Is it true that if you adopt...

trevor d

all depends on the enviroinment he lived in in the orphanage. and if she does adopt, and he is a bad kid, make sure she dosnt blame herself!

allmonkeysrule2005

ok my friend was adopted and she listens to her parents and she is 10

so i would say that it depends on the child and how you raise them

ir probably is. the child is older and understands that it wasn't wanted so they might just presume that this person won't like them either. i would get a younger child that is a bit fuzzier about not being wanted by their real parents....if you know what i mean

Simone

Well i think it depends on how they were raised. I mean if the child was raised to be more obidient then i don't think they would rebel. As to a bad neighborhood where the child wasn't taken care of nicely they wouldn't listen. Just when she does adopt she has to make sure the child knows that she loves them.

Why so serious?

most likely, yes it is true. Also make sure she knows you arent sopposed to adopt children older than the children you already have.

delcredere

Well, it can be connected with that fact that in ten years a child becomes an adolescent, and his psychology and physiology begins to change. But I think it is possible to find way to any heart and even with very small children can be a lot of problems... So if your mom have found any child, which she loves and want to bring up, she shouldn't be so worry about the age.

Florence

does that matter? if you're nice to them and love them and care about them like you would your own child then they should be ok. But they do come from a broken home remember so don't blame them is they are a little rebellious

KTea

Not at all. I was adopted and my adoptive parents have told me I was easier to handle then my mother's step-children, or her biological daughter.

Makes no difference whatsoever.

Franny

Well some are because they now understand the meaning of having a foster mom or getting adopted and get really mad because they feel like they're mum or family did not want them so that the adopter would not want them either.

Kristin S

I think it depends on the child and what his personality is like. But anytime you adopt a child over a certain age, i.e. once they get to be 3 or 4 they are old enough to worry that you may reject them if they rebell against you. This is just a normal process that adopted kids go through. I know many people that have adopted kids. The first few weeks tend to go really well because the kid is on his best behavior. This is often refered to as the honeymoon phase. Then the child begins to worry that you will send him back to foster care and tries to test your love for him and your patience by rebelling to see if you will send him back. The reason the child does this is because he wants to find this out before he gets attached to you. He does not want to get his feelings hurt by loving someone and thinking they will be his permanent parents until he feels sure that no matter how much he misbehaves he will never be sent back.

Suzy Sunshine

Well the question is both more simple and more complicated than you think.

Is it true that if you adoption a ten year old he will be more rebellious (than a child you raised from infancy one supposes)?

No

Every child is different, every family is different an every adoption is different.

However, when a child is available for adoption at age ten it is certain that he has face challenges. Either his parents have died, he has been waiting for a family since infancy or his family of birth failed him in a way so severe that the state took him away. When families add a child who has had those kind of experiences the transition has to be handled carefully and it can take awhile for everyone to settle in.

Agencies have a lot of resources available to families who match with older children and there are some terrific classes and books that parents can seek out on their own. Realistically, adopting a 10 year old does involve work that is not involved in an infant adoption.

But take a look around your homeroom class or your circle of friends. Some of the kids are never in trouble, others are always in trouble. That is a result of a lot of different factors, the kid's personality, their parents' expectations, the household rules....

Regardless of how or when your family is formed, some kids just listen better than others!

A and C

no, not all the time, it depends on their personality, they could be shy or loud, but they might be a bit quiet when you first adopt them them they will become louder the longer they stay with you

Jay L

I have 2 daughters, one is a bio baby, the othe adoptive. I couldn't tell the differences when they were grwoing up.

Frankly, I think that is an urban myth.

cmc

If you're adopting a 10 year old, then it is most likely a child that has been in the foster care system. These children were abused and/or neglected, then spent some amount of time in foster care. This is very difficult for a child and can be associated with emotional and behavioral problems. However each child is different, and many just need a good home where someone will really make a commitment to love them. Anyone adopting from the from the foster care system should attend classes and educate themselves about the potential problems they may face, but it is definitely a great thing to do for a child that needs a home. And even 10 year olds raised in a great home may not listen to you :-)

Santa's Lil' Helper

Why is it when children act out naturally there has to be something "wrong" with them. Older orphans / foster kids go through enough. True some have emotional problems but they ARE still human beings and deserve love and compassion like the rest of us.

I know your young and I think it is great that your educating yourself already. You would do well by reminding mom that all children deserve acceptance and compassion.

Wundt

There is a concept called, "Self full-filling prophecy" in Psychology. Basically, if you expect a person to act a certain way, then you WILL see them as acting that way, not because they were acting that way, but because you expected it. Consider, a person who believes their spouse is going to cheat on them. They are suspicious and accusatory of every minor thing. Eventually, their spouse *may* cheat on them because they tire of the relationship (with its constant suspicion) and perhaps out of spite.

So, if someone adopts a child and believes that the child will be rebellious because they were adopted, then they may seen normal behavior as 'rebellious' or even drive the child to really rebel because it is expected of them.

The truth is that ALL kids go through rebellious phases. I don't know if adopted kids are more prone to rebellion or have more severe cases of rebellion, but I *am* sure that the self full-filling prophecy plays a large part.

ninwiido

sometimes but it all depends on why the kid is in the foster home and how many families it has had. if she wants a 10 or 11 year old she should go for it.
she will get what she wants and make a kid happy.
it is perfect

Sabby

I wouldn't think so, no.
Unless they we're severly neglected, or If they've been jumping from one foster home to another, they may feel rejected, or have abandonment/some anger issues. But with a loving and understanding family(and sometimes, counceling), the child should start to feel a sense of home and comfort with time.
Just make sure your mom's friend has enough patience to deal with it if the child doesn't want her to leave them with a babysitter.

Independ"ant"

Not necessarily. Alot of it depends on how much they are able to bond with your moms friend. I know several people that adopted teens and they are doing well. They made sure the children wanted to be adopted and let them make the decision.

C Wood

10 year olds have emotional baggage due to problems they have had in their lifetime.
They can be less likely to listen, obey, or cooperate. This is something your mom's friend needs to know so she knows how best to deal with the child. It's not a guarantee that the child will be more of a problem for her, but the child might need more guidance and counseling and may be more challenging to raise. However, it's not right for your mom to use this fact to try to talk her friend out of adopting a 10 year old. If she understands that there is a higher chance that the child may be a challenge, and she feels she's up to the challenge, then she'll make a home for a child who needs her love even more than the baby who's more likely to be easier to raise.

So long as she knows what might be a challenge, she can make a good, informed decision on any child she might adopt. Older children need and deserve the love. They should not be rejected just because of their age.
cw

11:28

Depends on the situations that the kid has gone through... but generally no all kids aren't like that.

Just a Mom

It is true that ALL10 or 11 year old are more rebellious than other ages, whether adopted or not.

It is a very special thing to adopt an older child.

Ta-Zu (&Miku)

I don't know if it's true, but kid's more likely to be rebellious at that age in general. It's just a puberty thing.

It does not mean that you should not adopt them still.

Any kid needs a loving home.

H******

Not at all. In any case a little rebellion in an adoptee seems healthy to me. It's the quiet, withdrawn passive 'good child' that I worry about IMHO

Children of that age can be a joy, but are often overlooked for adoption.

Good luck

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: