Why are people so against adoption?

blank stare

I've actually been adopted. That's why I'm against adoption. Longer explanations are all over this site, if you'd care to read a few resolved questions.

maybe

Probably because we have actually lived with the consequences of adoption. We're not living in the adoption fantasy land created by social workers and the media.

Pip

Because a child is better off being with their natural family. I have seen the damage adoption has done to my son and he is 27 years old now. He can't hold down a job, suffers with depression and anxiety attacks, has major issues with his adoptive dad tells lies and keeps tring to reinvent himself. My son has lived with us for over two years and we have been to hell and back with him during this time.

I'm one of those single mothers who accidently got pregnant but I never regretted it. I was also in a position to raise him as I had a well paying, secure job but was coerced into surredering for no better reason than that's what my parents wanted.

I am curious as to why there are so many "anti natural parents" people here who think we deserve what we get. Be thankful you've never been through what we have.

Anha S

Well, adoption hurts kids. It hurts lots of kids. And I think that something that hurts this many people needs to be put under a microscope and really examined.

I was adopted, and yet grew up dirt poor, and I do mean dirt poor. It got to a point where I was using my salary from working at a chip hut at 15 to feed my family. I suppose they shoulda passed me along to the next family, I would have been better off, no? I should have demanded my pool and pony damnit!

I was also raised in an adoptive home where I was subject to my amom's violent temper in a number of unpleasant ways, and her insane control issues, and her leftover infertility issues. But gee whiskers they were married, thus they HAD to be better than my first mom eh. Yeah.

Adoptive homes have just as much chance of being poor, unstable, abusive, and dysfunctional as the rest of the population. AP don't suddenly get super powers and tights when they sign adoption papers. They are human and just as capable of experiencing life's messes as the rest of the human race. And they arent immune to divorce, financial hardship, loss, whatever.

It is ever so nice of you to unilaterally decide just who should actually be able to parent their kids. What a joke.

NotSureNow

If you've formed this opinion by just reading here, then research other avenues. There are a lot of negative people that answer in this section.

There are problems with the adoption/foster system but I think its the exception, not the norm.

Overall, adoption is needed and done in the best interest of the child.

Andraya - Snark's Sister

Please enlighten me as to why you think I am a poor, druggie child who can't get birth control right.

I hate adoption because it ruined my life. The system is corrupt.

aloha.girl59

Oh my gosh! How awesome it is to finally meet someone who is perfect! Someone who has never made a mistake, like being caught up in the heat of passion and forgetting to use a condom. Someone who would never get divorced because he is so perfect! Wow. That's so awesome. I must be a piece of garbage because I WAS married and now I'm divorced. Must be something wrong with me.

I resent that you think that only poor, drug-addicted, single women get pregnant and relinquish their children for adoption. You need some education, Mr. Perfect. The vast majority of women who relinquish are either college students or college graduates. Your views on abortion being "murder" are typical of a man. You would never have to experience such a thing, so it's black and white to you. Well, this college-educated woman was caught in the heat of passion 19 years ago and had an abortion. Though it was emotionally painful for me for a long time afterward, I'm sure it pales in comparison to nourishing a child in my uterus for nine months and then signing it over to an entitled ignoramus like you!

myst1998

Why are people so FOR adoption? Please enlighten me as to why people think a guillotine act is okay for a baby? Why do people see ripping apart families as okay? Why are people so ignorant as to not read the research and see with open eyes the damage adoption perpetuates? Why do people think forcing a baby to pretend they are someone they are not is okay? Why do people assume single mothers are the stereotype YOU listed? Why can't people grow a brain and think for themselves rather than be brain washed into thinking adoption is so damn 'wonderful'?

Go back through the resolved questions and read the answers to this question that has been asked a million times.

LadyCatherine

Im with you;. and just as confused..

I know many adopted people and have had children adopted out by my mother when she was a teenager.. she was 15 and had no help..so adoption was her choice..

I have a best friend that is adopted and a co worker that is also.. and I have talked to my half sister that was adopted out when she was born and ALL are VERY happy with their lives.. and are GLAD they had the lives they had..

Shannon

i was adopted, my best friend and her sisters are adopted...i see nothing wrong with adoption... i actually think it was for the better, my birth mom wouldnt have been able to contribute as much as my parents have now. i do think i was way better off with my parents now then i would have been. i think they think it is evil, because maybe they went through it them selves and there parents maybe were the best people to have been adopted by... just saying... also maybe they had bad experiences, and blame it because they are adopted so now they are against it...

sorry that was a lot of ramblingg.

