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♫Ms. Kitty♀♫
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I won't hold it against you...u have a right to be mad :( |
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Samsara
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Absolutely the most well-adjusted person I have seen on here all night.
I am glad I am not alone in seeing some of these whacks who get their pebbles off by being the perfect sampling of the web2.0 fears: "anonymity + lemmingland = instant @hole."
Bravo to you! |
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Spotty-Dotty
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Thank you, someone with sense.
Everyone hates me in this section because I'm a non-adoptee who doesn't hate adoption.
@A Healing adoptee- I would like to find me saying that, a quote or a link please. I have NEVER said that. Stop twisting everything I say.. I have made exceptions with birth mothers and you know it, I'm not totally against birth mothers and I'm definitely not against searching for your bio family. Stop exaggerating and making up crap. Thanks. |
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I ♥ the Saints
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Coming from a guy who had a hell of a childhood himself. Kudos for being well adjusted. |
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HiRene
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I wasn't and still am not. But be prepared for every single person you ever tell, to ask, "How could you do that?" Sounds like you're already getting the idea. It doesn't stop. |
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Kate W
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Great question. I'm stunned by some of the responses. Someone said they would have been better off aborted? What kind of sick forum is this??? |
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LC
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I certainly won't hold it against you! I feel for anyone that had a bad childhood, whether they were adopted or not. However, I don't see that as a reason to denigrate those that have adopted, or those that choose to place a child for adoption.
Thank you for being a voice of reason. |
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Jennifer L
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If you're asking why you are being judged negatively on your opinion of adoption it's because there is a segment of "regulars" here who advocate for adoptees being able to share their truths...
... unless that truth doesn't reflect their own truth.
Then they will carry on about being in denial, or drinking "kool aid" or any other catch-phrase to minimize or dismiss what you have to say.
The irony of this, of course, is that these are the SAME tactics that many people use to minimize and dismiss THEM, and they are rightfully angry about.
They just can't make that step to realize that they are employing the same methods to silence others for the same reason: because they don't want to hear what you have to say. |
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Happy Mommie
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Glad you are brave enough to stand and be heard. You help balance those with less favorable outcomes.
There should always be a cross section of negative and positive responses.
I personally believe that those with negative feelings are more likely to post because their negative experiences are still affecting them.
Sadly anyone reading these negative adoption posts can see the sadness and anger that is still being felt, as well as feelings of being "lost".
It makes we want to "DO" something, but what? and how do you help people who are hurting so bad? |
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gypsywinter
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And what in your mind's eye comprises....""looking for decent feedback""?
Only those answers/opinions that are the same as your own? At YA you take the good with the bad...is what it's all about. You want to get the 'feedback' you desire find another place that thinks exactly like you...that's what I would do if I were you.
But since you are here, asking questions, that anyone can answer with anything they like...take the time to REALLY read and digest what you read. Take what you need and leave the rest!! Works for me!!
ETA: Mr. Cowboy (is that a Stetson?) said: ""I'm asking why I'm judged negatively for MY opinion on MY adoption!!""
Pray tell, Pardner...please direct us to the place on YA where YOU were judged negatively on YOUR opinion in regards to YOUR adoption? First I've seen you on YA Adoption..so please let us know where you as an adoptee, your adoptee opinions and your adoption was judged so 'negatively', by the 'collective angst' at YA.
Thank you, Pardner! I live in The Lone Star State!! |
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Sunny
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Well, see here's how it is...
This is America. We can say whatever we want. It's a right all of us have as American citizens. I might not have access to my birth certificate, as a tax paying citizen, but I can speak out about the abomination that is American adoption.
Now, I surely don't want you or anyone else to be "needlessly burdensome" by other adoptees' "bitter" opinions. I dare say if you can't abide by other adults' "collective angst" you oughta hightail it right on over to adoption.com or one of the other HUNDREDS of web sites where "adoption friendly" is spoken.
You have a nice day now, and don't forget yer hat. |
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Andraya - Snark's Sister
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Kudos for being SO well-adjusted.
