Putting your child up for adoption is wrong!?!?!?

bluesapphire

My birthmother put me up for adoption. I thank God everyday for it, not just because I was put with a stable family, but she was such a childish woman, my siblings and I would have wound up raising ourselves and/or each other. At least now all of us have the chance to get a good education, and become successful individuals.

curiousfuturepublicadmin

Good question! I too would like to know why doing probably the most unselfish act someone could possibly do would be wrong? What is wrong with giving an innocent child the chance at a better life than I can provide for them? Although I cannot imagine being in the position to have to choose to make this decision, I have the utmost respect for anyone who chooses to do so. If I was unable to provide financially or emotionally for a child, is it better that I keep the child destined to live a difficult life, vs. give someone else the opportunity to have a child that cannot do so on their own? Wrong to give up a child....sounds crazy to me??

yesno.

It's not wrong, it's just a choice some parents have to make for the sake of their children.

Mallory

you have to ask yourself why your doing it
if you're doing it because you can't support her or him and giving someone else to love and nuture and give her a better life then thats okay like if you cant afford her
but i think if your just doing it becuase its gonna be hard then it is wrong you made the decision and you have to pay the consecuences think about it in the long run you might want you little girl or baby boy back and when you cant get them it will break your heart i hope you make the right decision! =]]

à®â™¥Julian'sMommyâ™¥à®

Ok how can some people claim abortion is so wrong? It is the woman's choice to have it done and after all it is her body.
People bash women for doing this but then the ones that gives their babies up to total strangers not knowing how that baby will get treated is upheld by everyone.

When you put a baby up for adoption what is that saying about you?
You do not want the baby.
What does it mean when you want to have an abortion?
You do not want a baby

So what really is the difference cause in the end You will not have your baby.

viento

I don't think it is wrong to put your child up for adoption but it is not something to do with out some serious thought and good council. I have a large number of friends who have adopted children, many of them multiple children who are older in age. Not a one of the adoptive children of my friends comes from a pleasant situation.

I find it very sad that in several of their cases the mothers chose adoption rather than cleaning up her life. There are always consequences to the children when they are separated from their birth parents. That said if some one is truly not fit to parent it is a very good thing for the child to be adopted by a loving family.

I am amazed that there are so many people answering with the thought of finances in mind. Children don't need money, they need love and care. Basic needs are sufficient if they come with a commitment from the parent or parents to love and nurture their little one.

Remember that there are consequences for everything that we do, both good and bad. My children will have to work out many things in their lives as they had me for a mother. Life is like that. It is not perfect or ideal. We all have endured sufferings at the hands of our parents, even when we grew up with the best of the best (loving parents). So if you are in a situation where you truly believe that it is in the best interest of the child for you to give them up than you do so knowing that although it will affect them in some way or another, it is not nessisarily wrong and could be the best thing that ever happens to them.

snowwillow20

I don't think it's wrong, I just think in the long run, the birthparent will regret the decision. It's a hard thing to live with, I can tell you that from experience. It's also a personal choice.

rumbler_12

No it is not wrong. It is better for a parent to recognize that adoption in some cases may be better for a child. There are many reasons why it can be.

sometimes it is absolutely the right thing to do.

Each situation is unique.

My daughter has seven by birth and is adopting another child who was neglected by a very very young mom, just too young to raise a baby right now. She chose to let a family have her who could care for here and will love her as she cant at her young age.

LOL

it's not wrong

rb29440

That person is wrong. Putting your child up for adoption is an awful decision to have to make, but when you're in dire straits, putting your child up for adoption is the most responsible thing a mother can do. You're giving that child a great chance at a good life. I don't have any person experience at this. But giving a child a good chance at a good life? How wonderful is that?

tickled blue

<<<waiting for a child. Thank you to all of the mothers out there who choose what is best for their children out of love for that child. It is never wrong to do what is best for your child.

freshmeatz

My second half and I gave up our first daughter for adoption over 13 years ago due to money issues,"We were totally broke" we are not addicted to drugs and or alcohol. Just we had no family support , all negative if any.. But out of all the fears from feelings we have encountered since that day have been more then rewarded in getting to know two wonderful people whom we gave our daughter too , out of trust , they would raise her and love her, teach her the correct human values of life.

