cherbs

As selfish and silly as you sound, chances of you ever adopting are RARE.
They screen people before adoption these days, and because of your sad little attitude, no one would ever want to place a child with you.
God forbid you ever get knocked up....poor kid.

PS - The "children" you want to adopt HAVE PARENTS. Just because you train them to call you Mommy does not mean they dont have BIRTH PARENTS. Even if they are deceased, they are still the birth parents, and always will be.

dirtydeeds

And I think ignorant individuals making such judgments are selfish.Good for you for wanting to adopt.It's a great thing.However, adoption is NOT for everyone.I am never going to adopt.Why? because I know I would never be able to give an adopted child what he/she needs.Adopted children usually come with trauma.They have a past of neglect abuse etc.There ARE several out there that are lucky and have escaped without much negative history, but no adopted child comes without issues.It takes a special person to take these children into their hearts and homes and to love them with all of their might, like they deserve.

I am not selfish for not wanting to do this.I am not selfish for having four biological children.

Sara

The choices each of us make in life are no one else's business. What I've learned is that no matter what you choose someone will be there to tell you you're doing it wrong. Hopefully there will also be people there to tell you you're doing it right.

My advice is to celebrate your friend's choice to get pregnant and let her celebrate your choice to adopt. Why call each other names (selfish...wow)? Celebrate the fact that you are different and will therefore make different choices.

Hayden's Mommy

I understand your point of view. I agree to an extent. I think if you cannot have children, you should look into adoption before trying invetro or surrogate or something. If you are going to spend all that money, why not adopt.

I get it.

however, if you can bear children, it is hard to give that up for adoption. If you have never had your own biological child you can't understand that feeling. It is more than the child looking like you. that child is apart of you, he grew inside you. You gave him life and breathe. He will always be apart of you. The feeling of being pregnant is like no other and there is no reason why a person should give that up simply because other people have chosen not to raise their children.

I am all for adoption. But it isn't always so easy. adoption is expensive and not everyone has the money. Also, it is a very long hard process and even after the adoption is final, the parents can still come back and take them away. It is emotionally draining and some people don't want to go through that. Also, many people, especially first time parents want babies, and they are very hard to come by. There are a million reasons for havingyour own children. I give you props for wanting to adopt, but please don't beliddle those of us who chose to have our own children naturally

cricketlady

Absolutely NOT!!!!! It's up to each individual and the majority of people have never gave adoption a second thought ---and that is fine with me.

tish_part deux

well...

people have their own children because...well, because they want to.

i know it reads simplistic, as does your arugument.

BTW...i do think you are targeting the wrong group. it's not people who can conceive, gestate and give birth to their own children who are the problem with "so many children who don't have parents." if this is truly your concern, perhaps you should direct your concerns to the hundreds or thousands of people "waiting" for a newborn baby to adopt.

you see, the reason there are so many kids without parents is not that people choose to reproduce: yet, those who can NOT, and desire to adopt, actually do not want to parent the children who need parents.

and i agree with tyler's mom....not so sure how "legit' your opinion is (simply because it's an "opinion", not evidence).

bottom line, if you want to adopt, you are free to do so. but to attack those who choose to parent their own children as the problem, is questionable.

ETA: so autumn...to state that the number of people who wish to adopt (most of whom are infertile, and only want babies, not the children who are in need of parents) could reduce the number of children who--according to this poster-- are in need of parents is hate-speech?? LOL... my argument is that there ARE those who wish to parent; yet many do NOT wish to parent the kids who are available for adoption. yet, choose to wait for years to be "picked" by a pregnant woman so that they can parent a newborn. if this is perceived as "hate speech" then...ok. i'm too tired to even give that comment any further time.

Baby Boy Born Nov 4!

