adoption vs. abortion, advice?

Crazy Chubby Lady Luv Eastenders 4 Life

i'm about your age and i can tell you that adoption is the best answer
cause there are a lot of parents out there who will love and adore your baby
cause when you make your decision it's not only going to affect you but your baby as well

gibson.samantha23

i don't accept abortion because i put it like this that baby didn't ask to be here so why should the baby die but if u want your baby keep your baby i have an 8month old daughter who will be 9months on sunday anyways i got pregnant at 21 and i wasn't ready for a baby but i tell u this abortion never cross my mind or adoption because years down the lone one day u are going to want to find your child and when u do that child may not accept u because they are going to ask why did u give me up for adoption

jackeline

omg girl are u serious?????????????????????? if u want to keep the baby why not? dont listen to ur boyfriend wats more important for u first of all think about this abortion u want to kill ur baby? naaaa SOMEDAY u ganna want kids and god wont give them to u...second of all adoption 10 yrs from now naaa even less 4 yrs from now u ganna be wondering where ur baby is at? why is he calling someone else mommy ? would u like ur parents to do that with u? nooo...third of all trust me i hav seen girls younger than u single mothers with their kids moving on in life why cant u? juss cause ur boyfriends tell u some stupid thing watttt ifff u get an abortion rite now wat if u do wat ur telling him to n 2 weeks later he breaks up with u...u killed ur baby...yer boyfriend left..? ur ganna be aloneeee but e ways keep the baby break up with ur boyfriend and get child support the baby needs u ...wait till he starts kicking u ganna think different.

sandra F

Have you ever thought of legal guardianship?
Your rights are only suspended until you are ready to take care of the child.

I have legal guardianship of three beautiful little boys, 10months, 2years and 3 years. Had them all since they were born. Their mother and fathers are doing thier own thing but do see them at least once a month. Once the parents get their lives together they simply go to court and ask for the guardianship terminated.

Miss Missy

I'm going to bite the bullet & well, I am ready for the thumbs down I am about to receive from the closed minded people on here.
I will say that because someone chooses to tell someone their opinion on adopting in an email does NOT mean the they are baby trolling....it simply means that they DO NOT want to deal with another persons opinion. Everyone is entitled to have one, and we are allowed to disagree with yours.
First of all, it is ultimately your decision, but your boyfriend does have the right to voice his opinion, but you have the final say so when it is all said and done. Yes, he will have to sign the adoption papers if you choose to do that...just like he would have to pay child support if you decided to keep the child.
If you want to keep your baby, by all means do it, just think about what you need to do to be able to provide for your child.
If you think adoption is right for you, then do that. There are plenty of people out there who can not have children...then there are the people who do it for the "vanity" or wrong reasons.
If you think an abortion is right for you, then do that. You have the right to choose what is done with your body.
My point is simple...it is your body, and your child that we are discussing here...not what everyone thinks about an adoption or abortion.

Member Jane

It is ultimately your choice, but I think abortion would be best for your situation.

At 16 there is no debate that you're not ready to be a parent, so while adoption could then be a good option, your body isn't physically mature enough to handle a pregnancy. The risks and complications associated with pregnancy and childbirth greatly increase in teen pregnancies, which can lead to such detrimental effects as scarring, future inability to carry a pregnancy and even death. Pregnancy and childbirth are not easy, and not something to be taken lightly. Just because you're pregnant today doesn't mean you have to be pregnant tomorrow or that you have to become a parent. You don't owe that fetus anything, but you do owe yourself to serve your best interests. There is no reason you have to continue that pregnancy. Don't get caught up in the lies spread by the pro-life agenda. You're not carrying a baby right now, it's a fetus. Do your research so you can make the most informed decision, but don't wait too long since abortion can become more difficult and expensive as a pregnancy progresses.

You should not keep this child. You're basically a child yourself. You could be mature for your age, but there is no 16 year old ready for the task of parenthood. You have so much life ahead of you and things you need to achieve without anything holding you back. Children are expensive and time-consuming and require a lot from you. You need to realize all that parenting entails before you even think about it. Also, it wouldn't be fair to bring a child into your situation. Children should only come into the best of situations and this isn't it. You're not even physically or emotionally mature so you won't be the mother that child needs. You're unwed, and not even in a serious long-term relationship and the father does not want to be a father at this time, think about his position in all this. You can always have children in the future when you're better prepared for it and have your ducks in a row so you can properly care for a child.

Abortion will reset this situation as if the pregnancy had never occurred, it is best for all involved.
Adoption includes pregnancy risks and adoption is far from perfect.
Parenting shouldn't even be an option. It would be the most irresponsible, selfish thing you could do.

