Why do ppl act like it's so easy to just give a child up for adoption after 9 months of carrying??

Ms. X

It's important to do what is best for the child. In some cases, that will be giving him or her up for adoption. The right choice is not always the easy choice.

Silverbyheart

No it's not easy... It was the hardest thing that I ever had to do. I know that she is going to have a better life with her adoptive family. It's an open adoption and seeing her grow up in a loving family is all I could ever want for her. Yes it was hard and it does get easier over time. I know that I made the best decision for her. She will always know who I am and when she's older she can ask me whatever she wants to. I've written letters I get to see her at least once a year. I think open adoption is a wonderful thing. I gave a family a chance of a lifetime. Do I have any regrets about it... no. I love her with all my heart and think about her everyday. I did not just give my baby up either. I went through a long process of picking parents.

April

I am a birthmother and no it is not easy to give your child up after carying it for 9 months. But, its so much better for the child if you are unable to give it a good life. There are so many people who keep their children and then abuse them or neglect them. Those people are selfish. It is the most selfless thing you can ever do for your child. Its very very painful but, if done through an open adoption it can also be the most wonderful thing for everyone all the way around. The joy of his adoptive parents and his joy is my reward for doing what I should have done.

Amy B

It is an extremely difficult thing, I am sure. I can't begin to comprehend what it would be like, but I am sure grateful to the birth mother who placed our beautiful adopted daughter in our family. I love her so much and often feel overwhelmed at what a sacrifice she made to give her baby a good life. She is young and couldn't provide for the child on her own. It has been and still is difficult for her, but she did it because she really felt that it was the best thing for her baby. A lot of times in life the "Best" things aren't the easiest things. Many times doing the right thing is very difficult! At least women who place babies for adoption give them life and a chance to have a good life rather than killing them! I hope this helps!

Richelle78

I know that giving up a child for adoption is not an easy choice. I can't even begin to imagine what mothers go through when they are making a decision like that. It must be heartbreaking. However, I think if the only options a mother is considering are adoption or abortion I would say to go for adoption. I am all for a mother trying to parent thier child, even if it would be difficult for a while. However, some just don't feel that is in option. Although adoption is a difficult decision, I would think abortion would be even more traumatic in the long run. Mothers should be given the support to make the best desicion for themselves and thier baby. I would never say "put the baby up for adoption" without telling the mother to make sure she is making the best decision for herself and her child. Anyone that thinks that is an easy decision is just not thinking clearly.

momofone

Well exactly what question are "these" people answering when they say "adoption"? I cannot imagine that people just walkup to any pregnant woman and tell her to place her baby for adoption. This "answer" is usually given when someone asks them "what should I do, Im pregnant"? I never heard anyone say "place your child for adoption it is soooo easy." Since adoption IS an option I am not sure its such a bad answer. Abortion is an option (if early imo), and so is parenting. Hey guess what, lets not forget about the best option and EASIEST option....................USE BIRTH CONTROL! This way you wont have to listen to those tell you to place your child for adoption WHEN YOU ASK THEM FOR THEIR OPINION.

MediMommy

I'm with you but I think the thinking is that a baby would be better off with a family who wants to have him or her and would give them unconditional love than with a mother who doesn't want a baby. Some women who want to abort initially probably become very attached during pregnancy (How can you not?) and keep the baby and the love the baby very much. It is just people's own personal opinions. Not wrong, not right.

crazedchipmunk

When a mother is in a situation to where she cannot financially support a child, she has to think of what is best for her child, not herself. I placed my son for adoption. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life. I still wonder at times if it was the best choice. I know in my heart of hearts that he had to come first. I couldn't give him the life he needed so therefore, he was adopted. Birth mothers love their child no matter what. Alot of mothers are able to be with their child while they are in the hospital. They have time to change their mind until the papers are signed. I think people say put the child up for adoption because they only want what is best for the child.

sillylittlemonkee

I knew I couldn't keep my baby when her biodad chose to go back to drugs an alcohol after 2 years of being sober. I knew the best way for ME was to be as unemotional and try not to bond during my pregancy. I love my daughter yet I knew she'd be going home to someone else. I continue to know I did what was in her best interest for the biodad is once again in prison and taking up my air. You never really know how you'll feel until you are faced with this decision. My daughter has awesome parents that give her the 2 parent home with no dysfucntion that I wouldn't been able to give. Don't judge me for God is my judge and I know my decision has brought a smile to his mouth. What I did was selfless.

violetsvision

Im adopted. On one side i think i was better off as my mother and father were 16/17. On other side i get angry at their lack of responsibility for me. I ended up meeting them and they were pathetic people who laughed at the idea of them giving me up all those years ago.

