can you force adoption for pregnant teen? If you feel it is in the best welfare of both of them?

Whisper21

You know the Casey Anthony case? I'm not suggesting that your daughter would ever do anything like that... but I am pointing out that a lot of people on this website will tell you to let your child keep the baby and take care of it, when in reality very bad things can happen to babies raised by children.

Can you force her? No, but I believe parents should be allowed to. You can't kick her out because then you are abandoning her! You might not be able to get welfare for the baby because he/she lives with you. It's very unfair to parents of pregnant teens.

Here are some websites...

http://www.teenparents.org/

http://www.thelaw.com/forums/showthread.php?p=100762

If I were you, I'd threaten to emancipate her unless she gets a job and figures out a way to take care of the baby, including filing for child support from the dad. Also, I'd tell her that I would no longer help her EVER if she didn't get on birth control (do the implant or the shot, so you know) after she has the kid.

i love my husband

you cant make her but you can educate her on how things will be if she keeps the baby.meaning that she will be the one who will need o raise it not you (i mean you can help but just make sure you don't make it to easy for her) I had a cousin that had a baby at 14 and her mom talked to her about adoption but she didn't want to do that.. So she told her that she will go to school and graduate in the mean time for the baby she had to put it into a day care and pay for it her self meaning she had to do chores when she got home plus take care of her baby and maintain her grades... I mean my aunt helped she bought everything that the baby needed and more but she didn't want her daughter running back out and getting pregnant again.. My cousin is 16 and she doesn't get to date she has a child and so she has to raise it her self... She does still think about giving her daughter up for an adoption but she wished that she would have done it back when she was pregnant instead of waiting.. I wish yall luck email me if you need to talk i look forward to hearing from you.

Ferbs

I agree that she is probably not in any position to raise a child. I really do think that's a real shame all around because I'm sure she loves her baby. But I still maintain that this is a situation where it's not realistic to choose parenting. It's still shocks me that this is advocated since it totally ignores the best interest of the child. And we wonder why so many young women get pregnant...it's made out to be a GREAT stroke of luck!

You should contact a lawyer...and not depend totally on the legal advice being given here.

This being said...it may very well be up to her in the end and it would be wise to be supportive of her from the get go. You can give her information on all options which includes resources and financial assistance. If she chooses to parent, there are centres and organizations that teach the tools of parenting while continuing education. Might as well tilt the odds in favour of her becoming capable and a great mom.

To be sure...she is most certainly growing to love this child more and more and she doesn't need to be coerced. But at 14...she still need to be guided. She is a kid. And you are HER mother. It's easy to say...she's the mom...she must keep the baby and that will be best for the baby...but what about the part where YOU'RE the mom and want what's best for her?

Are you LESS of a mother for being concerned? Only in the eyes who think that a 14 year old is prepared to be a parent.

There is a WORLD of difference between 19 and 14 years old. Those 5 years are a time of immense maturing. I'm not surprised that a 19 year old can make things work...just by virtue of being able to legally work for a living etc...I don't think the two can be compared in this case. I mean...we're talking Grade 9 vs. high school graduate.

I sure as hell don't think it means you hate your grandchild. Good grief.

Bring on the thumbs down and the predictable, tired accusations of trolling for a baby (which we CANNOT adopt even if we wanted to). She's 14.

You have a right to be concerned, help her with info but not to abandon her. She is still your child. That makes TWO children to be concerned for.

angelina a

none! but you should take her to a day care senter and ask them if she could stay there for a while to show her how it really is to take care of a baby. take her to the store and show her how much babies cost, how much they need stuff. i was 15 when i had my daughter but i was mature for my age and i new what it took to raise a child. talk to her about open adoption i did it when i got pg the second time i see my daughter and seh knows i love her lots good luck also tell her that a baby will not make her and her bf stay together for ever i am not with my babies daddy we only lasted a year and my daugher is 7 and he is a dead beat and wants noting to do with my daughter.

JustSomeone21

It depends on the state, but generally, you have very few rights at all. It's up to her to make that choice to be a parent, or to give her child up for adoption.

If you want, you and she can go to some adoption agencies and discuss the options, and you as her mother needs to sit down and talk seriously about what it means to have a baby, what she needs to be a mother, and all of her options. Chances are, you're right - she's certainly not ready for a baby. But at the end of the day, you might have very little say in it.

â•”Elizabethâ•— â™ªâ™«

I would talk to a lawyer. But keep in mind, while she still may be immature while she's pregnant... as soon as she pops that kid out... her entire world will change. Mine turned upside down and I grew up a LOT when I first got pregnant at 19. Give her a chance and help her before giving the child up. Of course, it's your choice, but you never know what she will be capable of if you don't let her try.

dontknow86

No you can not force her! and YOU have NO rights! If you don't want to be her mom anymore, Then place her in foster care, They will know the story and will let her keep her baby but will be living with a loving family. You are a cold hearted person, I think your related to my mom.