SJM

I suppose some of us peasants are less than exuberant about handing over our children to your Lordship.

HappyMomAnna

I have no idea!

Maybe all the children in foster care might have a good idea?

I know it was real swell being raised by teenage parents who were forced to get married...

Remember--those who don't have a reason to feel it's bad--are not on the internet talking about it...usually, they are busy not thinking it's Not a positive reality for so many children...

Most here will say--they approve of Foster Child Adoption...Nice! I personally approve of children Not being abused or neglected first but, that's just my oppinion.

cats3to2

Because we've lived through it, and know it to be a crime against humanity. NO ONE has a right to your child. NO ONE can be a better parent to your child than you can. And you have to live with life long experiences of kids getting all kinds of unnecessary medical tests because they have no family history, and kids not being able to make up family tree assignments, and kids longing to see their features in the people around them, and parents grieving those children intensely to realize WHAT a crime adoption is.

And the fallacy in your question is that you suppose the adoptive parents to be loving, stable, 2 parent, etc. None of those things occur or are even common in adoption. People who adopt quickly divorce. And it's not any harder to adopt than to get pregnant and wait 9 months to get a child. I've known people who it took a decade to have a child. So people who complain of a year of background checks to adopt have a reality check that needs to occur. That's not exactly jumping through hoops. And many adoptive parents have infertility issues and once they adopt, they realize they still HAVE infertility issues and have just added on to their problems and take it out on the child.

I grew up with several adoptees and not ONE had a functional or healthy family. And every one of them left 2 families broken by their loss.

Do you think it's nice to break up families?

kateiskate is getting married

Okay.

It's called the Resolved Questions tab and it's at the top of the page between the "Open Questions" tab and the "Vote" tab.

parenting is an option II

So you are saying that because my husband only made $600 a month when I was pregnant with our first that I should have given my baby up for adoption? I am sorry Dr. Rosenburg and his wife, my sister in law had no problem giving us their daughter's hand me downs, buying us a brand new crib and mattress. My aunt gave me a car seat and swing, and the Doctor's employee was also at my baby shower.

Let's see, we had a roof over our heads, running water and electric, and cable all covered in our rent. 1 bedroom 1 bath $450 a month. My house worked 2 blocks from our apartment. And oh yeah my dad sent me $200 a month for groceries. Not to mention my dad sent me money to buy a car. Oh are 18 year old women not suppose to have help from their parents?

Sorry just because we were broke back then doesn't mean we will always be broke. I have 8 or 9 thousand dollars in my bank account. So no 5 years later I am not broke. My daughter is 4 years old now.

Helena B

cuz we're adopted. plz enlighten me why ur an imbecile.

kitta

I am not following your logic. In the USA, the divorce rate is very high, and so is the out of wedlock birth rate, so the chances of any child being raised by a single person are pretty high.

If a woman becomes pregnant, it makes more sense for the child to be raised in the family than for strangers to raise the child. Adoption is an arranged "family" created by people who are strangers to each other.

Adoption is a business. Adoptive families divorce at the same rate as anyone else.They don't have greater stability.

Birth control has nothing to do with stability...or getting things 'right." Young people in particular tend to be very fertile. .

Laurel J

Surely nobody could be against adoption as you have framed the discussion. But you present a false dichotomy. In real life our choices are not "Be adopted legally and have your name changed and your identity taken away" or "Grow up with an unmarried, drug-addled, poverty-stricken murderous child." (What, exactly, is so terrible about growing up with a single mother that it's worth losing my heritage over anyway? Or a poor one? Should all poor people have to give up their children? Shouldn't we just we just cut through the red tape and pay poor women to bear children for the rich?)

Adoption isn't inherently evil, but it has evil effects because it is in such drastic need of reform. I am against sealed records adoption because it took my heritage and family medical history away. I am against international adoption because it is corrupt (and nobody seems interested in fixing it as long as they get their kid). And I'm against private adoption because it is purchasing people. When the states regulated adoption, many were as cheap as my own was: 200 bucks for paperwork plus twenty or so for the clothes I had on when I was taken home.