This was one of the first types of "Open" adoptions in the state of Ohio.. We have contact with our second family and our biological daughter.. Our current daughter has open contact with her sister. So far things are going OK for both of the girls and accept the decision we made 13 years ago.

As the wheels of life turn...We hope they turn very true and at a slower pace..

gizmo

Alright, personal experience. My brother and I (11 and 16) are both adopted, and in a matter of weeks, we are adopting two more boys ages 5 and 7. We weren't the unfortunate kind who found out when we got letters from a strange women claiming to be our mothers, we were raised up knowing we were what we were: adopted. There is no way that adoption is wrong. If I would have stayed with my mother, I would have been brought up in a very unstable home, and probably addicted to a coupla drugs by now in my sophomore year of high school, but instead, I'm at the top of my class so far and doing great with my loving and caring adoptive parents. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Wannabe

I don't think you should put a child up for adoption just because of money. I grew up poor and I am very glad my parents did the best they could,. Adoption should only be for people who are not mentally ready to take care of a child. I don't think people realize how difficult adoption is, for some it is a quick fix, for others it is a life long dream. I certainly don't think adoption is wrong, but you should very carefully think it through. The child will always wonder about the birth parents, and the birth mother is bound to have regret, and it isn't always a picnic for the adoptive parents. Not all adoptions are success stories. If you go into it with eyes wide open, you may be one of the lucky ones.

sam22254

By what I have read It depends. Have you told the birth father and does he agree with you. Adoption is good and bad it depends how it's done. The sad fact is most young couples want new born and with LDS they want blond hair blue eye children. There is alot of children in the foster programs most people over look. I'm on boths sides really My son has been figting LDS for his child kidnaped and put up for adoption(The baby can't be adopted) for my son was found not un fit and has visitaion for right now and then there is my daughter who will never have children unless she adopts so you see i'm as lost as you are. I just think that if adoption is your choice you really need to understand it's for good and be honest with all involved.

concerned

For me, it depends on the situation.

In my case, yes, I think it was wrong to relinquish my daughter.

That's all I honestly have the energy for tonight. My story is linked below if you really want to understand, which it seems like you do (THANK YOU for that, by the way).

If you can't or don't want to be a parent have an abortion.

It is more merciful.

courtney d

i think that it is wrong

Possum

As you can see from the answers you have received - there are many perceived pros and cons in adoption - but many of the answers here are just peoples own feelings about adoption - many who have not been personally effected by adoption.

Pros - if done ethically - and if the child really does need a home - adoption can give a child a safe place with people who hopefully will care and love the child unconditionally.
Adoption is also seen as making families for those that are not able to have children biologically themselves.

Cons - too often - where infant adoption is concerned - ethics are thrown out the window - as adoption agencies just want to acquire healthy white infants for waiting prospective adoptive parents. (way too much money is involved - which equates to many possibilities of unethical behavior)
Relinquishing mothers and adoptees can both have long term psychological effects from being separated - many suffer from PTSD. In nature - mother and child are meant to stay together - when that bond is broken - there is pain involved - no matter the age of the child.
No matter the reason behind the adoption - losing ones mother is also a very real and painful event. An event that many adoptees are not allowed to grieve over - and there is always the questions of 'why' for the adoptee.
In the US - most states seal the adoptees original birth certificate and hospital birth medical records. Something that every other non-adopted person is entitled to receive.
Many adoptive parents do not allow knowledge or contact between the adoptee and their biological family - something that an adoptee needs to have a psychologically healthy upbringing - as we are like the people that we are born to - by genetics - we have similar looks and mannerisms - and when we are not allowed to see and know them - can be very confusing for the adoptee - especially during adolescents - when most teenagers (adopted and non-adopted) start to work out why they are who they are.

Adoptees feelings toward their own adoption will be influenced by many many events in the adoptees lives - and often their own feelings about their adoptions will change many times during their lives. Event that can attribute to an adoptees feelings of adopion -
- if they had abusive bio parents
- if they had abusive adoptive parents
- during different periods of their lives - especially when major events impact on them (for me - the teenage years were a mess - and again when I had my own children)
- if they are allowed to know and love all sets of their parents (as adoptees have at least 2 sets in most cases)
- if they are told constantly to ignore their feelings (often told they are wrong)
- if they are told that they should be grateful for not being aborted (said way too often to adoptees - but I'm quite certain many non-adopted children/adults are ever told this!)
- if they wish to adopt children themselves

Adoptees are very very complex creatures.
We are damaged children/adults.
Adopting a damaged child is a very very hard child to parent.
All too often adoptive parents are not told of the down sides of adoption (or too often they just don't want to hear it - 'hear no evil' etc).
To be the best adoptive parent you can be - you have to know EVERYTHING and ALL SIDES of adoption - so that you can be ready for ANYTHING.
Having a closed mind will only have a detrimental affect on the adoptee in the long run.

