Why are people so against teenagers giving up their kids for adoption?

duckydevon

No matter what age, young or old. ABORTION IS NEVER OKAY.

Its basically killing the baby, sure if you cant keep it, it would be better to give it to a family, or parents that could. It doesnt matter if you die during the birth process, because that is natural death, and I would die for my baby.

If I was a teenager that got pregnant, i wouldnt have an abortion because why should i take out my mistake on killing my child. But say, I dont know, If I got raped, Then I still wouldnt get an abortion to save my embarassment in school, because I wouldnt feel bad saying. "I got raped, and i am not killing my child because of it, do you have a problem with that?"

Honestly, I only read the first part of your "rant" , and now i am ranting myself.

Skye

Have you researched what happens when people are put up for adoption? Most kids put up for adoption NEVER get adopted. They spend their lives going from foster home to foster home. They never have a permanent home and they hever have permanent parents. Not all foster parents are GOOD parents. Some of them become foster parents for the sole purpose of abusing these children. Just because a child is put up for adoption doesn't mean everything is going to be okay for the rest of their lives.

ETA: Yes but not even an adoption agency can provide every child with a home. When the mother doesn't want her baby and it has been placed up for adoption where do you think the baby goes? The mother certainly doesn't look after it until someone else take it, it goes to a foster home.

Missy

i also believe adoption is the best option. besides, there is such thing as an open adoption, so the kid can know his/her birth parents.

Babies usually get adopted right away anyhow. There are sooo many couples out there just waiting for a baby. Its the older kids that, unfortunately, don't get adopted often.

Jim M

The correct answer would be not to get pregnant. After that it is a personal choice and either way it is better than abortion.

Sophie

No one should ever put a child for adoption. The big reason is that no one wants to get rid of the child. The parents of the teenager might hate the teenager for a while but doesn't want to loose the grandchild. It's also because it is a good life lesson for the teenager. But they aren't out of the house yet so the parents can disced what's best. My mom had my older half sister when she was 18 but now she lives with her dad and is 20. To tell you the truth I don't like her that much but she's family. If my mom adopted her I wouldn't be who I am. My name would be totally different.

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idk. I don't think that...

Kizz,

Doesn't bother me, people can do whatever they want.

Marit

i dont think its that ppl are always against it. but in some cases it seems like teens just feel like they have to give away their babies even when they dont need or want to. thats the case in my life. i just felt so pressured by SO many ppl from my own parents to the adoption agency that my mom brought me to even the way ppl treat you when you are a pregnant teen. i think if teens were given more resources it would be helpful but adoption is what people throw at you most of the time and it can get confusing.

Selena

If they want to keep their child Im all for it, if they want adoption im all for that as well, beats the hell out of abortion :) Just my opinion

hayesbrat

having a kid doesnt mean your life is over, but i think its alot better than abortion any day. my mom gave my youngest brother up for adoption after she was raped because he looked like his dad and she couldnt go thru it, plus at the time she was un stable. so she did the right thing and didnt abort but gave him a life with a great family that couldnt have kids and they love him to death and are thankful my mom gave them the opportunity to raise the child. i wouldnt be able to do it just because 9 months is a long time and everything you go thru. i was thinking of adoption when our baby is born as the situation we were in, but since we worked it out we decided to raise her and do what we can with what we have. if you know theres people out there that can give the child a great life theres nothing wrong with adoption. I would rather see a teen do that than abort. plus so many families want kids that cant and would give anything to have a child, so why not let them have the opportunity.

Sammeh

I think you're confused.

almost human

People are constantly belittling teenagers because they do stupid things such as like someone and then sleep with them without protection and then get pregnant.

Well, I know an awful lot of adults who do that too. I also know a lot of adults who are immature, self-centered and crappy parents. I also know a lot of adults who are perfectly miserable after doing everything they were supposed to, and a lot of adults who didn't do everything they were supposed to who are much happier.

The deed is done, and if those young people want to step up to the plate and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for their mistakes in whatever way THEY choose, then all power to them. I think they should be applauded for putting forth the effort, and not demonized, exploited, or criticized - they've got more important things to do then deal with that on top of it.

One time I went to yell at my kid for something he did wrong, and he looked up at me and said, "You know I already feel really bad about this. There's no way I can feel worse. What more do you want?" Wow. He was right. I was being the immature one, not him.

