What can be done to encourage more young girls to do the right thing?

Marnie B

I would take away all the negative stereotypes about adoption, birthmothers, & adoptive parents. Girls who arent ready to be parents should be counseled about adoption & what a loving choice it can be. It's ultimately the birthmother's choice whether she parents her baby or makes an adoption plan, but I agree with you that adoption is a wonderful thing & as you said, "an answer for many."

sizesmith

None of us can say it's the right thing. The ultimately right thing is to teach and provide birth contol methods more, so unwanted pregnancies didn't happen.

I'm an adoptive parent, and I would love to adopt at least one more child. From what I've seen, the women placing children are usually not the "young" girls in their teens, their in their 20's, some in their 30's and 40's. We need to make the stigma of adoption be less, and we need to be able to legally enforce open adoption, so the first and second parents can work together, and the child know their history, and be loved by all four parents.

Unfortunately, no child, whether adopted or naturally, is guaranteed a good home. Every one of us needs to work on making sure every child in the world gets the help they need. It might be as simple as offering to babysit for a young mom, or recycling the swingset your kids have outgrown. If you see a child who's being abused, call 9-1-1 and get involved. Sometimes, just acting as a friend to a parent, maybe cooking a meal can help. Listen to the voices who don't speak, and look in their eyes to make sure they're safe.

Never pass judgement on a woman who's placed a child. Offer her as much support, or as much privacy as she wants. We were introduced to our son's first mom through a mutual friend. Perhaps by networking more, more open adoptions can happen, where first moms get to meet and know the adoptive parents.

la_chula_face

You cant encourage them to do anything there going to live there life however they want the only way that you can encourage them is if they really don't want the baby
Yeah i agree that babies shouldn't be brought to a world that even the parent cant handle but honestly there is nothing that you can do all you can do is suggest... nothing more

parenting is an option II

You are so right, More young girls need to do the right thing and grow up and take care of their babies. They need the government to change laws about age that they can work and about equal and fair wages so they can have the means to support their children.

I applaud you for realizing that young women need to do the right thing for their babies and give them a stable home. They need to be learning about budgeting in school since their parents aren't teaching them about it, as well as life skills of cooking and cleaning since now a days I see more youth not being given chores. And we should definitely give them parenting classes.

But thank you for realizing the struggles of young girls and wanting to help them by having laws changed so they can support their children and provide them with a stable home.

B. White

It's much more complicated than having one "right" answer. Every situation is different.

scweetci_87bc

Here's what I know so far -

My adoptive family fed me, clothed me, sheltered me, took care of the medical needs that my biological mother could not. They got me a good education. But I also had to deal with a drug addicted brother, an alcoholic father, and an emotionally neglectful mother who ruined my credit score intentionally so I would be forced to rely on them.

My biological mom could have fed me, clothed me, and given me shelter, but most likly could not have afforded the trips all over the country to see specialists about my medical conditions, and becauase of financial stress, I wouldn't have been able to finish HS let alone go onto college.

Either way, kind of a hard knock situation. Adoption isn't the cure all, but if a mother really cannot raise that child then she should place the child.

aloha.girl59

The RIGHT THING is subjective.

I was pregnant when I was 21. I didn't want to be pregnant, so I had an abortion.
Some women find themselves pregnant and choose to carry their pregnancies to term. They then make the decision whether or not to parent their children.

I don't know a whole lot of people who would be willing to suffer pregnancy for nine months only to give away the result of that pregnancy: their baby. Do you? Really? No, you don't.

Laurel J

Of course some adoptions were necessary. I don't think anyone disputes that, although a lot of us don't like unnecessary stuff like closed records.

But if you really want to convince more young girls to give their babies up, do what was done in the past: make up a bunch of shameful crap about how their parents and the entire world will turn its back on them and they'll have to live in the street with their baby if they keep it. Or make them sign the papers when they're drugged. Or tell them the baby died. Or do like Georgia Tann did--steal them from the poor, sell them to the rich, and when some die in a hot attic, just don't tell anyone.

