Should I take in my Nephew so he doesn't grow up in Foster Homes?

Eliza Jack

My friend grew up in foster homes, apparently they are horrible, she hated them. I think it would be a good idea to take him in. At least then you would know he was safe and well :) xx

Doodlestuff

While it is laudable to take the toddler, a neglected child can often have difficulty forming bonds. Talk to Social Services about the child and how he acts as a result of his neglect. Does he warm up to you when he sees you or does he simply occupy himself? Is there training available for you to work with a child who may very well have issues now due to the neglect?

The reason why this is a concern is that a non-bonding child can actually be a danger to a younger baby. You don't want to be getting angry at this kid if he does something threatening to your baby.

When my mom took in our cousins, it wasn't as much of a problem as it could have been because we older kids could help. I can't imagine how my Mom would have handled my one cousin with a newborn. He put holes in the walls with his fists and this was plaster, not wallboard! He was a very angry little kid for about a year.

Mom of two

It sounds like you already know that the answer to this question is yes, so what are you waiting for? Give your nephew a loving home and yourself and husband a home full of children!

aloha.girl59

I think you should give your sister and her son a place to stay in your "nice very big New England house."

Though I believe that a child should stay with extended family members whenever possible (if his parents cannot take care of him), you don't sound all that interested. You said he's "pretty cute" and "sweet," but that's about it. You're making this about YOU and you are not what is important here. You are obviously concerned about taking care of a newborn and a toddler at the same time and I fear the little boy will get short shrift if he lives with you.

Give your sister a room in your home and show her how to be a positive, loving, nurturing parent. If she isn't abusing the boy, SHE should be the one who parents him, not you.

BTW, there are plenty of black people in Germany. For this and many other reasons, your story doesn't ring true to me. Troll?

...

Oh yes absolutely! Since he's a part of your blood I know you can love him better than strangers out there...even though those strangers might love him too but not as much as you can and you ever will.

If I was to give up my baby, I rather let a family member take care of him/her rather than giving him away to complete strangers! Some kids even gone missing or murdered ... some run away. It's sad but true.

Be a good auntie and take care of him, when he grow up he'll love you very much!

P Booo

I would not think twice, don't let him grow up in foster care. You sound like you can give him a good home.

AnnaBelle

Ideally, social services will be working with his mother to help her to regain rights to her son, and you would be an ideal foster home for him in the meantime, since you are family.

Since her rights are not yet terminated, it is really much too early to even be thinking about adoption. In the event that her rights are terminated, hopefully the little guy can stay with family, whether that is you or someone else, but again, talk of adoption is premature at this point.

If you can take him temporarily, and get licensed as a kinship foster home, please do. And please do what you can to be cooperative to help facilitate his return home. If his mother can get the help she clearly needs, that would be the best place for him.

ETA: Your sister could be suffering from severe PPD (yes, even 2 1/2 yrs. later). Hopefully she gets counseling and other help to allow her to work through that and regain custody of her son. If she doesn't complete her case plan, or try to get him back, her rights will be terminated, but that is for a judge to decide, not you.

Again, if her rights aren't terminated, he's not available for adoption, so your opinions on her parenting are really irrelevant at this point in time. Your job would be to provide a safe and nurturing environment for him until he can return home. If her rights are terminated, you can cross that bridge then.

Stark

Yes, it would be much better for the child to be raised among his real family if possible rather than a completely unrelated foster couple.. I suggest you obtain full legal custody, as for the child you should treat them no better or worse than you're own children but you should not hide the fact that you are not their birth parent due to issues that may develop when they are older. Also I think it would be best to be open about their parents as there will be a time that they will eventually ask about their real parents and you will need to be able to tell them the truth and answer all of their questions in a way they can understand. I would really recommend against a foster home for the child other than what you can provide because even under the best of care there will always be issues that could develop when it comes to them not knowing about their real family or about their heritage and where they came from.

I'd say that you should confront you're sister and offer to take the child off her hands and raise it as you're own, however you should be sure to allow some sort of relationship between them but agree upon permanent legal custody being with you. Also I think it would be wise to explain to the father that at some point he will at least need to give his child the chance to meet him as it is something that will be very important for the both of them one day, the boy will need to have answers as an adult that only his real father can provide, such as why he gave him up and decided to stay out of his life and it would also be very good for the father to at least see that his son was able to make something of himself later in life so that he will not have to hold regret in his decision knowing that what happened with him was for the best. Even though it may not seem like it, two decades from now both parents will need closure in knowing that what happened was for the best and that their child lived on to live a good life that he may not have had otherwise had he stayed with them.

