Why is everyone attacking me?

Jillian

It's not much to ask for. They're in the wrong.. not you.

That's selfish of them and I'm honestly sorry that your going through it. Maybe they fell as though they did you a favor already instead of it being the other way around.

Fuaite le fuil, gaolta go deo

I don't think its wrong for you to ask for money. You did give them a child and isn't that supposed to be the best gift in the world? They either used you for your baby, or they can't afford to give you the money. Its sad that you can't get your baby back, I wish you would have spoken to others and tried to keep your family intact. The best thing you can do now is get a (better) job or head down to the department of human services. Move on, get married and have another baby. Someday your first born will find you and that gap in your heart will be filled.

Independ"ant"

Beats me.....maybe you're just coming off the wrong way to some.

Lets see 25,000 to an attorney OR giving the money directly to the natural mother to get her enrolled in college and/or in treatment.

What is comes down to is that you will always be looked at unfavorably............after the ink is dry.

kateiskate is getting married

I don't think it's wrong for you to ask money. In my opinion, the adoptive parents in an open adoption should be committed to helping out the natural parents if and when they need to or can because the natural parents are family members.

I do, however, think it's wrong for you to use your child as blackmail since they decided they cannot or will not give you the money. Do you really want your child back? Or did you only say that to get money from them? It's never right to use a child (a HUMAN BEING) as a barganing chip or as a threat.

coleblondehead

:Personally I wouldve given you the money, but thats not the problem
when a couple adopts a baby legally there cannot be any money
exchanging hands that would mean you sould your baby and thats
the kind of things we want to avoid, you dont want them telling your
baby later, she sold you for 500 dls. but like I said, I woudve found
a different way to help you, food, clothing, shelter depending on what
you needed, but if you didnt ask for this before handing the baby over
you have no more leverage. I dont attack or judge you, you must have
your reasons for giving up your baby, it must not have been easy,
but what is done, is done.

famof1

I can't believe you think they're obligated to pay you. You should be paying them you selfish so and so. You should join the military and stop looking for handouts.

Stop the Hate Love instead

I wouldnâ€™t say they would never have a son if it wasnâ€™t for you. There are plenty of children/babies in need of a home and parents. If they had not ended up adopting your son they would been matched with another expecting mother. You have issues if you think your childâ€™s parents are obligated to financially take care of you. Sure today its $500 yet if they give that too you whose to say down the road you wouldnâ€™t come to them and say well I need this amount for this and that etc. In fact I can guarantee if they give you $500 that later when you are in need of money you will come to them whether what you need is more then $500 or less than that.

You gave them a wonderfully gift but thatâ€™s the thing when someone gives a gift generally they donâ€™t except anything in return. The only thing they need to give you is to love your natural son, always be there for him and take care of him. You are giving first parents a bad name. You also arenâ€™t doing anything positive for open adoptions.

There are programs that can aid you to get your life back on track. You should try looking into low income apartments or find a room mate(s) and then your monthly cost will go down.

Lori A

I didn't attack you, I left that question alone. Personally I think "you" are giving "me" and other surrendering mothers a bad name. What your doing is the very reason some do not believe in letting surrendering parents see their children after their parental rights have been relinquished. I believe in opened adoption but I do not believe in what you are doing. Nor do I believe you will succeed at it. All your going to do is alienate yourself from your child and cause others to strongly consider closed adoptions because they heard about women like you.

I'm sure when they said they would be there for you it wasn't meant financially. If that were the case they would have adopted you too.

Please try and take care of your own financial situations and keep your contact with your child's parents to subjects pertaining to and based upon what is best for your child. It doesn't look good on you and it doesn't look good on the rest of us when you ask for money from the people you surrendered your child to.

durdenslabs

They already paid your hospital bills, shelter, and agreed to take your child into a good, loving home....one that you obviously couldn't or wouldn't provide.
Why do you think you deserve $500? Get a job, support yourself. Don't mooch off of other people or try to make them feel like they owe you something because you 'gave them' your child.
They are in no way obligated to give you anything. If I were them I'd report you to the adoption agency, police and local DSS.

H A E

$500 is a lot of money, and chances are they feel responsible for saving it to care for the baby. I'm sorry that you're having trouble though. You might have community services available through the Dept of Human Services or United Way. Good luck!

The Lauren

I answered your earlier question and you deserve to be attacked for your actions. You cannot blackmail people that adopted your baby. Its wrong. They are in no way financially responsible for you. If they can't afford to give you $500 because you are getting evicted from your home, they cant afford to give you $500. That is no reason to use the baby they legally adopted from you as leverage. You threatened to take the baby away from them because you can't get your life in order. You will get what you deserve. What goes around comes around.

red elephants

Why are people attacking you? Because what you have done is vile and what you are attempting to do is disgusting.

You are acting like an immature, selfish, manipulative brat. You give all first mothers a bad name and all women for that matter.

You need to take responsibility for yourself. For your past actions and for your future. You cannot expect others to take care of you for the rest of your life. You were not adopted, your son was. His parents owe you nothing and are not responsible or indebted to you. You cannot take care of yourself, obviously, and clearly could not take care of your son. What you are threatening to do is illegal and they have every right to completely cut you out of your sons life for the next 18 years because of what you have done. You created the problem by threatening them and they are completely in the right here. You said yourself that they didn't have the $500 to give you.

