Will it hurt my chances to adopt if I reject a child?

When I Get Thru With You(=^_^=)

Ladies, don't be so hard on "olschool". It's okay to want what you want. She is not REJECTING this child and that was the wrong word to use. The Mom was Caucasion and she was led to believe it would be a caucasion baby. So yes, she was tricked a bit. It is BEST if she waits for the baby that would fit into her world. There is nothing wrong with that. We are hoping to adopt a mixed race child, so there IS a family for this baby. Just not in "olschool's" family. In my case I could not handle a special needs child, and maybe "olschool" could. Her angel wings are made to fit HER. My angel wings are made for ME. The first Mom knew she laid with a black man, that's why she was putting her baby up for adoption. Look at the foster care website. It is filled with ALL TYPES of children. You don't have room in your homes do you?? At least "ol school" opened her arms, heart, and home. Pray for me "olschool" that we pass the home study, we are new to this...that's why I am here in this category.

Bea

No. This will be your family, and you need to make your choices. If you are are working with a reliable agency or facilitator, your choice to pass up one opportunity won't hurt your chances for another.

But you are going to get lectures about racism. I urge you to consider President Obama's heritage as you make your choices. If this baby girl is healthy and available to you, passing on this opportunity may be something you'll regret, both for the loss of the child and the loss of time waiting for another. Or maybe not. Keep your wits about you and make choices you can live with.

cheryl

yes it will cuz u cant accept a caucasion baby and reject a mixed or mexican baby adoption agencies will look at that and it will look bad on your record

Jacob

Wow, just wow. My sister and her husband adopted a child from haiti some time ago, and you're going to reject this child based on the color of her skin? Now you're telling me you're not racist, that's just total crap. I hate people who lie to themselves, just tell us all you're racist already. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but you don't even deserve the choice of adoption.

Why don't you and your husband make a child? - That is if you both are white or you're infertile

If you guys aren't white then I don't know what to say......

Protecting the baby

Even if it does hurt your chances, you need to go ahead and reject that baby. No baby wants to grow up knowing that you wanted to reject them but didn't because you didn't want to hurt your chances of adopting an "acceptable" child. Please don't have this child come and live with you and your husband because you are racist (sorry but you are because all children need a home and need love, regardless of color) and you can not provide for a child you are always going to view as not acceptable to you. This is really two issues and you need to think about them separately. First the issue of the child, not wanted by you. Do this child a favor and don't adopt her. Then you need to think about how it affects your chances of adopting in the future. Personally, I don't think it would hurt your chances because sadly, many people are still racist (like you) and would only want their child adopted by parents with the same issue.

Doodlestuff

Depends on the agency. If the child is mixed race when presumed to have been white, I don't think that makes any difference with the agency. You'll just go 'back in line' and the infant will be offered to another couple.

Don't let all these other people who are jumping up and down on their pedestals bother you. Accepting a child you don't really want is not in the best interests of the child. And no, it is not racist to not want a mixed race child. The fact that I am fine with accepting a mixed race child and you are not just says that we have different goals and feelings about our expectations. I have the advantage of having plenty of cousins who are mixed race, so acceptance is an easy thing in my family.

I simply have issues with pre-birth matching because there is too much pressure on the woman to follow through.

Raven

Will it, probably not... should it Ya. Race makes no difference if someonesacist, so define how you would not be would ya?

â™¦Ï„Î—Î¯Ð… girÎ¹â™¦

there's nothing wrong with that and no i do not think it will when working with an adoption agency you should be more specific as to what kind of child you want so this won't be a problem. It's good that you are trying to adopt

Susan

yuck

Erin L

"You don't have to be rude , this child will be in our life for ever" yes, heaven forbid. You wouldn't want "it", a mixed race child, in your lives forever!

It is on future adoption applications whether you disrupted an adoption (this would be an adoption disruption) and that CAN affect future chances to adopt. I certainly hope you aren't able to adopt.

mountain man

Lord, i feel so sorry for that little baby. rejected so young in life!

dontknow86

That is just sad.

YankeeFanatic

You are NOT racist? Come back on here when you get your facts straight!

Heather

Lucky you to have a chance to raise a baby girl. How ignorant of you to reconsider because of skin color. I hope it does ruin your chances, what do you have to teach ANY child? Racism? Ignorance? Arrogance? You know what? If you dont want the baby, dont take her. Im sure she would have a lifetime of misery with you judging her anyway.

LashCatt

Do not adopt this little girl. She needs parents that are loving of all of her and it seems you would be unable to love her for who she is and also I think she will pick up on your dislike for her race which would be damaging to her. Your so worried that if you "reject" her then you wont get your little white baby and that makes me think you should not be adopting in the first place. Adoption is to help a child, the child is not born to help you get what you want. You have made it VERY clear that you are only adopting because you just want a child and it can only be a little white child at that. You should take a step back and look at who YOU are and really figure out some things about yourself and your motives before moving in on another baby. Also if you do ever get your perfect little white baby please don't teach him or her to "reject" others based on race. It makes me so sad when people who are clearly racist are unable to admit that they are. Learn more about the race you dislike and maybe then you can see some positives in that race, learn what that race has given to society and learn about their history then it will be harder for you to dislike a certain race. Racism to me is a sign of being uneducated. So please educate yourself. thank You.

