Pregnant!!!!!!! (Not Me) But a friend!!!adoption or abortion?

Corazon :)

As someone who was adopted and has had the most beautiful life, I vote adoption.

hellotawny

i really think she should keep it. i would. abortion is murder, and adoption is cruel. think about how the kid will feel being an orphan and being sent from family to family. she should talk to the father about it.

Morgaine

Abortion is not nearly as emotionally scarring as some people would have you believe.

Everyone experiences things differently, but there is support out there for women who have had abortions and are not feeling good about it, more support than I would gather for women who have placed babies for adoption and need emotional support.

Both choices are hard...so is choosing to parent at a young age.

If she wants to have an abortion, your job is NOT to talk her out of it, but to be as supportive as you can be to her before and after the abortion. If it is something she wants to do, well who are you to tell her that she is making the wrong choice? This is her body, her choice, and instead of making her feel awful about a traumatic event in her life, you need to be part of her support system. She will need someone to lean on in.

I had an abortion when I was 17. And I don't regret it. What I do regret was not having more of a support system in place before hand so that I wouldn't have had to make the decision alone...so that I didn't have to feel alone. I regret that at 17 I had to make such a life changing decision quickly, but I think I made the right choice in the end and eventually became a more grounded, emotionally stable person because of, or in spite of the abortion.

By age 45, 1 out of every 2.5 women in the United States has had at least one abortion.

sunshine

First let me say that I'm sure your friend must be pretty scared right now, and that's OK, she has a right to be. It's hard to make grown-up decisions when your a teenager
( I'm assuming your friend is a teenager). I don't advocate in any way for abortion but if in the end that's the decision made, make sure your friend gets the medical and most importantly, the mental help she'll need to help her cope with such a life altering event. Also, I would want my daughter to tell me her self, It may cause more friction if you do the telling, so please keep that in mind. And remember, there is such a thing as open adoption, where the birth parent(s) are kept up to date concerning the baby. Or maybe a closed adoption until the baby reaches a certain age and then has the right to make contact if all parties can agree on an age disclosure is to be made. Just some idea's to ponder over, I do hope she opts for adoption or if at all possible, to keep the baby herself.
She'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Good Luck!!

*Kala*

first she needs to calm down, she doesn't have to make any decisions yet. DO NOT ENCOURAGE ABORTION TO HER, this is not fair to the baby, although posting this question i'm sure you've heard lots of that. you can tell her to email me, i have recently just been through this situation. i am 17 and my baby is 3 months old.

at first i thought adoption right away, i was 16 when i got pregnant and i thought that there was no way i could do this. i went through parents and there didn't seem to be anyone right. then i found out that it wasn't that they were going to be great parents to my baby, it was because i inwardly thought that i was the only parent for my child. i decided to keep him and it has been a blessing upon my life. yes it is hard and it makes you grow up fast. i am finishing my school and taking him with me, its an outreach school so your friend could finish her school too. my boyfriend has a good job now finally and things are going well, things are tight but i wouldn't want it any other way. i plan on doing a short college course as well. it doesn't mean her life has to end.

after all that it depends on how old she is too. i would not suggest keeping the baby if she is 15 or younger but there are always special cases, she could be wiser than her years but thats not for me to decide. good luck and tell her to email me if she wants to talk further.

be a good friend and support whatever she chooses

chasemom

Adoption please. Tell her to save a life. That baby didn't have a choice but momma does.

Adopted Jane

NEITHER

Tell her to keep her baby. Family Preservation is a FAR BETTER Option

Butterfly

Definitely adoption. It is not the baby's fault your friend got pregnant, so why take the baby's life away? When you do things you aren't supposed to, you have to deal with the consequences.

Liz B

How old is your friend? I personally would not have an abortion, unless she was raped or abused. And she should be the one to tell her own parents. She needs to be reposonsible about these choices, and having you do it is not responsible at all.

crimsynfaerie

I am 34 and adopted. While i know that sometimes abortion is necessary, when i think that my biological mother could have aborted me it scares me to death. I have unique perspective, so coming from and adopted person, if my mother had aborted me i would not be here right now. 9 months is not forever and even thought it might feel like it at the time, people don't really care when you get older if you got pregnant young. They do however remember if you had an abortion or if you did the right thing and let the child live and then have it adopted.

Emily

It's her choice. This will impact her for the rest of her life. So she needs to sit down with her parents, the baby's father's parents, AND the father, and discuss what she's going to do. This is a huge deal, and she's going to need a lot of support. I suggest loving her in any choice she makes.

Jen

Adoption is the way to go. Check out www.abort73.org. it tells you and has videos all about abortion and what exactly happens to the baby and to her body.

