Why do people tell girls to give their babies away for adoption like its nothing?

professorc

Because children deserve two parents who can support them and provide for all of their needs - not just rely on welfare. They care enough about their children to give them the best possible life.

I think there should be a fitness test before teens are allowed to take babies home- that includes a job, an independent place to live and paying for their own hospital bill.

EDIT Well maybe the idea that welfare reform is being enforced is crap. As for people losing jobs use your brain- they have resources - ie savings that help when this happens. If you can't pay your own hospital bill I am paying it through my taxes- We paid for our own children's births. You do the same. Don't be putting your hands in MY pocket. Get off your @ss and work.

elaeblue

Some girls are simply not as mature as you obviously were- some girls are not ready to be a Mom and to give the sacrifices necessary to do a good job of it.

If it comes down to an abortion or an adoption - I will always advise adoption.

If you dont care about other people - what are you doing here?

Hart

Way too many single parents on our welfare system now.
We are now on our 3rd generation of helping welfare moms. Taxpayers are tired of this.
I know a single mom who has 2 children by 2 different boyfriends. She collects all kinds of welfare benefits. Says she cannot work cause she has a mental condition(which she is trying to collect on)

The Kai

cause they dont want any problem to happen to u! it may sounds that they dont understand u but their reason for this is for your own good! they (your parents) may scare that u will face a lot of problems in life as u have children during 17! but u prove them wrong! u had raised them until they graduated! congratulation!

Faye

For some mothers, such as my own birth mother, she was unable to care for me. She was living in a trailer at the time with her mother and my older sister and my birth father was in jail for kidnapping and rape. At the time she thought that she would be doing more harm than good if she was to keep me. Frankly I'm very happy that she gave me up. I have a better life and more opportunities than if I was to have stayed with her. I know this because I talk to her and my sister from time to time. I'm not the only one who feels this way. My older adopted sister and younger adopted sister are also so grateful and wouldn't have it any other way. I know that she did the right thing and I would encourage any mother who will struggle to raise their child to give them up if it meant the child would benefit more. It's selfish just to think of oneself when considering weather to keep a child or not. It should be about the child and weather the child would get more out of life being adopted than if they were to stay and struggle with the birth mother.

daisy65

I know its harsh some of the answers but even if you made it as a single teenage mother, most statistics show they wont make it, they
abandon the child, some kill their children, some abuse them,
its not easy telling a child to give up a child just as they do by them
posting on here, how can I take care of my child im 14,15,16,17
I didnt have enough sense to take some pills before i slept with random
guy. They also say it so easy without any guilt at all for that child.
Its good that you made it, but most girls who get pregnant end up
alone, on drugs, on the street, it s a cycle, education is the key.
We as parents need to get on the ball and teach our young daughters
self-esteem, discipline, education get our young women thinking about
their futures because if we as parents dont, the world doesnt care.

Nora

you have good points. many others are not able to provide a good home for their baby.

*lorena*

people say that because they dont know what its like being young and/or single while pregnant. or theyre bad moms or selfish. but i agree with you completely

*Choose ME for best ANSWER : ) *

Â¡ â™¥ Ï€

Children want, need and deserve a two stable, equipped parents. They shouldn't be raised in government housing or by daycare workers. Adoption is about the children and their needs-not the parents. And you say you don't want to help strangers-how do you think taxpayers feel? Do you think we want to shell out money to harlots when there are deserving couples out there who are capable of taking care of children? I don't.
http://www.adoptionisthebestoption.yolasite.com

Damien, Poppie & Alexis' mum

then why should you tell them to kill a child? they ask for advice people give options! and killing a child is easier than giving a child away? i was adopted by my parents who couldnt have children of their own! and im thankful for that, i couldnt of asked for better parents!

Question G

Well that's a wonderful rant but it doesn't take into account the fact that some young women have things they enjoy in life, like 'sleep' and 'romance' and 'a career' and 'aspirations,' and while I'm sure raising a child is very fulfilling, some young women aren't quite ready to set their whole life aside to care for the result of one broken piece of latex.