Want a story about teen pregnancy? I have a bunch:

1. Teen chooses parenting and never completes education, stuck in poverty for life, working minimum-wage jobs.

2. Teen mom can't deal with giving up her youth to actually care for her child so neglects child while continuing to lead a normal teen life. Child grows up to resent her.

3. Teen mom experiences stunted mental growth as she never completed her education and was too immature to handle the responsibility of parenting.

4. A teen mom has a difficult delivery and will never be able to carry a pregnancy.

5. A teen mom was unprepared for the financial hardship of having a child, and can't afford day care so leaves her child at home all day while she works. Child injures self while home alone and is taken away by child protective services.

6. A teen mom never reaches her her potential because her child is her utmost responsibility so her wants and needs take a backseat.

7. A teen mom has a child with a severe disability which requires much more attention than a regular child, and her whole life revolves around caring for the needs of that child. She's unable to see friends, or get an education, and care for the child is extremely expensive due to its special needs. She will be changing diapers for the rest of her life as the child has no bladder or bowel control. She can't afford for the child to have surgeries that could improve its quality of life.

8. A teen mom on a budget must choose between groceries or diapers. She's also choosing between electricity or shelter. Forget Internet or a cell phone, those were cut from the budget.

9. A teen mom is overwhelmed by her new role as parent and had no idea it would entail so much energy and work. She changes her mind and gives the child up for adoption.

10. A teen mom thinks her boyfriend is committed to her and her child but he soon cheats on her and gradually they lose touch to the point she has no idea how to contact him. She loses her partner in parenting, and that child loses a parent.

Jennifer L

If you want to keep your baby, then keep your baby. You have a lot of time to get your resources in order, line up your support system and make a plan. Being a teen mom isn't easy, but if you make up your mind that this is what you want to do and *stick to* that, you can make it work. You will have to grow up fast and you need to make plans that don't count on your boyfriend being involved.

Above all else, stay in school. Look at charter schools with flexible hours, if need be. Some of those schools enable you to work fast and graduate early. Do that, then find a community college program that interests you and will get you a good job. Connect with your family, friends, and other supports in the community. You'll need their help.

Bottom line: Don't let ANYONE talk you into doing something that you don't want to do.

Mhairi P

There is information and resources on Sunrise Family Services' website. They also have a confidential phone number you can call to talk through your options and help you make the right decision. Best wishes.

blank stare

I know two women who got pregnant as teen agers. They both kept their daughters. One now has her doctorate degree. The other is about to enter law school. For both women, they love their daughters very much and could not imagine not having their child in their life.

Becoming a single mother does not mean the end of your life.

Relinquishing for adoption does mean the end of your relationship with your child.

Damien is finally here! 12/19/09

I got pregnant when I was sixteen. Both the father and I wanted to keep it, however, I ended up doing open adoption. I think adoption is a good thing...if you think you're strong enough to go through with it. A lot of women change their minds when they start feeling the baby move or even after seeing him/her for the first time, which can be hard on the adoptive parents. I followed through with my decision, however, it still hurts at times and sometimes I wish I'd gotten an abortion. No stretch marks, no reminders. I was childless but had all the marks of motherhood. My son is beautiful and I see him every few weeks or so, his parents are wonderful and have been supportive the entire time. Some people aren't so lucky however.

It's a big decision to make at 16; think it through because no matter what you decide, it will affect you for the rest of your life.

Kiki

Well I was pregnant at 16 and my boyfriend was a d!ck. So off he merrily went, who needs an idiot like that anyway?

Clearly, don't get pressured into abortion, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Do you want the empty nights full of tears? Or would you rather you get to enjoy your life with a baby - seeing their first smile, their first word, step, the day they go to school, get married. You have a life growing inside of you. Cherish it. There is nothing wrong or scary about being 16 and pregnant - it is no barrier to raising a child. Good luck!

It doesn't stop you from working, getting an education, enjoying your life, laughing at a funny joke or raising a child. Well, it doesn't stop me and my child will start school next year - it's really not that bad!

Lol @ Member Jane - what horror stories. Did you concoct them yourself, or did you read them in your local gossip mag? Haven't met any of those sombre stories you're talking about actually.

Tara

You're young, but with help from family and friends you can probably manage to care for your baby. If you're boyfriend doesn't want to keep the baby you might want to talk to him about it and understand why he made that decision. Don't just give your baby up because your boyfriend wants you too. Yeah, it is his baby too, but it's yours as well, he also needs to understand that. Adoption would be really difficult. I'm sure you'd think it would easy because in your head you'll tell yourself how much easier your life will be if you didn't have a baby to take care of, which is true, but if you're financially stable and have a strong support system behind you, there's not reason to not have a good life with one extra person to care for. This is my opinion in regards to my life. You need to talk to your boyfriend and make the decision that works best for the both of you and your life. Make sure you keep in mind what would be best for your baby as well.