Thanks for asking, and I hope you get helpful, edifying answers. You'll put fewer people on the defensive, however, if you refrain from talking smack about our mamas.

Lady Rowan

what makes you think a "nice married couple" would do better then that poor girl you ran down in a previous question?

One of my best friends in high in high school had her first child at age 16! she wasnt planning on having a child that young, but it happens. She now is the proud mother of 5 children(and raising all of them) has a stable job, graduated high school ON TIME, and a home.

So dont you dare generalize! Granted, i had a good adoption experience, but not everyone has. Some have been abused by their adoptive parents, some were not.

LinnyG

I am against unethical adoption. For me, that includes International and all newborn adoption...they are ALL unethical. I am not against foster care adoption, as they are the only kids who need a new family.

Ap's have the same rate of divorce, domestic violence and other not so nice things as non ap's do. Adoption doesn't guarantee a child a better life, only a different one.

Oh, and there's this:

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
http://www.amfor.net/acs

realmom lese

My child went to the family that was supposed to be "better" because they had two parents.

The two parent home was a joke. Adoptive daddy had another family on the side. Adoptive mommy bought a kid to try to keep adoptive daddy home and salvage a bad marriage.

Adoptive mommy and daddy were drug abusers, alcoholics, physically abusive, verbally abusive. They were a living nightmare. A nightmare my child had to endure, and has suffered for.

I was none of these things. I never drank, or did drugs, or did anything bad. I was a young vulnerable girl who was raped, and was guillable enough to believe the lies people told me about adoption being wonderful. The same kind of lies that you are spewing.

Lisa needs a vacation!

What adoption agency are YOU working for?

å°é»ƒ

There are so many assumptions in here.

You ask: Why are people against adoption?

I ask you: Why don't people realize the damage and hurt adoption causes to people?

Sure, adoption is great... for those who BENEFIT from it. The reminder of the "triad"... not so much.

Oh, wait, that's right. I'm adopted. I "could have been" aborted, or "living on the streets." What the hell do I know, right?

Heather ~ Not a Perfect Mom ~

So because I accidentally got pregnant at 17 my son would have been better off with strangers? Tell that to my *accident* that is currently a Junior at one of our states top University. He has numerous scholarships and has been on the Deans list since he started. So even though I couldn't get birth control right, I obviously did something right as a parent.

As for jumping through hoops, even though I didn't have to go threw all the paperwork for him, I jumped threw plenty of hoops medically for him to be born. It was a high risk pregnancy with three months of bed rest. With permanent damage done to my kidneys.

The hoops I jumped threw for my third child (adopted) is NOTHING compared to what I went threw to have my bio children.

Lori A

Because most babies aren't from any of the things you described. Fall for the adoption brochure language much?

I am not against adoptive parents or people who wish to adopt in an ethical manner.

I AM against anyone who thinks they are superior to anyone else and has a right to take their child away because of their superiority.

I'm against babies being bread to be adoptee's, kidnapping children to sell to foreigners, changing childrens identities, birth dates, names....

And just so I understand you correctly, when the adoptive parents divorce or one of them dies, it is your soperior opinion that those adoptee's should go up on the auction block AGAIN because they no longer have a stable two parent family. Did I get that right?

Some of these kids come from what you describe, they are in foster care because their parents rights have been terminated. That has nothing to do with infant, International, and some domestic practices that are completely unethical. It's not the reality that adoption will always be necessary, it's the unethical billion dollar business it has become, the practice of separating families for money, and keeping them separated forever to cover what they did by allowing name and birthdate changes, sealed records, lies, secrets and lots of red tape that leads no where.

âˆ‚Ï…Ñ” Ð¼Î±Ñƒ 27Ñ‚Ð½ - Î½Ð²Î±Â¢ Ð²Î±Ð²Ñƒ!

Be prepared to get your head bitten off.

I'm adopted and I agree with you, but most people here don't.

AdoreHim

I am one of the only adoptees on this site that seems to agree with you. I am very thankful that I am adopted. I am thankful that my birth mom loved me enough to still give birth to me, even though she , for whatever reason could not raise me as her own. I have no bitter regrets toward her either. I also have 2 adopted children. My husband and I had the privilege to meet both of their birth moms, and if they had listened to everyone around them, they would have aborted, but there was no way they could handle a child at that time. You are going to continue to receive negative comments here, but I just want you to know that I am one of those adoptees that praise God every day for life!

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