A few things you can read - like books -
http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=24351

Adoptee blogs -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=2805.0

Relinquishing/first mother blogs -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php?topic=2804.0

Effects on separating mother and child - (links on the right)
http://lizardchronicles.blogspot.com/

Support for opening adoptee records -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyu4E9Bhi9E

K-O

What if putting your child for adoption would actually save their life? It's not wrong. Maybe another family can give your child the life he/she deserves.

Isabel A

I am not judging your choices by any means.

But I am a little uneasy about some of the answers here telling you what a brave and loving choice it is to relinquish a child. It really confuses me because some of these same people also berate mothers who relinquish insinuating they are somehow less than.
I have seen mothers who have relinquished called the worst names on Yahoo Answers.

I think there are a lot of conflicting messages for birthmothers out there and they seem to magnified on Y!A.

I think you should be aware that for some there is a stigma applied to those who chose not to parent.

It just isn't an easy road to take and this is a decision that is permanent.

I know my firstmother. I try to have a relationship with her but it is honestly the hardest relationship I have ever had in my entire life. And I'm pretty confident that she would say the same.

I hope you find some peace in all of this.

private

After I was born, My parents separated, and I was put in the care of my Grandmother, who could not take care of for long, because of her age. I was then, sent to an Orphanage.To this day, I wished I had somebody, anybody, I could call mom and dad,to have a hug, and to be told I was loved, to be read a story, to have a birthday, even with a cake. When I got married, My main goal was not only to love my family, which was hard to do, since I wasn't really sure, what"love" was. But I told myself, "NEVER," would I let my child be an "orphan." Nowdays it is called a "Ward of the State," but is it really any different. So, my message is. It is better to be "Adopted," than it is, to be a "Ward of the State."But nothing beats having "Loving Biological Parents."
So, hug and kiss you children, and tell them, you love them
every single night. <}:-})

mamulechka

It's not wrong, BUT at the same time I think are lot of people putting children up for adoption have being brainwashed that they can't do good enough jobs, or have basically being co-erced or forced into giving their children up, which is basically the same as having your children stolen.
Now THAT is VERY wrong.

amyburt40

I don't think its wrong necessarily. You see with natural mothers, they get blamed on both ends of it. To your face, its wonderful blessing and behind your back, you are a horrble person.

Many times too there is a great deal of coercion. All we aim to do is take the coercion, lying, and corruption out of adoption.

FaZizzle

Wow--that person is selfish.

When you're pregnant, it's not about you anymore. It's about a child and if you think your child deserves a better life then what you could possibly provide, then you need to look into adoption.

I was adopted. I don't know my birth parents, but I thank God that they had the maturity to take responsibility and give me away for adoption to a couple who COULD provide for me.

Both my sister and I are adopted and I wouldn't have it any other way.

This hits REALLY close to home, so I'll elaborate.

1) If you've never been in a situation where adoption/abortion was an option, you can't even full grasp the sitaution. Not all pregnancies are happy, and while it's a great idea to think that "You have to live with your mistake" the reality of the situation is that NO CHILD should have to pay for a one night stand or an affair with your boss.

2) Everyone preaches against abortion yet no one wants to do anything about it. Why only care about a baby when she's in the womb? If you're not for abortion, t hen adoption should be the logical step. Abortion isn't a "legal or illegal" problem. It's that we have tied such a strong stigma that it is all that people associate with it. Abortion is murder. Abortion is anti-Christian. If you aren't for abortion, then you HAVE TO BE PRO-MOTHER'S RIGHTS. That means more education. That means embracing adoption.

Maybe it's because I love my kids. Maybe it's because I'm a parent. But if there were ANY OUNCE of question when I had my kids as to whether my husband and I could give them the best life possible, we would NOT have considered keeping them. The moment you conceive a baby and decide that you won't abort this baby is the moment when you stop being selfish and start putting your focus on that new life.

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