Should I abort or give child up for adoption?

heartless </3

Please don't abort. The baby shouldn't have to suffer for your boyfriend's lack of desire for it or anything like that. If you can't take care of it, at least let someone else. You can still be in its life but lots of people would kill for a baby. All these couples nowadays that can't have kids.

sdj425

Please dont abort your baby! Adoption is a wonderful thing and I know any family who is unable to get pregnant would love the chance to be parents. Please don't abort an innocent child, let the child have a chance to become somebody and live his or her life, don't end it because of one night or whatever. ABORTION is MURDER!!! Living with depression or what not would be so much better than living with the fact that an innocent baby was killed. Adoption is a wonderful blessing to a family who can't conceive. Babies are gifts from God. There is a reason that you got pregnant.
God Bless and Please make the right decision

Far Dreamer

don't abort. Adoption is a great choice.

Natasha

please dont abort your baby! adoption in my opinion would by far be the best option

SADWIND

Its you and your doctor who should make that call. I am sure the doctor knows whats best for you.
good luck

Walter Ford II

Sounds like you have decided to give birth so I don't understand Abort or Adopt.......I think you mean Parent or Adoption?.

Ask infertile religious folks to donate their time and be a part time nanny when your having a spell so you can have an easier time parenting.

hollywantstobeamommy

Adoption, there are lots of good couples out there who would love to have the opportunity to raise your child.
Plus, a good agency can help you during your pregnancy to get a hold on your depression. They will let you have counseling, help with living expenses, etc.

Saggyrl

I would abort if you absolutely will not parent. Why bring a child into this world knowing full well you won't keep him/her, and bring more pain into your life (not to mention theirs)? You're only 6 weeks, I would do it soon. Like someone else said, either parent or abort. I am the child of a bipolar parent and while it was challenging at times (to say the least) I would not have wanted to be given up for adoption.

dontknow86

Get rid of the boyfriend keep your baby it may bring the happiness you long for.

Ileana

Why don't you seek Another opinion. Do you have a therapist? while pregnant do u take your pills for your illness? if so figure out in the mean time what you really want to dO. It is not the child's fault that it was brought to this world. you might get some help from your family and could try to raise your baby.

smarmy

So on top of all that you have going on already you want to add to it the pain and depression of surrendering a child? One that might inherit your genetic malfunctions, who may or may not be kept in touch with you so as to be aware of those genetics? Then you want to give a child the gift of a life that you weren't able to be a part of, probably wont be around long enough to answer questions and give on going medical information from BOTH sides of the child's genetic make up, and you take a chance of having that child's records sealed away from them forever if you happen to live in a sealed state? Their gift from you will be confusion, abandonment and attachment problems, trust issues, lack of genetic mirroring, and second class citizenship that will render them unable to leave the country if their paperwork take longer than 1 year to process thanks to 911.

From someone who has done both, adoption was much more painful on all 3 mother, father and child.

Vanessa

Don't give your child up, please, especially under the pretense of an "Open Adoption". It is a lie and in most cases is only a way to lure you into relinquishing your rights. Once you do that, the adopters can and most likely will cut you out of the picture, when you become too much of an "inconvenience".

If you think you have mental health issues now, I can guarantee you that relinquishing your child will make it worse. I didn't have mental health issues when I was a 19 year old young woman, but since I went through with what I thought was going to be an open adoption and being included and up to date on my child's life (only to have it closed and cut of of the picture when he was all of 7), I have suffered with unimaginable mental health problems. I know that losing my child was the cause of it. I have never been the same. Even 20 years later, it does not get any better~only worse as far as I am concerned. That loss and betrayal of trust is a blow that can never be reconciled. Ever.

I am not in any way giving you medical advise, but Mental Illness is treatable. Adoption isn't. It is permanent and irrevocable and you will regret it.

P.S.~ go ahead and give me your thumbs down. I speak the TRUTH from somone who has lived it. Until you have, then you can have the right to judge and think you are such an expert on giving one's child up to strangers.

Pip

This really does need to be your decision nobody else's as this is your body and your baby.

From personal experience I would rather have aborted than to go what I have. I suffered with depression before I had my son but I also knew I was emotionally and financially able to raise my son. My parents played a huge part in me being coerced into surrendering for no better reason than they didn't want the shame of having a daughter being a single mother. Subsequently my depression got much worse, I have been suicidal over the years and self harmed although I haven't done that since 2005 which, incidently, was a year into reunion.

