Is it too soon to want my baby back? Should I give the adoption more time?

Auditore da Firenze

Remember that when you have a baby, you have responsibility. Are you willing to put everything you like and want and need aside and focus only on the child? Are you financially and physically able to take care of your child?

Why you feel pain of giving your baby to an adoptive family, you have to think if you can really give your child the life they deserve.

justkrisi

This is normal. I had a friend that gave her baby up for adoption. She didn't want to but did because she was wanting to go to college and do something with her life. She was depressed as was the father but once they gave it time they were happy with their choice. They now get pictures and all in the mail to see the progress of their childs life and know what they did was right. Their child is with Amazing parents (which happen to live across the street from my mother) Their son now plays with my little brother and is in sports and the star of swimteam, basketball team, and football. It's kind of like when someone dies and you have to give yourself time to grieve even if it takes a year. It's hard but you will eventually move on. I also have been on the other side of having a baby taken away from me. My little sister was supposed to be adopted and her mother refused to sign the papers even though she was proven unfit and since she would finalize the adoption two and a half years later...Well needless to say it left my family in ruins and my baby sister had to go with complete strangers as they wouldn't let us adopt her because things were moving too slow. So we all had to start over. I would give it time.

DJ A

I think every mother that places her baby for adoption goes through what you are going through. You have to ask yourself what are the reasons you chose adoption, if you find that the answers still stand then you may have made the right decision. If it lack of money to raise the child, I do not think that is the best reason to place your child for adoption as there are resources for the poor to take care of their child, maybe not in a manner that the parent would want as we all want the best of everything for our children. I do think that girls under 16 really need to consider adoption if their own parents are not able to be the babies major caregiver as most 15 year olds are not mature enough to take on the responsibility. Just my opinion. My UN-officially adopted son (19) and his girlfriend (17) had a child in November of 09 and I wish they would place him with an adoptive family. These 2 haven't a clue on how to raise a child, both have quit school have no job and have no transportation, my "son" has no desire to quit smoking pot get a real job etc..... Their child has no chance of a decent life. Neither of the grandparents are able to care for the baby ( health reasons & both on disability and public assistance). I do what I can for them without being miss money bank, but I can not and will not raise their child if he gets taken away from them as I have kids under 10 at home and have my own health issues besides I don't think I'd live to see him graduate from H.S.

DropsOfJupiter

I'm so sorry, and this must be a terrible time for you, but your mother is right, and has the science to back it up. They can actually show in bloodwork how crazy your hormones are going right now. You may even have postpartum depression, which the baby would only make worse if you took him back. Besides, your baby HAS bonded to the adoptive parents and it would be traumatic to do that to him at this point. I'm sorry, but there's no way he would still see you as his mom if he was only with you briefly and than went to them. It would just confuse the poor little guy. Plus all the reasons you gave him up haven't gone away. You know deep down that being adopted will give him the best life, and don't you love him enough to want that for him?

MKD3

I have an idea of what you are going through. I lost my six week old to SIDS a year ago. Its really heart breaking. However, you made the choice to give that baby to another family for a reason.You need to remember these reasons and think about if that child is going to have a better life where he or she is at. Ultimately this is about the child...I now its hard but don't make a hasty decision out of selfishness...give it time,think it over. And if needed there are groups and councillors you can talk to. See a doc about antidepressant meds..........

snowwillow20

Run as fast as you can and get your baby back. You will not regret it.

Vanessa

No. You should not give it more time. Get your child back. That is your baby and your baby needs you. If you feel like this now, it will never get any easier, only worse knowing that you had a chance to get your child back and did not take it. After the adoption becomes legally binding there is little, if anything you can do. Listen to your heart and your intuition.

kitta

Get your baby back...Now. don't sign relinquishment papers... get him back. If you sign relinquishment papers,, you probably will never be able to get him back.

I don't get your mother...did she give birth to you...does she care about this child? Her grandchild?

Most mothers understand what it feels like to give birth to a child unless they didn't.

You will not start to feel better if you give up this child. And he will miss you, too.

