Why do you think I should've kept a baby that is a product of a violent rape?

TTC for 2.5 years

It is not the child's fault that you were raped. The child is innocent. If I got raped I would keep my child. But that is just me.

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I too would have hated my own child if i was raped!
Why would she resent you and on the plus side she's with parents who understand what it's like so could be the best choice you ever made right there!
You obviously had 7 years (7YEARS) to think about it so you clearly know what you wanted!
EDIT Wow isnt it intrigueing how many people feel the same! LOL

casttostrangers

Which is it?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgarwJGekpsHsOUjs9SqGT3ty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090801182411AA0CBYZ

SLY

I wish I could give Phil a thousand thumbs up!!! Sorry it was only one, Phil.

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First of all, I really commend you. It is a great show of character that you didn't abort the baby, even though you hated her for being the product of that heinous event; it would have been much easier and much less emotionally draining to get rid of the baby, but you didn't. Your selflessness is incredible. Kudos to you!

I don't think she will resent you. When she's older and can really think about it, she'll understand that the best thing you could have done you did.

I do think, however, that you should contact her, by letter, one with no return address, when she's older. She deserves to know who her mother was, and even if you hate her for something that was never her fault, I think that the letter would create closure for both of you and give you both a sense of peace. It seems like you still carry around all of the horrible emotions associated with that time of your life, and I think you need to let those go.

Spotty-Dotty

you did the right thing.

Erika

I could never give away my own child no matter how it was conceived. I don't believe in adoption. I can't believe that you never formed any bond with your baby. I formed a bond with mine before they were even born and my twins were the result of a date-rape. I never even thought of giving them away to strangers.

snowwillow20

It's your life and your choice, but don't be surprised when someday she looks you up and says "why did you give me away"? No answer will be good enough.
I'm glad you are at peace with your decision because many of us are not, and never will be.
If this is how you truly feel then I believe you did what was best for your child, but most infant adoptions should never be allowed to happen.

Stop the Hate Love instead

This is a very touchy subject. There are some women who get pregnant via a rape who can parent their child. There are others that canâ€™t do that the child would be a reminder every day of a horrible event they want to forget. Yes itâ€™s not the childâ€™s fault but if a parent is going to resent or have bad feelings about a child then finding a loving family would be the best thing to do. It would not have been fair to you or your child to keep her when you clearly were not wanting or able to be a good loving mother to her.

RoVale

The thing is, she's probably going to come looking for you anyway if she knows that she was adopted. That's because adoptees often want to know where they came from and why they were given up. Have you ever given any thought as to how you are going to handle that? If she finds out that she was the product of a rape, she is going to be totally devastated and possibly even become suicidal. I have heard of that sort of thing happening.

AdoreHim

Praise GOD! Your baby was not aborted. You thought enough about that child you were carrying to place her for adoption. If you truly hated her, you would have aborted her. I can see why you feel they way you do because of how she was conceived. However, don't continue to hate your child, hatred will only hurt you. Did you ever report the man that raped you? I am so glad that you decided to share this , and I pray that you get encouragement here, not words of hatred and discouragement. Unfortunately adoption has gotten a worse name today then even abortion, which sickens me. If it was not for adoption, I may not be here, and my 2 children may not either. I am adopted and so are my children. You are VERY WISE.

katharine

If you couldn't have been a good mother to the child because it would have been too painful for you, you made the right choice

God bless you for putting her in a good home and you are a GOOD person for not having an abortion, but allowing her to live instead.

God bless you

Cody

You didnt choose for that to happen. Sadly rape is a growing crime. My Girlfreind was raped, my aunt, and some of my freinds. Maybe if you went to death row for rape that would change. But you love the lillte girl. I think you did what was best. I can tell it left a large scar. Hey. If you want to talk about it I'll listen. :'(

Jill

All I have to say to you is, you have NO REASON to feel the need to defend your decision to anonymous strangers on the internet.

The beautiful thing about our nation is that women have choices. What is a right choice for one is probably not a right choice for some others, but those others have no right to tell anyone else how to live their lives or raise / not raise their children.

