Should i put my baby up for adoption?

Kristin

If you need to talk or *****, lol...just let me know. I am a stay at home mom and would love to talk with you.
It will be ok and you will decide what you know and feel is right when the time comes. Listen to your heart not all the yapping people around you.

Cheryl Dwyer

You need to have a plan. If you are thinking of parenting, What do you want out of life?, Can you handle a child and a job (or school) at the same time, Can you afford a child, How does a baby fit into your lifestyle, Are you ready to take on the responsibility of parenting, Do you want your child to achieve things that you have not, Could you provide a good home?

It is up to you how to proceed and you need to think about what you want for your baby. Do you want the baby to be parented by two parents who can provide security and financial life opportunities? It is good to have a plan before the baby is born. If you are thinking about adoption, talk to an agency and check out your choices. Although I am pro adoption, make sure you don't let an agency talk you into anything you are not comfortable with. If it is parenting that you want, they should help you with resources for parenting and if it is adoption, they should guide you with the types of adoption available - do you want visitation, letters, e-mails, phone calls, pictures?

If you select adoption, you should be shown profiles of numerous couples and you should meet the adoptive couple. If you do it before the birth, you can have several meetings (lunch, whatever) to make sure these are the people that you want to parent your child.

Good luck with whatever direction you choose.

Leah

You don't even know how truly lucky that you are able to have a baby. My husband and I have been trying for 2yrs with no luck. You have to decide if your able to take care of the baby, to give it all the love and attention, to finacally care for it. You may think you reget this decision, but you have to think of how you would feel if you decided to give the baby up. Its a hard decison. Its your decison to make, just think about it. If you can't provided for and love your baby, then its the child that will be suffering. I am sure that you will be a great mom if you choose to keep the baby. And its great you have the support of your family. I wish you the best of luck.

Marisa

Go with what is best for the baby NO MATTER what it is. If you can't raise a child right then adoption is the best way. I was adopted and I realize it was the best thing for me since my mother was a druggie. But if you do give it up for adoption stop at NOTHING to find the perfect home.

Definition of a perfect home: Loving caring parents (or siblings as well) that will support the child when it grows up. Will not abuse and be great role models for the child. Also will not give attention to just one child (if they have more). And be financially good enough to pay for the child.

Tiffany O

I feel very badly for all of the impassioned anti-adoption adoptees on these sites, it must be pretty awful to prefer to have been aborted, but I promise these are not the norm! Several if my cousins and both my husband and bff adopted and they couldn't believe even one person preferred to have never lived and all are warm, affectionate, happy and successful people who love life! I am writting in hopes that you will not use this site as the sole basis of a decision which I'm sure that you wouldn't, but it tends to attract the very impassioned, I have never had this kind of time in my life until now on bedrest, so you will get the most biased viewpoints that could make you feel terrible either way! You need information, support and if you can talk with a msw at agency without feeling pressured you need to be put into contact with women in your situation who have placed (never abandoned, this isn't Oliver twist after all!) their babies who can tell you their honest perspectives as well as reading the literature the adoptees have recommded and then the many books that have stories from successful adoptions. I know this is alot' of work, but you have that ahead of you either way!!
If you don't choose adoption and you choose to parent I will tell you that as a mom of three who has both adopted and biological children, it is personally the sweetest and most satisfying success of my life and I have always felt blessed in my family, friends, and career, but this is greater. But that doesn't mean you won't feel ready in 10 or even 15 years and I couldn't imagine the very exhausting or challenging times if this hadn't been something my husband and I wanted and worked so hard for for so long! On the same line if you do choose to parent you can't ever let your doubts make you feel guilty, every loving parent feels inadequate or guilty about something at some point!
I wish you the best and strong armor against so many strong opinions!!

Monica

I think that is something only you can really answer for yourself. If you truly feel that adoption is best for you and your child then really think long and hard then make a choice. Giving your child up for adoption is not a selfish thing to do; it takes a lot of courage & strength. I would say that if you're considering it now, look into it and really take in all that goes with it....the emotions and everything. I wish you the best and lots of luck!

sizesmith

Ask yourself if in 5 years, you see yourself still being a mom, driving to kindergarden classes, holding a steady job, and being a mom. Is your boyfriend's relationship with you more important than the baby? On a scale of 1-10, do you think you'd keep the child safe, taken care of, changed, diapered, loved, give hiim/her confidence, and keep the child out of the foster care system. So many children every day end up losing their kids to the foster care system who had the same thoughts that you do. If your boyfriend is selfish enough to play his PS3 and not get a job to support this child, he's probably not good father material.