It's great that you believe that a biological mother should be forced to care for her child, I understand that, I have strong beliefs about what to do with unwanted pregnancies myself. I think that a mother who is willing to hand her child over and never look back counts as an 'unfit' mother. I believe waking up every two hours to breastfeed a screaming baby you didn't want in the first place is a one-way ticket to a shaking or strangling, but hey, it's not my beliefs that are important.

SgtShamy

because they're afraid to tell them to get an abortion

RoVale

That's because these people think that your baby is going to get a "better life" with someone else. They think the baby will get two parents and all the toys he or she could possibly want. These people don't realize that adoptive parents can and do get divorced and they can experience a reversal of fortune through job loss, poor investment choices, and getting heavily into debt.

I don't know how many people here are old enough to remember the Lisa Steinberg case in 1987. This was a girl who was given up at birth by her teenage mother in 1981. The mother had hoped her baby would be going to a good home but the lawyer she had representing her decided to keep the baby for himself and his wife. The lawyer, Joel Steinberg, was a cocaine addict and an abuser. The poor girl ended up being beaten to death at the age of six.

gypsywinter

""Why do people tell girls to give their babies away for adoption like its nothing?""

Because the majority haven't done it themselves and by that fact alone, simply don't have a clue. The woman who has never been pg and given birth should not even suggest a woman give her baby away, nor even begin to think they know anything about the emotions involved. Even worse for men to tout adoption as the best option, when they themselves can never become pg and carry a baby within their male bodies, nor give birth.

I say to anyone, if you think surrendering your baby/child to adoption is no biggie and something that a mother can just 'get over' and 'move on', practice what you preach, you do it, get back to me and then we can have a real discussion, based on experience and not just rhetoric!!

Earth Mama

I agree with you 100%. The adoption business is very corrupt, IMHO it is impossible for a mother to know whether she wants to give a child up before she even HAS the child. And yet adoption agencies try to convince her to do just that-- sign away her rights before she has even held the child in her arms. I am sorry but I just do not agree with it.

I am pro-mother, pro-child, and pro-choice. I believe a mother should be allowed to CHOOSE what she wants to do, and not be bullied into doing something which is not necessarily in her best interest.

kitta

People have been having children as teenagers since the beginning of time. Most of us wouldn't be here, if it weren't for teenaged parents or grandparents.

The adoption industry, OTOH, is only about 70 years old, in its present form. But, it depends on a steady supply of "product'' and that is why there is pressure on young mothers to provide that product..a healthy newborn.

There is no reason why you, or any other mother should feel obligated to supply a child for someone else. In fact, the idea that you should..is repugnant.

congratulations on raising your fine daughters.

grapesgum

Because they have never given one of their children away and/or because they have infant lust so badly that they are unable to empathize with other humans who they see as "lesser" than themselves (i.e.,less deserving to be parents).

Congratulations on your children. Great job!! Young moms get a bum rap.

Carol c

I agree that it's cruel to encourage mothers to give up their child just because they're young, single or don't have support. I think it's partially because some of these advisers are worried about their own reputation and they don't feel they can or want to give support. Or, it's adoption professionals who seem more concerned about selling babies than what's best for the mother and child.

maybe

According to another poster: "I think there should be a fitness test before teens are allowed to take babies home- that includes a job, an independent place to live and paying for their own hospital bill."

Really? Then anyone who loses their job in this recession and can't pay their mortgage or buy health insurance should give up their kids, right? Or does this apply only to teens who have babies that are in high demand and are easily bought and sold on the adoption market?

And to those who love to cry about welfare, keep in mind that the Clintion administration passed welfare reform in the '90s which severely limits the amount of welfare available for all types of families.

Sunny

I am with you 110%!

Women like you are true heroes. Congrats on your lovely daughters.

H******

I know! It's like they can dictate to other people something that they could never do themselves.

Kudos on being a great Mom. Young does NOT necessarily mean unfit, not by a long shot

My friend is 26, married with two kids but she looks about 17! You should hear the comments people mutter about 'teenage mothers' it's so rude

Wellspring

"Why do people tell girls to give their babies away for adoption like its nothing?"