Just because they're kids doesn't mean you're more mature than they are, so put the judgment and condescension aside. It's their life and their flesh and blood and their choice if they want to keep their child. It's their life to "ruin" and also the life they created if they want to work hard for it and enjoy it.

Fuaite le fuil, gaolta go deo

I got pregnant at 19. I don't see my son as "tying me down". I'm happy that I kept him and didn't succumb to PAPs saying it would be "selfless" to give him up. He is MY son, who else deserves that right? I'm attending college to become a nurse. He may not have a big fricken house or a huge college fund but he will have those things in time. As a child, material posessions mean nothing, the love of their parents is everything! I think teenagers need to raise their children so long as they have the family support and continue their education, which is more than possible. Do I think giving a child up for adoption is "selfless" and "loving"?? No! I think it is selfish to give away the baby because you aren't willing to get your a$$ in gear and give them a better life with their flesh and blood family. I'm glad that most adoption plans fall through, children need to stay with their families.

Jack Putter

Why are people so against teenagers giving up their kids for adoption?

* Because it's not necessary. Unless they're abusive or neglectful, there's no reason for them not to parent their own children.

won't they ultimately be happier and in a better home?

* First off, no, not necessarily. There are abusive adoptive parents, just like there are abusive biological parents. There are NO guarantees that an adopted child will be happier or in a better home.

Second, even if they do get a good home, that doesn't mean it's "better". In most cases, you're exchanging one perfectly good family for another. So...why bother? Why traumatize a child by separating them from their mother just to give them to a family that's no better than the first one?

Third, the assumption that all adoptive families are somehow "better" creates a burden of gratitude for adoptees to bear which is truly unfortunate and unnecessary. Most often, they have nothing to be grateful for. All humans deserve food, shelter, love, warmth, a family...so what's to be grateful for? They didn't get any more than any other person...in fact they got less. They lost their families in order to be given to another family. There's nothing to be grateful for there. So please, please, be careful what you say. It's hurtful to negate the loss of their family, and then say, "they'll get a better life". You would never say that to anyone else who lost their family, why say it to adoptees?

Please do not tell me that you're basing your opinions on what's best for children on a tv show that airs on MTV. There are people who post to this board who LIVE adoption every day of their lives, and trust me, they're a whole lot more informed on the issue than a freaking tv show. Gag.

Now, wouldn't the most mature thing be to give up the baby for adoption?

*Absolutely NOT. The most mature thing for any mother is to be the mother that Nature made them. Our bodies are equipped for motherhood long before society is prepared for us to become mothers. Who's right, nature or our "modern" society (which, may I remind you, also supports war, racism, exploitation of the poor and downtrodden, and [for god's sake] bell bottoms)? I'm going to go with A there Regis. Final answer.

I also agree with the fact that age is but a number, but this is mostly for teenagers since they have MUCH more time in the future to have kids.

*You just contradicted yourself. Which is it - age is just a number, or it's ok to take babies from teens because of their age?

Why should they be tied down at such a young age?

*"Tied down" to what? Their own offspring? Did you know that people with babies can walk, drive, go to school, and do all the same exact things that people without babies can do? It takes a little extra planning, yes. It's hard, yes. But having a baby does not make a person permanently unable to live their lives. In fact, often times, having a baby spurs women into action, and statistics show that young mothers tend to be MORE successful.

I mean, shouldn't they go to college?

Why not? What's stopping them?

snowwillow20

Since you haven't been adopted or given a child up, then you really don't know what in the heck you are talking about.
Why possibly screw up two lives? Just because the mother is young, doesn't mean she will be a bad mother. Why should she give her baby to someone else? Do you even care about the natural mother, think about her life down the road, without her baby, you have no idea how hard her life will be, how hard it will be leave her baby behind.
You make assumptions and that 16 and pregnant is ONLY a tv show, not real life.
One parent homes can be stable, heck singles are allowed to adopt.
Think of yourself being pregnant and having someone tell you, that you are too young and you need more money or a partner, what would you do? I think you think it could never happen to you, well think again.

mapleleaf2

Why are you so against teenagers that you want to punish a young woman who gets pregnant for the rest of her life by taking her child away from her or convincing her that she must surrender her baby? Did you know that it's as deeply painful as having a child die? In fact, it is often more so, as not only is the immediate grief just as strong if not stronger according to studies, but it is unresolvable and thus can increase over years and even decades. Nevermind the PTSD, severe depression, secondary infertilty etc. A woman who loves and wants her baby never gets over it, no matter WHAT her age.

