Why do angry adoptees try and speak for ALL adoptees?

â™¥â™¥â™¥

I know, that bugs me too. It's like, ok so you had a bad experience, don't try and ruin it for the rest of the kids that NEED to be adopted and will have good lives just because you've turned into this miserable person who can't deal with anything without blaming it on adoption!
I know some people get abused or mistreated by their adoptive parents and that is very wrong, no child should be hurt by their parents but I can't believe the way people whine just because their adoptive parents weren't rich or didn't give them everything they wanted!
And then when those of us who are happy with their adoptions get told we don't know OUR situations as well as they do.

Some people just have issues.

Sunny

If you were really an adoptee who didn't care about adoption you would be indifferent--you're not. You're angry--seething, actually. You might want to look into that...

I don't want to speak for you. I "speak" for adopted children.

cricketlady

O-ollie---I couldn't have said it better ! Bless you so much. I know lots of adopted people and all the ones I know are happy. Thank you for speaking up for the happy adopted people out there.

YOU ARE MY HERO TODAY TODAY---THE "WIND BENEATH MY WINGS"gOD BLESS YOU

Yo Mama

Some people have a good experience, while others do not. It is all valid. Thank you for sharing your experience as well.

I have a couple questions to ask you if you don't mind. Can you msg me through my account? Your direct messaging is disengaged so i can't message you.

Fuaite le fuil, gaolta go deo

Haha! You're so full of sh!t

There are adoptees who say positive things and there are those of us who say negative things.

You, however; are like a drug pusher. It's damn near harassment the way you post questions on a continual basis. I know you're a pap or ap.

If you want to talk about seeing other points of view, why can't you accept that it's not as wonderful as you try to make it seem?

Jack Putter

Well, if ever I saw an "angry adoptee" it's you. So I don't know...why DO you?

gypsywinter

Ollie...you aren't here to ask questions...you are here only to be argumentive and dismissive..i.e.. your constant quoting of 'answers' and then turning those quotes into questions. And not to just adopted people who do not think and feel like you...You Dear Ollie...have also chosen to speak for surrendering mothers as well...and have been very insulting and dismissive of many a surrendering mother...if they do not tout the pro-adoption party line.

Will be a cold day in h*ll when I believe you are an adopted person!

Nor will YOU 'take over' a PUBLIC adoption forum with your one-sided agenda and your agenda only...whatever the h*ll that is!

We all have the right to Free Speech..whether we agree or not...on any subject, on any PUBLIC FORUM!

å°é»ƒ

["People that wish they were adopted don't have a clue what its really like." Here is a quote demonstrating what I mean. How does this person even know what being adopted is like for EVERY adopteee, how can she?]

Hell just froze over.

For once - grudgingly so - I'd have to agree with you, because that statement IS generalizing.

*goes and hides in her little corner*

ETA: Oh boy, watch me get 20+ thumbs down for agreeing with Ollie... XDDD. Sorry guys, but what she said actually makes sense here - putting her other nonsensical crap aside for the moment.

ETA the 2nd: "And, yeah. Mei-Ling- stay in the corner."

I'm not sure if that was advice or a warning. @_@
Actually I'm counting down the minutes until my answer gets reported for supposedly "siding" with the infamous Ollie-O. I'm sorry but what she said did make sense, even if all her other questions are just attempts to stir the pot!

ETA the 3rd: Oh, I get what Aislin meant now.

Honest & Sober

O-Ollie dear, you are just the pot calling the kettle black.

"People that wish they were adopted don't have a clue what its really like."

Well, the statement is correct O-Ollie. These "kids" that YOU keep talking about are DREAMING or FANTASIZING about something they HAVE no knowledge of. They need to know that life isnt some sitcom where they can solve their problems within 30 minutes. There is no yellow brick road.