Ethel

Because your boyfriend wants you to abort you're going to adopt the infant? It's up to you what you do, not him, follow your heart not some dude.

Julz

hey Ot,
I am 17 and just had my son 6 weeks ago and kept him but thought very seriously about abortion and I was actually adopted when I was a baby so maybe I can give you all sides in one...
I don't mean to influence you or tell you what to do, just give you a little bit of my story so you can be better informed... sorry, this might get long...
So i found out I was pregnant with my son when I was 9 weeks as well, his dad and I have been together for a year and a half now and took an at home test with him so we could both find out together. It came back positive and I was terrified, so I took literally 8 more, all with the same results. We contemplated what we were going to do since my parents are very strict and didn't like the fact that we were dating due to our 2 and a half year age difference, the biggest issue was that he is in college already. I cried for a good two hours while he held me and thought about stores that sold bullet proof vests to protect himself from my dad. We didn't know what else to do so we decided to do nothing at all.
At 13 weeks i thought i would start showing soon so my boyfriend and I talked again about what we wanted to do and I didn't want to get in trouble with my parents or disappoint them so I thought abortion was my only choice. So we went to the only place I thought I could get one done without my parents or any one else finding out... Planned Parenthood. We drove to the nearest clinic after making an appointment, as we parked the car there were protesters marching outside that i didnt expect, nor did i wish to see them. once inside they were checking everything out making sure I was pregnant and seeing how far along I was. They asked if i wanted to see the ultra sound and in my head i was thinking yes but quietly said "no", then they asked "if it is twins would you like to know?" and i was thinking yes but again repeated no.... turns out I was further along than expected and they couldn't perform the abortion. I cried for about 20 minutes and I thought I was crying because they couldn't do it but it was because i was relieved i could finally tell my parents and keep my baby. I told my parents that day and my dad's reaction was simply not saying anything at all. My mom and I cried together for a little, she cried because she was totally against me getting an abortion (she didn't know and doesn't know how close I was to getting one) but my dad and 25 year old sister both were for an abortion. (I could have gone to a separate clinic to get a second trimester abortion done for $1,000).
Thank goodness I am just like my mom and decided against the abortion. My boyfriend was against the abortion the whole time but never told me because he didn't wanna influence me... he just told me he would support whatever decision I made. I never even thought of adoption which is weird since I am adopted. I just figured that my family adopted me, we are very loving and are able to afford a new baby and provide him with everything he needs so why chance it and place him for adoption? Sometimes you don't get homes as good as the ones you came from.
My son was born 6 weeks ago and I am so grateful I changed my mind. He is the best thing that has and ever will happen to me as well as his daddy. Its crazy to have his blue eyes stare up at mine. In truth, I feel so much guilt when he looks at me so innocently and i think of what i almost did. I cant even look at him and think that, I turn away each time.
Now... on to how I feel about being adopted.
I have a closed adotion (One where I haven't met my parents nor do i have information on them till i turn 18, they are in Canada, i'm in the states.) I have always felt nothing but absolute love for my birth parents even though i dont even know their names. I have always thought that it must have been very hard for my mom to place me for adoption after having me with her for 40 weeks and holding me in the hospital. They decided not to do an abortion, to give me life and make sacrifices for me, and continue to do what was best for me. Its really awsome to think that someone can be that selfless. I really like being adopted because it turned out so well for me. A lot of adoptees aren't even a quarter as luck as i was. Because of this i suggest an open adotion, one where you can maintain an agreed upon relationship between your son/ daughter as they grow up with the family you choose for him/her.
Now on to being a mom young...
I absolutly love it. okay so maybe at 3 am when he is wide awake and wont sleep I dont totally love it but when I look at him i still think its pretty amazing. I am finishing my senior year online so I am at home with him all day. I also still live with my parents so i have a lot of help. I love that i kept my son, the love I feel for him is crazy crazy strong.
So my advice to you is don't do the abortion if ur not 100% for it. Don't do the adoption if you have a strong support system or arent 100% for it. Talk to any young mother, not one will tell you they regret keeping their child but all of them will say it was tough.
Your a strong girl and i have no doubts you will make the right choice for you. Good luck and God bless! Lemme know if this helped and what you decide to do!
Julie

ani

u said u wanted to keep your child and that is the best place for it...

grapesgum

Adoption means a life of hell for you and the child. If you want to keep your baby, keep your baby. If you do not have the guts to stand up to your boyfriend, then you should get an abortion and make sure that you never, ever get pregnant again.