Do what you know is right in you're heart and within the boundaries of logic, do what is best for this child, give him a good life and put him through college, teach him to be a good person and always be there for him in both times good and bad. Good luck, things will be tough but it will have it's rewards in the end.

Trinity

Anyone who adopts a child is a saint imo. Maybe it's because I'm adopted, but I think it would be amazing of you to take him in.

GracieCakes

TAKE HIM IN! =)

Tricia

i think if your thinking about it you want to or you would have said no already. i know it will be tyring but its also the perfect time he would find it easy to fit in helping with things like fetching baby a nappy helping with bathing baby will show how he should of been treated creating good memories for him. i had a couple friends at school they were born as cousins ten days apart however when they were a month old the youngest lost her mum dad was not interested her aunt and uncle adopted her not only having two newborns but 3 older children too now there are 7 in total.

Nora

do you love him? if you do take him, if not let him go

tish_part deux

yes. si. oui.

this would be the PERFECT scenario (if the parents truly want to not parent) for this child.

...except for your racist parents...

i would strongly advise if you do this to set some SERIOUS boundaries with your parents. to the point that they can't see ANY of your children, if they can't accept that your nephew (adoptive son). bottom line, he is a CHILD who has done NOTHING to them, and their views towards him are really not cool.

also, i'd suggest educating yourself about black culture in the US. especially systematic racism and covert discrimination against black men. i would also recommend any readings by the author "tim wise." he has a very sharp perspective on systematic racism and race issues in this country.

here's his website: http://www.timwise.org/

BTW, he's white.

it still blow my mind how people can be racist against babies.... sad...

good luck.

Rosie

Talk to your husband and see what he thinks. He's the one you need to run this by. He will have to be on board 200 percent and willing to help after he gets home from work with a child who will need a lot of structure and parenting as you become less able to run around when the new one comes.

It puts a stress load on a marriage. Make sure yours is strong enough to take it successfully. And do use alternative care for him. Preschool in the mornings and such.

YES

cmc

It will be great if you can take him in and accept him as your own child. Of course his first mom is your sister, but he shouldn't feel he comes second after your son in terms of treatment. If you can do this, keeping him with your family would be ideal.

But also be honest, and if it isn't possible he should be adopted by another family who can put him first. I know that a healthy two year old would easily be placed for fost-adopt. Encourage your sister to get help immediately or terminate her parental rights so he can go to a real family who will be his permanent parents. Don't let him languish in foster care.

I would have to say if it was me I would take him in. But you need to know that you and your husbands can really be parents to him. Otherwise he deserves another family and he will find one so long as he isn't stuck in the foster care system for too long.

bubba

you are all he has.....just because your pregnant wont stop you ive got 3 children 2 5 and 9 and yes they are a lot of work but they are worth it. stop and think if it were your child what would you want? him in foster care or with family i know what id rather want for my child..... good luck

Raven

You should only take him in if you think you'll be able to love him as you can./will your own...

Alyssa's mommy

Family is really important to me and without hesitation I would adopt him. I think it will mean a lot to your nephew as he grows up to know that he is being raised by family instead of abandoned to the foster care system.

I have a 2.5 year old at home and I am pregnant right now... I won't lie to you, it will be hard with a toddler and newborn, but it will be great as well. Think of the huge difference you will make in this child's life. He needs someone to love him properly.

Ohiogirl

They asked you and your husband first because it is important to keep a child with his family if at all possible. If you believe you would be able to parent him and give him a loving home, then it would be best to have him live with you. Best of luck to you and your family.

Michele N

you should definitely take him in. i would never subject anyone to that kind of life if i had a choice.

Dog luvva

I think that you should most deffinetly take in your nephew. i think it will bring joy into your life and into your husbands. You have to do what is best for you and your nephew in the end. You can do anyting you set your mind too.

marqueen71

YES you should take him. Make certain the state gives you permanent legal custody so your sister can't change her mind and demand him back.

Ann

If you can love him as much as your new baby, then please give him a home. But do so knowing there might be issues that arise down the road including attachment disorders that can be difficult to overcome. You need to be committed to this child no matter what happens in the future.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: