What adoption rant annoys you most?

Joe

I don't know what you're referencing. I do know that adoption is usually a noble endeavor. The only "rant" I'm aware of is by liberals trying to make some feeble argument in favor of their right to murder the child they've conceived.

It doesn't really annoy me, because it's so easy to overcome and diffuse.

Rachelle

all the rants are stupid and attention seaking she wants everyone to feel sorry for her for being given up at bluddy 7 months. i didnt go into care untill i was 8yrs old and before that i went threw thing no child should go threw she need to get over it and stop telling people give kill there unborn children she needs to look at the bigger picture and see that she is not the only one that had problems

i would also like these people to walk in my shoes and then say that i should of been with my birth family abortion is not the only way and my adoption was not perfect but its better than the hell i was living in

Rants against amended birth certificates. The ONLY INFORMATION that is changed is the parents' names (and the child's name if changed). Apparently, these people would rather go through life with a birth certificate that says Baby Smith (or whatever the birth parents' last names are). That will get really interesting if you need to use the BC as identification.

Marnie B

"I wish I was aborted instead." Along with the cut & pasted quotes than no one takes the time to read over & over.

If you really feel that way, you can always kill yourself & put yourself (and the rest of us) out of your misery.

MeerKat

Adoptees crying "the poor poor me" crap, how life cheated them and life owes them, and it is all the adoption fault. Go to a third world orphanage you idiots, and see what real suffering is like, or even yet spend some time in foster care here in North America, and see how rosy it is, or be with abusive biological parents, who should have known better, but didn't. If it wans't about adoption, it would be about the tooth fairy.

soxy

Hi -
I don't know if this is what you are after but I find it annoying when adoptees who possibly had a bad experience, curse the whole idea of adoption (like "natural" children can never have bad experiences either) and make statements that adoption is wrong and cruel and the baby should have been aborted. My children would not exist if it were not for my mother in law placing my husband up for adoption, when she could have aborted him.

Wellspring

It's too absurd to be annoying.

The repetition is like an epidemic of OCD ....
"we're different",
"our adoption isn't like those",
YET they use the same corrupt system.

Honest & Sober

Slightly annoying yet amusing rants.

The ones that take the condescending approach.

The ones that appear to be empathic to a cause, or someones troubles but then make it all about their adopted upbringing. The "nah nah da nah" or "suffer in your jocks" approach.

The ones that claim abortion is the epitome of evil, yet adoption is the greatest solution to the worlds problems since sliced bread.

Adoption agencies never make mistakes and are clear of any wrong-doings. It's the natural mothers fault. The other countries government. Its some ex-child care worker's fault. All children are orphans even if they are found not to be. Claiming a child to be 6 when they are 13 is just a clerical error. Little money is involved. Privacy is done in the best interests of the child.

Government adoption agencies are evil. Private adoption is the only "true" and "moral" way to adopt.

Adoption must be deregulated to make it easier for couples to adopt.

Adoption is evil. Coercion. PAPs hounding pregnant girls wherever they go. PAPs wandering hospitals for the next new born.

The ones that cry don't judge me because you don't know me yet themselves freely judge others as negative, bitter, angry, losers, etc, etc.

The ones that label others as victims.

The ones that hide behind the state enforcement of privacy yet forget they are responsible for their own privacy. Seriously you want adoption records to remain closed worldwide yet your name and number is freely available in the phone directory, debt and/or credit cards, drivers license, IP address. All of them can be or will be used against you.

The ones who have no idea how BC identification works.

The natural vs adopted child rant.

The not everyone has had a -------- adoption experience lecture.

Those that speak for behalf of all including their kids. People are good at hiding their true selfs. How many times have you heard about the happy go lucky nice guy/gal who picks up a gun and goes on a murder spree. Or, how times have you heard about the kid that suicides and everyone goes I didn't know they were so sad, depressed, unhappy, etc. "Assumptions" are continuously being made about others feelings.

The ones that know an adoptee living next door, another one across the road, one living in every street in town, half their co-workers are adoptee's. All of them are either happy for happy adoptee's or bitter for bitter adoptee's.

The continual use of subjective terms such as happy, unhappy, sad, moody, mad, angry, bitter, negative, positive. It's no different than the conservative and liberal terms.

The I'm insulted and have overly personalized a statement rant.

Those that attempt the us vs them or divide and conquer rant.

Cleopatra

I have to agree with Pip, the altruistic one that wants to save a baby from being "dumped."

Doodlestuff

The ones that annoy me most is that adoption is terrible and is never good. What, foster care is better? Never having a family is better?

Being one of those women who were brow beaten as a teenager to give up a child, I can understand the angst and need to change adoption laws, but some people take it far beyond that. Not all mothers give up their babies because of a temporary problem and not all adoptees are in bad homes. For international adoption, while I can understand the issue of culture loss, the reality is that adoptees are usually worse off remaining in orphanages. I do think the US state dept. should close adoptions to countries where stealing infants and coercive methods (i.e. S. Korea) are done until they clean up their acts.

AdoreHim

The rant that annoys me the most is the one that says "I had a bad experience in adoption, and anyone who says they have had a good experience, must be living in denial". That said, I understand that some people have had bad experiences, but why do these people have to make those of us who have not had a bad experience, feel like something is wrong with us.

Matt

The rant that annoys me the most is " Im so happy I was adopted, and I have had the best life in the world, and I love my adopted parents so much , and I am just so happy! blah....blah...blah....
That just bothers the hell out of me! More power to them, Im glad they had a "good, happy life".
I am not one of those happy stories by any means! Good for them , that they want to share how happy they are , but they need to realize that for every one of their "happy stories" there are out there, there are dozens of adoptees that didn't have it as good as they have!!!! Being adopted didn't do anything for us!, we didn't have a happy life!
The bad stories out weigh the good ones!
When I read some of these postings, it just shocks me that there are so many people out there that want to get rid of their babies or children because they want an easier life! , or they are more concerned about making money and having a career, then being a parent and taking care of their child! You have all of these young people out there , that are brain washed into thinking that its a " cool, hip thing to give your baby away! What ever happened to being a responsible parent, and having family values? Your making your babies play the lottery , only a very few are going to have a "good , happy life" , the odds are against them! If you don't believe me, then just wait 12- 15 yrs and they will be on this site telling you how lost and unhappy they are!

7rin

I started writing, and then realised it wasn't all gonna fit in, so instead I'll link to the blogpost it turned into instead. <grin>

http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/13622.html

A short snippet:

LOL - I am such an In7orw3bz celebrity! ;)

Ok, I can't do hate most or fave most, but I can do frustrates most (especially reading through the answers on here thus far ).

First off, there's the obvious entitlement lark, and wanting to cut the child off from its bfam. even though the bfam. have done nothing to harm the kid (or than abandoning them, of course :p). The usual stuff that's already been listed.

And then there's the haters - those who believe that because those of us who got hurt want to shout (and scream and rant) about it so loudly, it must obviously mean that we ignore the fact that some people are actually ok with their being adopted... though how anyone can cheer that their parents were anything but loving, caring and there for them confuses the crap outta me. Istm that they must be the ones who're ****** up 'cause how can anyone celebrate lack of good parenting by their own parents, in whichever form that lack of takes, when the ideal is a kid raised by its own loving, caring parents that're there for them? *shrug*

Carol c

You did the right thing by giving up your son to two people who could give him what you couldn't.

sizesmith

I hate it when one particular person picks on every person in the opposite side of the adoption triad. I think there are some fantastic first moms out there, and unfortunately, there's some who absolutely shouldn't ever give birth again, because they're horrible parents. There's so much complexity with every side of the adoption triad. There's good and bad adoptive parents.

The one I hate the most is wishing they'd been aborted instead of adopted. I truly think that some hormonal and chemical imbalances probably exist in that person (probably a good reason that their mother had the same imbalances and placed them for adoption). I truly think that even if these very unhappy people had perfect biological parents, that their makeup mentally would still need help. My prayers are with them, because I can't imagine being that unhappy.

aloha.girl59

"Why would someone have an abortion when she could give her child to a loving family who really WANTS a baby?"

Gah.

gypsywinter

"adoption is the best option with a *loving couple*"

Someone please tell me how the word "loving" is automatically attached to the word "couple" when it comes to the subject of adoption? How do complete strangers, many with no affliation to adoption whatsoever, know absolutely, that every couple who wants to adopt is "loving"?

Scratching my head every time I see the phrase "loving couple".

Pip

Any that are "I am/we are entitled to a baby because I'm am/we are infertile and we want to save a baby from a dumpster". Irritates me more than anything though!

@ Brown Eyed Girl ~ If you really believe that of me then that's your problem not mine. I do know mothers who weren't coerced, the same as I have got to aparents who don't feel entitled. You don't have a clue about me or all my views so why don't you take a long good look at yourself before you criticise me. Attack me as much as you like but quite honestly it's boring.

LinnyG

Ummm.....I answered it in that question, and eleventy billion other ones, too.

LindseyTaylor

Any rant that says there is one rule for anything. Always parent! (Its usually the best option but there are particular situations..) Adoption is such a blessing! (sometimes it is...and sometimes its a big fat curse!) Parent or Abort! (some adoptees do live in pain with a void...and some don't. does that mean no one should have a chance?) Adoption is the most selfless thing you can ever do...its a gift to help make a family! (sometimes adoption is just girls being plain selfish. not selfless.)
Not every teenage mom needs to be saved by some "well off couple" to "give their baby a better life" and not every unstable mother should be forced to parent.

Be open to situations because every one is different and one answer does not go for everything!

Sometimes you need stitches and sometimes you need a bandaid...sometimes you need surgery. There is not one fix for everything. People are complex...and so are their lives.

Randy B

Regardless of someone's stance on the issues, the only ones that bother me are the ones where the writer insists on using terms like "all" and "every". "All adoptees are going through pain" or "Every adoptive parent is.....". Generalizations like that are both misleading and unfair and they don't paint an accurate picture of the way things are. They only serve to erode someones argument or point.

TourGuide

Its got to be those sarcastic ones and the ones where they say "Grow Up".
I hate it when people automatically assume that adoption is like skipping off into the sunset!
I also hate it when people say that Biological Children are selfish when their parents want to adopt and they don't. I hate it when Parents claim stuff on behalf on their children or husband/partner, yet it is often them who is the driving force behind the whole thing.
Not all adoptions are selfless either, some people do it because they want another child and the one they've got isn't good enough for them.
I've just found in my experience that the second the adopted child joins the household, their needs go out the window and the adopted child is being forever compensated for their difficult upbringing.
If the child doesn't want another sibling they are not selfish, in Bio-Adopted Siblings, one is always (mostly) shown favouritism!
I also hate it when they talk on behalf of each other, you can read each other's mind, so you can't say that your parents biological child liked the adoption or that it was the best thing that ever hapened to your adopted sibling, accept its not the biological childs responsibility, they are only young; a 9 year old shouldn't have to be responsible for bringing up a child.
I know Jennifer L seems to have got the balance right though!

I pretty much hate all one sided arguments, and especially hate hearing about the conflicts between birthmothers and adopted Mothers, accept unless in the case of Drugs or Abuse, that you've been spoon fed the wrong information. Social Workers only want to meet their targets!
Their advice is absolutely rubbish, 2 years age gap is NOT enough, sibling rivalry is awful and in their teen years you have a bitter child on hormones!
Sibling rivalry only leads to favouritism which makes one of the children lose self-esteem.

Im only talking from a particularly bad situation. My Parents were divorced, my step-mother coered my Father into adopting two girls. I was never allowed any time alone with him, they saw him everyday, I only saw him every other day. My step-mum set the rules, the adopted children came first.
Friends and extended Family always felt sorry for the poor 'adopted' girls, an it seemed to be an excuse for everything, they always had favouritism, those of you that have met me before on Y!A will have heard that infamous balloon story where my Father got them Balloons but not me!
The girl was taller and better at sports etc.

The Middle Sister = Worst thing that has every happened to me

The Youngest = One of the best!

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