Should I adopt or abort my child due to the uncertainty of my situation?

Dont abort. if you really dont want this baby adopt, but why wouldnt you want it?

Like It Too Much

definitely give your baby up for adoption.
don't murder a human being. please.

mama of 2

Why murder your child just because you are having a hard time?!

For me abortion is never an answer. Adoption is a chances at life. Your baby deserves that weather it is with you and your boy friend or with a couple. First off, times are tough right now and I live in Texas I know. It took my brother in law a year to find a job after being laid off in Texas and he was a Vice president working with computers costumer services in University,
Your boy friend being a college student and not really being fully employed anywhere does present a problem for money. Being scared of the unknown is understandable.
First, is your boyfriend willing to give the baby up for adoption. Because if he is not, then it will present some problems.
Secondly, you need to sit down and talk to him about it. Lay it out, your concerns, write them down to help keep you on track. Start with money, what are we going to do? Where could we get jobs, or help, There is social services that can help with housing and food stamps ETC.
Sometimes being near your parents could help with the child as if you decide to go back to school or something. As for your parents knocking your boy friend, let them say what they want. The way to prove them wrong is how he takes care of you and the baby. Mean does he send money to you ETC. That will show your parents the kind of man he is.

I am a mother who has children who are adopted. They were adopted at birth. I met the birth mother and we talk and none of the reasons she gave me for giving me her baby are anything like what you have listed. Your stressed and worried and you have some uncertainty in your life but you don't throw the baby out with the bath water just cause things are a little mirky. Times get tough and we have to get tough too. Tighten the belts and cut back where we can.
Look into adoption, Some adoption places have programs that you can go either way. One will help you choose someone to parent your child and the other will help you as a single person get on your feet while raising a child. These are church or non profit agency's.That might be an option till your boy friend is ready

ace

adoption

DropsOfJupiter

Well that's a personal decision. But would you rather have killed your child or fulfilled a couple's dreams and given your child a great life? You decide. Also, you situation has time to turn around if you decide adoption, but if you abort, you could be in a great situation by nov, but your child would still be dead. Abortion is permanent and there's no going back

Marnie B

This isnt the place to be asking for advice, as I'm sure you'll figure out after reading some of the answers. Please don't have an abortion, there are many couples wanting to adopt if you feel you're not ready to parent. You sound realistic & mature about your situation. Talk to a therapist or visit a crisis pregnancy center where someone can help you decide what's best for you & your baby.

Melissa Smith

You have created a life from love, and now you're thinking about killing it just because you're having some problem with money? What kind of person are you ! Fair enough, adopt the child out, thats bad enough, but TO KILL IT, thats just selfish. Go on the doll, keep the child, if you can't give it to someone who will love it more than you ever will.

R.M.G!

It serves no purpose to condemn you for getting pregnant. What's done, is done.
This is ALSO your father's GRANDCHILD. If he gives you crap, you may limit his access to this child.
Your lease would be "up", whether you were pregnant, or not. You need to live SOMEWHERE!!!
Your DAD will "get over it", once he realizes this is HIS grand-kid. Give him a chance, but don't tolerate abuse.
Yes, your fiance is a nice guy. I'm assuming he knows you are pregnant. I'd hope he wants this baby, just as he wants YOU.
This child is also HIS parents Grandchild.
I cannot tell you what is best for You, or your fiance, or this baby.
I believe there are always possibilities.
Aborting takes away every possibility that this child could have.
Raising this child yourself, with, or without the father, will teach YOU about responsibility.
Adopting this child out, allows you to put YOUR responsibility into someone else's hands, but at least gives this kid a chance that death does not.
Whatever you choose, keep a journal, talk about it, whichever path you choose.
Someday you may wish to see this from another perspective. Having a written record of what this was, may help you in the future. Maybe you can expess to your child, what this felt like, being pregnant and uncertain about how to proceed, or make a life altering decision.
For better, or worse, truth is always very revealing about who YOU ARE.