Those who are sure they know what the right thing is for others very often end up doing horrible things to others "for their own good."

Fuaite le fuil, gaolta go deo

We can encourage girls to do the right thing by giving them the information that provides support for young mothers to care for their babies the way nature intended.......oh....i'm sorry.....did you mean teach them to hand their flesh and blood over to strangers? Because where I come from (earth) that is not the right thing to do.

Pip

Whoa you're making huge assumptions here. I am assuming you mean single mothers are more likely to neglect their child which horrifies me. Just because a mother is young and single doesn't make her more likely to be a worse mother than a mother who has a partner.

Adoptive parents aren't any better or worse parents than natural parents. Youngmothers can give just as stable a home as adoptive parents.

I was 19 years old, working in a secure well paid job, and could have provided my son a stable home. His adoptive parents BOTH worked. had good jobs and gave him a stable home. Please explain why I would have made a worse parent had I been given a chance.

Big Daddy R

"The Right thing " is different for everyone. I am pro choice and in that choice includes, keeping, adoption and abortion. The right thing is indvidual and unique to each person . Not every young girl needs to give up a child. Being poor is not the worst thing in the world. However adoption is a viable option and should be considered in an unplanned and or unwanted pregnacy

You don't know what your talking about. Maybe you should be encouraged to do the right thing, Speak of what you know.

kitta

Oh, and adoption will provide that stable home ...is what you are implying??

Adoptive homes break up through divorce at at least the same rate as biological ones, and quite possibly more quickly...because adoption places stress on the marriage. And sometimes, the children are even returned to the agency.

Adoptive children are abused and even killed by their adopters..it happens. No one wants to admit it. No one wants to hear about it.

A loving single parent or parents are still better than unrelated substitutes chosen by an agency.

more4les

Are you talking about young people or unstable people or what?!? All young people are not neglectful or unstable so how can you use the phrase "The right thing"? I don't think anyone should ENCOUARGE anyone in either direction when it comes to this matter. It's a choice that should be made with the utmost seriousness a lot of soul searching.

monkeykitty83

If you develop time travel or a crystal ball to see the future, you will be able to tell beyond a shadow of a doubt which moms will neglect or abuse.

Until you manage that, moms are innocent until proven guilty, and the right thing is to try to help them find the resources to be good parents. No mom should be assumed to be neglectful or abusive before her baby is even born. A mother is not by definition unfit just because she is in a crisis pregnancy, and she should be given all available support to raise her child in a safe and healthy way.

Some moms will still relinquish. But we shouldn't be encouraging them to do so just because they someday MIGHT neglect their child-- we have no way to know that will happen. Parents should be encouraged that they CAN do a good job, not persuaded that they can't.

Besides, doesn't "the right thing" just mean not neglecting or abusing the child? Isn't THAT the thing we should be encouraging?

Princess Cherbs

So, by the right thing, you must mean people stepping up, and learning to actually parent their children???

Thats what I thought....

tish_part deux

a couple of flaws with your theory:

1) adoption is not the only "stable home." also, many who adopt are good at "posturing" (married, nice home, two escalades) yet have emotional issues, are in abusive marriages, et al. IOW, they are good at hiding their crap; and are not necessarily a "stable home."

2) i believe that many young women abuse their children due to lack of support, stigma or...POST PARTUM DEPRESSION! contrary to what some believe, PPD isn't just reserved for rich women in the hamptons.

3) there is no way to predict what kind of life an adoptee will have. and superficial determinants (money, home, et al.) don't guarantee nothing! btw, kids are also neglected and abused in adopted homes.

i think if we spent MORE time educating young people about pregnancy prevention (oh, BTW, "girls" don't become pregnant by themselves) and provide support from those young people who choose to parent, then maybe, just maybe all this NEGLECT that you purport would decrease..

or...are you simply only advocating adoption?

come again.