You have every right to place the child if you and the boyfriend wish. You also have every right to keep him/her. You also have no need to make the decision right now, but it's very important to make it before the baby is 6 months old if you're going to make it. Parent for a while, and if after being seen to make sure that post-partum depression isn't the case, and you still want to place the baby, then seek a reputable agency, or a home-study approved family if you know of anyone who is wanting to adopt. Then, and only then should you place the baby.

Only you can answer your own question. It needs to be you and the boyfriend raising him/her. It's not your mother's responsibility.

Victors momma

So you want the best for your child but regret keeping him/her? Does not sound like motherly love to me. Its not easy or hard being a parent. Sometimes its exhausting yes but its all worth it once you look in your child's eyes your heart will melt -if its not made of rock-

TourGuide

I want to congratulate you for thinking about your Mother;I know a girl who makes her Mum look after the child while the daughter goes drinking and comes home late. The girls Mother often cries about the way she is being treated, and you couldn't know a more patient and loving person than the mother.
About the adoption though, if you chose to put the child up for adoption, it will haunt you for the rest of your life, social services don't seem to let people change their minds these days. The child will feel rejected and suffer for the rest of its life. I'm sure they would find a loving family, but they'll always be that... what if? that you will both ask yourselves.
About your boyfriend, I'm sure he'll be very good with the child when he's 3+ years, the child could play PS3 with him, or they could practise their footie. Just try and make sure you stay close with him for the good of the child, hopefully you will stay together!

My younger sister was abandoned because she was mixed raced, yet her older sister was looked after by her grandmother, so this was very hard for her to come to terms with 'why her, not me?'.
However their birth family were involved with drug abuse, so I have no doubt they ended up in a better place.
You are nice people; so you can't say the child will be happier elsewhere, I reccommend you keep the child!

mommyclark

If you dont think that you can care for the baby, and meet the baby's needs, and you think you can handle putting the baby up for adoption, then yes. But only you know how you will do and how you will feel. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Rachelle

i think that as you are the mother you need to do what is write for the baby and what is write for you i think you will find that once that baby is born you will be fine and your oartner as soon as he holds that baby will fall in love and it sound like u have a lot of support what this baby needs is its mum and dad. my hasband plays computer all the time but not in any way do i find it to be imature coz i know at the end of the day that he will be a great father and i think if you and your familys have fath in both you and your partner witch i think they do you will have no problem in giving this child a wonderful life.

goodluck i hope you make the decision that is write for you and that you can believe in yourself that everything happens for a reason and in the end with what ever decision you make everything will be ok.

Cala

Only you can make this decision - strangers can't make the decision for you. The only think that I don't understand is that you're 21, not 14! So why do you say that you won't be able to cope with a child? You'd cope if you wanted to!

Wellspring

"i honestly want the best for this child and i don't think thats me"

If you, as the child's mother, don't think your best for your baby how on earth can perfect strangers who only want to get their hands on "any" baby ever be best?

Most every new expectant mother has doubts and questions her ability in the beginning. It's normal. You can't possibly know what regret is until you begin to live the rest of your life without your precious child. You are the very best for your baby.

Mrs C

I have no experience of adoption so I can't really answer your question for you but I am a mother and I beg you to keep your child. We all have doubts during pregnancy but YOU and only YOU are the best mother your baby could wish for. Don't be afraid to ask for help, raising a child is difficult and stressful but you can do it.

The best thing for your child is its mum. Full.Stop.

snowwillow20

I gave my baby up 38 years ago and I have regretted it since. It is a pain that never heals. I've suffered but she also suffered. You don't know if your baby will have a better life without you. My daughter would have been better off with me, but I caved in to the powers that be and gave her away.

gypsywinter

DO NOT email Jen...she is trolling this site for a baby. She does not have YOUR best interest at heart, only her own.

Keep your baby....I promise you, you will not be sorry. The alternative of adoption will, I promise, be a lifelong heartbreak for you. I surrendered 45 years ago...you learn to live with the heartbreak, but broken hearted you will remain.

Carol c

I can pretty much guarantee that if you give up your baby, you will regret it for the rest of your life. I'm not kidding. Yes, it's a shock but the truth is, most babies aren't planned even if the parents are married.

Don't let people tell you that you can't cope with a child. And don't make any decisions until you give birth and see that little baby of yours and your boyfriend's, live and in person. That's when you'll know in your heart what you need to do.

