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Wyatt's mama
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This sounds like something my mom would do... Needless to say I don't have a great mom..
No, you shouldn't give her money and yes, this boy should sit in jail and ponder on what got him in there in the first place.. As much as you want to help people and not see them suffer sometimes it's for the better... My fiace's cousin had gotten 2 dui's and was on a hardship liscence (only allowed to drive back and forth to work) and each time mommy and daddy came and bailed him out... Well, now he's in jail on his third dui and will be sitting in jail for most likely another year or more... Perhaps if his mom and dad hadn't bailed him out the first two times he would've learned his lesson before now.. |
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hstngirl
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YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!! Leave him in jail! Let him learn a lesson instead of bailing him out.
Sounds like your son got lucky by getting you for his REAL mom! |
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Molly
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I think it doesn't matter what you do with that money or how much you have...that child is her responsibility and if he's over 18, that is his job. You did the right thing and you don't need to explain why you can't or won't do it. |
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Somer
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This biological "mom" asking you for money is clearly not the best parent, she gives one child up for adoption(no offense or anything) and the other is in jail for drugs(maybe)? You don't owe this woman a nickle. You raised her son, and you are technically his mother. You didn't raise the one in jail, therefor you do not owe her anything.
You DEFINITELY DID THE RIGHT THING. With other children in collage you do not have money to spare on another child in jail that basically has nothing to do with you.
If the kid in jail was one you raised, then maybe you should feel a little guilt and help him out after he learned his lesson. That's just my opinion and I hope I put this in the nicest way possible:) |
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Weber
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You don't owe him anything. I'd let him stay in jail too, although I would still love him just the same. It's called tough love. It sounds like she is trying to "work" you. I don't think you are responsible to your sons brother in any way. He brought his trouble on himself. Don't beat yourself up. Let her deal with it. |
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Independ"ant"
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Don't give her any money, don't feel guilty and you don't need to justify yourself. Jail is probably where he needs to be to get straightened out. I would definitely not let your children around them unsupervised.
Who knows how she feels about giving her son up for adoption. We all deal with feelings differently so try not to judge her for that. She may not be asking because she has suppressed those feeling and isn't ready to face them. She obviously has issues but don't feel that you have to address them because you adopted her son. You didn't adopt the family. You son will decide for himself whether he wants her in his life. Protect him but don't subconsciously manipulate his decision. Best wishes and good luck. |
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snowwillow20
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Do not feel guilty, you owe her nothing. He is your son now. Is it not your job to bail her son out of jail, just because he is your son's brother. She has a lot of damn gaul to ask you. It takes all kinds of people to make up this world.
After I found my bdaugher, her husband tried to extort 600.00 from us. I told him my husband is in charge of all the money and if he could speak to him about it, he said no that's ok. |
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sred
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I would begin by saying this....
This woman is only YOUR son's biological mother.
She gave up rights to the boy when she signed the papers...
YOU cannot control what she or the other brother does, YOU should never feel guilty for standing your ground and saying no.... was she or the older brother thinking of YOUR son when they got themselves into the mess they're in? I'd vote no.
don't break standards, don't let her bully you or make you feel guilty.... You are the mom here..... she needs to learn to accept that. |
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D.S.C
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Hell No you should'nt help out I don't give of damn if it is your son's brother. She is dead wrong for coming to you with that any way, and personally I think she's up to no good. When she ever going to become a mother, hell a woman she needs her a*s*s kicked. Don't you feel bad about anything you did nothing wrong, you are protecting you and what's your's. She can go blow off somewhere with that weak *** story. And if is true that her son is in jail O well, if he was bad enough to get into trouble he needs to be in there. Exspecially if it's for drugs (she's probably on) like you said leave his behind in ther. But you have no reason to feel like you did something wrong. You sound like a upstanding woman and she sounds like a con artist. Becareful of her she may try to pull some sneaky stuff on you, even becareful opening up your door to her. WISH YOU A UNIVERSE OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS |
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grapesgum
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No, oh hell, no. You owe her nothing other than what you agreed to regarding your son. The relationship between your son and his brother is the responsibility of their first mother to manage - not yours.
You did the right thing. I'm with you, if were my kid, he would sit his *** in jail a few days to think about it. |
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Jocelyn's mommy
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Wow. We are kind of in the same situation. My (her) son's mother wants me to take in my son's sister for the month of July because she "needs a break". I think you did the right thing by not giving her money. He is not your responsibility even if that's your son's sibling. All you have to worry about is YOUR children..those who are under your care. Don't feel bad...I have a big heart but there is a limit. |
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dasher
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Boy, she has a lot of nerve to call and ask you for money ! That is NOT your responsiblity and if I was you I would ask her not to contact you in the future, unless it has to do with your adopted son !!! |
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Momx4Boys
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I absolutely do NOT think it is your responsibility to bail that boy out of jail. You adopted the other child, not the one in jail. Not to sound rude or anything, but the mother needs to step it up and take care of her own.