Nigel â™¥

hmm

Stop the Hate Love instead

I donâ€™t think anyone thinks itâ€™s an easy decision at least not for most. Not to mentioned some birthmothers are looked down on for doing what they felt was the best option [adoption] for their child. That cant be easy to deal with either along with dealing with placing their kid.

Starlight

I have a 7 month old baby and I loved him from the moment I knew he was growing in my womb. And I think a mother who gives her child up for adoption is showing the purest form of a mother's love.... not thinking about herself and her own issues...not thinking about how this will affect her....but instead thinking of doing the best thing for the baby.

So if you truly love this child you are bonding with ... you wouldn't consider abortion over adoption for a second. And no one said that either choice would be easy.

Dark_Fire_Angel

It's not easy it was one of the hardest things i probally will ever do in my life. I did bond with my daugther feeling her inside me squirming moving and even the birth of her was unique. But i knew that in the situation i was and somewhat am still I coudnt proporally care for her. The choices of adoptive parents isnt easy and i still stuggle with the fact that i dont see her everyday that she will call someone else mommy and daddy and that i'll miss some of her childhood. But after everything i can say that i wouldn't change it. She's so happy and i love seeing her and she made my life so much happier just knowing she's in this world makes all the difference. With people that love her so very much so i believe with all my heart my daugther is very lucky. Good luck with your baby

Ella (& her dogs)

I think it would be very hard to give up a baby after carrying him/her, but when the alternative is abortion, then I strongly support adoption.

Cam

I don't know of anyone who considers that an easy thing to do.

Mom of Pryor

I ask the same question. I have 3 adopted children and we are having to do guardianship with our last adoption as her behaviours are way out of control. 2 of our children were taken away from there parents and 1 was an open adoption. We then have 1 biological. I could never do it. After being pregnant and giving birth I now have a new found respect for my children's birth parents. We have an open adoption with our youngest daughters adoption and really her birth mom never comes. Her biological grandma and grandpa come all the time though. Her birth mom also got pregnant 11 months after giving our daughter up and kept the next 2 children she had. I am sure it is hard for any one but some times it is a choice that needs to be made. I am SOOOOOO grateful for her making that choice our I would not have my daughter! But I to do not understand how any one could say goodbye to the idea of being a mom. Good luck to on your pregnancy !

H******

I agree with you. I've heard that too, you know stuff like "oh anyone can give birth" blah blah blah.

That kind of ignorant statement usually comes from someone who is incapable of giving birth themselves and are following some agenda of their own (such as pretending someone elses child is their REAL child)

I wish you all the luck in the world with the remainder of your pregnancy. I am familiar with bond you are feeling with your unborn child and it is the most intense intimate feeling in the world. Best of luck to you.

Southern Comfort

You cannot imagine the women living with raw grief and broken hearts many years after surrendering their baby.
You cannot imagine marrying, having more children, success in a career, none of those things eases some mothers aching arms and hearts.
Even attempting to sort it out after locating an adult birth child the first epiphany is my entire life since the minute I lost my child has been affected by that one act.
Some of us were too young to have any say so in what happened. You were a 15-16-17 yr. old child not finished with school, dependent on parents for everything.
Check out Ya hoo's Sunflowers First Moms and read some of their stories.

Molly

adoption is an option ...not a rule.....one has 3 options, abortion, keep it. or adoption....and not any option can be an easy decision but one must choose one. and deal with the results of that decision.

spelling nazi

Yes, I agree. I can't even imagine how awful that would be.

Erin L

I understand. There are many adoption related terms that don't express the real nature of things, and I think language is very important. There are many adoption related things I just can't think of the right word or words for. What words could we use to express the trauma a birthmother experiences deciding to place a child for adoption and living the rest of her life with that loss? Seriously, I would like to know how to express all the love and pain that entails, but I can't think of a simple way to say it.

concerned, that is very disheartening to hear about the articles in Oprah's magazine. I don't read it and I hadn't heard about it, but I'm glad to know now.

concerned

Oh, I have SO much I could say on this topic.

Mothers' (mothers who have relinquished for adoption) have been silenced for decades. Our true stories are only starting to be told. Sealed records, social workers telling moms to "forget and move one," fear of the family of being shamed for an unwed pregnancy in the family, and the avoidance and denial of trauma have all kept these women in the shadows for decades. So for many, many years, no one has known or understood what relinquishment is really like.