Landens mommy

This should be your choice not the fathers you had to carry this child for 9 Months and after you have this baby it is going to be very hard for you to give your baby up for adoption the question is are you able to care for a baby emotional and financial. If you can then keep your baby alot of fathers tell you to kill your baby because they don't want to give up there life to take responsibility but if he didn't want a baby he should of used protection. this is your call if you want the child keep your baby. My sons father told me to kill him when he first found out. Now my sons father loves him more then anything. I honestly think you should keep the child. alot of adopted children feel abandon. they wonder why did there parents not want them. IT all about the baby now. But like i said its your choice not his.

Mama Bear

Take my word for it, you will not regret keeping your baby, especially if you already love him or her. My pregnancy was unplanned and unwanted. I hated every minute of my pregnancy and swore that it would be my only one. Seriously, I had no attachment to my child until after he was born. But guess up 9 weeks into my son's life and i already want another one. Children are worth everything you go through to have them. The first time you see your sweet little one smile because of your voice or because they see your face, your heart will melt and in that moment you'll officially be wrapped around their little finger. But it doesn't stop there. Then there be the first time they laugh, talk, roll over, sit up, first day of school. Its never ending how much your love will grow for them.

You already sound like a good mother. You want what is best for your child. Believe me you'll be able to cope. How do i know? Because i am a mother. Guess what your child will teach you EVERYTHING you need to know about them. Its all trial and error but 4 or 5 weeks in, you'll have it down. You'll be able to sense what your baby needs.

You ARE what is BEST for your child. The most important thing you can give him or her is love. My husband grow up poorer then poor and he wouldn't change be raised by his parents for one minute. Its actually funny, I'm buying stuff for my son and my husband is just like "why do we need that? I grow up without stuff like that and i am just fine."

You have a family that some what supports you. That's great! My mother loved my son the very minute i told her i was pregnant and it kills her that i live 1700 miles away from her. Its the family's job to take care of family. There is no shame is not being able to do this all on your own. You aren't supposed to!

As for the father, best way to man up is to have a kid. And don't be so concern about him playing his p.s3. Guess what newborns sleep a lot! Daddy will be able to cradle the baby and play at the same time. It makes from some pretty cute pictures.

ki m

no one can make this is decision for you, it has to be your choice, but why don't you try and deal with it when the child is born and see if you can cope, you can always but it up for adoption after a few months if you feel you cant cope

Aurelius

Would you have liked it if your mother had given you away?

no regrets, just love

becoming a mom is tough, but it won't kill you. if you want to keep the baby, then keep the baby.

Melissa <3 Mum of 4 <3

What a difficult situation you have got yourself in!!.
Firstly,It must be said...BIG respect for at least giving this child the chance of life..Far too many on here blame there own,somewhat selfish, reasons for having abortions..You must see that this is the first 'parental responsibility' you have displayed!.
As for your boyfriend...ok so he's into his Ps3 a little too much...my hubby's 41 and still the same,that's just a man thing lol!..and in all fairness..He was man enough to get you pregnant in the first place..he can't be excused with that old cop out anymore!.
Personally,I can fully understand your reasons for what you say and still think it's very mature that you,again,putting the welfare of your baby first in considering the very best life choice you can make for him or her and I respect that...However...
By the sounds of things...I seriously think you sound more than capable of raising this child if you want my honest opinion..you have shown so much maturity and care in you decisions and opinions so far..I would not rush in to any decisions just yet..I think you are simply not sure enough of yourself and actually do yourself down as regards being a parent to this baby that you will have grown inside you for 9 months of your life!!.
I am willing to put my 'head on the chopping block' here and say that..you come to the end of your pregnancy andwait until you see how you feel once your baby is born and you are holding them in your arms..and I GUARANTEE you will feel differently.I think no matter what you feel your regrets are for having this child are right now..Once you see your very own little creation you will feel completely different!.
Please give this consideration..I haven't really mentioned your boyfriend in this much as it sounds he needs to do a little catch-up on your maturity..at the end of the day..this is you,your body,you giving birth in agony to a little life that you have created and brought in to this world...and for what?...to give that away???
There are many couples as you say that long for a child who perhaps cannot conceive etc...I think,in the nicest possible way,this is just a moral excuse for you giving your child away,it some how makes it feel justified if giving you r baby away helps someone else????.
Just give this experience a chance,it;s never too late to take the adoption route (per say),But i just know you will feel differently once it all happens!!
I wish you and your baby the very best luck xx

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