Would you adopt the older sibling of a child you want?

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If you dont feel like you can care for the boy then dont take him, it wouldn't be fair to you or him.

seereb8159

i think your a selfish person "purchasing" this girls like they are dolls keep all 3 kids together and let them find someone who will

allchildrenareangels

Can you ask to foster the boy and see how things go. I would if things aren't too bumpy.

Love,
Michelle

a little curious

well first of all, foster parents are always asked first if there are no blood family that wants them. second, as far as their brother goes, does it matter that hey have different fathers, in their minds, they are siblings. if you choose to adopt the girls and are thinking about the boy, while the adoption goes thru, take the boy on a trial basis, see how he fits with your family, you may find that he is a good boy who is very helpful and may add to the love you have to give. my cousin took my other cousins 5 kids on top of her own 4, as a trial basis and is now adopting all FIVE.

Jackie B

If I can't adopt all 3, then I wouldn't adopt at all. Even though in a situation like yours, you aren't the reason for them being separated, I couldn't live with myself knowing my refusal to adopt the brother is what continues to keep them separated. It's all or nothing when it comes to sibling groups for me.

red elephants

Personally, yes I would. I plan on adopting an entire sibling set as it is.

Have the kids had any contact or relationship?

Why do you not want to adopt him as well? Would it be too much for you to take on a 3rd child? I can understand it being too much if it wasn't already planned. Do you not want a boy? Not want to deal with his issues?

I think if you have any hesitation then you shouldn't adopt him. While his current situation isn't great being in an adoptive home that doesn't really want him is just as bad if not worse. If he has medical/emotional issues you can't deal with then no you shouldn't adopt him.

If you do not adopt him I'd hope you would at least make sure that he has a relationship with his sisters. Even if they don't have the same father they are family.

Anha S

Only want the girls eh? If in some alternate universe I ever adopted, the siblings would stay together. Leave these girls for someone who can adopt all 3. This young man doesn't deserve a legacy of rejection because you only want his sisters.

And I bet you'd expect that those girls love their adoptive siblings, and, well, they don't share anything in common in regards to biological parentage, so what does it matter that the girls and boy dont have the same dad?

I think its reprehensible to split up siblings. They have already lost so much, they don't need the system designed to help them to continue to fail them.

jack g

6 months is a very short time in fostering and if approved adopters come along that are willing to take all 3 and keep this little family together I know it sounds harsh but you probably wouldn't get much of a chance to have the girls - that said you shouldn't adopt the boy just so you can keep the girls - that would terrible for that little boy to be stuck with new parents that never really wanted him.

Wednesday

Yes, I would adopt their brother as well.

However, if you "only want the girls and do not plan to take the boy.", then in your case, I would not adopt their brother.

I believe without a doubt, that it is better to keep the siblings together. But if you do not want him, then he will know that, regardless of whether or not you actually tell him that.

He already has a hard life, where he is not wanted. I would not further that for him even more.

On the flip side, if you do choose to adopt him as well, it could turn out to be a wonderful decision, and a great life for all of you.

Sad story. I really feel for all of the kids, and hope that they will stay together .. regardless. Poor boy, he is only 12 years old, and he is their brother. It's heart breaking to think of them losing each other, after they already have lost their mom.

I wish all of you the best of luck.

**~QUEEN OF HEARTS~**

texas mom, angie, and carmen.....said just what i would have......you really need to think about this.....i wish you luck...

TerraMere

Yes, if I possibly could I would. All of your children would feel better knowing families were kept in tact to the extent possible. I say this assuming that this would be a safe option for all.

Good luck and God bless.

Corn is not dog food! No wheat!

What's the harm in fostering him and giving it a try?

If you have the space and the time, it might actually be rewarding.

It's an unpopular view here, but please consider that child. Foster care is no place to grow up. Those group homes are a nighmare!!! You really would be saving that boy.

Opedial

We did this, keep our siblings together. Our Eldest son had quite a bit of behavioural challenges and on paper he was not necessarily coming across great to others. We feel very strongly about keeping siblings together and knew that itself would be great for all the kids. THere was really no question for us, if we would not take all three then pass and allow someone else who is willing to take all three. We did it and we are happier for it!

Dont' break siblings up.

Andraya - Snark's Sister

Poor kids. They are going to loose their mother AND their sibling(s). Poor brother, ever seen how kids live in group homes? He's 12 for crying out loud, he should be playing baseball and climbing trees, not hiding his things so nobody steals them and trying not to get his @ss kicked by the bigger kids every night.