JennaBear

wowee, you sure have all the answers don't you?!

you're right that children need stable homes...but your assumption that young women can't provide stability is false AS IS your assumption that adoptive parents can provide stability.

i'd suggest you do a little more research...http://poundpuplegacy.org/ this site shows just some cases of adoptive children being abused by their adoptive families...

Lady Rowan

I grant you that ALL children deserve stable homes. But adoption is no guarantee that the child will get that. my a parents came close to divorce when i was 6 years old, when my a dad cheated on her. They did patch things up, but it could have definetly gone the other way.

How about making services available to young women who need help and want to keep their children, but are being pressured in one way or another?

Yes, there are some people who should definetly NOT be parents, but guess what? we don't get to decide that.

life is like the ocean

And the RIGHT thing is for these young girls is to incubate babies for the infertile??

Hey, I did the so-called "right" thing that you are preaching. I was disposed of like a piece of trash after my incubation was finished and the baby was handed over. Who was it right for? NOT ME.

My daughter was purchased and taken home by strangers that beat her up on a regular basis. Everyone has the assumption that just because it is an adoptive home it is stable. That is totally untrue. Who was adoption right for? NOT MY CHILD.

Your question is disgusting. Lets call it what it is. AP's like you (not all) feel entitled to other peoples babies and you want young mothers to be belittled so society will not only justify you taking those babies, but they will make you into a hero.

But we all know the truth. If it is truly about the child, you would adopt where there is a need.....foster care.

If it was truly about what a child needs, you would not wish for a child to be ripped from his mothers arms.....just so you can get a womb fresh baby.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

Wouldn't the better question be, "What can be done to reduce unplanned pregnancies, and for those unplanned pregnancies that do occur, what can be done to help people parent successfully?"

Anha S

I did do the right thing. I kept and raised my baby! And then I had my 2nd kiddo. and wow, somehow I managed to get through it without abusing/neglecting/forcing them to live in a box! Resources for young women, and a helping hand to raise their own offspring is the right answer. Not furnishing more baybees for the adoption mill.

This question is the height of ignorant and insulting to anyone who has had a child young to boot.

kateiskate is getting married

Well a lot of adoptees face neglect from their adoptive parents too. There's no guarantee you will be better off with adoptive parents just because there are two of them and they have more money.

maybe

No one can guarantee a stable home.

ETA: Someone said "financially unstable" mothers should relinquish - everyone who works at GM better find the nearest adoption agency and dump the kids, pronto!

Sunny

Adoption is NO guarantee of stability. I grew up in an unloving, financially irresponsible home with uneducated parents.

I'd have been far better of with my own parents. There is nothing "stable" about growing up ignorant of your past with strangers--it's like floating in space.

I like reality, thanks.

Rose M

I got pregnant at 18 and had my baby at 19. I'm 20 now and I'm a miserable mess.
I'm still with the man I got pregnant with and we are married now and we are both miserable and unhappy about our decision.
At the time we couldn't even afford to take care of ourselves and the idea of putting a child through poverty disgusted me.
I have just now been getting through some of the pain but now my son's birthday is coming up (on the 13th this month) and that is just going to bring it all back like it just happened the day before.
I expect this will happen for years if not until the day I die.

I'm going to go visit for his birthday since I'm in an open adoption and the idea of watching him run to someone else makes my heart tear. That's without even seeing it yet.
I'm friends with the mother on myspace and I see all the pictures and he looks exactly like me and that makes it even worse.

Unfortunately I can't say how my son will feel since he is only almost 11 months old.
One day he'll understand and I get to look forward to explaining myself.

I went from being one of the most motivated people you could ever meet to being one of the least. I went from wanting to go to college pre med to picking accounting just so I could rush through school and have a baby to fill the void.

As many have probably already said... Adoption is not a promise of stability. I have heard some horror stories. I met my aparents on accident and I'm glad that even though I was ignorant of all the horror stories, that I got lucky and found awesome ones.

The ONLY time I now believe in adoption is for teenage pregnancy (unless they have some form of support), drug abusers, and the homeless. I wish I could go back and smack myself in the face.

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