I lost my son to adoption in the 1960s, "baby scoop era" and I never got over it. The pain doesn't go away..

smarmy

I agree that its hormones, hormones and the fact that you have already bonded with this child. Go get your baby back, wait till the hormones calm down and then if you decide to put your baby up for adoption you know you gave it your best shot. That baby will still be very much adoptable at a few months or a few years old. This is exactly why i don't believe in pre birth matching. You need time to be sure. The longer the baby is in someone else's care the worse it looks on you. A judge will determine that the baby has already bonded to the adoptive family and they won't want to disrupt that. GO NOW

My gut says they are going to give you a hard time about taking him/her back no matter what they promised. So don't wait any longer, tell them you need more time to be sure.

What you are feeling may never go away. Mine didn't. I've been in reunion for over 10 years and i still feel the guilt and pain of surrendering my daughter. So does she, even though she got a good home.

Laurel J

Time? How much time, legally, do you have?

If you want your child, now is the time to take him back. The longer he is with the a'parents, the more likely you are to lose him forever. Most people seem to think the adoptive home almost instantly becomes "the only home he's ever known."

I am 45. My mother is not "over it" yet. The hormones are long gone, but she's never forgiven herself.

This is your decision. Don't let your mother make it for you.

Pip

Your choice and your baby. Yes your hormones are kicking in BUT so is your maternal instinct and if you don't raise your child you will regret it for the rest of your life. Trust your instincts and get your baby back .... trust me when I tell you your mother is wrong.

I was coerced into surrendering my son back in 1981. I was told to forget about my son, get on with my life, I would have more children and my son would likely be too happy to want to search for me - I was told I wouldn't ever be allowed to search. I never forgot about my son, I got on with my life as the alternative was death, I didn't have more children (infertility - husband), my son did search as he wanted to and despite having a good life has major issues with adoption, and, I was lied to about not being legally able to search but found my son without actively searching.

Theresa

NO! Please, contact an attorney immediately and get your baby back. He needs YOU.

sizesmith

If you are wanting to parent your child, immediately stop the adoption process. As an adoptive parent who has had a child placed with me, only to have it taken away, the sooner it's done, the better. Until the relinquishment papers are totally finalized, there's a step in the bonding process that gets even deeper when they do, and there's some hesitancy when they aren't done. This baby is very lucky, because it has two mothers at this point who truly love it. To string along the adoptive parents is too hard on them, but worse yet, it's hard on the baby.

If you're wanting an open adoption, I'd first ask the adoptive parents to take a lie detector test (and pay for it) to make sure they'll honor an open adoption. If they won't then take the baby, and you can always relinquish later on. This baby will have bonding issues if he isn't settled in very soon.

At the same time, your mom is correct in knowing that hormones are causing part of the depression and grief, however, the bonding process is a natural part of life, and if you're mourning at this point, chances are, you always will if you don't stop the adoption process. The longer you wait, the more of a chance that you can have the baby taken away.

The main thing to ask yourself here is not what's best for the adoptive parents, and even not what's best for you, but what is best for the baby. Money situations change, and living arrangements change, and they're only temporary. Adoptive parents get divorces and lose money, and even die. Good luck!

drkangel210e

Listen, as an adult adoptee and a soon-to-be mother, I'm telling you that you need to go get your baby back. The longer you wait, the harder it will be on all parties involved. If you don't need to place the baby for adoption, then why risk losing a piece of your soul along with risking damage to the child emotionally? Sometimes adoption is necessary. If you love this baby and would do anything to take care of him, then there's no reason for this separation to continue. Yes, the adoptive parents will be hurt, but they will get over it. You will never get over it completely, as you've felt the baby growing inside of you. They are just now forming their bond with the baby. He's had the whole gestation to form a bond with you and vice versa. The woman on here who said that you would confuse him doesn't know what she's talking about. He's been with you for the whole pregnancy; he's been with them a couple of days.

Please follow your heart before it's too late.

myst1998

NO, don't give it more time... this will only get worse as time goes on. Believe me, I have been there and so have countless other women. Go now and bring your baby home. He needs his Mama and that is YOU. Don't listen to your mother, it will destroy your relationship with her if you do as she says and lose him forever.