"There are some of us who stay on this forum to try and present the good side of adoption and believe it or not some of us truly have loved being adopted a. ......... I am so sorry for your pain if you have had some but please DO NOT SPEAK FOR ME. You may not take over what is an ADOPTION forum with your agenda and your agenda only"

This forum is for OPINIONS and EXPERIENCES, dear. Do you know the meaning to the words OPINION and EXPERIENCE. EVERYONE is free to write whatever they feel is right. Good or Bad <--- See that GOOD or BAD. Yep they are FREE to write about their experiences. The Good with the Bad... The Bad with the Good. They are free to OPENLY express it. Even if it upsets O-Ollies perfect view of the adoption world. That's what forums are all about.

You have no right to tell other people what they can or cant say yourself. Some of us can present BOTH sides of adoption. I openly discuss the good experience as well as the bad experiences. If you dont like hearing the negative experiences well that is your problem. Just move on to the next comment.

Nevertheless, it seems a number of people like dont like hearing the truth. The realistic side... the BAD with the Good. Whether its through a report abuse claim to the CHILDISH behaviour of negative feedback. There is NO right or wrong answer in the adoption forum its all about ones experience/s.

"You may not take over what is an ADOPTION forum with your agenda and your agenda only."

Who are these evil people O-Ollie?

All I see are people who are MORE vocal about their experience than others. Like I said before, move on to the next comment. But you could do even better - YOU O-Ollie could actually contribute with your more realistic adoption experience.

emma

I am an adoptee who came out of an abusive and neglectful situation and I can honestly say that for me adoption was the best thing that could have happened. As a child, I could not get out and I AM thankful that adoption was the decision made on my behalf.

I'm sure that it is not intentional to speak for each and every adoptive experience, sometimes that happens--and not just in this quote. Each time I read that adoption is sick or wrong or a preventable disorder, I have to wonder why some adoptees generalize in a way that legitimates the abuse I suffered at the hands of my bio parents. I have not seen many arguments against foster care adoptions, but the generalizing comments about how terrible adoption is certainly makes me feel like people are speaking on my behalf without knowing my adoption experience.

Speaking against unethical adoption practices is imperative as a part of human rights issues, but I have to admit that as an adoptee, I have often felt that I am not welcome because I would choose my adoption every time over the fear I had living with my bio parents. The pain and loss of adoption should not be minimized, but nor should the assumption be that adoption is not a good choice in general.

LinnyG

I dont think they are speaking for every adoptee. People who were not adopted have no clue what is like to be adopted- whether or not it is the great things that come with adoption, or the horrible things that come with adoption.

Why do you say she was "angry"? How does that statement imply anger? That is what generalizing is. You should know- you do it non-stop. Even the "happy adoptees" want adoption reform, but the pot-stirrers like yourself want to generalize and call anyone with a different opinion than you angry and bitter. Constantly.

And, yeah. Mei-Ling- stay in the corner.

ETA: for Mei-Ling

"I'm not sure if that was advice or a warning. @_@
Actually I'm counting down the minutes until my answer gets reported for supposedly "siding" with the infamous Ollie-O. I'm sorry but what she said did make sense, even if all her other questions are just attempts to stir the pot!"

I don't play that game. As I told you in a pm, I don't understand what you meant by "a warning". I don't thumbs up or thumbs down anyone because I don't like their "position". There are a few regulars here that I feel are terribly naive, but at times, I give them thumbs up or best answer if their answer resonates with me.

I stand by my original answer. There was no malice in the statement "People that wish they were adopted don't have a clue what its really like". There was no mention that this person despises or adores adoption. It's true- no one knows what it is like unless they are that person, or they live it. I don't know what it is like to be a man, a first Mom, or an adoptive parent, and I like all three of those examples.

As other answers to this question show, not many people took it the way Ollie and you did.

"peace out"

Pip

No they don't, they have opinions on their own experiences which they have a right to express.

I tell people that they don't have a clue what it's like to be coerced into surrendering if they haven't been through it BUT I'm not trying to speak for all natural mothers.