Randy B

Speaking purely objectively, no, it should not hurt your chances in the process at all. People who adopt are not compelled to accept the child they are matched with. As much as people around here will say "its not about you, it's about the child", the simple truth of the matter is that it IS about the child...but it IS also about you. As you pointed out, this is a lifelong commitment and it has to be a good fit for you and your family as well as for the child. If, for what ever reason, you are uncomfortable with taking in a mixed race child then, by all means, let someone else do so. Its not different then taking in a child with a disability. That child is no less deserving of a loving home as a child that is not disabled but if you are unable to cope with the disability (due to ability, desire, sheer logistics of the disability....) then let the child be adopted by someone who is better suited to adopt. Its the fair thing to do for the child and for your family. While I by no means want to imply that a mix race child equates to a child with a disability, the analogy is the same, let the child be adopted by someone who feels they are better able to do so then you are. I don't know of any agency that will hold it against you. You are asked from the start about the child desired and if this child is not within your arcs then so be it. My wife and I turned down the opportunity to adopt a very severely handicapped child last year and just 8 months later we were matched with another and things have been fine. Any agency that holds this against you is an agency you shouldn't be working with anyway.

smarmy

My take on this is a little different than others. There has been great controversy over other races being raised by "white" people. If that's your stand point, i'm not sure I do have a problem with it, because many children have missed out on their culture because of being adopted into all white families. It's hard on them.

BUT, if your reasoning is so you can pretend she's not adopted, then shame on you. Your secret will come out eventually.

As for answering the question, depends on what you consider harmful. You will have to wait till another comes along that fits your family. If you are willing to wait, then how much harm can that be. You will not be eliminated from adopting, they want your money too badly. Besides if its going to be a problem maybe someone else should raise the girl, someone who doesn't have a problem with mixed race. Because it is supposed to be about the child, and if you do not feel you can be good enough parents to her then let her go to someone else.

*nola*

i hope the adoption agency sees that you are a person who does not deserve a child at all, therefore they never again find a baby for you to love. you are a sick racist person who does not deserve a child at all. you should be ashamed of yourself. you do not deserve that child, or any other child. you make me sick.

you are a horrible person.

LindseyTaylor

I hope it does! You have already been matched and chosen for this child before she was born but because its half black you no longer want her? Yeah there's alot of love in your heart.

Adoption is supposed to be about the children yet she is getting rejected because she doesn't meet your needs

You are sad people.

kennebunklmt

Regardless of whether or not newborn adoptions are even right at all... I would be LIVID and disgusted with this if I were on a waiting list. Most people just want a child to love. You rejecting this baby is a big slap in the face to pretty much everyone involved and NOT involved.

Please do NOT adopt this baby. The poor thing would have a life full of never being good enough.

3 girls and 1 boy for me!

Of course not, it is only right that you get what you pay for after all. Honestly, you don't deserve children if you can turn your back on a new little life because it might not be the color you prefer. Honestly...what happened to I loved the child before it was born, you know, the as if born to theory. People like you are the reason all of us ap's are looked down upon.

Kari N

You know what I think is sooo funny? So many adoptive parents support their choice to adopt saying they "Want to offer the baby a better life". It's obvious you want a CHILD to meet your adult needs, and that's just sick. Please, don't adopt.

Opedial

We are not racist but only want white children. hahahahahah funniest statement ever!

If this was foster care, then no, you can say no to a child if it does not feel right this is a LIFE long committment..and the right match isimportant, but you tried to adopt a child who WAS NOT BORN YET.

Please reject this baby and maybe mom will reconsider and raise her child.

Trisha

i hope it will, if u want a baby then it shouldn't matter what race it has in it what it looks like if its a boy or a girl. if u are going to reject a baby then my guess is u don't really want one, that baby deserves better than u, the fact u even think about rejecting tha poor child makes me sic

Cleopatra

Really? Wow. But THANKS for your comment since it might change many women's minds about surrendering their children to people who are made to look like hero's and saviors to abandoned children. BTW are your friends only 'white' people too?

cricketlady

It might make a difference to the adoption agency and it might not---depends. From foster care it will NOT make a difference. They will tell you all about the child ---likes, dislikes, disabilities, problem areas, etc and then they WANT you to think on the matter and then let them know if you feel you can take on that responsibility.

You are not racist. You are white. It is only natural for you to want to have white children, since you can't have your own. At least they could look like you. I am Asian and if I get married and have kids, I want my children to look Asian and share my culture and values. A non-Asian would struggle to fit into my family. You shouldn't be pressured into adopting a child that you don't want just because people call you a racist. 'Racist' is such a cheap word.

Racist

I see that the anti-White libtards are here in force. Don't try to excuse the filthy mudshark for not revealing to the prospective parents that there was a possibility that she would farrow a niglet. As for the prospective adoptive parents, perhaps you should explore the possibility of adopting a child from Eastern Europe. You should also ignore the mindless fools who consider race a matter of 'skin color'. As for you anti-White mindless idiots, you damn right I'm a racist and the notion of subscribing to your idiot twaddle makes me want to vomit.

Asian Guy

I am an Asian guy who only wants to raise Asian kids so I support your right to raise only white kids. Everything that J said 2 posts above mine is true. It makes no sense to expect someone to raise a kid from a different tribe.

Dissapointedinpeople

please do not listen to these people. It is the most normal thing to want a kid that at least looks like it is yours. All these other people can go and adopt a black baby themselves if they care so much! You are all racists, shame on you. How come nobody is angry with the mother for not knowing who the father is and for leaving the baby in the first place?

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