MARY

This workbook may help you. It discusses ALL three of your options:
http://www.pregnancyoptions.info/pregnant.htm

aRiAnA

Do not abort your child u will regret it! Wait and try to move in with a friend for awhile just don't kill your little growing baby!
U WILL REGRET IT
My friend did it and killed herself 4 years later because of depression due to her abortion!
anyways good luck

When I was reading this, I felt for your child but I felt a lot for YOU too! You must be going through a lot and I am not going to tell you what to do or tell you that I "know exactly how you are feeling". I just want to encourage you to think about the long term.

I don't want you or anyone in a situation like yours to look back 10 years from now and regret their decision. Your situation is a hard one, yes, but you aren't having the baby tomorrow, and your lease isn't up tomorrow. Think...think...think. :) Its your life and what you decide will ultimately affect the rest of your life profoundly.

So when it comes to abortion, I must say I'm personally very much saddened by its very existence because I have heard from so many women how they have regretted their decision to abort. (go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3e6W7TyvlLw to hear one woman speak about her abortion online). I don't want that pain on anyone.

If you still don't think you can care for a child, there is also adoption. I speak from experience (as being an adopted person) that it is a truly wonderful thing. Words can't describe how grateful I am to my birthmom that she gave me life instead of accepting the money to have an abortion performed. I have an awesome relationship with her now and my biological siblings, too.

Best wishes!

LinnyG

As an adoptee, I would say to terminate your pregnancy, or parent the child when it is born. Most women who surrender a child to adoption never recover. Women who have terminated and surrendered have said that the abortion was simple...they had closure...and were able to move on.

I had an abortion because I was adopted. I would never put a child through a lifetime of pain due to being surrendered and adopted. I have recovered from the termination...I will never recover from losing my entire natural family.

Just keep in mind that open adoptions are not legally enforceable in the US, so anyone who promises you one is lying. You are not a child, and neither is the child's father. You will get child support if you decide to continue w your pregnancy and have the child. If you want to parent, parent. If not, terminate the pregnancy.

Space Gazer

Adopt. Instead of waiting for your fiancee to get a job (which is difficult in this economy), try looking for a job yourself.

Angiejoshue Corona

I know how you feel. My sister was in the same situation. But as if your not sure you want to keep or adopt. I am willing to adopt him/her from you since i am not able to concieve a child. i was born without a uterus and is hoping to find someone who is willing to give me a child to care for.

Opedial

It is not a child yet, it is a foetus. So if you abort, you are aborting cells, not a living person. Do what you need to do for you, but consider raising your own child, life works itself out in the end!

Amy Foley

I was adopted so i would know. But in the end its your decision, you can't be forced into something you don't want to do.
I think you should keep it. Besides you will get money from the government when you have a baby... I'm so glad I was adopted, when my mum was pregnant my dad tried to force her into abortion, but she wouldn't kill me. I did meet her when i was 15. And I have a healthy relationship with both my mum and my adoptive parents. I am really against abortion, it IS murdering. I think it should be illegal, if it is legal to abort a baby then it should be legal to walk into the hospital and kill a newborn, Its the same thing. except the government doesn't consider a baby to be a baby until it takes its first breath. this is wrong. babys eat (inside you) before they take they're first breath. So they are alive they're organs and skill is all there, It is a child. Please don't kill it.

@the person who said "don't give it to adoption, abort it. Because you don't want people to buy A baby". Whats wrong with "buying a baby" in other words "giving it a second chance" What a horrible thing to say!! How can you work up the nerve to tell someone to murder an innocent baby. And ofcourse people want to adopt there are some people out there, that its impossible for them to get pregnant, so don't they deserve a child? Think before you say. But there are some people out there (like me) Who can have a baby, but choose not to because whats the point of bringing another child into the world when there are so many out there who only dream of sitting at a table eating dinner with a family who loves them, So thats why i adopted. you'll thank yourself for it later, and if you abort this baby, and everything turns out, and your fiancee and you decide you want a baby. What are you supposed to tell that child, you murdered one and kept the other, don't do it, my friend did and cant sleep at night. And one last thing, im not sure if anyone here is religious but if you go to heaven (im not saying there is but there might be..) and you see that child what do u say to them. What are you going to say if this child with tear-filled eyes looks up at you and says "mummy why didnt you want me, but how come you wanted my brother/sister? Don't you love me?" Are you going to say "well baby it was a rough time so i gave up, Im sorry" do you think they will forgive you? They will only forgive you if they are the sweetest, honest, child out there, but if they do forgive you then i know you'll regret wasting there life, throwing them out... Like a dog. But in the end its your decision, adopt or keep please, please don't murder :(
Would you rather live with the guilt of "giving your child up for adoption" or "murdering them".?
People stop saying adoption is a bad thing! would you have rather been adopted or thrown in the street with nothing hmmm didn't think so....