Mommy2b

Heyy. Well I'm 15 and I happen to be pregnant. my dad tried to push abortion or adoption on me, and he still is. It makes me feel like he isn't there to support my decisions. It's absolutely her decision to keep the baby or not. But you should inform her on her options without trying to push her in one direction or another. Obviously she isn't ready to be a mom, and neither am i... but its something that I'm going to have to deal with. And most likely she will too. Just remember trying to push her into something will make her want to go the other direction. Good luck(:

AnnaBelle

You do not have the right to tell your daughter what to do.

I know this is not how you envisioned things happening, and you probably think that you are protecting her. However, while she may be a minor, she is of child-bearing age, and when she is pregnant or parenting, she is ultimately able to (legally and morally) make decisions for herself.

This is not so simple. Many teen girls parent very effectively...I've seen it first hand. If she is choosing to parent, please, support her. It could be the best thing to possibly happen to her, and you. Refusing to support her will only put her and the baby at risk, and alienate you from knowing your grandchild.

She didn't stop being your daughter because she got pregnant. She needs you now more than ever.

ashlea

sorry you have no right you can't make her give the child up the only person that can do that is your daughter i don't know how you could give up your grandchild its like you don't even care well be a mother and help your daughter with her child or you might lose your daughter and your grandchild for good!!!!! or if you try to make your daughter give up her baby your daughter hate you for the rest of her life and when she turns 18 you might not ever see her again if you want to be know as the mother who made her daughter gave her child up then try i bet you won't get far because you don't sign the parental right your daughter does and NO can make her

Erika

No you can't force it, she has every right to keep her baby if that's what she wants. She doesn't need to give it away to strangers.

katie

Unfortunately, none. While she is still a baby herself, this baby will be her child (but it will also be your grandchild!!), therefore, she gets to decide what is best for her/him, just as you get to decide what is best for your daughter (and not your mother or father). The best way to handle this situation would be to let your daughter know that you still love her and you WILL be there to support her through this time. You have to remember that she is still your daughter, and I'm sure she is very scared. You can tell her that there is always adpotion (even open adoption where she will still be able to see her child, but she won't have all the responsibility) but whatever you do, do not force her to make the decision you want her to make. If she regrets it, this could permanately damage your relationship with her. If she decides to keep the baby, remember that while it is a huge responsibility, you will be a grandmother, and that it truly is wonderful.

grapesgum

You have no rights. You cannot force her to give her baby away. You do have the privilege of teaching your daughter become a mother and of being this precious child's grandmother.

If you can't embrace that privilege, then shame on you for abandoning your daughter and grandchild in their time of greatest need.

Fuaite le fuil, gaolta go deo

None. That is her baby. Why do you hate your grandbaby so much that you want strangers to raise him? Adoption is damaging to both mother and baby. Do you really want to be responsible for ruining two lives? Be supportive, you're her mom.

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/ginni.html

Wellspring

She may be 14, but she is legally the mother.
My advice is to research what happens to mothers when they are forced to give up their children. And by research, I mean by mothers who experienced it and had to live with the outcome. (not adoption industry's propaganda)
If you care about your daughter you wouldn't hand your daughter over on a silver platter to be used like an incubator for the multi-billion newborn adoption industry and it's paying customers.
Forcing your daughter would be as deplorable as deciding which grandchild deserves you to be grandmom.

Becca

No one wants their teenage child to be pregnant or father a baby BUT this is your grand baby! How can you want to give it to strangers?

H******

No, you don't have the right and I don't believe you have either of their bests interest at heart when you want to get rid of your own grandchild.

Jennifer L

You cannot force your daughter to place for adoption. It is her decision and the decision of the father of the baby whether or not to place for adoption.

Cam

No, you cannot force her. As her mother you should be prepared to support whatever decision she makes.

kait2cool4u

its her choice not your this is her baby and not yours im 14 and if i got pregnant i would keep my baby.

SLY

Forty two years ago, my mother refused to help me to keep my son during the BSE. She had, like you, decided that for me, since I was unmarried, I was not able to parent.

She didn't live to meet the grandson that she gave away. I wouldn't have let her meet him anyway, likely. She died when she was 49 years old.

I loved my mother, but till the day I die I will never, ever forgive her. I have wrestled with this the larger part of my life. I hate her and my father and spit on their graves for forcing me to surrender, even though I love them as my parents. They loved me, too, just not enough. They loved the neighbors opinions more than they loved me and were willing to sacrifice their first born grandchild to the God of Convention.

I believe in Karma. I believe that they will pay for this in another lifetime, and I have to admit that there is a measure of satisfaction there on my behalf as well as on the son who was not benefited by being raised by strangers.