We're an unknown portion of society.

Losing a child to adoption is traumatic. But most people don't understand this, because our stories aren't told in the general population. The few studies that have been done on the relinquishment experience show that moms of adoption loss have increased risks of depression, PTSD, substance abuse, complicated and unresolved grief, and future relationship problems... all BECAUSE of the relinquishment.

But if you go onto ANY Internet forum (go ahead, try it) and ask how many people know what the repercussions are for a woman who places her baby for adoption, I'll bet money on it, almost no one or no one will know. In fact most of them will have never even considered it before... let alone read anything on it... let alone studied it.

Look at media presentations of adoption... and birth mothers. IF we make it into a story line at all, we're usually portrayed as either psychotic, lacking any conscience (anti-social personality disorder), drug-addicted (and while it's true some of us do TURN to drugs post-relinquishment, fewer of us are addicts at the time of relinquishment); s l u t s; cold, unfeeling women who don't care about their babies; abusive; murderers (love Law & Order for that one)... the list goes on.

And that's the representation we get. And it's pretty much the ONLY representation we get. There are numerous articles, interviews, and media stories on adoptive parents, how to adopt, and on and on. Oprah recently (this spring) had three articles in O magazine on adoption... one written by an adoptee, two written by adoptive parents. You'd think, with THREE articles, that she might have bothered to represent the THREE sides of the triad... but no, two of the articles went to adoptive moms, and we birth mothers were left in the cold. (This despite NUMEROUS contacts to Oprah on the parts of many birth mothers I know, offering themselves as a resource to her for any interview, article, or show she might want to do on adoption.)

We're invisible in society. Completely and utterly invisible.

No one knows our stories, so they swallow what the media and adoption propaganda feeds them: that we are either unworthy of our babies, unable to be good parents; or that we grieve and "move on." Both are, statistically, untrue of women who relinquish newborns.

There are hopeful signs. Ann Fessler's book, "The Girls Who Went Away," is starting to open some eyes regarding the realities of newborn relinquishment. Ethica and the Evan B. Donaldson Institute just this past week hosted a conference on ethics in adoption and invited birth mothers to speak, and had a blogger panel--including birth moms--to answer questions.

But we still have a long way to go. For the most part, our stories are still untold, and we remain invisible.

snowwillow20

It was the hardest decision of my life and the one I regret the most. I have since found my birthdaughter, everyday my life is better. I gave her up in 1972. I found her in 2001, she was 29.

grapesgum

Because they are not able to get pregnant themselves and because they want to get their grubby hands on someone else's baby. So, no - they do not think or give a rat's a** about how difficult it is to relinquish a child. They just (selfishly) want a baby - no matter what.

cowboy_fan

I know from personal experience (I adopted my son), I recognized how hard it was before he was born. Then, when he was born, I became very selfish and possesive (Even though I felt this way, I didn't let his birthmother know). It doesn't make it right, but I'm just acknowledging a real emotion I felt. As an adoptive parent, you start to picture the baby is yours the minute you find out the birthmother chose you. Then, when he's born, it's even more real.
Fortunately, I was able to see past my own selfishness, and quickly recognized once again, the sacrifice she made.
I suspect that many adoptive parents are not able to get over their own selfishness. It's not that they don't recognize how hard it is, especially with the situation there in. I suspect they just get so focused on themselves that they forget to remember what the birthmom is going through.
I'm glad that I recognize how hard it IS (present tense) for my birthmom. We have an excellant relationship and she will always be a part of my son's life.
FYI, I'm not infertile. My husband and I chose adoption instead of having biological children.

à®â™¥Julian'sMommyâ™¥à®

Because they have never been in that position and that is why they say things like that.

karnythia

I think people really don't think about the birth mother's emotions when it comes to placing a child for adoption. I personally could never do it and my heart always goes out to women who have to make that choice.

Bug Fuggy

I don't have kids yet so I don't know how it would feel but I definitely know giving a baby up for adoption is probably the hardest thing in the world for a mother to do

Marsha R

The opposite of abortion is remaining pregnant. The opposite of relinquishing is keeping your baby. To say abortion is the opposite of adoption is like saying getting a speeding ticket is the opposite of getting a drivers license. Most of the women I know who have relinquished say "I wish I'd been able to keep my baby" instead of "I wish I could've had an abortion".

-marsha

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