Can you provide specific details about how and when YOU were judged in a negative way for YOUR specific adoption experience? If you are being called out in questions or answers I suggest you use the report option as it is against the Yahoo! TOS. |
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H******
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No, you go right ahead and feel the way you feel about YOUR adoption
Way to go implying that adoptees who have a less than stellar opinion on the secrets and lies of adoption are 'mal-adjusted' LOL |
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Laurel J
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People failing to agree with you, or arguing with you, or thumbing you down, or whatever it is you refer to, is not a violation of your first amendment rights. Everyone's entitled to his/her opinion. And everyone is entitled to judge the opinions of others, whether for good or ill, within the guidelines of the TOS.
As regards the horrible horrible negativity, it's a big internet. For me the relentless positivity of many adoption sites presents a needless burden, so I don't visit them.
I don't think I've had the first interaction with you before (?). I don't know anything about your adoption, and will certainly take your word for what it was and is like. But my opinion of you, given that you've just told me you are better-adjusted than I am (which you obviously have a perfect right to do) is, thus far, not glowing. So what? |
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Serenity71
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So whats your real question then? How can we give you decent feedback if you haven't asked it yet? I'll try not to bring drama into it and angst into it, but depends on the mood I guess.
My tortured soul awaits the question that will be the end of all questions in the adoption section...sigh's heavily and falls to the floor in anticipation.
Free speach exists in my country too!!! What ya know cowboy....don't need to go on b!oody a tangent about it everytime someone doesn't agree and go over local laws.....we'd say it anyway, don't need your permission.
And you if you're a happy chappy about your life and adoption experience well good for you mate!! |
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monkeykitty83
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You have a right to think and feel as you see fit.
However, so does everyone else in the world. While asking not to be judged, you're judging others, and that's hypocritical.
No one should be denying you your own emotions... but you need to extend everyone else the same courtesy. |
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drkangel210e
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If you're happy I would never tell you that you should be otherwise. End of story.
That said, if you come on an adoption forum you'll probably find adoptees who do have problems because of their adoption experience. You'll find first mothers who feel their feelings weren't considered in the adoption process, and you'll find adoptive parents who are worried that their adoptive children will/have rejected them. All these things happen. As I'm sure you can comprehend adoption isn't a cut-and-dry thing. Tell your happy story because it's your story. Only by everyone being honest with their experiences will people outside of adoption begin to understand all aspects of the experience. |
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Saggyrl
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I am not part of the adoption triad at all, but I'll answer your question because I agree with the others that you seem to have a huge ego. Why the sarcasm and nastiness towards other adoptees who are dealing with a huge amount of pain? Could it be that you are trying to cover up your own pain? Kind of like self-hating gays who are homophobic? |
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Ferbs
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You have lot to teach others...and they have a lot to teach you. It's reciprocal.
Although I would personally like to see more complex answers than the repeated links and statements that don't answer the questions themselves...the stories around those views you are talking about are a teaching opportunity for those in AND out of "this little known world".
It's all valid.
ETA: It's also Canada, UK, Australia, India etc... here so let us all speak our truth as a global community...eh? |
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Anon Adoptee
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I don't care how you feel about your adoption, what I care about is that all adoptees get their voices heard. Most places adoptees who had negative experiences are silenced, banned, ridiculed or told they are crazy |
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Randy B
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I'm with you on this one but at the same time, all are welcome to their opinions and if others want to feel differently that is their prerogative.
ETA: Actually, contrary to what some here would say, this is NOT America. It is actually a selection of opinions from all around the world and these opinions are based upon personal experiences, ethnic considerations and cultural influences. To assume that this is America, and American only, is perhaps a manifestation of some of these cultural influences however it is not necessarily correct. |
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Theresa
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I like your hat.
I don't see anyone telling you what opinion you should have though, where is that?