That program does not show the truth. It does not show the decades of pain, wondering, empty arms, black hole of grief inside, never being able to trust "helping professionals" again, having horrible flashbacks just from seeing babies or hearing the word "adoption." Having to relive the surrender and loss again every time you close your eyes and have recurring nightmares. That is the reality. No wonder close to 60% consider suicide as the only way out.

150 years ago, most women married and had their first babies as teen mothers. In 1948, the U.S. and Canada signed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights to guarantee ALL parents the right and support they require to keep, house, feed, and care for their families.

Teen mothers not only have lower rates of delinquency than mothers who have surrendered their babies or who do not have babies at all, but 10 years later they are higher on the educational and financial scale than if they had postponed childbearing. Those are from two studies that are ignored by people like you.

"The transition to parenthood, unlike other types of pregnancy resolution, encourages adolescent females to assume a more responsible adult role that is ultimately incongruent with delinquent activity," says Esther I. Wilder, Ph.D., of Lehman College and the Graduate Center of the City University of New York, and two colleagues writing in the journal The Sociological Quarterly.

DevonChaos

People aren't teenagers forever. They will grow. They will be out of school, and have plenty of time to get a job and grow up. Adoption doesn't guarantee that a child is going to have a better life, just a different one.
From what I understand about my adoption, my first mother was a young teen when she had me. I was adopted by a couple who were older, financially stable, and deemed proper parents by the agency that I was given to.
I was also abused by my adoptive mother. I know this probably doesn't happen to the majority of cases, but it does happen. Again, not a better life, a different one.
I really don't think that it is the best decision for teens. I think that is a blanket statement, and highly damaging. Teen parents need the resources and help to get them through the tough times, but not every teen mother or teen father is going to be a bad parent. They may need help, but if they truly want to parent, they should be allowed to try.
There are a number or reasons why I think adoption is horrid. My own personal experience with adoption has so very little to do with my reasons. A child's life isn't ruined because their parents don't have much money. A child's life isn't ruined because they won't have "things".
There are ways that people can still go to school and support themselves and their children. It takes iron will, but it is possible.
No one owes their fertility and their flesh to another person. No matter their status.

ladylion215

I completely agree with you! I think that it's fine if a teenage mother wants to keep her child, as long as she has the money, family help and emotional maturity to do so. I also think that a person who is able to give their child up for adoption is incredibly unselfish. Most mothers who give up their baby for adoption don't do it because they are lazy or don't care about the baby. It's very hard for them and they believe it's what's best for the baby. One of my best friends from high school was adopted and had an incredible life with her adoptive parents and now has a relationship with her biological mother as well. Her biological mom was young and did what was best for her daughter. In my opinion, that's the ultimate act of love.

Ms.Chaung

If you dont wanna kid dont have sex keep your damn legs close and if a teenager is pregnant they should keep the baby the baby is there responsiblity if they dont want a kid dont have sex and if you do have sex use precaution take the pill,use condoms,take the deplo shot or how ever you spell it and sara if you loved your daughter you wouldve got a job and moved out of the house to take care of her you couldve been of food stamps or those section 8 houses there is so excuse

Sara

I really wish that all of you would stop being so judgemental. I was 17 when I got pregnant after being raped by my abusive boyfriend. I could have chosen to have the baby aborted but I chose life. I had an alchoholic Father and a very old Mother. I would have had no help and would have been stuck to the abusive ass that raped me for the rest of my life. I wanted my daughter to have a loving home and a Mother AND a Father that loved her, she did. She grew up in a wonderful environment and it was heartbreaking for me to give her away, but I did it selflessly. What is the matter with all of you!? Adoption is not a selfish thing to do... it is a huge responsiblitity to raise a child. People make decisions that end up in pregnancy. This does not mean that the child should suffer by being raised by a parent that is incapable of taking care of them. Adoption is not abusive, it is loving. I never once have regretted my decision. I don't get to see my daugher but I loved her enough to give her a better life. I am so happy that she is happy and has a wonderful family.

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