I hope you consider very carefully how much you are willing to give away to save your face. When a child makes an adult decision, and is the one who has to live with it, it is their decision and their decision alone to make. They are the ones who must pay the consequences.

Ultimately, you will do whatever you please, and what is said to you on a public forum will probably have little impact on you. However, I hope you heard what I said, because I had a very difficult time writing it. Do you want your child, at 61 years old, to feel this way about you?

Pip

I don't know where you live so I'm basing my answer on the UK.

As the parent you would have no right to make that decision legally or morally. Once the baby is born you still wouldn't have any rights as a grandparent.

At the end of the day it is her body, her baby, her decision.

What kind of mother are you?

It doesn't matter if she is mature enough or whether that's just your personal opinion I am horrified that you can be so callous. How would you have felt if your mother told you that you was too immature to have your first child and that adoption was the best option for their welfare?

The right thing to do as a mother to your daughter and a grandmother to your grand child and to support both of them. If you don't your daughter will hate and resent you and may never forgive you if you force the issue. Then there is your grandchild, how do you think he or she will feel if he/she ever found out that his/her mother was forced to surrender them because of you.

I was 19 and working so 5 years older than your daughter when my parents lied and bullied me into surrendering. I was expected to get on with my life and never talk about my son. 18 years later my son found my family who thought it was okay to carry on with the lies. He thought I didn't want him and they encouraged this belief including telling him they didn't know where I was. They didn't tell me they had contact with him.

The lies would have continued but I found my son 5 days after his 23rd birthday. He knows the truth and 5 years on from me finding him he still hated my family for what they did to me.

Think about the consequences of your actions, think about your daughter and grandchild, and, don't be so selfish.

I learnt to forgive my parents but it doesn't mean they were right it just means I'm a better person than them.

Andraya - Snark's Sister

No, you can not force her to surrender her child. If you try you should prepare yourself to be without both a grandchild and a child.

When I found myself pregnant I had adoption thrown at me at every turn. I will never forgive my father for it. Grandparents should love their children and grandchildren enough to be supportive and compassionate. Being a bully to your own child will bring nothing but harm.

My grandmother also forced my mother to surrender me. Thirty years later we sat in her kitchen as she cried like an infant and begged me to forgive her. Hindsight is 20/20 and she now knows that what she did was ghastly. She missed out on a wonderful grandchild and condemned my mother and I to a lifetime of emotional hell.

Meagan C

Why not help your daughter be the best mother that she can be. Make her be responsible for the baby. If you make her give up the baby and she doesn't want to then she will resent you and that could destroy the relationship between you guys. I would get counseling for her and let her decide what she wants to do. Also, take her to some parenting classes or something to teach her to care for her baby.

Kassy

You don't have any rights over your daughter's child. What an odd idea.

You and your daughter may have rights to certain social services, but I think that varies depending on where you are. Where I live, the high school has a special parenting program for pregnant teens and/or teenage parents.

You don't say what kind of relationship you have with your daughter. If you care about the relationship at all, forcibly separating her from her baby is going to create a permanent rift.

kellie

STOP BEING A A** for once and help your daughter she has all the rights to keep her baby.. You have no right to make her give it up if you do your just no better then a B*****

Lord please let this girl keep her child....

DevonChaos

NO, thank God!

mapleleaf2

Age has little to do with success at parenting. The hormones that change a mother's brain such that she becomes a responsible mother have a lot to do with later pregnancy, birth, and post-partum You are discounting these effects, likely because you are not aware of them. What is vital is love and support for the mother: what older mothers take for granted.

There is a mother who sometimes posts on this board who had her first child when she was 14. She is now in her 50s: a successful career woman, mother of 4, and grandmother. She raised her children successfully. There is nothing preventing your daughter from raising your grandchild, if she has support.

There is nothing at all in the research proving that being a young mother is in any detrimental to the mother or the child, given adequate support. In fact, a study by Hotz et al (1999) of thousands of young mothers showed that young mothers achieve more in life than if they had postponed child-birth. It appears that having a child focuses a mother on success. She will work to achieve more in her education and career, to benefit her baby. Another study (Hope, Wilder, and Watt, 2005) showed that girls who keep and raise their babies have lower levels of delinquency after than those who either have abortions or surrender their babies.

Why not get your daughter involved in young mothers groups? In parenting classes?

I am not convinced that your daughter will be an unfit parent or that it is in the best interest of either her or her baby to separate them.

ETA -- statistics about teen mothers in poverty are usually twisted to omit the information that certain racial and cultural sub-groups which are already in poverty have high rates of young childbearing ages, often *because* motherhood is the only realistic career option that these young women see in areas of low employment. Women raised in poverty with zero to no job prospects often have children when young. This does NOT mean that a woman in a higher socio-economic class will slide into poverty if she has a child when young. Stats show that the child will grow up to be in the mother's original socio-economic bracket.

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