I'd take them all in a heartbeat. Didn't you still need your mother at 12? Who's going to teach him about life? Who will hold him while he cries about missing his mother? Who will show him how to be a man? The streets will, that's who! Revolting that you can find it in your heart to take in his sisters and not him. What makes him so awful that you think he doesn't still need anyone. Seriously this just breaks my heart, I don't cry often but I can barely see my screen through the tears. Tearing a family apart to build one of your own is just... well it is heartless and cruel. Who cares if they have different fathers, they don't see it that way, all they see is family. I don't have the same mother OR father as my brother but he is still my brother, and I still love him. I'm betting all these kids love each other too.

monkeykitty83

Yes, I would if it was at all possible.

Keeping siblings together is really, really important for their emotional health. Unless there are safety concerns, siblings should not be separated because some are "wanted" and some are not.

These children have emotions, and lives of their own. The girls' brother is part of their lives. Permanent separation would be incredibly painful for all of them.

Please consider taking the boy too. He needs a home just as much, and the siblings all need each other.

Jennifer L

Yes, I would.

Whether or not they have different fathers is beside the point. They are siblings. They deserve to be a family together.

Angie

I understand your hesitation, being that he probably has a lot of problems at his age (which could cause big probelms in your family - they say it's not good to get an adopted kid that's older than your natural ones), but then on the other hand I want to scream at you because this kid has already lost so much - his dad, his mom, his sisters, and now an outright rejection from you. I don't know - that is a really tough call. Whatever the case, maybe you can somehow be involved in his life too. Just know he is going to feel a LOT of rejection. It would be great if you could open your heart and take him in, because otherwise who IS going to give him the chance?

Roxy

YES!! especially if they get along great, they are blood brothers and sisters! I am surprise you are asking about it and not doing it?

Yulia

Yes I will adopt this boy too. It's not his fault that he is a boy, he has two sisters and I am sure they love each other. It will break my heart knowing that brother of my children is miserable. Plus I think it will have negative impact on his life. He will envy and that can ruin his relationship with sisters which they might later blame on you or he might think that he is not good enough and this feeling will lead to a some complex in his life. Plus he is 12 so he is responsible and will help a lot. Also, you know, boys at his age are very rare get adopted. Please give him a chance.

Possum

If there is no harm present - and what is absolutely best for all the children - is to keep them together.
This is a MUST.
Help these children remain to be a family - and keep them together if possible.
It's terribly hard to make up ground when they're adults - when they've been separated for years & years.
If you don't want to - perhaps they should all go to a family who can keep them together.
Adoption should be about the BEST interests of the children.
NOT the adults.
They've had a tough start to life - how about giving them all a break????

MamaKate is an Aunt!

Dear Y,

Please think about this situation from the children's perspectives as you consider what to do. Especially that of the girls and their brother. Adoption should always be about the children first.

Sometimes the right thing to do isn't the easiest or the one we necessarily prefer. Please make sure that the choice you make is a fair and ethical one and something that you and your family can commit to.

Good luck with figuring out what to do with such a difficult dilemma. I hope that you are able to make the best decision for these children and your family. I wish all of you the best and I hope that the situation ends in the healthiest and happiest way possible - especially for the children who have already lost so much.

ETA: They may have different fathers, but they still share the same mother. They are still siblings.

blank stare

You "want."

What do the girls want? Would you be willing to keep them together for their sake? Or is this just about your wants?

Are you willing to do what's in their best interests, even if it doesn't fit what you want? Are you willing to help the girls, even if it doesn't fit your plan?

That strikes me as what being a parent is all about.

parenting is an option II

Honestly, yes I would adopt all the siblings to keep them together. I don't believe in breaking families apart. The little boy didn't do anything wrong. Why should he be punished for being born a boy and not getting to grow up with his sisters. I am in the process of writing my will and which ever one of my sister in laws agrees to take all 3 of my children in the event of both mine and my husband death will be named the guardian of them.

Why should children be separated from their brothers and sisters?

Big Daddy R

If i had the room yes. We are adopting our foster son who has siblings already adopted to other parents. They don't have room for him. If another sibling came up we could not take him or her because our home is full now. IF it wasn't sure why not

JustWondering

that is just terrible how you are even thinking about splitting 3 siblings up they ahve already lost there mum and dad(s) n now you are thinking about making the girls lose there brother because it dose not fit in with your plan, that dose not come across to me as good parenting at all you want to take these girls in as your own and be there parent then act like there parent and do whats best for them not yourself, the girls all done and said that poor little boy taking his sisters away when he has no one eles leaving him alone in the world in a child care home to be beaten up and stolen from by the other children.....Its just sick you are treating the children like they are animals pets you just fancy having.....just leave them so a good adoptive family who will have all three will have them

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