Children are a pleasure stop acting like a brat and encourage there life instead of threatening to ruin it.

Johnsmuffinpie

I was also adopted, and I say, please do not abort. My birth mother had that option as well, but chose to place me with a great family instead. It saddens me for someone to tell you to kill your child rather than allow him/her to grow up with someone else to love him/her. I don't understand how someone could say that you could kill your child and feel less regret than allowing that same child an existence!
As an adoptee, I am grateful to my birth mom for having the strength and courage to carry me for 9 months and then place me for adoption. She knew early on that she most likely couldn't be a mother to me. She did the best, most unselfish thing she could...she gave me life and then allowed me to have a life she couldn't give me. Please think long and hard about your decision. As another poster said, by November, things could be better for you and your boyfriend. But if you abort, there is no turning back. If by November, things aren't any better and you still don't feel you can parent, then you can contact an agency or Catholic Charities. Don't throw in the towel just yet...you still have a chance to parent!!

Oh, and by the way, no, open adoptions are not legally enforceable in the U.S., but that doesn't mean that everyone who offers you that is lying. Many adoptive parents keep their word. Mine did, and I know several others that did, too.

Karen

If you truly believe you cannot raise your child than adoption is a much better choice than abortion. I am an adoptee and I also have an adopted daughter. Yes there is a difficult side of being adopted. I have struggled most of my life, but that does not mean that it would have been better for my biological mother to end my life. I am grateful for every day of the life I have been blessed with. Even though some of them are difficult. The comment that you are able to walk away from an abortion without any issues is incorrect. There is no way that you can choose that without some amount of guilt if you at all love your child. Does that mean that you can place your child for adoption without any guilt or second thoughts? No. Either way there would be heartache. But your child has a right to live. I became an unwed mother when I was your age. I lived with my boyfriend (now husband of 18 years) and we really struggled financially. It was a stressful time, but we got through it. Our son is now a wonderful 19 year old who I cannot imagine not having in my life. He is a blessing to me. I am so thankful I chose to raise him. Things may not look good at the moment, but it is temporary. Things will get better. If you at all feel that you can raise this child, that would be the very best choice for everyone, but if not there is a family out there that would love your child very much.

emile

Abortion is not the solution. Remember that this poor innocent child did not ask to be conceived. Have the child and if you can not take of the baby there are many loving couples out there that would be willing to give the child a loving home. I do not want to preach to you because abortion is such a personal matter but I do know that most people who had an abortion come to regret it some time in the future.

Wellspring

Everything in your situation is temporary except for the baby. So how is getting rid of your baby via adopt or abort 'the solution' that fixes anything in your situation. Things change in an instant and November is almost 5 months away, yet oddly keeping your baby was the only thing you neglect to mention.

ETA: The last people on this earth qualified to be advising expectant mothers are those who obtained a baby off their mother.

aloha.girl59

Your choice right now is whether or not to continue with your pregnancy.

If you choose to terminate, then you have no more decisions to make. If you decide to continue with the pregnancy, then and only then will you have to decide whether or not to surrender your child.

If you aren't feeling like now is the time to be a parent, terminate the pregnancy. It isn't fun, but it's an end to your problems. If you want to parent, continue with your pregnancy. You have a supportive and loving boyfriend -- parenting sounds like a good option to me.