So what's your point?

â™ª Rachel - Applehead â™«

It's just like saying to someone who said they wished they were a fly, you dont know what it's like to be a fly. That's a fact. They don't. It isn't implying anything negative OR positive.

You might be able to IMAGINE or perhaps if you have personally talked to a number of flies then you may have a vague idea. But it isn't proof. Vague ideas are allowed to be shared. That's how amazing inventions happen.

You are worrying about something that isn't worth worrying about.

Everyone has a different story to tell. Try not to judge. It's an emotional subject where people are more focused on typing out the messege not on grammer and generalisations.

For instance when i say "people are sad when someone dies." i dont mean EVERY PERSON is, i just mean there are people out there who are.

JennaBear

don't worry ollie, nobody's speaking for you...you do enough shouting for yourself.

what i find interesing is how tightly you grasp to portraying the "GOOD" side of adoption. I prefer portraying the realistic sides...adoption is not unique...just like everything else in this world it is complex and has not only black and white areas, but gray as well (as randy b so nicely said).

I find it interesting that you jumped to the conclusion that what she meant was negative. In fact, it's a statement of truth...non-adoptees really have no idea what it's like..the good sides, the bad sides, the sorta-in-between mediocre sides. They just don't. It's sorta like being a woman...I could wish I was a man and think I know what being a man was like, but really I have no clue.

Get it?

I am adopted, and I agree that people that wish they were adopted don't have a clue what it is really like. That person did not say all adoptees hate being adopted, or they hate their adoptive or biological parents. Someone who is not adopted does not know what being adopted feels like. Even adoptive parents (that aren't themselves adopted) don't truly know. Every person is different, and most (not all adoptees) have some type of emotional issue, no matter how positive the experience. Like I always say, adoption is not what its fluffed up to be. Stop taking things so personally and negatively. There wasn't anything wrong with that statement. Its not like they said 'adoption is horrible, and anyone who says different is stupid'. Calm down.

Lori A

Here's what really ticks me off. This statement right here.

"I can't believe the way people whine just because their parents weren't rich and didn't buy them every thing they wanted."

WHO IS THIS REFERRING TO???

For the record when it is pointed out that some adoptive parents were not rich, it is to OFF SET what was told to the surrendering parents. That whole line about how "YOU, the less fortunate parent can't afford to give this precious angel all the wonderful things he/she deserves, so give them to an older, well established, stable, family who will lavish them in everything you never possibly could." is what we as surrendering mothers were promised for our children. So to find out that some of these parents were just average joe's with average income, is more than infuriating, because the promise was not delivered.

Their not whining about what they didn't get, their uncovering a lie by the industry that was promised to these surrendering parents.

Stop and think for a minute what it must be like to be reunited with your child only to find out that they were less than upper class, and that your child was not gifted with all the things promised. My attitude? "**** I COULD HAVE DONE THAT"

So its more the betrayal and the lies and its not ever directed toward the adoptive parents, its more directed toward the industry.

As an adoptive parent, did you know that we were promised all this stuff? Did you know that you were supposed to deliver at this high of level? Probably not, because the same agency didn't tell you all the same things they told me and other women, the women on the other side of the adoption, and THAT'S MY POINT.

Just because it is uncovered that these "children" didn't get all this stuff, doesn't mean they feel cheated by not getting it or hold their parents in contempt for not delivering it, they are simply stating that it WAS promised, by the industry, AND IT WAS A LIE.

kateiskate is getting married

YOU DO NOT SPEAK FOR ME O OLLIE.

AND NEITHER DO THE PAPS AND APS WHO SAY IA IS AWESOME.