No you are not being rash, you are being NORMAL. Giving away a baby is the ABNORMAL thing to do. GOOD LUCK!

eta: Your baby has NOT bonded with anyone else, especially not the people who have him because he is not their child. That woman cannot bond to him as she didn't give birth to him. Adoptive parents do not bond, they attach but even then your baby wouldn't have had time to attach to them yet... it hasn't even been a week! What research HAS shown is that this loss is forever and you may find a way to bear it eventually but it never actually gets easier. Adoption loss is one of the least understood losses in the world because to give too much time to it would mean adoption was not the fabulous thing those in the industry sell it as and so they turn a blind eye to it and outright lie. Your hormones are all over the place yes but they will never fully settle down again if you don't get your child back.

grapesgum

Go get your baby now. It will never get easier. Also, your baby has feelings too. He is longing for YOU and is missing you. Please don't make your child live a life with strangers. Anyone who tells you that your baby is better off in a family of strangers is wrong.

Don't let the adoptive parents guilt you into giving your baby away. It is not your responsibility to provide a child for them. Your only responsibility is to love and care for your child. They will be angry but just ignore them. If they harass you, call the police.

cathrl69

The time thinking things through should be spent with your baby. If you change your mind three months down the line and decide that adoption really, really is the best thing for you, then you can always put your baby up for adoption then. (I'm not saying this is a good thing. Just that it is possible).

If you change your mind three months down the line and your baby has already been adopted, then tough. They've gone.

LashCatt

honestly you should get your baby back. It isn't "just hormones" making you feel this way. Dont give it more time, if you want YOUR baby than you need to go get him ASAP because Im sure he misses you too!

minimouse68

Go get your child back, there is no better parent for your child than you! Thats the way nature intended it and thats the way it should be. No amount of time will change that.

AnnaBelle

:-(

If you are feeling this way, you need to go get your little boy. More time won't help. It's just more time apart from your son.

Let us know how it turns out, and try to get local help and support, since you weren't expecting to be parenting.

Good luck!

pat

You are the Mom of this child and not even adoption can take it away from you. If you have just given up this child and feel it was a mistake, than go back and fight, I understand your mom may want what is best for you but, As a mom myself I would tell you if you were my Child go fight for what is yours, and do what you have to do to support your child. Do what you feel is right because only you know. Yes some will tell you it is wrong to get these peoples hope up and you should leave it but I feel as though you have listened to every one else except you and feel you were doing the best but was it really the best for you. Good luck sweetie , and remember a bond between a mother and child can not ever be broken.

Stop the Hate Love instead

Girl if you wanted you baby back then get him back. The potential adoptive parents knew there was chance you could change your mind. Itâ€™s best if you are going to get the child back that you do it now rather then later. Otherwise the PAP and the baby will become more bonded with each other. You can go and get your baby with someone from whatever place you went through to do the adoption. You can say something like â€œI have chosen to parent my baby. Thank you for taking care of my child during the short time he was with you. I know this is hard on you but there are many children in need of a loving home and parents. Please give one of those kids a home as my baby does not need a new home.â€

My Husband Rocks!!

This is mothers instinct. Unless there is a really major reason you can't mother this baby, I think you and your baby should be together. Money might be tight, you might be young or single but if this isn't something you are not a thousand percent sure about, Id really advise you go and take your baby home with his mother where he belongs.

H******

Your baby has feelings too. People tend to think they're blank slates and mothers are interchangeable. They're not! Baby is probably wondering where the heck her very favorite person in the whole world has disappeared to. The familiar voice, heartbeat, the scent of her mother . . .

If you have doubts, act on them.

LinnyG

Do NOT wait any longer. Get your baby back NOW. This is the 2nd time in 2 days you have posted. Adoption is NOT normal...for you or for the baby. Please get him back. Tonight. The more time you wait, the harder it will be to get him back. Seriously. Go NOW. The pain will NEVER end. If you need to, contact an attorney. Then, ban the paps from contacting you. Go. Now.

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