The only thing I see is you being rather dismissive and condescending, which this section of Y!A doesn't take well too. That "O tortured souls" comment is really invalidating. Why did you feel the need to add that? |
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7rin
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I think you misunderstand those of us who are bitter about adoption. It's not that we're bitter about people having happy adoptions, heck, mine was a model adoption - but none of that negates the fact that the system of adoption itself is in massive need of overhaul, and is even entirely unnecessary. It's perfectly possible to raise someone else's kid without attempting to rewrite history.
ETA@Kate W: This is the kind of sick forum where people come who've been through the torture that is being abandoned to adoption. If you haven't been through it, then you're not gonna have much clue exactly how traumatising it can be.
ETA@kiahsobyk: While you may not be being "judgmental towards folks with an opinion on adoption in general", you ARE being judgemental towards those of us who have suffered because of our adoptions. If it's ok for you to ***** because someone TDed you and your story, then it's ok for us to ***** because our entire lives have been devastated. |
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SJM
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You are entitled to as much or as little bitterness as suits your fancy. Hopefully, you've taken the time to gather the facts of your own situation before resolving your feelings toward it.
ETA: Perhaps you could enlighten us as to when, where, and how this offense transpired? |
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Pip
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Good for you for being so well adjusted but not everybody else has to just because you are. Also if we all had the same attitude as you nothing would be done about adoption reform. Forced adoptions shouldn't happen, coercion shouldn't happen, abuse shouldn't happen whether it is natural family or adoptive parents doing the abuse. Adoption should only happen if it is for the best of the child.
If people don't educate on the negatives as well as the positives then how can those asking for feedback learn. Adoption isn't all about cutesy bunny rabbits and happy ever afters someone always suffers.
I suffer from being coerced into surrendering and having to deal with my son's appalling behaviour towards me.
My son, who has had a great upbringing and is loved has major issues so suffers.
His adoptive parents who worship the ground he walks on suffer because of his behaviour. |
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LinnyG
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Wow! Not bitter AND you use big words. Good on you!
I think it's awesome that you are not bitter for any of your losses or your "busted-up childhood". I didn't have a "busted-up" childhood, even though I lost my family, my heritage, my culture and my identity. Do I get a prize?
This site is about educating people about our "little known world". There are some adoptees who are perfectly fine with their losses. But study after study shows how these losses impact adoptees their entire lives. How one adoptee chooses to deal with their loss can be totally different than how another adoptee deals with them.
I choose to let people know that the majority of adoptees DO have negative feelings about their relinquishments and adoptions. I call the truth "decent feedback". It may not be pretty, but that's life. |
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myst1998
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I don't hold it against you.
I do feel however you are judging a bunch of people you know nothing about and labelling them as bitter.
One who needs to talk about how well-adjusted they are tells me they have more issues than they realise. Its nice you can live in la-la land... I wish I could but I know too well what the real world holds.
I have to say most of the answers here are given in good faith they will be taken the right way. There are many people who come "asking" questions just to stir the pot... which is also needlessly burdensome to the rest of us who have suffered as a result of adoption.
Who are you to judge what is decent feedback and what is not? There are many 'questions' like this one that are not a real question but just a chance to have a rant.
Well-adjusted? I think not. Egotistical? More like it.
ETA: LOL... I do not see anyone telling you how to feel about your adoption... the first part of your "question" says nothing about your adoption apart from being in a busted up childhood, which really doesn't explain much. What I take offense to is the tone and implications to others they are bitter because you deem them to be. Anger is not bitterness, anguish is not bitterness. Being forthright about how one feels is not being bitter.
I have been around this section off and on for a while and seen a few people come and go and gotten to know several. I KNOW they are not bitter people but they have every right to speak up and share their opinions. You seem to think that extends to only your "well-adjusted" self but actually, being so well-adjusted you would have known this extends to all. |
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Kassy
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Someone above me said:
"This site is about educating people about our "little known world"."
I think there's a group of people here that believe that the Yahoo Answers section is their forum to educate the masses on how they see things. I think of it more as a place to exchange ideas and get or give information. My way is more of a two way street, while the first is ... not.
I also like your hat. |
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