I did not chose to get pregnant because I want a clone of me walking around...if I wanted that I would have gone to some science center and let them recreate me in a test tube. I chose to get pregnant because not only is it human nature...but this whole pregnancy experience has been AMAZING. It is such a beautiful thing to know that you created this human and are responsible for their entire existance. From the first ultrasound to the first kick...to giving birth...it is beautiful. Then you also have this child walking around who will forever be a part of you. You don't have to fight for them like you have to in a lot of adoptions...you don't have to pay thousands to have them just be yours on paper...you don't have to worry about the parent swooping in and changing their minds.

If anything, Darwin would argue that you are the one with the issue. Women were made to reproduce and want to concieve to keep the human race going. If all women thought like you, we would go extinct in no time.

Sunny

You said:

"I want children, but I want to adopt them. I think adoption makes the world a better place."

So you want to take a child from his mother to make YOURSELF feel better about the state of the world.

Sounds pretty selfish to me, not to mention profoundly ignorant.

Alicia

no. i dont think so.most people,when they choose to adopt, whether because of infertility or because they just want to, they want infants. not older children. the problem with this country, n=most infants put up for adoption are spoken for before they are born, and kids available for adoption in the foster care system are older, and a lot of times have pasts and problems that come with them. having an infant, you can raise them how YOU want, withouthaving to worry about that. and you hear about that all the time, people adopting and then sending kids BACK to the foster care system beause they weren't ready to deal with thte problems that came with them. THAT i think is selfish. i think that if someone doesn't WANT to deal with whatever may come with adoption, then they SHOULD have their own kids, that way you dont wend up with a confused 8 yo who already had problems getting sent back like he wasnt good enough for that family.

EDIT: and i totally agree with the peopel above me. i chose to have my own kids because i wanted to feel the joy of being pregnant, and having children, not that look like me (because meither of mine do), but because i wanted that baby to be a part of me. I carried my children, I gave them life. its a wonderful feeling. at the moment i'm 20 weeks pregnant with my third child, and i want one more of my own. as for my future plans, i want to adopt an older child, say, 7-9 years old, and i want to be a foster mom. probably about when my oldest is 7-9 years old. he's 2 now.

cathrl69

Let me guess - you want to adopt cute iddle baybees. Here's some news for you - there are almost NO babies who don't have parents, and there are far more people wanting to adopt infants than infants who need adopting.

So...let's suppose you're still idealistic about this. You'll adopt older children. Despite not having the experience you get from looking after a child from birth and having your relationship grow with the child. And you assume this will all just be fine and lovely. You, with zero parenting experience, will jump right in and cope with a child who's desperately missing their parents, or has been abused by them, or has been shunted from foster home to foster home, or who wasn't adopted any earlier because they have behavioural problems...oh yeah. You'll be wonderful at it. By magic.

Take the rose coloured glasses off and engage your brain, sweetheart. The people you are calling "selfish" are the ones who've actually spent time thinking about it. There's nothing selfish in knowing you would struggle to bring up somebody else's child. Someone who spends all their time writing "I want", though...how would you describe them?

Parenting is an Option

Um I wanted a baby to love unconditionally. So while I was in my fertile years I had 1, then another and then a third. It wasn't that I was selfish it was just what nature intended to continued the human species.

I think it is selfish to want to adopt womb wet infants and toddlers. I think people should adopt older children that have been abused or neglected and the disabled. I don't think brainwashing young girls into relinquishment is good, I don't think kidnapping babies in foreign countries is good and I don't think bragging about saving a child is good. All I think about those saving a child is how selfish and self centered the person must people and how god like wannabes they are. God provides Satan Takes :)'

I don't think it's selfish, but I think a person should decide what's best and do that.

do you know where babies come from, how they are made? The don't just appear out of thin air because you want to adopt because you think its unselfish. Someone has to get pregnant, and have a child of their own, for someone to 'unselfishly' adopt it. If everyone stopped having children all together, and adopted those children already born, they would eventually grow up, and not have kids themselves because its 'selfish' and then the human race would cease to exist.