Nobody knows how you will cope if you do go through with the pregnancy then surrender so very difficult to give an answer either way.

LinnyG

Dont listen to these anti choice zealots. Listen to first Moms who have surrendered- who are honest about the hell they have lived after doing so.

You are bi-polar. If you want to "try and stay better", either terminate your pregnancy or keep your child. Adoption will tear your soul out and you will regret it. If you are too sick, then please terminate now. No child wants to be raised by strangers.

snowwillow20

Giving up a child is a hurt that never feels, you think your are ill now, wait until you give up a child, you will never get over it.

sizesmith

The decision is yours, but there's a few other things to consider. I'd like to know if you have any other children that you've given birth to, and if any of those children have the bipolar disorder. If they have severe symptoms, and since it can be a disabling condition for some, and with your medical history, abortion might be the answer. I'd also like to know your history after the birth of any children, and if you have more than one, did the severity of depression get better or worse.

By placing the child for adoption, it can end up with parents who love it, and take care of it. In a case like yours, I'd really look for someone who's willing to have an open adoption, this way, you can tell the child yourself that you were too sick to raise him/her, however, you can still have a positive influence on this child, and still show him/her that you love them.

Also, with a condition like this, and with a pregnancy, there's a good chance you'll qualify for medicaid, and if you get on it, it's a prime time to get your tubes tied, so you're never in this situation again. Talk to your doctor about signing the consent forms to do this ahead of time, as you most likely must sign them 30 days in advance of giving birth (or the surgery), as it's state law in most states to sign ahead of time.

I do know someone with bipolar who has successfully given birth, without any episodes afterwards. You should really go to a doctor who has treated or worked with a doctor who treats bipolar patients during pregnancy. If you decide to carry this baby to term, also make sure that your meds are safe to take now. Many are, and many aren't during pregnancy. My prayers are with you, and as an adoptive parent, I can tell you that someone will be thrilled with the opportunity to raise your baby, and I pray that they work with you to see the baby. Make sure that you do fill out a medical history on both you and the father, complete with both physical and mental illnesses. I wish you every luck, peace, and prayer in this difficult process, as well as your child!

gypsywinter

I can only say this to you...as if I were you and contemplating abortion, parenting or adoption. Would you abort or give the baby up for adoption, if your boyfriend WANTED his baby? Do you have other children? Have you had trouble with other pregnancies or problems relating to your bi-polar condition while raising other children? What specific purpose in your life would adoption give to you? Do you think you are too old to go thru the whole pregnancy and birthing process? Is your main and most important concern the issue of being Bi-polar? Have you talked to your OB-GYNE about your concerns? If I knew myself real well and if I was Bi-polar that had and still continued to cause me serious life problems on a daily basis, I would opt for an abortion and then have a tubal ligation. But in the end you are the only one that can make the ultimate choice. I hope you make the right choice for yourself.

mapleleaf2

Do you have any other children? Do you actually know, from experience, that you are "too sick" to care for a child? I ask because i have my doubts, as there are MANY successful parents who have bipolar depression. Just like diabetes or heart disease or any other disease, it is no reason to surrender your baby. You have the right to medical care.

Are you in a bipolar peer-support group? If not, then find one. Also a single-parents support group.

I know several bipolar moms who are fantastic parents. Why can't you be as well? The answer is, you CAN.

The other issue is that someone has someone got you believing that adoption and abortion are alternatives to each other or even related to each other in the slightest.

They aren't. But it fits the agenda of anti-abortion organizations to try to confuse the two.

sorry, but right now your choice is abortion or motherhood, It's about 9 months TOO SOON to be considering aodoption. That is a decision that is properly made at least 6 weeks post-birth once you have mostly recovered from pregnancy and birth. The two decisions are totally unrelated. Become a mother vs. abort. Then be a mother raising your child or a mother without your child.

Jennifer L

Please seek a second medical opinion. There are OB doctors that specialize in pregnancies that might be catagorized as "higher risk", including women who must take medication for bipolar disorder during pregnancy. This is a major decision for you and if your doctor is advising you to have an abortion for your health, it doesn't hurt to get a second opinion. It doesn't sound like you want to have an abortion, so you might also look into resources to assist you while you are pregnant and that can assist you if you choose to parent this child.