I'll give you one thing. Its very impressive how you have basically united this entire board in agreement whether they be adoptive parents, prospective parents, adoptees or bio families. That rarely happens.

Just Me

They adopted your kid not you.

Your an adult even if your not acting like one so dont depennd on other poeple to take care of you like a child.

You had to put your kid up for adoption before they couldever adopt it. You started the ball rolling an now your pissed becasue you cant profit from it. Makes me pretty sick. And makes me even sicker thant the usual suspects are respodning to you saying Oh yeah you didnt do anything wrong your a birthmother like your some Vigin Mary or something just cuz you gave up a kid. Well so did I but I sure aint holy HaHa But at least I dont blackmail anyone. Geez. Thats low.

beauty is only Skin Deep

Go get a job

Jennifer L

Because you're using your child as a bargaining chip and anyone with more than a couple brain cells can see that.

Today, it's $500. What are you going to ask for tomorrow, a new car? How about a house?

Even if you placed a child for adoption, that doesn't mean that you're entitled to help yourself to their money for the rest of your life.

Seriously, get some help and get a job.

Serenity71

You know I signed legal binding documents stating the NO money exchanged hands EVER in my childs adoption. (So in our chase she has no right to ask us for money, nor do we have a right to give it to her even if we wanted to.) If her first mother was hassling me like you are with your child adoptive family I'd have to report it to social services because its illegal to solicit money or children from people. And then to use the "be grateful for what I gave you..." line...mmm. Or I'll take back the baby.

What is $500 you say? A weeks worth of wages to some people, food in their child's mouth and clothes for winter... Savings towards a future education.

Go to your local church or charity organisation...Stop relying on people to get you out of all your troubles and do it yourself for a change.

Randy B

I can't speak for anyone else but personally, I have no problem with the fact that you asked them for money. At the same time however they are under no obligation to just give you any. With the economy the way it is these days maybe they are unable to assist and neither YOU or I are in a position to judge them for their reply.

For me it was the ignorance of your reaction (your saying a few "not nice" things to them) and the baseless threats involving the child. If this is any indication of the way you have been with them in the past, or will be holding things over them for the future, then it doesn't surprise me they reacted the way they did.

If you want to know who is at fault here just look in the closest mirror.

Lady Rowan

youre trying to blackmail them. That's why. If the courts found out, your butt would be in jail so fast your head would spin.

ETA: hell, 500 is all i make in a month!

kidmindi

Everyone is upset because you seem to not understand what you are being told.

Here is the deal. Yes you let them adopt your baby and without you they wouldn't have him. However babies are not items to be sold. If you ask them for money because you let them adopt, that is called baby selling and that is highly illegal.

Telling them that if they don't give you money (and it dosen't matter if you are asking for $5 or $5,000) you will take your baby back, is called blackmail and is also highly illegal.

If you are not careful you could end up in jail.

If you are in a bad way, then you need to find a way out of it. Your son's adoptive parents are NOT that way. Go to a church or charity to see if you can get some financial help.

Understand this tho, YOUR SON'S PARENTS OWE YOU NOTHING. If you keep trying to get money out of them they could press charges against you. If you keep harrassing them, what are they going to tell him about you someday?

You keep asking about overturning the adoption. How are you going to support a baby when you cannot support yourself? Where are you going to live with him? Or do you want to use him so social services will give you money?

I am not trying to attack you, only to make you see reality.

3 girls and 1 boy for me!

Because people see you for what you are. You are trying to take advantage of a family, who you admitted, continued to give you money upon your request after the adoption was final. You are behaving poorly and you need to be told about it. Grow up and take care of yourself.

Andraya - Snark's Sister

You have the right to ask anyone for money and anyone you ask has the right to say no, pretty simple. What I find offensive is the fact that you are using a child to blackmail them. That, dearie, is revolting and, as far as I am aware, illegal.

Get your act together and get a job.

DevonChaos

You cannot threaten to take back a child if they don't give you money. That is blackmail. You can go to jail for a very long time if they decide to prosecute. While I think that you shouldn't have given the child up in the first place, you made your decision. You need to be responsible for yourself and make your own life now. There are places out there to help you, and they don't and shouldn't involve the adoptive parents of your son. While you can say that they wouldn't have a son if not for you, adoption is a legal issue, and they owe you nothing. I am usually on the side of the natural mother in these matters, but you are just being spiteful, and everyone here can see through it. You really need to give it a rest and grow up and be someone that this child can look up to. Not a menace to the poor child's life. If you want to see this child again, you will need to grow up and really make up for the fact that you threatened the a-parents for money because that is despicable.

BLW_KAM

Ashley,

Between this and your last question you have portrayed yourself as the type of woman who scares the poop out of adoptive parents ... a natural mother threatening to take her child back and one who continues to ask for money. The fear of living the rest of their lives with threats and blackmail was too much and the door has been closed. Your actions may have ruined your opportunity to be a part of your son's life.

You stated before you willingly placed your child for adoption and the APs treated you well and even gave you some money. But that does not mean they are indebted to you financially for the rest of their lives.

You need to rethink your strategy if you want to stay in your son's life. If you put yourself in their shoes. how would you feel?

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