Awesome thinking. There is absolutely NOTHING selfish or wrong in having children of your own. There are so many older children that need to be adopted, but no one wants to. Everyone wants a newborn fresh from mom. How about you climb up on that soap box.

Tonia

No. If you want to be a parent be one!

Pip

There is one serious flaw in your argument. If people stopped having children then eventually there wouldn't be any children to adopt because people would either raising the children they already had or all children wouid be adopted from foster care. The only good point in this would be that it would stop infant adoption. Of course if nobody had children of their own then eventually the human race woukd die out.

You have a right to your opinion and I completely agree that children in foster care deserve to be raised in a loving family environment. On the other hand I don't agree with you that it is selfish to want to have your own children, it's called human nature and the most natural thing to do whereas newborn adoption is unnatural. In fact I believe it is far more selfish to think it's okay to adopt a newborn baby.

Adoption doesn't make the world a better place generally. In the perfect world there would be no need for adoption but unfortunately while children are abused it would be far worse to let them suffer.

I couldn't adopt for the simple reason I do know what it like to be bullied and lied into surroundering. My parents were the selfish ones as I was quite capable of raising my son but they didn't want the "shame" of me being a single mother. I was told my son's adoptive parents couldn't have children but they could and did when my son was 20 months old. What does that make them, selfish or saviours?

There are also children in foster care due to false allegations which I know is true as I have got to know the parents. In some cases they have got their children back, others are still battling to get their kids back and a few are now adopted. Knowing what I do I couldn't adopt.

If you do adopt and it's from foster care then I really don't have a problem with that. What I have a problem with are people adopting newborns and thinking it's acceptable instead of encouraging mothers to be parents.

Saggyrl

No, it's not selfish, and I think once you're older you may very well change your mind. I agree with everyone above. Also- yes, I DO want my kids to look like me! I am white and hubby is black, and our kids (we have two, and I'm currently pregnant with #3) look like a very even mix of both of us. I think it's awesome that I gave my older child a sibling who has exactly the same skin tone and features that he does! Honestly I can't wait to see who this new little one looks like too!
But it's more than that- I wanted to experience pregnancy and birth. There is nothing like feeling your little one kick inside of you, or nursing him/her at your breast. And I went through several miscarriages so I know what a miracle it is to be able to carry a child to term.
I think adopting from foster care is a good thing, if it is done for the right reasons.

Nicole

It seems like you should be mad at the parents who are putting up their kids for adoption. If they didn't, there wouldn't be babies that need to be adopted.

That being said I completely disagree with you. I didn't want to have a child so that they looked like me but because they are A PART of me. My daughter has my blood and was brought into this world by me and I got to enjoy the miracles of pregnancy.

Haley

I don't think you can really judge someone for their actions such as that until you yourself are pregnant and feel that baby move inside of you for the first time and actually know what it feels like to be pregnant.

If someone is capable of having a child of their own, why shouldn't they be able to?

Plus, adoption is way more involved than just filling out some papers and being handed over a child. Someone who chooses to adopt for reasons other than not being able to have kids just simply have more love in their heart to give and they want to give that love to a child in need.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. That's all.

JohnUK

If things were this easy then the world would be a great place.
If you look at the bigger picture you would see that 1000's of children are taken away from families who want them.

In certain cases children are much better off adopted, however if everyone had the same views as you then even more children would be separated from families who want them.

Im from the uk and we have a huge problem over here of children being taken from mothers for minor things. For instance , if you and your partner were arguing while your children were in bed, no violence , just mild arguing . That in itself is grounds to remove children. The state or children's services could legally say that there is a chance of emotional abuse as they " Could " hear the argument.
There is allot of money involved adoption and various targets which have to be met.

I agree with you when you say there are many children who need stable homes and it would be better for people to give homes to needy kids, rather than give birth to there own. But with such a corrupt system at the moment is it worth buying into it.

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