But please do not make such a major decision like this based upon only one doctor's opinion.

Ferbs

First of all...DO NOT TAKE medical advice or "orders" to abort or choose adoption or vice versa. NO ONE can do this for you...and they don't know you (nether do I of course) or your struggles. Very easy to say..."DON'T ABORT" when someone doesn't know the hell that is mental illness. And the absolute same applies for those screaming "ABORT".

I find answers like that...in this case...very irresponsible.

You have a lot to think about. And I can only imagine how scared you are. You're stuck between doing what is best for your mental health (which keeps you alive and functional) and wanting to be a mother but fearing for your child too.

Your disorder combined with the fluctuations of hormones could cause you problems right now. PLEASE CONTINUE to see your doctor...and make it a psychiatrist please...if it isn't already.

Boyfriend AND friends: Sorry...no vote on this one. They are not carrying this child or dealing with bi-polar disorder. They should be supportive of you. Real friends would be. I'm sure that includes worrying about the consequences of carrying a child...that's fair. They love you. But IT'S A DOCTOR'S CALL along with YOURS.

If you abort...you may regret it forever. You may not.
If you choose adoption...you may regret it forever. You may not...but I'm convinced it won't help you gain better footing on your mental health. Relinquishing is devastating...even when it's the "right" thing to do.

Either way, you will need to be assessed and monitored.

All the best to you. Please continue to consult with a psychiatric specialist.

ETA: @ Walter: "having a spell"? Are you for real? Which spell would that be...the manic highs when you feel untouchable and don't sleep for days or the gutter lows where death is the only light at the end of the tunnel? Although I doubt you're actually a teen male IRL...you sure sound like an uneducated one right now. Try leaving the dreaded infertiles out of an answer for once and have compassion.

drkangel210e

Well, as to whether the having the baby will lead to depression, I know for a fact that the hormonal mess-up following an abortion or early miscarriage is pretty intense. I've had three miscarriages in the first trimester (6 weeks, 7 weeks, and 9 weeks) and I felt like crap for a month after the fact. Yeah, I was horribly depressed because of the miscarriage itself, but there was no denying the hormonal component. I feel much better at 33 weeks pregnant than I ever did after having a miscarriage.

Now, that said, you might come down hard after the pregnancy. I guess what I'm trying to say is not to expect it to not mess you up chemically if you get an abortion vs. carrying to term.

I would go based upon what the doctor says and even get a second opinion just to be sure. Boyfriends and friends all have secondary motives, whether they mean well or not.

Finally, do you know that you're too sick to care for the baby? I mean, there are different levels of having bi-polar. If you're able to control it through medication, I wouldn't sell myself short if I wanted to keep the baby. To be honest, at 44 this would be decision time on becoming a mom during your lifetime.

I think if you just look at the facts as you know them and try to avoid being pushed emotionally by other people you'll come to a conclusion that works for you.

Raven

The only advice I can offer without being you is for you to think hard, see a therapist (psychologist, shrink or whatever you want to call them) and talk to them. In the end the choice is yours and only you can make it.

Mel

Being a therapist myself I know quit a bit about your illness. You say that you are seeing a doctor and I am wondering if this is just a doctor for your medication management or if it is your therapist. I would really suggest if you do not have a therapist to get one so that they can help you clearly process everything that is going on with you. I am also concerned that if you do place the child for adoption though you are pointing out a very valid reason once you sign over your rights how this will effect you. Even though the child is the number one concern if you choose adoption or abortion you must take care of your psychological well being so that your illness does not escalate because of your lose.

Allanas

No one can advise you on this one. Seriously, there's more to your life than being a 41 year old, bi-polar single mother.

You should consider your life on a day to day basis. Do your "good days" outnumber the bad? What sort of support system do you have? You may be able to get along with some help. Family, friends, neighbors...everyone loves babies. Maybe you could hire a nanny/housekeeper who can help you on bad days.

What social services are available to you?
Some places have lots of help for mentally ill parents. You may be entitled to help, support, and other services that will allow you to keep your baby.

On the other hand...
Who wants a mentally ill mother?
Bi-polar disorder is genetic. You could be dooming a kid to your life.
The meds you take may severely harm a fetus. You could be dealing with a special needs kid.

Sunny

Abort.

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