I hope you feel better about your decision. Don't stress about it b/c it isn't your problem.
Best of luck. |
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Doodlestuff
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Nope. You did the right thing. I agree with you. A few days in jail may teach them a lesson. Heck, I didn't even bail my boss out when he got a DUI. He stopped drinking after that. |
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Lori A
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How sad. i'm sure it tugs at your heart strings but if you start this it may never stop. Your right ,not all first mom's are like this and it was nice of you to point that out. Too bad she is like this, it isnt helping her relationship with your son at all. She over stepped her boundaries by a long shot on this one.
And didn't even ask how your son was doing. I guess that's a compliment in it's own way. She feels he's in good hands. At least I hope that's what she thinks. |
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Cathy
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Why should you feel bad? It is not your responsibility. Your responsibility revolves around your son. Plus - would you really cared about what his 'brother' is up to? sounds like he is up to no good anyways. It is time for him and her to learn a lesson.
I wouldn't sweat it. |
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stanly s
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sounds like YOUR son was certainly the lucky one of the two. How about a no contact order so "mom" can't try to pass any more of her problems on to U. At the same time u have to feel for the other son, but first responsibility is to your son. |
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princess
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he may be your sons brother but it does not sound like he would be a good influence in your sons life. leave it alone. |
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Alyssa's mommy
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I wouldn't give her a penny either. If the tables were turned and your son was in jail, do you think she would help bail him out?
If someone is rightfully arrested for drug charges, why do we need to let them out on bail anyway? Parting to buying and selling drugs is the risk that you can rightfully be thrown in jail - it is illegal. |
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Amanda I
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You did the right thing. By bailing him out of jail you would only be facilitating his drug behavior. Making him take responsibility for his actions is the best gift you could ever give that young man. Something that his mother probably has never done. (I'm guessing by how absurd that phone call was.)
You only feel guilty because you are good person who is probably not used to dealing with such devious munipulative people. |
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Sidonia H
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No I do not think that you did the wrong thing. If he wants to be dumb and do drugs then he can pay the consequences. Why would you want to take money out of a good child's college tuition to use to get someone out of jail on a drug charge. |
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megan_79
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No way, and it sounds like YOUR son is with great parents and has a better life than what he would have with his biological parents. |
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Stop the Hate Love instead
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This lady is crazy do not give her any money at all. If you do she is likely going to ask for more. Do not let her make you feel bad it is not your responsibility to bail her son out of jail. It may be your son’s brother but if you bail him out he will no doubt end up back in as most drug users/dealers do. That money you get is for the child you adopted, not for his birthfamily.
edit - If anything you might recommend some programs for her son. To try and kick his drug problem. |
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pttnls
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Absolutely not you did the right thing and how naive of her to think you owe her anything the scum bum can stay in jail if you were to give her money for that reason you would be condoning his behavior its not your problem your doing the right thing by taking care of your children don't take from your kids to give to addicts you go girl and don't regret anything!!!! Good luck! |
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mommy2squee
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You did the right thing.
You are NOT responsible for the behavior of a child you did not raise, nor should you help mitigate the consequences of his actions. His mother had no business contacting you for money. |
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sara explains it all
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You did the RIGHT thing. Don't bail him out and she is outta her mind for even asking you to help. The adoption money you receive is for YOUR household, for your son to better his life after being put up for adoption. You are right to be angry that she only calls when its money related. As bad as you may feel since its your son's brother, you arent the one with the drug charge sitting in jail. Let that kid have his life experience and learn his lesson!!! |
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success_marker
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You were right for what you did. This may be your son's brother, but you did not raise him and he is not your responsibility. If all of you had a more family-like relationship i.e. frequently visiting and keeping communications open, I could see you feeling guilty- but in this situation, you absolutely shouldn't. It is her son that she has been raising and is her responsibility. You are doing nothing wrong and I commend you for being firm as well as conserving the subsidy $ you receive. |
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Olivia J
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I think it was SO inappropriate for your son's biological mother to ask you for money.
She can get a loan for his bail. And I agree with you - let him stay in there for a few days to learn a lesson! |
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Shadow Lark
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Nope, you did right. |
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HUDINI
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NOPE...move on b/c if u start know when will they leave u alone? PEACE |
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Possum
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ICK.
That's horrible.
I'm sad for your son.
He deserves way more from her - than the nothing her has got.
I'm glad that he's safe and loved with you.
Of course you feel worried - and wondering whether you did the right thing - as that's what a good mother would do.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. |
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