Spotty-Dotty

F*ck your boyfriend. This is YOUR baby and YOUR body. What's wrong with raising your own child?

Damitra

From a mother who lost her child as a teen to adoption. Don't relinquish your child to adoption. It is something beyond the average person's comprehension. Anyone advising you to do this and has never done it themselves should be silenced. The sadness and loss will stay with you for eternity. I now live in a hidden world of unwanted mother's. A place that I would never advise another mother to go.

You need your baby, and your baby needs you. You can make it work. Good luck.

7rin

If you want to keep the baby, then keep the baby.

If you're not going to have an abortion, then ffs don't abandon it to adoption. If you're contemplating abandoning it to adoption, trust me, don't. Abandoning it to adoption will certainly screw you up, and will absolutely cripple your child's mental and emotional development.

If you're gonna abandon your kid to adoption, then do the decent thing and get a bloody abortion, but if you actually do wanna keep it for yourself[1], then please, you go be a parent with all of your might. :D

[1] and at this point my head launches into Lenny from "Of mice and men" wanting to love it and pet it... ;)

Ibn Zayd

I'm not sure I understand anyone who tells a mother-to-be who expresses the desire to keep her baby that she should give it up and not only that, that she should listen to a man telling her to give it up. And I'm not sure I would call telling someone to give up their baby "counseling". It's usually referred to as "coercion". Just for the record.

myst1998

Um... let me get this straight. You, this baby's mother and their entire world, want to keep the baby but your boyfriend with no real tie to you other than being this baby's "father" wants you to abort him/her and so you want to give your child up??

Sorry, this is just not logical. So either get rid of your boyfriend and keep your baby or be weak and submissive and do what you're told. Its up to you. Your body, your choice.

gypsywinter

If I were you and did not want the fetus currently gestating in your body...at 9 wks I would get an abortion...now! But is only YOUR choice, not your idiot boyfriend's. Whatever you choose, it must be YOUR choice..whether abortion, remaining pg and then subsequently giving birth to your own child..then you have the choice to either keep or give away.

If your heart tells you to keep the baby, then that is what you should do. If you place this child up for adoption, you will probably regret it.

anonymous

If you want to keep your baby, keep it. If you don't want a baby, have an abortion.

Living adoption is a horrible thing. I was adopted as an infant, I'm middle-aged now and I've never gotten over being given away by my own mother. It has never really mattered what her reason was, all it has ever felt like to me is that I'm unlovable and unwanted.

AnnaBelle

Your body, your choice. That means, if you want to carry this pregnancy to term, you have the right to do so with no interference from anyone.

You CAN parent this child. With or without your charming Mr. Right Now. He is legally obligated to pay support if you choose to parent, and there are a million different resources that you could access to help you financially and otherwise if you should choose to parent.

Please understand that adoption is not a quick fix, for you or for your child. If YOU are choosing to carry this pregnancy, you CAN parent. Contact your local social services office to seek support. Hopefully your parents are involved as well, and are supportive. But if not, there are still supports available. Breastfeeding and cloth diapers are cheap. Check your local freecycle and newspapers for baby stuff being given away (safety rated, of course). YOU are the only thing your child knows at this moment and YOU CAN DO THIS.

Respond to NO ONE who emails you about your baby. This is YOUR child, and you need to make the decision YOU can live with, no one else. If you want to get an abortion, that is your right provided by law. But, if you do not want to, no one, and I mean NO ONE can force you to do that. What is in your uterus is YOUR DECISION.

Good luck, and be well.

ETA: @AdoreHim: "...but also there are statistics that prove that bf's leave their gf's that have abortions because of the emotional upheaval that the woman goes through, and they cannot handle it."

So, rather than saying that he'll leave her if she doesn't abort, you're just turning it on her and saying he'll leave her if she does...? How is THAT less manipulative?!

I don't think I care for your particular brand of "counselling".

Pffffft.

AbortHim

I believe that abortion is better than giving your child up for adoption. I have counseled many women for many years who have had abortions, who have surrendered children, and who have been adopted, and the general consensus among these women is abortion is better than carrying a child to term to throw him away.

smarmy

Adoption isn't that easy either. Take it from someone who's done it. It's changed since then or so they say, but in reality, most of what they promise isn't legally binding which means they can change their mind once the papers are signed. Your boy friend is scared and justifiably so. But don't let anyone tell you that gifting kids is normal. It has its own repercussions on both baby and mother.

ETA: It always slays me when people post about all the hungry parents waiting to get their hands on someone elses child. WHO CARES? THAT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Are you actually thinking, I wonder how many couples or singles there out there who's life I can fulfill with the gift of a child? THIS ISN'T ABOUT THEM, IT'S ABOUT YOU AND YOUR BABY.

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