DON'T continue with your pregnancy only to surrender your child to adoption. No matter what anyone says, you don't owe your child to anyone. I'm infertile and even I know that buying a baby through an adoption agency is wrong. (They call it 'administrative fees,' I call it 'buying a baby.' Paying $30,000 in 'administrative fees' is a joke. Seriously.) Agencies are corrupt and only care about the cash in their pockets, not the people involved in adoption. There will be no shortage of people willing to purchase your child, but why would you inflict that pain on him/her AND yourself? Giving up a child is not something you ever get over. Neither will your child. Oh, and open adoption is a ploy used by potential adoptive parents and adoption agencies to try to convince pregnant women to relinquish their babies. MOST "open adoptions" close within two years...and since they're not legally enforceable, if the adoptive parents decide to cut off all contact with you a month after the baby is born, there is NOTHING you can do about it.

If you don't want to parent, abort.

Lady Rowan

Either keep your child and raise them, or get an abortion. Honestly, I think you are worrying over nothing. Your fiance will find a job, the economy is tough right now, so it takes a little longer.

You have a little over a month yet, that's plenty of time for hmi to get things rolling to bring you to Texas!

momo's got some nice looking cupcakes.

I don't see why you wouldn't keep it. If I was in your situation and had a fiance, I definitely would of kept mine.
But if you're convinced that adoption and abortion are your only 2 choices, then you decide which one will hurt you more in the long run.

Pip

I know this is an adoption or abortion but the third option is parenting which you seem to be dismissing because of your situation.

Just because you're in situation that isn't ideal doesn't mean it will always be like this and other parents cope. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary situation and your fiance's feelings are just as important.

I do know what it is to live with adoptiom and it is the most painful experience I have ever been though. The pain never goes away so you will have to learn to live with that and knowing that you've missed out on your child's life. Knowing what I do which includes failed reunion I would rather have aborted than surrendered but then I should have been supported in my parent to be a parent. I will always stand by the choice being parenting first, abortion second, adoption third choice.

Jaamee

As an adoptee I vote you keep the baby. You have plenty of time to figure out what to do. DO NOT ABORT. This is not the babies fault and it doesn't deserve to die because of the situation. I know you don't want to move in with your father but you will most likely regret giving up your child or killing it. Just tell your father that you need help while your fiance gets settled. If he says anything bad about the situation tell him you do not want to hear it and if that's his opinion to keep it to himself. This is most likely hormones because you're nervous. I'm praying for you that you find a way to be with your boyfriend in Texas. Good luck.

Flower

Is sounds like your in the same situation as my friend, Honestly its your choice if you feel abortion is the necessary path to go threw then that's your decision. Weigh out the positives and the negatives of making that decision .An if you believe you can handle the situation then again that's your decision its all in your hands!

Nobody can help you make that decision but yourself

Best of luck

Bethany

Adoption and abortion are both permanent solutions to your temporary financial problem. The money thing will change.

There are many government programs that can help you out until you both get back on your feet. Find them and use them. You are eligible for medicare/medicaid and also WIC. Money shouldn't be a reason to give up your baby (through abortion or adoption).

And so you know, engineering jobs ARE few and far between right now. I know it's frustrating being so far away but I'm sure your fiance is trying as hard as he can.

Also, think about this: there is no guarantee that the family your baby would be placed with wouldn't undergo a financial hardship somewhere down the line. They could lose their jobs and your child would be in the same boat although maybe at a different time in his/her life and without you.

Rain

Your situation isn't that bad. Why are you feeling like you need to do anything other than get to Texas and be a family with the man you love? People have been through much worse and come out fine in the end. Yeah, you will have to be poor for a while and struggle for a while, and maybe one of you will have to work job and shift you don't like, or maybe live somewhere you don't want to live for a while, but that is just life and we all have had to do it at some point. Have some confidence in yourself and have some faith in your man. He will eventually find a job, and you will eventually be settled, and then you will look back on these doubts and laugh.

diana

Please adopt it out. My cousin has had 4 failed invetros and 3 failed adoptions. They would do everything to help you in your situation. I have read that women never get over this. It will haunt you not only mentally, but physically. Have you seen the baby in ultrasound yet? There is a heart beating there.

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