Pip

I don't think like that. Although I don't like infant adoption there are exceptions to the rule. If a mother really doesn't want to parent she shouldn't be forced. If the mother abuses her baby she shouldn't be allowed to parent. I have deliberately left rape till last because this is the point of your question.

Although it isn't your daughter's fault you was raped it's not yours either. If she ever knows the truth she will know that you suffered because of the way she was conceived. I don't know what it is like to be raped then have a baby because of it so I wont judge you because of that. Honest opinion is I believe you are brave to carry your child, I think that would have been one time I would have aborted, and it also takes courage plus you had the strength to surrender.

Nothing irritates me more than ignorance when it comes to why mothers surrender particularly when it comes to rape.

I admire you for being honest.

Dom's Mom

It is SO noble that you went through with the pregnancy and gave the baby upfor adoption rather than had an abortion. It sounds like you did the exact right thing for you since you have no regrets about your decision. You followed your heart which is always the best thing to do. You even were able to give someone a wonderful gift, those adoptive parents must be so grateful to you for giving them the best thing they have ever experienced.
My husband gave a child up for adoption when he was in high school an is not at peace with it as you are, He now regrets it and has a hard time seeing the child (it is an open adoption) because of his mixed feelings on the situation and it causes him alot of pain. But one thing we know is that he is in great hands he has wonderful adoptive parents and is a happy healthy little boy who has been given a wonderful life.

Good luck to you and you should be very proud of yourself!!

Becca

I think you done the right thing by placing her for adoption because of the way you felt. Only you know what is in your heart and what you can live with.

sandostrich

I don't think you should hate your baby because of the dreadful way in which she was conceived, but it was very awesome of you to give your baby to a couple who both wanted her and will love her. No one can say what they would do in your situation, and no one can honestly expect another person to feel how they do. Ignore the nay-sayers. They're just ignorant.

Serenity71

At the end of the day it was your choice. You're the one who has to live with it.

What you feel is what you feel about, no has a right to tell you how you should feel after being raped and then giving up a baby or how you should even feel towards that child.

I just hope you gave the adoptive parents a picture of yourself, just something to help them explain things as she grows up, so she's not left with a total void.

It might hurt her as they years roll by and she discovers the truth, her adoptive parents will likely try to cushion the blow as best they can, (some truth is better than never knowing they don't need details just basics at least- feedback from adoptee's IRL.) you might change how you feel in 20yrs time towards her, time can only tell with that. Until then.... All the best!

Nikki

She is gonna have a great life, I have never been in a situation where I had to give up my child but urs sounds like a good reason. Its better u gave her to people that want her then it is to raise her and know that everytime u look at her u think of what happened. I think if u can't raise a child, don't want them or think u can't give them ur undivided attention and love then there are plenty of people that would. You didn't do a bad thing and it must of been a hard decision, u are a strong person. Good luck with everything

Cam

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be pregnant as the result of a rape and I totally understand what you mean about your DNA being mixed up with his. And I can understand why you placed your baby for adoption. My only comment would be that if in the future when this child is a grown adult and comes searching for you that you embrace her and don't hold her responsible for the rape. By that time she will understand rape and the two of you can at least attempt to heal together.

Randy B

I think you should have done exactly what you wanted to do for reasons only you know best and that you don't have to explain yourself to anyone, least of all any of us here.

As long as you can look yourself in the mirror then you have nothing to be ashamed about.

Destiny

I think you did a wonderful thing giving your baby a good home! Good for you and don't listen to anyone who says other wise.

Ethel

I think you did what was best in your situation, and no I am not sure I'd be able to parent a child that came from rape without having a lot of resentment.

Fuaite le fuil, gaolta go deo

Because she was innocent. She wasn't to blame. She loved you, depended on you and needed you. You should have loved her with every fiber of your being because that's how she felt about you. No woman should hate her child. I hope you are getting counseling.

ETA: okay, so you are lying. This child is non existant and you were never raped. So my questions becomes this: how can you be so headstrong when you have never experienced adoption?? This question is seriously twisted because it never happened. You really do need to seek counseling. Man, you had everyone going. Troll.

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