Who is the mom the birthmother or the mother who raised you

Drifter

The person who raised you. Anyone can have kids. It's being there for them, feeding them, teaching what's right from wrong, clothing, taking care of when sick, etc.. I am a parent of 2 and I must say, this is the hardest job I have ever had to do in my life. If your birthmother gave you away, for whatever reason, I personally think she simply washed her hands. Unless, it was a life threataning situation. Your mom is the one who stood by your side in good and bad times.

ttyloveee

the mother that raises you is the mom. because a mom a someone who helps you through tough times, who takes care of you when your sick, and so on, not someone who just gives birth to you and never does a motherly act. I have a step father who i met when i was about 5 and i consider him my dad seeing how my biological father walked out when i was 2. My stepdad has been there through everything and i love him more then anything. so appreciate your mom because she might not have given birth you but shes been with you and helped you become who you are today. I hope this helped

Canadamama2

The Mama is the woman who raised you. Getting knocked up is easy - pulling all nighters, going to the hospital at 3 am, making halloween costumes - that is the real stuff of motherhood. Which do you consider? do you know your birth mother? I would dbe interseted to hear about it - if you feel comfortable talking about it.

onlyme212529

I would say your adopted mother would be considered mom to me for the simple fact that she was there for ALL your firsts,and she made sure you were fed and taken care of,etc...

AvaRae

My mother/mom/mommy is the wonderful woman who was there for me through ups and downs, through laughter and tears. She is my mom. I may not of spent 9 months with her, but I spent the rest of my life to date and she is the one who earned the honor to be called mother/mom/mommy.

A's Momma

The one who raised me. The birth mother is just that. A BIRTH mother. :) I'm grateful to her for my life, but my mother is the one who loves me and cares for me on a daily basis.

Just a guess, but I'm thinking to those of you who are giving a THUMBS DOWN, don't really know what it's like to be adopted, so quit judging people.

Amomtoo

The woman who raised you is considered your mom.

mom 2 two angels

The person who raised you.

Randy B

My mom, mother, mamma, Mother...has always been the woman who raised me.

Doom D

i'm not adopted but i would consider mom the woman who raised me
the birthmother could be considered mom if she gave u up for a good reason(no money to give u ur needs and such)

Working Mum

the person who raised you

Baby#3dueMay20th!!

The wonderful women that raised you!!!

C Wood

Looking at the thumbs up and thumbs down, I see this is a controversial topic.

My own opinion is that the answer varied and is personal.

For some of us, both mothers feel like mom. In such cases, we want a good relationship with both mothers. We just have to have different "mom" names to use to talk to them to avoid confusion.

For some of us, the birth mom is not considered to be our mom. This happens if we feel rejected by the way we were given up for adoption.

For some of us, the birth mom is considered to be mom and we have trouble bonding fully with the adoptive mother.

So it varies from one of us to the next ... There's no single answer.

It's good you have always known you were adopted.
It sounds like something is worrying you about the contact from your birth mother via MySpace that you didn't feel free to mention.
cw

What does your heart tell you?

You will get different answers depending on people's views. Looking at the votes, it seems 'more popular' to say both, while several other adopted persons have said 'the person who raised them'. Don't go with people's votes on this one. Every situation is different.

And why do you feel the pressure to choose? Have you spoken with your adopted mom about her feelings and your feelings about this? Obviously she decided to tell you that you were adopted. So even if she might feel a bit threaten thinking that you might love her less, she might actually not be opposed to you having a relationship with your birthmother.

(Are you sure this woman is your birthmother?)

Musica

I would say the woman who raised you is your mother, but it is ok to honor the woman who gave birth to you as "mother" too as long as everyone is ok with that. A birth mothe gave you "life" whereas your adoptive mother gave you "a life", if that make any sense...so both are important.

I am a birth mother and was recently contacted by the person whom I placed for adoption 22 years ago. I was surprised and happy about this, but I made sure to refer to his adopted mother as his "mother" rather than calling myself his "mother". I feel that's not really my place, and that such a choice should be left up to him to decide to call me that or not and if it's ok with his adopted mother.

Independ"ant"

Heck this one is even confusing for baby Jesus.
Who's your babies momma, GOD.
AAhh the holy spirit.

They both are, no matter what one or the other likes or has to "pretend".

Kika

well your birth mother is your real mother
but the woman who raised you is a better to be called your mother because she is the one that was there for you no matter what

LaraSue

It IS okay to have two.

Stinky Pete

both

Have to add that if anyone could have kids no one would need to adopt. Its not easy. Its not simple. Its not safe. It is insulting to all women to imply otherwise

Kazi

Adoptive mom here, and I think that adoption reform would gain greater ground along with relationships between all the members of the adoption traid, if this incessant thirst for competition would just END!!

A mother is a mother is a mother, whether she gave birth and relinquished or adopted.

I think this pissing contest often occurs because deep down some mothers (whether they gave birth or adopted) simply don't feel like a mother or don't feel validated as one... and that hurts.

All mothers are real.

mapleleaf2

1) both of them are mothers to you. losing you to adoption did not end your natural mother's love for you. she loves you are strongly as she loves any of the rest of her children.

2) taken home within 24 hours? your natural mother never got a choice about adoption as she was not allowed to recover from birth first which is necessary before making an informed decision. it takes at least a week if not up to 6 for recovery. she did not "give you away" or reject you -- she likely was never given a chance.

3) I was not able to raise my son either as he was stolen from me (via coercion) for adoption at birth, but he still calls me "Mom" and calls the woman who adopted him "Karen."

4) the relationship you have with your natural mother is up to the two of you to create and decide upon, as equal adults. you may choose to have a friendship to begin with, a mother-daughter relationship, or no contact at all. often friendships begin and evolve into full family relationships once people get to know each other again.

5) don't be surprised if you feel you recognize her voice etc. when you meet her or talk to her. bonding happens for 9 months in the womb. newborns are smarter than people give them credit for and recognize their mothers at birth.

cruzgirlz3

I consider my adoptive mother my mom, because she is the only mother I know and she is an awesome mom. But should I ever meet her, there is room in my heart for my natural mom too.

Gershom

i have 2 moms.

Sofiakat

Both. They each have equally important jobs in your life.

blank stare

Why is it an "either, or"?

I have two moms. I love them both. They both love me.

Who your mom (or moms) is (are), depends on how you feel about it, not what we all say.

JoHn S.

I think that is an answer that should be answered on an individual basis. It's what is in YOUR heart that matters. Some people feel deeply that both are their mom and that should be respected. However, there are just as many people who feel they only have one mom (regardless of which one that is) and that should also be respected.

You can't force feelings, either on someone else, or even for yourself. If you feel that both women earned your respect to call them mom, then call both of them mom. If you feel only one of them earned your respect to be called mom, then only call her mom. If neither have earned that feeling in you, then don't call either of them mom. Most of all, don't let anyone else dictate to you what you really feel and what you wish to call either one of them.

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