I do not know my date of birth. I know a manufactured date that was given to me by an orphanage I was left with. My "manufactured birthday" is in two and a half weeks. All that really means is that any day from now until my fake birthday could be the day I really came into the world, the day my mother looked into my eyes and said goodbye to me. YOU DO NOT know what it's like to not know the day you came into existence, to wonder about where you started, and to sometimes question the fact you even exist. YOU DO NOT know how devastating it is to wonder EVERY DAY for a month if today is the day that she gave birth to you. Is today the day that I was born? I don't know.

I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE DEVASTATED AND ANGRY WITH IA.

EVERY RIGHT.

I'm glad you know when your birth date is and are happy with your life, but I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY IF I WANT TO.

I have every right to stay here and show potential IA parents some of the things that are NOT widely publicized that they might never have known if not for someone like us "angry" adoptees. You have every right to spout agency propaganda in a demeaning way.

Stop trying to take away from my devastation. I have every right to be devastated and grief stricken. I don't know when my g** damn birthday is.

H******

That statement didn't come from an adopted person. Dear.

ETA: The statement is fact. Just like "Women don't know what it feels like to be a man" or "A teenager doesn't know how it feels to be 95 years old" duh

SJM

"People that wish they were adopted don't have a clue what its really like."

That statement is about as factual as it gets.

Is your issue with the facts or with free speech?

Rae's Momma

I never try to speak for all adoptees. Whenever I give my opinion I always say although this is my experience with being adopted, every person's situation and experience with it is different. But if someone was adopted and didn't have a good experience with it I couldn't blame them for being angry and wanted to prevent adoption.

Aislin

People that wish they were adopted are obviously not adopted so can't know what its like. They don't know if they would be happy or miserable. They don't know if it would be better or worse than where they are. How does that say all adoptees are one way or another? Its a simple statement of fact. They don't know what its like. They can't know what its like. You are really reading too much into one sentence. Get a grip on yourself and calm down. No one is speaking for you. I was speaking for the people that wish they were adopted

If you want clarification on something I write you can email me instead of trying to call me out. Its immature and makes you look foolish since I am not even an adoptee and I implied neither positive or negative. Have a nice night in your obvious happiness and mental stability

â™¥â™¥Mum To Superkids is engagedâ™¥â™¥

"How does this person even know what being adopted is like for EVERY adoptee, how can she?"

They can't, but they can know a damn site more about being adopted than a non-adoptee can. People saying they wish they had been adopted weren't, it's really that simple.

You can say anything you like on here, so long as it's within the community guidelines, it's an open forum with free speech. But people don't have to agree with you. Asking the same questions, over and over, just worded differently hardly makes for an educational and informative read. And being rude and offensive to others is just flat out wrong.

I just don't understand why it's so hard to accept that there is good and bad to everything. That includes adoption. The good doesn't cancel out the bad, and vice versa.
.

Randy B

I'm adopted and I've adopted twice myself as well as had a child the traditional way. I've always been very happy with my situation and I've never had any great feeling of loss or that I was cheated out of what I was born into. I've been content with my parents being my parents and things have worked out wonderfully. My children have always been happy in their lives as well. We've been open and supportive of their adoptions and if you were to ask them they would tell you that they are happy and secure in their lives.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that those who speak their minds are attempting to force their agenda or opinions. They are speaking their minds, as is their right, based upon their understanding of things as well as their experiences. They are as entitled to their opinions on the subject as you are of yours.

While I do try to present the good side of adoption I try to do so based upon my experiences. I also know that like any situation in this world there is always a good side and a bad side to things. A yin and yang. A light side and a dark side. And sometimes there is even a gray area in between. How you view these issues are always based upon personal experiences, outlook and perspective.

Have your opinion, share your opinion and allow others to do the same for themselves. To do anything other then that will just consume you eventually.

SarahM

It is SO good to see a positive thinking adoptee on here! I've always thought of adoption as generally a good thing (I don't live in la-la world, I know it's not all a bed of roses), but since being on this site, it seems there are so many adoptees that feel horribly traumatized. I was beginning to wonder if they all feel this way. I'm glad to see you don't! :)

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