Holly B

Never abortion. I am a huge proponent of adoption. My 16 year old biological mom put me up for adoption (instead of aborting me) and I can't express how grateful I am that she gave me the gift of life!

jessica300

Please pass on these links to your friend:

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/wish.html

http://motherhelp.info/keepingyourchild.htm#hotline

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

http://www.girl-mom.com/

http://www.cms.hhs.gov/MedicaidEligibility/01_Overview.asp

I lost my son to adoption over 24 years ago and I feel so much pain and grief at the loss. I would NEVER recommend that a woman surrender her child to adoption. NEVER - NEVER - NEVER!!!!

It is so difficult to explain - to make a young woman understand - what she will be missing if she surrenders her child. Often she loses her first child - why? - because there are a lot of people out there who want a baby and will take advantage of a young woman who is unsure of herself, who lacks support. Infant adoption in my mind is a crime. You should not let it happen to you. Listen to what the adoption agency workers are telling you. Are they saying that there are "loving" couples out there who are infertile and that somehow you should CARE about THEM???? (RED FLAG - watch the F out). Are they telling you that your child needs 2 parents (ie: s/he should be taken away from his/her only mother to be placed with strangers??? (RED FLAG) There are so many of these tactics uses against young women and many more. Our babies are worth money to the adoption agencies, facilitators, workers, etc. THEY MAKE MONEY ON OUR CHILDREN!!!!!! And you and your child lose all the way around.

Go to my profile and look through some of the questions and answers of what it might feel like to lose a child to adoptiion. That other women may learn and understand the pain that you will live with forever is the only reason that I leave my answers open.

PS: Abortion is legal to women in this country - thank god. I would recommend abortion before a lifetime of separation of mother and child.

H******

All THREE options need to be considered and discussed before any decision is made

You only mention two options here, give the third some thought also.

I hope your friends parents are supportive

snowwillow20

I think a lot of the people who are saying adoption, have never given a child up, and wondered for years, if the child would show up at their door, wondering, why did you give me up? Why didn't you love me enough to keep me? Those people have no idea what it's like to live without your baby, every Birthday, so torn up, it's hard to function. Every christmas, wondering where is she? Is she happy? Giving your baby up does something to you, messes up your self esteem, makes you sick inside and makes it hard to have a good relationship with anyone.
I did not have an abortion, not sure even if it had been legal if I could have done it.
Your friend needs to make up her own mind and tell her parents herself.
Before she gives up her child she needs to talk with other birthmoms and get some counseling.

tish

this is a very personal choice. as her friend, your role is to SUPPORT HER DECISION, not judge her or persuade her into adoption. pregnancy is not easy...

to all the "fetus-philes"...

man... only if people cared this much about the living children, we'd have more money devoted to public schools, universal health care, et al... in other words, why not focus on helping the children that are here, not the "potential children." this argument is inflammatory, divisive and tired.

i digress

Jessica

the fact that you posted this in "adoption" has predisposed all of your answers toward adoption.

anyway, you didn't give enough information about the girl to say what is best for her.

sam22254

It's a hard decision for her to make. There are good points and bad points about adoption. Good first--- Child is giving a chance to live a maybe good life. Second a couple that can't have a child can expertise the joys of being parents.
Here's the down points- Is your Friend going to be able to get over giving her child away.? Second are you really sure the child goes to a good home and then how is the child going to feel when he or she gets older and finds out about her. She will always have to be truthful to her future husband.

How about the natural dad?

lilmama

I suggest adoption. It is not the childs fault she is pregnant and should not be killed. There are so many people who would love to have a child that can't.

Kassy

I think your friend should talk to her parents first. If she wants you to help her, and you're willing, that's great.

The decision to abort, or relinquish, or parent... once her parents are informed, everyone will need a little time to think things through before such a big decision is made.

mrsknowitall

ADOPTION!!!

Her parents were kind enough to let her live, she should do the same for her baby. Give it to a loving couple who will raise it with love and security.

Lucky~Mommy

Def...adoption. If she made a mistake at least she can make it right without murdering her baby.

CarynB

I can tell you from my own experiance with abortion if I had the choice I would have chose adoption. My mother was dead set against me having a child at 15, so she didn't give me the choice. I tried running away but they found me.
If your friend needs help be there for her but I think she should be the one to break the news to her parents.

Gaia Raain

I don't know how old she is, but there is a third option here. Parenting her child herself. If she decides not to have an abortion, then there are TWO remaining alternatives, not one. She has time to figure out what she wants to do, it's not urgent that she make a decision now. If she decides to parent, there's a lot of support out there to help her. She will need lots of support, and it sounds like you will be in a great position to provide that support. Just keep reminding her that you'll be there for her no matter what she decides.

blank stare

Since everyone seems to be pointing out the potential negative emotional impact of abortion... I will point out that many women who give up children for adoption ALSO report a negative emotional impact, as do many of the adoptees so relinquished. And I have known women who had abortions who report no negative emotional effects. (Though they may have been in denial.) But it's undeniable that there are negative consequences of relinquishing a child for adoption.

Your friend needs to make her own decision. If you are her friend, you should support whatever decision she makes. You should not be trying to convince her to do something else.

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