Why? because they're not talking about themselves.
How many times do expectant mothers hear, "sure it's hard BUT ............bla, bla, bla..".
How often do ap's say they would never give "their" (adopted) child away, but there they are, encouraging mothers to do it.
Even the general public thinks adoption is the best thing since sliced bread until someone asks which of their children would they give to the cause. Then they squawk, that's unthinkable, I would never do that.

"It might sound mean but I seriously never cared about helping strangers. Its not my problem if they can't have their own baby."

If that's mean than what on earth is wanting to separate a mother and child?
It's not the responsibility of any mother to bear the burden of their infertility problems for the rest of her life. Nor should their infertility problems and emotional welfare be placed on the shoulders of someone else's child to bear.

Pip

If my parents had had their way I would have had an abortion but I made sure they didn't know in time so I couldn't have one. They had forced my sister to have one a few years earlier even though she wanted to parent and her boyfriend (he was working) wanted to support her and their baby.

I was 19 years old, wanted to parent, was capable of doing so, had a job and wanted to parent, adoption never crossed my mind. My parents didn't want the 'shame' of having a single mother as a daughter so arranged everything. They thought it was perfectly acceptable to bully and lie to me but I still refused to agree to it. The only way for the adoption to go through was to lie to me which the adoption also did and eventually I was told it was too late to put a stop to the adoption. It was 23 years before I found out that I had been lied about that and could have got my son back as at that point I still had 3 1/2 months to do this.

Incidently I was told my son's adoptive parents couldn't have children. This is one of the many lies I was told and their son was born when mine was 20 months old.

The one little bit of satisfaction is that my 'shameful' secret came back to bite my parents in 1999 after he turned 18 as he found them. Unfortunately they and my sister thought it was acceptable to lie to him for the next 5 years by telling him they didn't know where I was and they didn't tell me he was searching. They would have continued to lie to him if I hadn't found him in 2004.

My son hates my parents for what they did to me and is angry with them for lying to him.

Just to clarify I don't see him as a shameful secret and the best day of my life was finding my son. I know he is alive, well and had a good upbringing. However it will never make up for the lost years and it was very wrong of my parents not to support my decision to raise my only child.

â™¥Down Btchâ™¥

i AGREE.
My boyfriends family were trying to grill me about getting an abortion and i fought with them so hard about it and then his mother says "fine, but you "NEED" to give it up for adoption.
Now i am 20 years old and i am usually a respectful person, but i guess its to an extent.. i screamed and cussed her out (as if i were ready to beat up my sister or somrthing) so bad she never wants to see me again. It kind of just set me off so quick that i snapped. Like who are people to tell you what you "need" to do with your baby when they haven't even seen you put the effort in trying to raise it yet, Ugh i despise people like that with a passion.

Especially when abortion come up in a conversation, i turn into the biggest btch, i feel like this person wants MY child dead so from here on out i will feel tension when or if i come around this person and (me being me) it isn't a beautiful thing. I understand if the parents were horribly unfit, but they just go and tell everyone that who isn't "old enough" or married, its like they don't have business of their own to mind. huhh.

Well his family doesn't like me at all, Im still a college student and will stay in college and MY family is very supportive and my child with be loved unconditionally and well taken care of, AND protected. Her father is working on a masters. HIS family will be kissing my a** from now on. Because i am stubborn and stand for my own voice of reason.

Sorry, I got angry for a second. lol

Wannabe Swan

I wish my mother had been as strong as you.

People don't understand that adoption is separating a family. The negative impact both psychologically and physically on the mother and child are too much for some to carry. People just think about money and wanting to complete a family. I have no doubt in my mind that a teenager can step up to the plate and parent. Just like I have no doubt in my mind that my mother should have kept me, but I know that it's the past so now it's all screwed up. :(

My adoptive mother is a single mom and she does a pretty good job. Well, she does now that my drunk father is out of the picture.

I was reading through the home study for my parents (oh I'm a sneaky child, eh?) and they said that I had loving parents and that they would last forever and I'm just like: Woah! How much did it cost to doctor this? My father is an abusive alcoholic, sounds like a loving daddy to me, eh?

People suggest adoption because they don't think that kids like me happen. I would have been better off anywhere other than home.

Adoption needs to be fixed since right now, it's screwed up.

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